allex darling

but, sometimes when I really sit back

and think about the capitalistic nature of a union, am I actually wrong?

slaves weren’t allowed to get married and reap the benefits of an official union

and now?

fuck

I slept so poorly I can’t fully make the comparison I want but but there’s a modern day equivalent that involves jail, separating Black families, and still lowkey segregating us to neighborhoods where the education is poor, the safety is poor, the mental health is poor, the job opportunities are poor, the literal access to food is poor

1) the people in my family who have written (an undergraduate or master’s) thesis either did so 40 years ago or two years ago, but didn’t actually conduct research

2) people still barely understand my job and field

3) people don’t try to understand it

I’m scared to graduate.

Being a struggling student in this way has been such a big personality trait for me lately. I am scared of the freedom to quit some of my jobs, to have evenings to myself. I’m horrified by the idea of working full-time in my field and accepting the true start of a “career”

But, I truly miss a memory now and move in peace about it. I smile when the feelings come.

I don’t recklessly

toxic-ly

when you just didn’t want to be anymore

oh, yeah.

I know that place

and while I don’t run toward it

ok

but what I do know is