sin is remembering

area man spends entire boat trip crying

❛ glad i caught you before you fell asleep. ❜  sugar raised the medical bag and smiled a little wider,   ❛ i brought some supplies for you to look at,   and maybe you might be able to help me emulate it,   or at least find me something close. ❜  sugar looked around as he watched patrick’s eyes inspect the bag before offering sugar to come inside.  it smelled sweet like tea mixed with honey,   there were hints of lavender in the air.  sugar smiled gentle as he glanced around the house,   ❛ you did some decorating. ❜  he turned to patrick and followed him into his living room and sat on the couch next to him,   ❛ is that for me? ❜ sugar pointed to one of the cups of tea sitting on the coffee table,   ❛ how’d you know when i’d get here? just perfect timing? ❜ @icereborn

when he opened the door he smiled; despite the burning in his eyes and the tiredness in his body. he knew that sleep was a desperate need for the human body but he didn’t trust rest; in sleep the demons would come for him and he wouldn’t wake. ❛ i’m glad you did as well, sugar. ❜ as he welcomed him inside of his home he picked up random objects up and placed them into their proper place. ❛ i have been trying — i still don’t think this type of… decoration ❜ he gestures vaguely to his living room. ❛ quite reads: patrick sumner. ❜ but then again, he did not truly know himself; he was ever-changing. often in the worst ways. another smile as he sits. ❛ oh — that… i suppose i just had a feeling. now, let me see. ❜ he gave a small nod to the bag. ❛ i hope that tea is alright for you. ❜

❛ i find that when we are cornered we are likely to become more like the predator than the prey. ❜  the silence had been allowed to live for too long.   he noticed how his own voice disturbed the lack of sound with such abruptness that it almost felt rude,    ❛ were you caught in a reverie just now? reliving your fight with the bear? ❜ hannibal canted his head.   he was genuinely curious of patrick,    more than he had been before.   ❛ this trip has done you good,    i can see that you are no longer lost and longing behind your eyes. ❜  when the time did come,    hannibal knew that patrick would slaughter the man as he did the bear—drink his fill and claim his soul. @icereborn

his attention snapped back to hannibal. ❛ my apologies, hannibal. i am poor company as of late. ❜ he spoke true, but he hoped his colleague would overlook this anyway. he’d not been good company for the last several years. he had took a bullet to the shin and took leave of his sense as well. his mind forever astray. ❛ that bear — that … job. ❜ he was unsure if job was the right word for it. ❛ i feel forever changed by it. i fear that i have been experiencing life changing moments too close together. ❜ he looked to his glass of wine. he forgot himself. he forgot everything that came with high society. ❛ i feel as though i am forcing myself inside of a mold i no longer fit in. ❜ he felt the emotions seizing his throat and clouding his eyes. ❛ there are times my hands crave the dagger and my heart; the violence. ❜ he shook his head, unable to look in the doctors direction. ❛ i have made a mess of the life i was given by my protector. i have made a mess of it all and i fear there is no way for me to return to society. ❜ he wanted to kill. he wanted to feel as drax went limp beneath his palm. he didn’t need to cut him open and climb inside, he was already a monster reborn. he only needed to devour him.

( @icereborn liked for a starter )

it had been nice having a place to return to that felt like home. he’d not trusted marielle or randall enough to leave his things around them, they were not living in colony house and patrick wasn’t fond of sharing. he tried to enter silently, hoping that jade had managed to get some rest, and he let out a sigh when he realized that he hadn’t slept at all. ❛ i left you alone to let you rest. ❜ he looked around at the ground and the things scattered on the floor. ❛ what… is… ❜ jade answered his question before he even got it out and he gave a short nod to show he understood despite the look on his face. he took a seat next to jade and his eyebrows knit together with worry. ❛ i don’t like that idea, jade. if you go, at least let me go with you. i couldn’t bear to lose you. ❜ he said it and almost regretted it, but that was the coward that still lived in him. ❛ this place has been impossible; you could be wrong, but i don’t think you’ll ever know if you don’t try. ❜ a beat. ❛ selfishly, i'd like to ask you not to try. ❜

vanessa felt her spirit becoming lighter with the confession in the past and a new paved way ahead.   she did not have to linger in the embarrassment she felt,  not while the words were dead and gone.   ❛ then perhaps you must show me to you wardrobe before i strip away these wet clothes.   ❜   a smile flitted on her face,  but she let it fade.   she felt the lingering presence of the soul that had possessed her.   a sudden flash of shame entered her as she remembered where she had come from,  and then she found herself aroused by the memory.   she was grateful that her woman body did not betray any signs of this.   ❛ perhaps i will leave my dress here tonight in case such an occasion should arise again.   ❜   her mouth formed into a smile once more,  but did not fade away when he looked upon her.

❛ in there. ❜ he gestures awkwardly holding the blanket. ❛ you’re free to peruse. pick anything you’d like. again, i apologize for the mess. ❜ it wasn’t messy, it was neat. but patrick didn’t think it was suited for guest. his protector wouldn’t have thought it was anyhow. clean was never clean enough until he lost use of his arm and therefore use of himself. patrick never thought less of him, even when the drink turned him into less of himself and a something far more cruel. he knew it was the drink. he knew it was the loss of self, and understood it even more now because he too had turned cruel at the loss of self. ❛ i’ll be off to take care of this. unless, you’d rather — no, i will wait until you’re settled. then i will take care of it. ❜

