secret identity tropes - i write about it

witness my expert cropping/erasing skills

———

Humans and Monsters had many kingdoms spread out in the world, their history rife with either peace, conflict, or subjugation.

In the past, humans had the power to destroy monster kingdoms with only a few mages. They would conquer fertile lands and take in monsters as slaves or dust them for power to fuel their magic. It continued for a long time. Monsters became helpless enough to evolve, bringing boss monsters into being with their desperation. Kingdoms waged wars, kingdoms fell and rose, and monsters had to go against their very soul to become increasingly violent as time passed.

Until, one day, The World's Barrier broke, and outer beings descended upon its land, killing most of the humans and harvesting their strong intent. The monsters were barely spared a look, their focus solely pinned on the ones that had long started conflicts with monsters.

When humanity’s numbers had started going down, the humans had begged for monsters’ help. Their shamelessness in the face of pure fear fractured monster kingdoms. Some kingdoms offered their help, and some kingdoms turned them away. Other kingdoms remained neutral, washing their hands off the decision completely by hiding their territories.

But before a true decision could be made, a strange god appeared to provide Sanctuary... for monsters. The strange god brought other gods with them—gods that chose other kingdoms to support. The World’s gods hadn’t cared for humanity at all, but supported monsters that wished to help humanity, or supported monsters that wished to destroy humanity.

In the early beginnings of worship, monsters earned blessings when they prayed, and no harm came to them from human intent. It was pure protection, especially when the gods communed through faithful monsters. It balanced the situation between humanity’s powerful intent and fragile monsters that have low defence. Monsters could finally freely travel and be able to protect themselves from harm.

Soon after, monsters fought the champions of the outer gods and won, bringing The World its first victory. After succeeding in pushing away the outer gods, the strange god helped The World recover its shield. It created lands of Sanctuary, which protected monster kingdoms from harm.

Humanity barely survived the culling.

The World revealed itself to be conscious and announced that the perpetrators for the breaking of its Barrier had been the humans tinkering with magic beyond their understanding. Humanity then waged war with each other, causing their numbers to further dwindle down. The strange god did not interfere, staying silent.

Monsters did not extend their help with their conflict, studying instead the new powers bestowed to them by the gods.

A particular kingdom, one led by a pair of boss monsters, earned the favour of the strange god. They bestowed blessings upon the monsters born after their arrival, gifting them with comforting and encouraging dreams. One nightmare can turn into an adventure; a dream can turn into a prophecy.

A prophecy, when unclear, brought problems instead of solutions.

Queen Toriel cradled her head in her paws. On the other side of the table sat a soothsayer. Beside the soothsayer was a short skeleton, who had his head cushioned in his arms on the table.

“Could you repeat it, please?” Queen Toriel begged for the fourth time.

The elder soothsayer cleared her throat. “The gifted star will be taken—”

King Asgore whimpered into his Sea Tea. Queen Toriel did not elbow her husband this time.

“—darkness will fill the stars and lights will be consumed—”

The short skeleton shifted in his sleep, completely dead to the world.

“—the kingdom will be cast into shadows—”

King Asgore grabbed hold of his wife’s sleeve, shivering. The elderly turtle glared at him.

“King Asgore, please.” The elderly turtle sighed and then turned to Queen Toriel. “The prophecy isn’t going to change any time soon, Queen Toriel. The power bestowed upon me is strong, far more than ordinary monsters.”

“This is because you have good foresight, Lady Porpina,” Queen Toriel praised.

The snoozing skeleton giggled. “...sssight... nnn...”

Queen Toriel’s heavy sigh echoed in the war room.

King Asgore threw the sleeping skeleton a strange look. “Lady Porpina,” he started. “Do you have any insight to share for that prophecy?”

The skeleton made more giggling noises and mumbled words in his sleep. The elderly turtle looked down at him with adoring eyes, perhaps remembering her grandchildren back at her home in Waterfall. Though old, she had many offspring in their kingdom.

Queen Toriel crossed her arms. Tightly. She didn’t clear her throat – no, that was King Asgore, who sat beside her while shivering in fear.

Lady Porpina turned to them. “When the sight of darkness appeared, my vision became cloudy. I couldn’t tell if something important happened, but the kingdom did become shadowed. The symbol of the star became wrapped with tendrils of darkness. But everyone in the kingdom acted as if nothing had happened.”

“Mental manipulation, perhaps?” King Asgore meekly suggested. Queen Toriel nodded in agreement. Humans and monsters had magic, and mental manipulation was no stranger to them. Though banned in most kingdoms, in certain fields or professions, mental manipulation could be used for a good cause.

The elderly turtle shrugged. “I have no idea, Your Majesties. I am no expert, but I suspect that my vision was pushed aside by another god.”

Queen Toriel’s expression turned grim. “Then another kingdom might get involved.”

“Yes, that is my assumption.” The soothsayer placed her wrinkled hands around her cup of tea. “Your Majesties, prophecies can be subjective, so it’s not wise to dwell on it. Letting it simply happen will answer all our questions.”

“But if we can prevent our kingdom from being swallowed by darkness—”

“There is no way to stop it,” the elderly turtle delivered the words heavily. “I’ve attempted to stop it, but it didn’t work. Whoever is involved...” she trailed off.

“Then they might have strong determination.” Queen Toriel leaned back in her chair. “If it is a human, then we can defend ourselves. But if it is another monster kingdom, we will have to fight for our lives.”

King Asgore’s hulking form hunched over the table. “Tori, what if they take the star relic?”

Queen Toriel slowly shook her head. “I hope they don’t take it,” she whispered. “We cannot afford to lose the star relic given to us. Our people’s happiness depends on it.”

“just hide it,” the short skeleton yawned. The monarchs jolted straight, startled, and the table shook in response to King Asgore’s royal knee hitting its underside. Even for a moment, Queen Toriel had forgotten the presence of the skeleton beside Lady Porpina.

“Will that be okay?” The rough, worried voice of the soothsayer made ripples in her tea. The queen and king clasped their hands together, as if sharing their burdens.

The short skeleton lifted his skull, revealing a groggy smile on his face and his blindfolded sockets. Just like those seated on the table, he wore ceremonial clothes that befitted his status.

“yeah, it’s moveable. didn’t you see the pedestal? you can twist it off.”

If there was anyone more suited to being the most observant in their kingdom, it would be... Sans.

King Asgore stared at him, gaping. “We can do that?”

At the skeleton’s nod, King Asgore turned to Queen Toriel, smiling.

“Tori, we should keep it somewhere safe, like the tr—”

“the treasury would be obvious.” The short skeleton slowly sat up, the bones of his spine clicking as he adjusted his posture. “it’s better if you put it somewhere so obvious they’d think it’s a joke.”

Across the table, Queen Toriel covered her mouth and furrowed her furry brows. Beside her, King Asgore mimicked her expression. The elder turtle sniffed at them and swirled the tea in her teacup.

“I do not know what will happen,” the soothsayer admitted. “However, I don’t have the power to move the relic, so it is something that I haven’t tried to do in order to change the future.”

“Lady Porpina, we will need your guidance after we move the relic.”

“I’ll see to it that I get here by then.”

—

Ten days later, Queen Toriel smiled at the people below the dais.

The jovial announcer dramatically flourished his hands and the servants pulled off the sheet that covered the large fountain at the new town square. The crowd of monsters gasped in awe and delight.

“...as a reward for our contributions to the harvest, Our Beloved Queen has bestowed upon us a copy of the star relic from the palace!”

Atop the large fountain, glinting under the bright sunlight, sat a red orb. The star relic.

King Asgore would faint if he saw it.

Queen Toriel giggled behind her paw, looking away from the orb to glance at the trees where the secret forces hid.

An applause started, coming from the trees and spreading throughout the crowd. Monsters cheered and danced, celebrating their new gift.

The star relic looked better out in the sunlight than rotting inside the castle. Queen Toriel understood at once that she had made the right decision to place it outside of the castle.

—

“King Asgore, Queen Toriel!” a member of the council called out, panic laced in her voice. “The gods have bestowed us another star relic!”

Abruptly, King Asgore’s crown dropped to the table and Queen Toriel stood up from her seat.

“Another relic?” King Asgore choked on his royal tea. Queen Toriel sighed and called for her attendants.

“Lead the way,” she ordered as King Asgore scrambled to follow her.

The council member bowed and nodded and darted out of the room. The two monarchs followed the council member out, leaving a bemused skeleton seated on the round table with the rest of the council.

“Should we follow them?”

“Would that be good?”

