Oh no you've found me

Regular people: Wait, the King has easily stolen potatoes? How do I get in on this?

the woke left: young and fashionable. visible tattoos. often enjoys matcha, lavender flavoring, oat milk, and cold foam. pretty decent customers.

sweet old man: drinks very sweet iced lattes, pays in cash, puts all of his change in the tip jar. sometimes orders hot coffee and i get scared that his shaky old man hands will spill it and he'll get burned but that has not yet happened and god willing never shall.

evil old man: only wants drip coffee and declares it ridiculous that any other form of coffee exists. some variants only want americanos and these variants are even scarier. watch out.

sweet old woman: might need her daughter's help to order but is very bubbly and open to trying new things. compliments baristas freely and frequently.

evil old woman: does not want coffee and only wants sweet tea or soda. will not tip even if she spends three hours in the shop repeatedly asking baristas to fetch things for her.

errand husband: either stiltedly recites an order to you or shows you the order in their texts/notes app. needs to step out of line and make a phone call if you ask any follow-up questions.

grindset girlie: always wearing scrubs, an apron, and/or a name tag. orders the exact same thing every day and knows the exact change she'll need to pay for it. her regular order is both extremely caffeinated and extremely sweet.

#mamabear: is actively wrangling two to four children while ordering. order changes repeatedly because the children cannot decide if they want a muffin or a cookie or apple juice or chocolate milk etc. for some reason these women are always wearing an article of clothing or carrying some personalized item that says "mama" on it.

schoolchildren: band of two to eight adolescents hanging out after school. extremely indecisive but generally quite polite and tip well.

amnesiac in love: grown adult who needs their partner to tell them what they like. gets asked a question about their own preferences and turns to their partner to answer for them. generally acts like a shy child looking to their guardian for behavioral cues if you try to interact with them and only wants to talk to mommy i mean their wife.

Babies tend to be scared of robotic arms held by a strange man that is trying to take their lollipop away

Babies won't just sit there and will in fact try to move their candy around so that the robotic arm held by a strange man cannot take their lollipop away

Babies will start crying if a robotic arm held by a strange man tries to take their lollipop away, making the strange man holding the robotic arm feel guilty and subsequently stop trying to to take their lollipop away

its been over a week now so here are my 2 parts for the perry mulaney map saluting emoji

Lokius Week 2026 - Day 1: Domestic

Wandavision inspired AU! LokiusTV, your favourite program about the nordic god and the nowhere man trying to survive the exciting suburban life!

FOUND IT (x)