cold gaze

                                                        my darling / @iceyed​

                there’s a smile upon your lips. you pull notes from your flute familiar notes. the song you play is one of family. your family together. the song you had played long ago in a cave, curled up and resting next to lan zhan. you stand there, simply performing for him. not to cool any creation. just so that he could see you and remember what you had created together.

     you  listen   ---   oh  do  you  listen.   a  soft  smile  spreads  on  your  lips  minutely  so.   the  memory  of  your  gentle  playing  in  the  damp  cave  as  you  wait  for  help  and  all  the  anxieties  with  it  are  in  your  mind.   the  song  was  a  way  to  express  your  heart  before  you  even  knew  what  you  were  expressing.   you  don’t  join  with  him  this  time,   rather  you  let  him  play  for  you.   (  maybe  you’ll  finally  tell  him  what  it’s  called.  )

↳  @iceyed· ( cont. )

          “ i simply have learned over the years that i can trust no one but my own people,”  he replied. his own people: the people he grew up with, whose every names he knew off the top of his head, who would lay down their lives for him just as much as he would lay his down for them. he could and would not expect such loyalty from outsiders. the only time he took the risk to bring an outsider in ended with said outsider so broken he offered his own body to be the new vessel for wei wuxian; huaisang swore to never make the same mistake since. out for blood though he was, huaisang wasn’t some mindless beast that’s thirsty for just anyone’s.

          “ although i do have to ask you to elaborate on your second question, hanguang-jun, if you don’t mind.”  he continued, still with that same practiced placating smile. 

         he often wondered what others think of his hands-off ways. did they see him as egotistical?  did they think that huaisang deemed himself to be above it all, despite being the one who started it in the first place?  truth was, huaisang simply acknowledged that were he to pursue revenge against jin guangyao the righteous, straight-forward way, he would not win. any other way would most likely ended up with him dead, too. 

     perhaps  extreme  wasn’t  the  right  word  to  use  in  this  situation.   but  his  heart  aches  for  his  brother---   so  destroyed  by  what  he’d  done  he’d  withdraw  himself  into  seclusion.   he  wonders  if  this  is  what  if  felt  like  for  xichen  when  wangji  was  forced  into  his  own  heartbroken  seclusion.   feeling  powerless  to  help  the  only  other  one  in  the  world  who  understands  him  in  ways  others  cannot.   lan  wangji  can  understand  the  pain  and  grief  of  losing  someone  so  important,   but  to  use  xichen’s  trust  to  strike  down  one  of  his  closest  friends  despite  the  situation  is .  .  .

     ❝  that  night  in  the  temple .  .  .   zewu - jun  is  hurting.  ❞   he  says  as  though  that  answers  nie  huiasang’s  prodding.

      “Yes, yes! Rest! Finally you agree, you’re too determined to work yourself to death…” His ramblings seem nonsensical, distracted as he puts his plan into action. In a break in his sentence, he uses his teeth to break the skin on his index finger and began to scribble down a few characters from memory — one of his own creation! String to ensnare, devised by himself originally for mischief, now used for something like this? The hilarity, really, even he had useful inventions. With his talisman drawn, he simply drops it on the floor ( treading near it would be a dangerous game ) and grabs Lan Wangji’s sleeve, tugging him playfully in the direction they’d intended to shuffle off to while being tailed. He continues to speak his half fictitious story out, enjoying himself a little too much. “When you have your strength back, I’ll even be so kind as to buy you something to eat back in town.”