“It’s better if we come up with plans for the next festival—”

“I’m worried about the treasury—”

“The treasury is fine!”

“King Asgore was found in the treasury, dancing with Queen Toriel and calling Her Majesty all of the names of gems and crystals.”

The council members sighed.

“that’s cute,” the skeleton said to them, causing many monsters to look at him with wide eyes. “how about we make a separate one that showcases the cool-looking ones, so the monarchs use that room instead?”

A scribe that stayed behind swiftly wrote down his words. Since the royals were gone for an emergency, he would be the one to write down the words of the council members.

It was a very important job—

But then Sans had to make puns and jokes between important suggestions, and the scribe nearly lost his head at the idea that the monarchs would have to read his report.

—

The kingdom received eight relics in total, most given to the towns close to it. Some of them were hidden in plain sight, and some were placed inside the place, the temple and other established locations.

The monarchs had disguised every relic related to stars as soon as they got them.

“We’ve given some to the people—”

“What of the Royal Guards?”

“Lady Undyne is watching over the red relic,” Queen Toriel said to King Asgore. “For the coloured forces—” King Asgore trembled “—we have given them the corresponding relic to their name.”

“T-t-then the guardians have some of the relics?”

Queen Toriel nodded. “With the guardians of the coloured relics, we have no fear of darkness falling upon our kingdom.”

Monsters deeply understood that true darkness won’t be good for them. It was an instinct that started from birth, one that kept them safe. An ever-consuming darkness would end them.

“Will that be fine?”

“It will be safer.”

They had protected all the relics, given guards to little towns that held them. The treasury was filled with false relics and copies of star-like insignias in an attempt to divert the prophecy to more innocent items.

Queen Toriel and King Asgore had done their very best to keep their kingdom safe.

So, of course, one of their guardians had to walk into a trap.

Deliberately.

—

The queen sat upon the throne with an expression of horror painting her face. Beside her, King Asgore mirrored her look. At the smallest throne next to theirs, Prince Asriel’ body shook as he covered his maw. He looked terrified.

“They kidnapped the leader of our secret force?” Undyne, the Captain of the Royal Guard questioned the messenger sharply. Before her stood the messenger, whose head bowed further.

“Yes, Lady Undyne.”

Undyne made a face and then turned to the dais. “We have secret forces?” she asked the queen, who nodded at her. “Really?” she muttered under her breath.

“Yes,” the messenger confirmed, a dog monster who was shaking in his boots. “They sent a letter to explain that they wish to negotiate with them.”

“They just want to use them in the negotiations!” Undyne realized.

“They kidnapped the White Guardian,” Queen Toriel repeated, her voice hollow. “They... kidnapped the guardian that holds the white star relic. Asgore—”

King Asgore stood to his full height. “What of the rest?” he demanded. “What happened to the others?”

“They have released the others, Your Majesty. The White Guardian convinced the captors to release them without harm in exchange for their presence.”

Instantly, the monarchs sighed in relief. Undyne sneaked a stumped glance at their reaction.

“One of the White Guards will have the white star relic,” Queen Toriel told the room, enlightening them. “The White S—the White Guardian would have hidden it with one of the returners.”

“But, Your Majesties,” the messenger spoke up again, whimpering this time, “The White Guardian’s Shield stayed behind.”

“Oh, no,” the three goat monsters moaned in unison.

“Wait, why is that bad?” sputtered Undyne. “They need all the help they can get to escape!”

“He won’t help; he would—”

—

“—make things really complicated.”

“PARDON, WHAT WAS THAT?” asked the White Guardian’s Shield.

“oh, it’s just...” The White Star Guardian gestured to the path before them and said, “i think i sensed something that might make things really complicated.”

The White Guards lounging around the campfire abruptly gathered before him. Sans motioned for them to stay quiet. The wind blew gently through the trees, ruffling its leaves. But there were no sounds from animals, nor were there other noises that indicated the appearance of strangers.

“Would it be enemies?” Papyrus lowered his voice.

Sans tilted his head. “...we haven’t made any enemies recently, have we?”

“No, sir,” one of the guards replied beside him, “I haven’t heard of anything from the city about enemies.”

Sans sighed. “we should have brought our group to the south instead.”

“WHY?”

“because we’ve got company surrounding us, and they’re not familiar.”

As if summoned, cloaked figures parted from the trees and encircled their camp. Their robes ragged, and the faces beneath the hoods of the strangers seemed... menacing. In their hands were weapons, sharp, bloody, and dusty.

Sans sent out a signal. The White Guards quickly went to form around Sans and Papyrus.

“Halt!” one of the White Guards shouted. “Friend or foe, reveal your intentions at once!”

A tall, dark-cloaked figure emerged from the crowd. Underneath the hood revealed the face of a sharp-teethed skeleton with fractures near his socket.

“HELLO,” he growled. Menacingly. “WE’VE COME TO ABDUCT YOU.”

“WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED—” Papyrus’ jovial words paused. “WAIT! YOU CANNOT ABDUCT US, THAT’S ILLEGAL!”

The White Guards murmured back the same words, and then the skeleton barked out an evil laugh.

“SINCE WE TRIED BEING NICE, THEN—”

“oh, sure,” Sans cut him off. “i mean, if that was you being nice, i guess you guys aren’t from around here, huh?”

The strangers were stunned.

“THAT’S RIGHT!” Papyrus gasped. “MY APOLOGIES FOR MY LACK OF UNDERSTANDING! I FORGOT THAT WE’RE NOT WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THE KINGDOM—THE RULES DO NOT APPLY HERE!”

The menacing tall skeleton started sputtering out some words, while the White Guards conversed with each other to convey their agreement with the White Guardian’s Shield.

“That’s right, sorry for misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, you took us by surprise,” one of the White Guards whined. “I mean, you guys are dressed like that!”

“You should wash your weapons,” a guard suggested loudly, “I heard that it could rust if you leave it like that.”

“This is monster steel!” one of the cloaked strangers exclaimed, clearly offended as he hugged his bloody mace close. “Don’t insult my baby!”

“Oh, so it’s his baby,” the guard murmured next to his companion.

“Maybe it’s adopted,” she whispered back.

“I see, so this is what monsters from other places do!”

“Adopting weapons as children...”

“Maybe it’s like the Royal Scientist and her new inventions.”

The White Guards nodded to each other while the strangers stared at them with incredulity.

“so, this abduction,” Sans asked, “who exactly do you want?”

The tall, menacing skeleton straightened up. “ALL OF YOU!”

“THAT WON’T BE POSSIBLE!” Papyrus gasped, placing his hands on the chest of his armour. The stranger stepped forward, but he continued to talk. “MOST OF OUR GUARDS WERE PREPARING TO GO HOME. WE ONLY HAD A FEW MINUTES LEFT BEFORE WE WOULD HEAD TO THE KINGDOM!”

“That’s right,” one of the guards sighed, a bunny monster with green fur. “I promised my wife that I’d come home on time and she’s... pregnant.” He shuddered. A monster from the crowd of strangers flinched in sympathy. “She’s my... pregnant wife, you know? When she gets mad...”

“I told my mom I’d be home for dinner,” a deer monster sighed. “She’ll pull off my antlers if I so much as miss it.”

“Ah, my sister...”

“I have a family gathering...”

“Oh, I’m going to take a long sleep...”

The line of excuses continued until the last guard muttered that he wanted to watch a new play made by Mettaton.

“see?” Sans gestured to the guards reporting their plans. “they have plans. you have to pick.”

The stranger glared hard. “THEN GIVE US YOUR LEADERS!” he yelled.

“OH, THAT WOULD BE ME! AND, OF COURSE, MY BROTHER!” Papyrus gasped happily.

The guards nodded along with Sans, who chuckled.

“TIE THEM UP!” the skeleton ordered, and two short monsters came to them with ropes.

“DO YOU HEAR THAT, BROTHER? WE’RE GOING TO BE ABDUCTED!” his brother exclaimed. “THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’LL EVER EXPERIENCE BEING ABDUCTED. IT’S SO EXCITING!”

“it’s our first abduction,” Sans told the strangers that approached as he and Papyrus left the guards. “so we don’t really know much about it.”

They tied his arms behind his back, firmly and securely. He tested the ropes and murmured that they should use dead knots to make it harder to escape. One of them seemed flustered, but another one dressed in darker clothing swiftly made a complex knot that pulled at the ropes whenever he moved his arms. The shy one went over to his brother, replicating it.