JACK O'CONNELL as PATRICK SUMNER The North Water (2021) dir. Andrew Haigh

❛ hm? ❜ jade addressed patrick and felt his eyes soften. there was a question coming, and jade didn’t know why his chest suddenly got tight, then patrick smiled. god, jade felt undone by something so simple. jade sat up and breathed in and nodded quickly and took a moment to think, ❛ it’s funny… if you had asked me a few weeks back, i might have had the answer for you… but, i feel so changed by this place that i wouldn’t know what to do once it’s over… ❜ jade pulled his eyes away and sought that corner again, and felt overwhelmed with certainties and expectations and found himself frowning, ❛ i… i don’t know, patrick… but, whatever it is… ❜ he looked back to patrick, his eyes were wide and shocked at the revelations he came to, and he bit his tongue, not quite brave enough for that confession after all, ❛ ahh, nothing… it feels too hopeful to wish for right now. ❜

it was brief, but patrick caught it. the softening of his eyes — he was going mad in this place, he was sure of it. this man had his heart stopping in his chest. he’d been stranded before and it was just his luck that once again he found himself stranded and trapped. much more enjoyable company, and he felt far more prepared this time; for the survival; but this? he’d not expected to find companionship in anyone; due to being closed off from everyone emotionally. jade made it easy for him to open up. ❛ well, i suppose you are retired — aren’t you? ❜ he gave a shrug then pushed himself from his seat. ❛ let us have a drink. ❜ he gestures with a hand to the bar counter where full bottles of liquor sat atop. ❛ no, let us be hopeful for tonight. even if it is done in poor taste. everything here seems to be born from poor taste; and while it is still early. i don't do it often, but ... we have time for hope. ❜ he felt silly; or maybe this is what it felt like to fall in love.

❛ may i use your washroom? ❜ vanessa bundled the blanket into her arms and stood to her feet,  ❛ and where would you like me to discard this? it is rather wet now,  and i would not trust it to dry as such.  ❜ vanessa had not looked him directly in the eyes.  she was abashed by her confession and hid within herself.  it was a long night and rest was a welcome destination,  ❛ you would not happen to have a robe or a change of clothes i might borrow? ❜

he placed the blanket aside, it’s scent overwhelming him. it was covered in rain and vanessa’s perfume. he found himself overcome with desire and lust. he didn’t much care for whatever happened to it. but he would let it remain hers for now. ❛ i doubt i have anything that fits you, and my apologies, i do not have any sisters or… women friends. ❜ he turned to look at her now. ❛ a— aside from you, of course. but you do not leave your clothes here with me. perhaps, this has taught us a lesson. you should leave a spare pair of clothes with me. until then, you can peruse my wardrobe, though terribly ill fitting, take whichever you find most fitting to you. at least for tonight. ❜

the rise of emotion in his face caught her off guard.   but what had she expected.   sir malcom had taken this man of science and hoisted him head first into the supernatural.   he made him look at things that science did not readily explain.   when the silence broke by his voice,   vanessa listened without interruption.   she was surprised to know that vampires fascinated him rather than broke him,   ❛ just now i was with sir malcom,   and we attended a seance… when the woman called for the spirits to come,   i felt them invade my body and then i was an outsider to my flesh—their puppet to use as they wished. ❜ vanessa closed her eyes and reimagined that place.   the voices that had come out of her,   and the way they had shifted her body and lifted it from the ground,   ❛ i suppose it’s not right to say that i am cursed.. but i do lack the control i wish to possess in times like this. ❜ vanessa frowned and looked down at the way her hands fidgeted with the ends of the blanket,   ❛ i feel like an open door,   one that has not learned how to close and keep the evil at bay—but instead,   i allow it past without ever checking if it is safe. ❜

he waited a moment, hoping not to see a dejected look on her face. hoping instead for a smile; but was he worthy of a smile yet? he had dismissed her, and now he shamed himself internally. ❛ i believe you. although the whole thing is entirely unbelievable… i have — ❜ he thought then of the volunteer and the events that transpired, a chill ran through him and suddenly his leg aches. ❛ seen what you deal with. and though they were physical, whilst this… i believe you; nevertheless, you need rest. the laudanum... it helps me sleep. ❜

Who knew a woolen jumper could look so good??? (Also I see your little pose, Mr. O'Connell....showing off now...) Jack O'Connell as Patrick Sumner - The North Water

❛ mr. chandler has done me no wrong… i assure you that much at least.   ❜  vanessa offered a weak smile that lacked the conviction she wished to push a crossed to him.   she did not mention mr. chandler further,   it was clear to her that mr. sumner did not have a slight bit of fondness for their american companion,   ❛ i have much to say outside of the logic that you hold so dear.   ❜  she cleared her voice and looked off into the fire.   ❛ what would you say to me if i told you that i feel cursed? ❜  vanessa did not pull her eyes away from the dancing flame,   they widened as she recalled the moments right before her body had been possessed by another’s soul,   ❛ would you think i had a touch of madness if i told you that sometimes spirits and darker forces speak through me like a mouthpiece?  ❜   vanessa looked to mr. sumner and searched his expression,   ❛ tell me truly what you make of this and i will tell you what has overcome me so swiftly,  ❜ her voice was rasped, barely above a whisper as she spoke.

he waited, listened and drank deep her words. steadying them within his chest which was wild with thoughts. his head even worse. he stared at her now, hoping his gaze would catch to the flame but his eyes found her far more intriguing. ❛ if that were true, i… well everything i know would simply be undone… yet, after what you showed me before… that was real. it was real. i do not know how to think, in fact i was sat at my fireplace to come to terms with it. to wonder why i found the vampires fascinating while i find a man like henry draw frightening. ❜ he catches himself. ❛ if you are touched — it is beyond me. it is … supernatural… ❜ he felt silly saying it because science could not explain it. ❛ what do they say to you? or rather, through you? ❜