Once the two of them were encircled by the strangers, Sans asked, “the guards are free to go home, right? i mean, it’s not like we’re unwilling to be abducted.”

“STOP SAYING ABDUCTED LIKE IT’S A NORMAL WORD!” the abductor skeleton snapped at them.

“OH, SHOULD WE CALL IT A KIDNAPPING? BUT WE ARE NOT CHILDREN, NOR ARE WE SLEEPING BABY GOATS...”

“i think they’re not sure why we’re happy to be abducted,” Sans told his brother. “maybe no one understood when they said they asked nicely.”

“OH!” Papyrus gasped. Then, he turned his skull to the strangers, emanating his sympathy. “OH, YOU MUST HAVE BEEN VERY SAD. DON’T WORRY! MY BROTHER AND I WILL BE PROPER ABDUCTEES AND NOT FIGHT BACK!”

“Why in star’s name are they like this...?” their main abductor muttered. “PUT THEM IN THE CARRIAGE! WE’RE GOING BACK AND... AND...”

The scarred skeleton sighed heavily.

“LEAVE THE GUARDS. MAKE THEM GO HOME… BUT GIVE ONE OF THEM THE LETTERS WITH THE BLACK SEAL.”

—

“So, that’s what happened,” a turtle White Guard reported. “They stayed behind to be invited—erm. Abducted. By the strangers.”

King Asgore whimpered along with Prince Asriel. Queen Toriel groaned into her hands, decorum be damned.

“I suppose we have to wait,” Queen Toriel sighed, slumping into the throne. She glanced at the white orb in the turtle’s arms. “Fortunately, they left the white star relic with you. We won’t have to worry...” she trailed off.

“About the White Star Guardian, Your Majesty?” the turtle added helpfully. “We from the White Guards think it will be fine. The Shield is with him!”

Queen Toriel and King Asgore froze in their throne.

“Oh!” the queen gasped.

“Oh, no,” King Asgore whimpered.

“You just had to remind us,” Prince Asriel moaned, covering his face.

----- Note: Red tied him up, that one little sentence was him. The next parts to be written is: They discuss their request a marriage/bonding between one of their people and Asgore and Toriel's Kingdom, Papyrus gasps and happily volunteers his brother, claiming he and his brother are officials who can officiate this wedding, they only have to state their terms and they'll state theirs and then the chosen spouse will have to remove Sans' blindfold. Someone specific (Red) removes Sans' blindfold to identify him, Papyrus says that he didn't know they were rushing to get married so fast, because removing that blindfold is an instant marriage (due to a prophecy) and Papyrus is a proper WITNESS when the bond forms fast.

Red fell into a fluffier universe after taking a panicked shortcut when he and his brother had been chased down by rabid monsters.

A new Underground had opened beneath his feet, and the literal trip sent him flying face-first into a patch of echo flowers.

His muttered, incredulous, “what?” echoed on his face from the flora before Edge hauled him by the waist and led them away.

They figured out that they weren’t in their world anymore when the monsters gave them a wide berth and strange looks. No one chased them. No one glared. No one muttered curses at them. And, one glaring fact seemed to be the lack of particularly high LV in monsters.

But they hadn’t believed it at first, so Edge waited at the front of the strange copy of their home, and Red went to check his stations.

He didn’t expect to find anyone, but he found another skeleton monster – someone who bore a similarity to him. Someone who wore a blue jacket instead of a black one. Someone whose bones look smooth and untouched by harm.

The other skeleton was talking to a bunch of strangers, making them laugh and earning some gold.

The sight of him had Red’s soul pulsing fiercely in his rib cage. Every instinct and wariness from inside Red retreated the moment the other skeleton glanced at him. One look from the other monster, and it was as if everything would be okay.

Warmth, comfort, good things that made monsters happy – silly things that Red had forgotten. He remembered the better things when they locked eyelights.

The skeleton monster tilted his skull and beckoned him over.

Helpless to his instincts to grab the skeleton and put him into his inventory for safekeeping, Red walked over.

The skeleton introduced himself, and Red properly met Sans. Then he proceeded to accidentally stumbled on his words, and nearly starting a fight with Sans’ customers. He might have apologized by buying the customer a whole damn set of head ‘dogs. He might have even told them to fuck off somewhere else... In nicer words.

He didn’t even mock them that much.

In fact, the cute skeleton looked amused by everything he did, so it mustn’t have been a big deal. Sans even walked him back to the house in Snowdin.

Afterwards, Sans and Papyrus took them in out of the kindness of their souls—mostly Papyrus, as Sans went along with whatever craziness Papyrus would cook up for them to do. Edge became Papyrus’ roommate, while Red attempted to claim the shed when it became very apparent that he would have to room with Sans.

Sans, who still gave him weird feelings that made his soul flutter and stutter—Red would be even more damned if he roomed with him.

But Papyrus brought out the sparkly excited eye sockets and Sans also gave him a single look of suppressed mirth. Seeing bright and beautiful eyelights look at him with a hint of encouragement, Red swiftly caved like an old mine shaft, unable to resist.

In the end, he failed to claim the shed. Instead, he claimed a side of Sans’ small room and a small mattress, with a full view of the other mattress.

Stars.

—

Red sharing a room with Sans sent his magic reeling every morning. Back in his universe, he was used to waking up early. Seeing the rumpled, sleeping Sans on the mattress gave him so many impulses that he had to squash down.

He kept a friendly, respectful distance, but he can’t help but find himself getting closer to his so-called counterpart. Sans made friends with so many monsters, but Red’s the one closest to him. The strangely intense care that Sans contained for the monsters of the Underground called to him. Sans didn’t even notice that he was doing it, spreading himself out so thin just to make other monsters happy.

While Red warmed at the thought that he was one of the monsters that Sans cared about, he made sure to give back the same care. He didn’t want to be indebted to Sans’ thoughtfulness.

It earned him Sans’ look of surprise when Red asked about his day and gave him a burger. A pleasant feeling settled in his soul when Sans told him of his day, as if Red had done something right. He continued doing it, making sure Sans wouldn’t burn himself out from caring too much and completely forgetting about himself. It almost became a habit, but he was too happy about it that it was more like his best hobby turned out to be caring for Sans.

—

After a few days of hanging out with his counterpart, Red’s magic started to build up to the point of restlessness, so he figured out that looking for lost items would be a good idea to get him some coins to pay for share of rent. Sans couldn’t be the only one who had to work down his bones. Rooms and houses required maintenance, and he wasn’t about to skimp out just because Sans was too kind.

His brother had it easier. Rooming with someone who also preferred to keep things neat seemed to heal him from the inside and out. Edge and Papyrus got along so well that Edge finally softened up a little. Papyrus, on the other hand, learned even more disastrous puns that had Sans guffawing on the table while Edge helped served food.

(Edge had been secretly taken up as an immediate Royal Guard after Undyne figured out that he wasn’t as nice as Papyrus.)

Red’s mornings and nights and everything else orbited around the other skeletons. His soul felt as if he had something more to protect, so any information about the brothers that his earholes might pick up, he might have heard them the loudest.

On one particular search for a lost carrot necklace, Red heard that Sans and his brother had arrived in Snowdin.

In the dark, behind their backs, whispers of their neighbours mentioned that they had asserted themselves in the town. Red vaguely noted it down as Sans and Papyrus not being natives of Snowdin. Or, maybe… they came from somewhere else.

Red decided to ignore his last musing and focused on acquiring his legal gold. When he came to collect his coins, the bunny was so happy that she paid him triple, with a bonus. He was so stunned that he didn’t convince her to give him five times the amount.

To Red, Sans’ Underground had better monsters than his previous home. Sure, some monsters stayed the same, and not everyone got along. In fact, some monsters tend to stick to cliques and friend groups—but most monsters from Sans’ universe had more compassion and mercy than the monsters Red had known.

For example, he wouldn’t be attacked for accidentally stepping on someone’s tail—not that Red deliberately went out to offend people. Sure, he just gave off an intimidating vibe, according to the monsters Sans had asked. It wasn’t his fault that his teeth looked threatening, that his gold bling and his gold tooth made him look like a violent thug. Sans called him fluffy all the time, so it wasn’t impossible that some monsters thought he might be nice.

At least Edge knew to avoid him when his mood started to look stormy.

Sans, on the other hand, kept him company. An unnervingly quiet company. Most of the time, Red would even forget that Sans was in the same room if his moodiness got the better of him.

Only after his inner storm passed would he notice Sans again. There would be a paper bag with snacks and drinks next to him, full of good things that Red likes. Sans would make a harmless joke, Red would retort with something stupid, and then Sans would give him a share of snacks, pretending he hadn’t gotten it for Red.

It’s the cute things that Sans does for him that sets his soul on fire.

Red would do anything for him at this point, if only to keep Sans near him. Someone who cared and someone who needs him to care – it was his only addiction. Red had no idea that he was the type to herd a care-giving monster like Sans back home.

—

When Sans requested for a nonexistent item to be found, within an extended time limit, Red had gotten a hint to stay at a place in the capital, somewhere far away from Snowdin. Without hesitation, Red had brought Edge with him and told him to do his guard duties over there while he looked for the so-called “two daggers of a prince.”

He didn’t know why Sans needed him to be away for a certain amount of time. He only followed the instinct that screamed at him to accept the subtle request.

While in the capital, he heard the rumours of a human that had fallen, about how they befriended the people and everyone else. There was a show on TV that he missed, some notifications that he’d ignored. He knew Sans was doing something, keeping him away from the human as if he was making sure the human wasn’t harmful to them—to Red and Edge.

So, Red made an effort to track down information about princes and daggers and found out there was a pair in a story book.

While looking at books, more news spread about the human who befriended monsters… until they reached the castle. Everyone felt it, as if something binding had been lifted. A fight of a human and a boss monster.

Red couldn’t tell anyone that they disappeared in front of him, absorbed by whatever powerful creature that dusted monsters out of nowhere. That, after some time, they’d reappeared as if nothing had happened.

He's just relieved to know that they came back—it meant that Sans would be fine.

By the time Red found more information about two daggers and a prince, the Barrier had been broken, monsters lost a few minutes of their memories, and the news made it sound like Sans had been a part of the monster group who helped it happen.

Red bought the story book at a low price and then hauled his ass to the Barrier. Edge tailed him, keeping up with Red’s unfathomable speed.

He sought Sans’ form from the many monsters gathered next to where The Barrier should have been. Sans stood beside some tall fluffy monster, talking to her, before Red nearly tackled him and grabbed him by the shoulders.

“whoa—”

“are you okay?!” Red’s sockets were wide and unflinching as it roved over the round skull, the blue jacket, and the fluffy white slippers. “you didn’t get hurt?”

“i’m fine, red.” But Sans didn’t push him away, allowing Red to aggressively maneuver him.

Red triple-checked the bones and cloth and everything that was Sans, hoping he didn’t miss anything. He even went as far as to check his stats to see his full HP. Sans didn’t look hurt. His soul didn’t even mumble a hint of pain. But Red couldn’t stop his anxiety from taking over, because Sans had been near a human and that was dangerous.

When Red found nothing wrong, he slumped over with a groan and rested his forehead on Sans’ shoulder, his soul beating erratically in his ribcage. “you’re okay,” he breathed out. “fuck, you’re okay.”

“oh, man,” Sans released a chuckle, mittens and arms coming up to embrace him. Red grumbled out his worries, muffling his swearing into Sans’ jacket, hugging him back anyway. “yeah. i'm all good. no damage here, bud.”

Red pulled back and checked his sweet—his buddy all over. There wasn’t a hint of anything wrong on him, but Red started sweating anyway.

“i ran all the way here from the cap to get your damned book.”

“oh, you found a book?” The look of interest in Sans’ eyelights seemed real. Red narrowed his eye sockets at him.

“fifty gold.”

“damn, no discount?”

“no discounts for idiots who made me worry,” he reminded.

Sans chuckled at him. “alright, deal.” Surprisingly, Sans didn’t even try to bargain.

Red greedily pocketed the gold and handed over the book. His buddy flipped through it, skimming the pages with an intensity that belied his actual thoughts on the subject. Red suspected that he really had been looking for something related to princes and daggers.

“how’s it?”

Sans looked up. “worth more than fifty gold,” he teased. Red groaned. “might be even more than a hundred.”

Red sputtered in protest. “what, really?” All of a sudden, the fifty gold he’d gotten seemed like spare change.

“yup.” Sans winked at him as he put the book in his inventory. Red’s mind went still and silent, seeing the blatant appreciation on Sans’ face. “it’s priceless. thanks, red.”

Red ducked his head and growled out a humbled, “no problem.”

“…still no discount?”

“no! you can’t just ask that after a done deal, you numbskull!” Red barked at him, careful to keep his inventory shut. Sans wouldn’t actually rob him blind, right? Red would willingly handed over his hard-earned coins, but he wanted to save them for emergencies.

Sans laughed, and it was such a stupid blessed sound that sent pulses of affection into Red’s soul.

“fine, i'll make you a burger,” Red mumbled pitifully, thinking of the magic food he could craft now that he could buy some tools for it. “but i get first bite.”

“sounds good to me,” Sans agreed quickly. Too quickly that Red narrowed his eye sockets at him again.

“ten gold,” he tacked on.

With a humouring smile, Sans handed over more coins. Red shoved it into his pockets, pleased that he’d taken gold from someone who hoarded it like a dragon. He knew how much Sans saved up money for a lot of things, but never saved up for himself. His best friend barely had anything in their room, so Red had to figure out the things Sans liked so he could make him just a little bit happier.

It was fine, Red thought. He would just take care of Sans so he wouldn’t starve or be without a roof over his head. He knew how to make a shed and he knew where to find wax to keep it waterproof. He could make a house somewhere and make sure to keep Sans and his brother entertained. Edge could even play with Papyrus.

It would be perfect.

A bunch of more giggling came from somewhere else.

Immediately, Red noticed that he wasn’t alone with his best friend. He looked up and saw a tall goat lady staring at him and Sans with mirth in her purplish eyes.

“whaddya want?” Red growled at her, baring his teeth.

“whoa, easy there.” Sans held him closer, as if to stop him from picking a fight. Red allowed him, but couldn’t stop glaring at the goat lady. “that’s just tori, red,” Sans said, as if it explained everything.

But with Red noticing his tone of voice and his ease, he realized what Sans meant.

Red stopped being aggressive. “is she that lady from the ruins?” He eyed the goat monster critically, and then turned his head to look at Sans. “your friend?”

“yup, friend.”

“ugh, fine.” Red clenched his teeth and threw a friendly menacing smile at the goat monster, who still looked at him like he was the funniest joke in the world. “hey, m’names red. i'll be nice because you’re sans’ other buddy.”

Toriel keened into her paw. “I thought Sans had no body.”

Red cracked a grin at the joke as Sans chuckled. “alright. you’re okay, door lady.”

Toriel started braying, and it seemed like the sound of it sent Sans into hysterics. Red calmly held the other skeleton while he lost it. Toriel had crouched down the ground and covered her face as she snorted into her hands.

While they were laughing, Red noticed Papyrus and Edge next to him, covering their faces as if they didn’t want to be associated with such poor quality jokes. Red was about to make a stupid joke, a really horribly embarrassing one—

But then something cold and dark pinged his senses, which caused him to stand straight in attention. As Sans’ laughter faded, Red’s eyelights sought the presence that grated on his magic.

He found it.

A human. A small one, wearing stripes – no, it wasn’t human. Red knew it wasn’t human anymore, but something else. Something that he couldn’t read well.

And, anything that he couldn’t read well was an enemy.

He hauled Sans away, skittering backwards from the striped abomination. He left Toriel standing at a distance, obviously stunned.

“what the fuck is that?” Red growled under his breath, eyelights locked onto the meat bag walking around and talking to other monsters.

“oh, that’s the…” Sans trailed off, like he was trying to figure out how to name the meat bag. “it’s the human.”

Red snapped his gaze onto Sans and hoped his expression gave away how much he didn’t believe his words.

“MY FRIEND THINKS THEY’RE AN ANGEL,” Papyrus whispered loudly.

“AN ANGEL?” Edge echoed with clear disgust.

“YES, AN ANGEL!”

Red highly doubted it.

“that’s not human,” he whispered harshly to Sans, dragging him closer and away from the strange thing walking around. At the corner of his sockets, he saw Edge doing the same thing with Papyrus, following Red’s wariness with practice. “not an angel either.”

If there was an angel, it would have been Sans’ brother, someone who was too nice for the Royal Guard, but had the power and control to be one.

“just a basic possession with a vessel, i think,” Sans whispered back—as if that was fucking normal, what the hell Sans!

Red clutched him tightly, fearing the worst with Sans’ endless patience to care while pretending to not care. He couldn’t let Sans get attached to that thing.

“you had better not befriended that creep!” he blurted out.

Sans chortled at him. It’s a completely traitorous action, in Red’s humble opinion. “come on, they’re kinda funny. they called tori mom and then flirted with her.”

Red choked on his roiling magic and it sputtered out into embers. “who the fuck would do that?”

“the kiddo kept doing it.”

“oh, no,” Red groaned. Sans was attached. He nicknamed that thing.

Sans continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “they also took papyrus out on a date,” Sans added, as if it was funny that a meat bag had taken his brother out. His brother, who could've been hurt by some strange abomination. Red’s grip tightened on him. “even alphys went out on a play date with them.”

“who else?” Red bit out, seeing a horrible, terrible, no-good pattern to the meat bag’s flirting. “who else did that thing flirt with.”

“some monsters here and there. tsunderplane—” Red groaned again “—and there was a moldsmol, and maybe blooky—”

“so just about anyone, huh?” Red’s magic sharpened inside his soul. He glanced down at Sans, who chilled in his arms like he wasn’t being cradled like a princess. “did they go after your bones, too?”

“no way!” Sans released a bout of laughing denials. Red relaxed.

“good,” he grumped, placing Sans back down on his fluffy slippers. He didn’t remember when he’d started carrying Sans. His buddy hadn’t even protested. He’d allowed it to happen, probably living up to his patient attribute. “i don’t wanna watch real-time romance between a meat bag and a bag of bones.”

“meat bag,” Sans keened, and then he was gone, leaning against Red as he laughed.

After Sans calmed down, Red nudged him over to the female goat boss monster, telling him, “go back there and make some friends.” Then, he pointed towards the shadows of trees nearby. “i'll keep watch from there. see if that thing has any funny ideas.”

Sans smiled at him. Amused, curious, and confused. Red liked to see it since it meant that he’s surprised his buddy.

“sure.” Sans looked over to Toriel and the others and glanced back at Red. “you’ll come by later?”

Sans’ quiet words sounded a little worried.

“yeah,” Red soothed, placing a hand on Sans’ back. Some kind of tension must have been hanging on his friend since Sans relaxed under his touch. “i won’t leave. i'll fetch ya when it’s… gone.” Red shuddered.

“okay.”

But the thing hung out with them far too long. By the end of the day, Sans had to talk to monsters, the meat bag, and then the monarch, Asgore. He juggled more responsibilities the more Red watched him, seeing him burdened with work, and seeing him accept it.

He had to put a stop to it.

Red stepped out of the shadows and sauntered over to stand beside his buddy while Asgore wasn’t looking. Sans gave him a strange look, but kept quiet, and already he looked tons better with laughter in his eyelights.

When the Asgore looked back, he jolted back in surprise. Red offered a sharp grin at the obvious confusion on Asgore’s face.

“Oh, Howdy!” the monarch greeted. “Who might you be?”

“red, sans’ agent and acting assistant,” he offered up the lie. Sans stiffened up next to him. “just wanted to discuss the salary for the things you need my client to do.”

Asgore’s maw opened and closed. Red could vaguely hear Toriel wheezing out her laughter somewhere behind him.

She didn’t stop him from making a fool out of the king, so Red trusted her just a tiny bit more.

“That—You—I mean, certainly,” Asgore finally managed to mumble. “Of course. Let’s talk.”

“wait, you’ll need to read a few things.”

Red grabbed some papers from his inventory. He handed it to the monarch, who took them.

“it’s my client’s schedule—” Sans choked on air, so Red patted the side of his jacket “—he'll need a week’s notice to a minimum of three days if you need him. he needs the time to get ready, y’know? talent doesn’t come outta nowhere. my client’s popular, everyone wants a piece of him, so you gotta contact me to have you scheduled for a meeting.”

“This schedule is indeed filled to the brim!” Asgore wiped a paw down his beard, squinting at the document. “Oh, please, forgive me. I should have contacted you first. Red, was it? Sans does some work for me as a judge—” Red’s mind stuttered to a halt in shock “—but I see that I have been neglecting so much. Caring for monsters… I’ll have to add this to the account. Please wait a moment.”

Asgore trudged away with a copy of Red’s stalker notes on Sans, leaving both skeletons sweating.

“…was that really my schedule?” Sans asked after a long pause.

Red confirmed it with a nod, and then asked, “do you really work as a judge?”

“oh, yeah.”

“why?”

“figured a stable income would come from the castle if i worked for them. they noticed i can read monsters well and… yep.” Sans pocketed his hands and yawned. “they don’t need me that much. just a few cases here and there, and the other normal judges can deal with the easy ones.”

“the other normal judges,” Red repeated, “compared to what?”

“uh… me?” Sans tilted his skull. “the official one.”

“dude, you’re that high up?” But, Sans and Papyrus lived in Snowdin, the cheapest place in the Underground. Was his pay from the castle too low? For someone as cheat-like observant and scarily accurate as Sans, he should be paid twice as much!

“’s just a title, red.” Sans fidgeted with the edge of his sleeve as Red stared at him. Sans was underpaid. He didn’t understand that he was supposed to be swimming in gold. “okay, maybe a little higher,” Sans finally admitted.

Red gritted his teeth at the unfairness of the world. “and what the hell does he want you to do now?”

“oh, just…” Sans laughed. “politics. i'll be convincing humans to take our side, make sure we get more leverage over them. i need to start planning how we’ll be introduced to the world, how we act if they have mages or don’t have mages.”

“i'm helping you.”

“what?” Sans looked taken aback, and then his expression softened. “red, it’s fine. i know how to do this—”

“no, no,” Red interrupted, furrowing his browridge. This was exactly what Red did for a living back in his universe. “i'm good at politics. or, at least getting an edge over people… and being subtle and threatening. yeah, i'm normally like this, but... if you need me to get leverage over some stupid humans, i can help you.”

After a moment, Sans slowly asked, “how much will that be?”

“five gold,” Red demanded, palm open.

Sans seemed to reflexively hand over the gold to him. Then, as if being cheated, his buddy blinked and gave him a look of confusion.

“it’s a super discount,” Red explained, omitting the existence of his heavy affection for the other skeleton, who worried over monsters like he was responsible for them.

“is it monthly or…?”

“one-time deal,” Red grumbled, and then added, “no refunds!” when Sans looked like he was about to protest. The other skeleton still looked like he wanted to pay him more, but stopped when Red hissed out a warning.

Red clenched his teeth and threw a hard glare at Asgore. He saw the monarch shivering as he talked to some short turtle and hoped he felt Red’s plans crawling down his back.

“i'm gonna rob him blind for you, starshine,” he swore vehemently.

Sans stammered something at him, but Red barely heard it as he made more plans to drain Asgore’s treasury dry.

Every single coin Asgore kept in his treasury would be Sans’ by the end of the week.

He’ll have a hell of a good time while he was at it.

—

“i found the perfect place,” Red announced at the dinner table while he folded his cards over. “you know the little town down our mountain? that place.”

Edge scoffed at him. “I DOUBT THE HUMANS WOULD APPROVE OF US MOVING SO CLOSE TO THEIR HOMES.”

Red rubbed his hands together as he cackled. “yeah, but i convinced a guy to give me all his deeds.” It only cost a few coins.

Sans dropped his cards. “no way.”

“WAIT… THE ONLY WAY WE COULD MOVE IS…” Edge gasped.

“that’s right,” Red crowed loudly. “this guy fucked a town over by secretly owning it, and now i got the deeds and that town is ours!”

Papyrus burst into happy tears, and Sans slumped against Red, shuddering. Edge looked like every holiday in the world happened all in one day.

“that’s great,” Sans whispered against his neck, sending shivers down Red’s spine. “that’s… we finally got something back.”

“i'm planning to find another place,” Red mentioned. “we can’t just own one town, at least a few more can hold that many of us, right?”

Sans pulled away from him. “hey, speaking of that… we have some, uh, important papers that you might want to take a look at.”

Red glanced at him, and saw a weird expression on Sans’ face. “what’s it about?”

An angelic smile belonging to some kind of demon appeared on Sans’ face. “old land property.”

“what…?”

“OLD LAND PROPERTY PAPERS?” Edge whispered.

And then it hit Red. Old land papers meant a higher official form of ownership.

A sharp gasp came from Red. He almost couldn’t believe it—but this was Sans, and he wouldn’t joke around if he had an edge over the people that needed a beating. Just owning those papers would give Red enough leverage over humans who had been hounding at them to move back into the mountain.

Red hadn’t even gotten to the royal library yet, and now they had papers that could bring in more land. His buddy had saved him the time to do the tedious meetings!

“we’ll get those lands,” Red promised Sans, already thinking of how he can quicken the process.

“red,” his best friend chuckled, a low rumble that could rattle bones, “it’s written in blue ink.”

Red’s soul halted in his rib cage in shock. “you mean…”

The grin on his buddy’s face turned devious. “it’s magically binding.”

Without hesitation, Red grabbed his buddy by the shoulders. Sans laughed. “where?! whose name is on it, and how the fuck did they figure out how to do that?”

A scroll appeared in front of him, attached to the gloved hand of The Great Papyrus. Red offered him appreciative eyelights before he snatched the scroll and unrolled it.

He shuddered at the human seal on the document, but he ignored it in favour of the information written in black ink. Skimming the text, he noted down the lands and the proper names for it. As he read the locations, a cold sensation spread through him.

At the bottom, written in blue ink was a signature that looked oddly familiar—no, two strange signatures. Two of them in a symbol he didn’t recognize, but had little quirks that reminded him of something.

He couldn’t recall, but it felt like he’d seen it somewhere before.

“it’s all the ones in ebott.” Red shivered and held the scroll tentatively. There was something weird about it. Something he didn’t want to point out.

“IS THE LAND YOU PROCURED THE ONLY ONE THAT’S NOT ON THE LIST?” Papyrus pointed out the obvious. Red wanted to palm his face at the question.

“i, uh, yeah,” Red answered. Sans leaned over his shoulder to look at the list. “what, uh… what is this? why’s it so convenient?”

“OH! I KNOW THAT NAME!” Edge piped up from above Red. “THAT’S THE FIRST PRINCE, THE FIRST CHILD OF THE FIRST HUMAN KING. HE WAS A RENOWNED MONSTER SUPPORTER, A POWERFUL SEER, AND THE WHITE MAGE'S LOVER.”

Sans wheezed at his side, as if surprised by Edge’s words.

Red sputtered at the end of Edge’s introduction. “why the hell is the last part important?” So what if he had a lover? Why did it matter?

Edge offered up a look of long-suffering, as if blaming him for skipping minor monster history lessons.

Papyrus, who stood beside him, beamed. “ACTUALLY, RED, THE FIRST HUMAN PRINCE WAS A ROMANTIC. MOST OF HIS JOURNALS ARE WRITTEN IN A CODE ONLY KNOWN TO HIM AND THE WHITE MAGE. IN SOME OF OUR HISTORY BOOKS, IT IS THE WHITE MAGE THAT FULLY  SUPPORTED MONSTERS EVEN BEFORE THE BARRIER WENT UP.”

His brother added, “AND THE FIRST HUMAN PRINCE ACTIVELY SUPPORTED THE WHITE MAGE, WHICH MEANT MONSTERS HAD A LOT OF PROTECTION WHEN THEY STAYED IN HIS LANDS—”

“everything around mt. ebott, right? ‘cause princes have princedoms.” Red cut him off, waving the scroll at him.

He had studied old maps from Sans’ collection of human history. The other skeleton had a vault of it hidden in his inventory, which turned out to be an important leverage when it came to quoting human-monster treaties broken by the humans. The reparation, the consequences, and the massive loss of human mages due to human greed.

Only a few mages kept their power. But due to signed documents from the past, most of it became passive. The only few who can do any kind of active magic could barely grow a flower on the spot. Some were magically aware, but unable to do any magic at all. Some could do magic, but had no control over it—

The signature! Red took in the form of the blue signatures, the two of them. The prince’s signature, and the unknown other one. The sharper symbol had been on many old papers, like it was some kind of insignia or seal representing a person. Red remembered many of the documents with the same seal. Most of the old papers had turned out to be useful in getting an edge in monster protection.

It was as if the prince had known that monsters would need the lands. Had he seen it?

Do seers really exist? Red didn’t believe in future-seeing magic. But if it was true, then the human prince had planned for this very moment… from hundreds of years ago.

All because he wanted to support monsters.

“this thing is…” Red trails off a little, “this is official. with this, we have the whole STATE. the guy made it permanent – he basically wrote down that the state is monster land until all the stars disappear, which is impossible.”

“yeah,” Sans mumbled next to him. “we got really lucky.”

“so, where’d you guys find it?” Red questioned.

“OH, WELL…”

“someplace not here,” said Sans.

Then, the two skeletons from the semi-peaceful universe became extremely busy. They stopped looking at him and started looking elsewhere.

Papyrus immediately got up from the table. “WAIT HERE, I’LL BE GRABBING SNACKS FROM THE FRIDGE!”

Sans quickly picked up his cards. “do you think i should call or fold?

“fold,” said Red in reflex when he recalled the faces of Sans’ cards. However, remembering his question, he straightened up. “hey, wait a minute—”

“SANS, COME HELP ME IN THE KITCHEN!” shouted Papyrus, who made lots of weird banging metal noises in the kitchen.

“sorry, guys. gotta help a bro out.” Sans moved out of his seat and headed straight for the kitchen, looking entirely unbothered.

They left Red and Edge at the table, as if their actions weren’t very obviously two skeletons avoiding the topic.

“DID THEY NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?” Edge mused, eyeing the kitchen as if he was greatly entertained by something.

Red parted his teeth and then closed it. “i guess it’ll be a mystery to us, huh?”

Despite the deep curiosity churning inside him, he decided to let it lie.

For now.

—

After several more of mysterious sounds from the kitchen, Papyrus and Sans came out with trays of… snacks inside plastic containers. Sliced thin meats, cheese, and crackers.

“…aren’t those the little packaged food that humans sell in their stores?”

Red hadn’t expected anything good coming from visiting a grocery store full of humans. The shrieking scared humans made him want to dust them, and the flashes of phones trying to get a picture of them had easily pissed him off. Sans and Edge had to grab interesting stuff from the store – with his intimidating brother and the unassuming Sans, it went well, but this he hadn’t heard about.

“yep, but, uh…” Sans lowered the tray to a space on the table free of their cards. Then, he reclaimed his seat next to Red. “for this, we used monster food. just copied it. last time we visited, the humans… got too excited to see us.”

“THEY WERE SCREAMING,” Edge dryly exposed. Papyrus winced hard. “SOME MEDIUM-SIZED HUMANS WERE ASKING ABOUT A SKELETON ARMY—”

Sans snorted. “i think that one was a really old joke.”

Edge ignored him.  “AND WHILE IT’S FLATTERING, I DON’T WANT MY PHOTOGENIC FACE ON SOME HUMAN'S BLOG. THEY DIDN’T EVEN ASK FOR MY PERMISSION!”

Papyrus gasped in horror, and Red chuckled in amusement.

“did ya beat ‘em up?” wondered Red.

Edge glowered at the table like the trays had to be set on fire. “…NO, OUR REPUTABLE, EASYGOING SKELETON STOPPED ME SIXTEEN TIMES FROM TEACHING THEM A LESSON.”

Disappointed, Red sighed. “yeah, we can’t actually do any fights ‘cause some humans barely know to fight.”

“yeah, so…” the reputable, easygoing skeleton yawned cutely, and then continued, “after sixteen, i just gave up.”

Edge's skull lifted upwards with a smug smile. “INSTEAD OF ME, OUR EASYGOING SKELETON TAUGHT THEM A LESSON.”

Papyrus groaned in dismay, and Red gasped in excitement.

“what lesson?” he demanded.

“THE THREAT OF THE SOFTER SIDE OF EMOTIONS.” Edge sighed wistfully, as if remembering a beautiful memory. He looked like every slight against him had been avenged ten-fold. “EVERYONE SEEMED TO PANIC AFTER SANS SPOKE TO THEM IN A VERY GENTLE VOICE THAT THAT THEY WERE DOING ILLEGAL THINGS THAT HE COULD SUE THEM FOR – HE EVEN VERY KINDLY TOLD THEM THE AMOUNT OF FEES AND FINES THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE TO PAY.”

Red leaned his elbows on the table and propped his skull on his palms, awed.

Sans snickered beside his brother as if he hadn’t done something cool. “papyrus was skimming a law book for ways to defend monsters without harming humans,” Sans told them, and Papyrus nodded in confirmation.

“MY BROTHER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA FOR A BEDTIME STORY.” Papyrus threw Sans a look full of exasperation. “THOUGH I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF SPECIFIC LAWS, AT THE VERY LEAST, I KNOW THAT MINORITIES HAVE SOME SORT OF POWER OVER THE MAJORITY. MONSTERS ARE ENDANGERED IF WE GO BY MONSTER TYPES.”

“just that one sitting with the local law book, huh?” Red mused, glancing at Sans. The other skeleton shrugged, grinning. “what did the humans do?”

“PEOPLE DELETED THE PHOTOGRAPHS UNDER THE THREAT OF A MINOR GROUP LOOKING TO SUE THEM FOR ALL OF THEIR MONEY. THE SCREAMING ONES HAD TO BE FORCED OUT THE STORE BECAUSE OF DISCRIMINATION.”

“doesn’t stop them from being mean,” the so-called reputable, easygoing skeleton mumbled, leaning his arms on the table. “but then i reminded them that we’re in a specific state, and some old imperial laws are still soulfully bound.”

Red raised a browridge at Sans’ words. That would mean… a human-ruling Arcana had been bestowed to someone, and that they’d used it to trap humans in a law.

What a cool human.

Edge smiled maniacally. “AND THAT’S WHEN SOME HUMANS FULLY LEFT THE STORE. I BET THEY WERE THE BAD ONES.”

“what’s that mean?” asked Red.

The grin that twisted on Sans’ face looked menacing. “it means that humanity as a whole won’t be doing bad things to us if they don’t want to get dunked on,” Sans happily told Red, who hummed his delight at the news. “i told you, remember? i worked for fluffybuns. there are books about monster-humans laws that are still in effect.”

“can i get my hands on it as your agent?” asked the fake agent, Red. “for verification.”

“sure,” answered his fake client, Sans. “let’s head to the royal library after seeing the house.”

“ACTUALLY, WHERE IS THE HOUSE DEED?” Edge asked.

Red grabbed the specific deed from his inventory and handed it over to Edge.

His brother started to read the deed, and then made a face at the end. “WELL. I MEAN, I DO NOT MIND, BUT…”

Red blinked at his brother’s flustered stammering.

“what is it?”

“THE NAME YOU PUT DOWN ON THE NEW OWNERSHIP…”

Papyrus leaned over to read the document and his brother tilted it over. Papyrus’ eye sockets magically bulged out with tears.

“OH, RED, YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO!” he exclaimed, and then Red found himself being dragged into the arms of the excitable skeleton before he was returned to the ground. “YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT FOR YOURSELF!”

Red stared at them in confusion. “done what?” he questioned the room.

Edge handed over the document, but before Red could think of grabbing it, Sans took it.

“…oh,” his best friend muttered, and then averted his eyelights like he was shy.

“what is it?” He was desperate to know what the hell he did wrong – or right – because Sans was acting like Red did something so nice that it made him speechless. He watched Sans shuffle on his slippers and then give the paper back to him. Red took it, but couldn’t take his gaze away from Sans’ rare expression of bashfulness.

“papyrus is right,” Sans told him, still with that air of shyness that made Red’s soul hammer in his rib cage. “you don’t have to make it up to us.”

When Red dared to glance at the deed, he lost his voice.

He’d written Sans’ name on the deed as the sole owner. Red blinked once, twice, and then magic sweat gathered on his vertebrae.

Had he been daydreaming of a life with Sans when he’d signed the deed? Wait—yeah, he would do that.

Fuck.

“i, uh, really didn’t think about it.”

Sans started laughing, and then the rest of them followed suit, because of course Red hadn’t really thought about it. Because it was Sans and sometimes Red even signed some documents for him while he rested out his wrung-out bones.

“oh, man,” his best friend wheezed, “you’re really working too hard.”

Red now remembered that he had been so excited to give Sans a roof over his head that he’d just sign away the deed under his name.

“yeah, but it’s yours!” he declared officially and firmly, handing back the deed.

Sans took the paper, and then he paused. “if you give this to... us, then where will you live now?”

Red blankly stared at him. He hadn’t thought of living elsewhere at all.

“uh...”

Sans stared back. “…red, did you make yourself homeless?”

“…no, there’s more.” Red had other papers for other houses. In all honesty, he had simply thought he’d be living with Sans and his brother. “i, uh, forgot.”

“YOU FORGOT?” Papyrus gasped.

“WHY?” came his brother’s demand.

“i mean,” Red stammered, “i got used to living with you guys, so, uh, i didn’t think to check the other ones.”

Sans’ eye sockets were wide. Red could somehow tell that he was happy, and Red’s soul did flips because he caused that. “really? so, you want to stay with us?”

He went straight to the point of what Red implied. Scarily accurate as always.

“uh, yeah,” Red admitted. “i don’t… i mean, i can’t –” sleep without you? He fumbled for words, furrowing his browridge in frustration when he couldn’t string together a good excuse. “i just wanted to stay with you guys,” he went for the truth.

The tearful Great Papyrus sobbed, “WE WANT TO STAY WITH YOU GUYS TOO!”

“yeah,” Sans agreed. He looked genuinely happy.

Edge teared up, and then he sniffled at Papyrus. “REALLY? WE CAN STAY?”

“OF COURSE, YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND!”

“i mean, we won’t ever mind,” Sans added, and then asked Red, “have you thought this through? we’re a rowdy pair of bros. if you’re sure…”

“you’re familiar,” Red affirmed, “and you’re good guys, and, and… i wanna watch papyrus cook food to see you try to eat it, and then i want to watch my bro trade weekly rights with papyrus over some stupid thing.” Red’s excited rambling overtook him as more ridiculous ideas came up in his mind. “we can scam asgore for more gold and then sign away some of his duties to some other idiot because he’s too stupid to delegate. then we’ll ask over your grillby and that lady over for a housewarming –” Sans snickered and Edge sighed loudly with Papyrus “– party because that’s what you do with friends who play with fire.”

“you win,” Sans sighed and gave him two mitten-wrapped thumbs-up.

Red grinned smugly.

“WE’RE ALREADY INVITING PEOPLE, BUT HOW BIG IS THIS HOUSE, EXACTLY?” Edge tapped his gloved fingers on the table as he pondered. “HOW BIG IS THE LIVING ROOM, THE KITCHEN, AND THE REST—HOW MANY ROOMS DOES IT HAVE?”

“there’s like a big master bedroom,” Red described as he remembered, “and there’s a workroom beside it, so that has to be sans’ room. then two big bedrooms for you and papyrus, and then the kitchen’s big enough to fit a large table, so you guys could have fun cooking. there’s a basement with a cellar, some of it used for storage for the old things, and, uh, yeah –” at the blank look on his brother’s face, Red sighed “– it’s probably better to show you guys.”

“AND WHERE WOULD YOUR ROOM BE?” his brother demanded.

Confidently, Red parted his teeth to answer it, but then he paused. He counted the bedrooms in his head and ended up with a number of three.

Three bedrooms. One for Edge, one for Papyrus, and one for Sans – and where the hell did his supposed room go?

Red pondered over this mystery, sweating bullets of magic on his skull.

“red,” Sans started in a grave tone, “did you forget to give yourself a room?”

Red floundered for an answer. “i, uh, no, i – i just forgot that i could have a single room.” Sans snorted, and Red wished he could smack his past self for being so distracted. “i thought i would just room with you in the big room ‘cause there were only three bedrooms.”

Something he said must have set Sans off, because he started giggling madly, and Red shrunk in his seat, realizing that he missed something obvious.

“y-y-you didn’t remember that you could have a single room,” his best friend rumbled, and then covered his face with the cute white mittens he wore. “y-you didn’t even think to turn the workroom into a bedroom, you just headed straight for the bigger one with me –”

“hey, i, uh, wait –” Red couldn’t even defend himself under the amused gaze of the other two taller skeletons. He threw up his hands. “alright, fine. i had other things in my mind! too busy! d’ya know how many deeds that guy owned? a skele-ton!”

Sans kept chortling like he couldn’t stop or he’d be dead. Red slowly became amused when Sans tilted over, and Papyrus went at his side so he wouldn’t slide down to the carpet.

“okay,” Sans gasped breathlessly, clinging on Papyrus, “okay, red. come be my roomie.”

“i'll braid your hair and paint your nails,” Red told him in his most serious voice. “i'll even bring my brother over. i heard he has a friend that might live next door.”

Sans promptly lost it and slid to the floor, laughing. Papyrus sighed like he was disappointed at Red’s stupid joke.

Red watched him for a second before he turned to Edge and Papyrus. “so, what’re you guys gonna need for your room? or, hell, maybe even the kitchen. i need a list.”

Papyrus and Edge looked so excited that they darted away to look for papers and pens.

Seeing them go, Red headed over to where Sans had collapsed onto the floor. The other skeleton kept trying so hard to stop his laughter, but whenever he looked at Red, something would set him off and he’d start laughing again.

Red decided to destroy Sans today, so he sat down on the carpet and smiled innocently at his best friend.

“so,” he began with a light tone, “now that you have a new workroom, will you actually work in it?”

Sans must have choked during the sharp noise he made. Red was satisfied that Sans’ silly laughter kept going. It was nice to see him this happy for a change, instead of worrying over every monster in the Underground.

“i remember you have a workshop, but i haven’t seen any customers lately.”

“red, no,” Sans gasped, and then off he went again into the land of laughs.

Red waited for a beat until Sans’ wheezing calmed down and then slyly added, “y’know, if we put in a pool table and add some card games and invite a lotta people over, we might even call it a bet room—”

“oh, stars,” his best friend cried out through his laughter, “a gambling den!” And then it wasn’t just Sans losing his mind at room jokes. Red joined him in a second, holding his sides.

When their brothers returned from their search of pen and paper, Edge and Papyrus put them back in place in their seats while they were trading horrendously stupid room puns.

After they were handed pieces of papers to write down what they wanted for their rooms, Red noticed that Sans barely put anything in his, so he resolved to figure out what other things his buddy might like during their shopping.

—

“the antique dealer said that it’s a really old house,” Red told Sans when they’d reached the house, “so he preserved everything inside. some items are in the storage downstairs so it wouldn’t be touched by the elements, but i really doubt it survived.”

“cool place.”

“it is.”

But Sans still stared at the house like he’d seen a ghost. Red was starting to think he should have picked the mansion that guy owned at the Green Lake.

“you chose it?” His friend sounded hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure if he could ask.

Red dragged over the line of floating suitcases, blinking at the old but well-maintained house. “yeah. out of all the deeds that guy owned, this one has the best view and it seems really homey, y’know?”

“it looks amazing,” Sans faintly said, and then he disappeared inside.

After floating more of their boxes inside, Red found Sans in the living room, sitting on the floor and looking at the fireplace. He was wiping a cloth on the metal bars, cleaning it – an unusual action, coming from a lazybones.

“y’like that part?” Red hedged a guess.

Sans glanced up, and for some reason, Red thought he looked soft and warm and inviting. He nearly ran into a wall because he wasn’t looking at where he was going.

“yeah. we didn’t have one at the other house,” Sans told him. But there was something odd with the way he said it, as if there was some other meaning that Red couldn’t decipher. “i thought i wouldn’t –” Sans paused for a moment, glancing away “– i thought i wouldn’t see a fireplace again, i guess.”

Somehow, he sounded sad. Red didn’t want him to be upset anymore. If Sans liked the hearth that much, then Red would help clean it up.

Immediately, Red shoved away some boxes to get to him, using magic to air out the chimney. Old ashes and grime scraped off the inner walls, leaving only clean stone behind. Collecting all that gunk, he shoved the trash out through a small shortcut at the giant bin outside of their new home.

Then, as he polished the inner cavity of the chimney, he heard Sans gasp.

Red looked at him. “what – oh.”

His eye sockets widened at the mantelpiece. The neat rows of fancy gems embedded on it were glowing. A strong red colour, just like his magic.

“that wasn’t… i didn’t know it could do that,” Red mumbled, and then realized that the stones must have activated when he used magic. “is it supposed to do that?”

His buddy stared at the glowing stones. “…yeah. that shouldn’t have happened.”

“what’s it for?” Red stepped closer to Sans, placing a his hand on his shoulder in case he needed to drag him into a shortcut. “do you have an idea?”

Sans gazed at him with a desperately searching gaze. Red stayed put and wondered if there was a side-effect from the glowing stones. Maybe Sans wanted to look for some damage on his bones? He scanned his buddy down, but he couldn’t see anything wrong.

“…no,” the other skeleton finally answered, and then, slowly, he smiled –  well, he grinned – the kind of smile that made Sans look incredibly pleased, like all the good things he wanted came true all at once. Red had no idea why, and it bothered him that he didn’t know how to make it happen again.

“maybe it’s a magic detector,” Red guessed.

“i think it’s like an extra light,” Sans replied, still grinning so genuinely that Red’s soul felt stuck in place. “the old owners probably made it so they don’t need to use the fireplace.”

“so, it’s warm?” Red hurried to the mantelpiece and felt up the stones with his magic.

The temperature was hot, and some of it seemingly came from inside the hearth. Maybe there were more stones hidden inside to keep it warm.

He struck gold by choosing this house. If there were household magic things like this in the house, then maybe…

“there’s more,” said his friend, who got up from the floor.

“right? i was just thinking that.”

Sans walked over to Red to stand beside him, leaning against him bodily, tilted on him. It’s not any of his familiar moves, so Red stiffened for a second before he relaxed at the pressure at his side.

Sans acted as if he did this all the time. “we should see the rest of the house,” he suggested.

Red swallowed, glancing at Sans. The other skeleton looked so relaxed, leaning on him like he’s a solid wall, or a wall of cushion.

“yeah,” he croaked out, and then cleared his nonexistent throat. He shifted a little, adjusting so Sans had a more comfortable stay. He wanted Sans to stay. “i mean, there’s probably more,” he mused, hopeful.

Sans gave a pretty smile at him that had his soul pounding hard. Then, Sans hooked their arms and grabbed his hand, twining their gloved fingers together.

Immediately, Red’s thoughts scattered like wild dust bunnies in face of a sudden tornado.

Oh. Stars.

They were holding hands in front of a magic fireplace – Sans had taken the initiative to hold his hand in front of a magical fireplace.

Why? Red thought desperately of what he’d done to receive the gesture, but he couldn’t figure it out. How the hell was he supposed to replicate this, without making it seem obvious, when he didn’t even know how he'd earned it?

“come on,” Sans called to him while their hands were locked together like how Red had always wanted to hold his hand and – was he dreaming? “let’s find the rest.”

Red followed him in a daze. “we are?” he heard himself say, completely breathless.

“yup,” said the cute skeleton, who tugged at their laced fingers. Sans led them away from the living room and through a doorway to a hall.

Red dropped his gaze to where they’re joined, stumbling after him. They were really holding hands, and it wasn’t a dream. Sans had held his hand first and Red’s soul might burst from how overwhelming it felt. He didn’t want to mention it. What if he spooked Sans away from holding his hand? He’d regret it forever.

“oh, there’s one right there.”

Red followed Sans’ gesture at the obscure corner of the hallway where he would have never checked. Little dots of glowing red light on the floor glowed with a subtle twinkle. Their dots seemed to form a pattern, but he couldn’t be sure when his head was a complete mess inside.

He simply guessed that they were connected to the hearth, based on their similar colour, and the similar magic.

“’s warm,” Red muttered, tightening his grip on Sans’ hand. He felt Sans squeeze back, and Red avoided looking at the other skeleton’s expression because Red knew he had a dumb, lovestruck look on his face. “that. um. d-do you want to check the other rooms?”

Sans answered by dragging him by the hand, heading upstairs without breaking their link. Red followed happily.

“i bet the bedrooms have secrets,” Sans told him while they were climbing the stairs, and Red didn’t bother to wonder how Sans knew of the bedrooms upstairs. “the one at the end, especially.”

Red bumbled after him into the bedroom at the end of the hall. It was a bedroom larger than the one they shared in Snowdin, but it had a big window and a nice view of the garden outside. The curtains were made of weird, shimmery black cloth. Seeing it again, Red had a sudden suspicion that it was another house secret.

Sans headed straight for the big window as if he knew where to go. Then, he untangled the ropes that set the curtains apart. When the curtains fell, the room darkened completely and Red could barely see anything.

A sudden restlessness settled inside Red. He couldn’t see Sans clearly in the dark, so he gripped the hand in his tightly. Strangely, he also felt comfort from their joined hands.

Sans’ eyelights found him. “how’s that?” he asked, and Red couldn’t answer.

Red leaned forward in the dark, wishing he could push Sans against the wall to kiss him.

“i don’t know,” he mumbled his shaking words. “it's, uh, it’s dark, i guess?” He didn’t even know what he said to Sans – what he was trying to say at all.

Sans chuckled. It was a warm sound that caused Red to squirm where he stood. “try your magic.”

“i, yeah, okay,” he breathed, dizzy at the fact that Sans was so close, that he wasn’t trying to get away, and – stars, Red wanted him so badly. “magic. right.”

Red spread his magic across the room like mist below a mountain.

Then, before his magic could reach the walls, little firefly-like dots lit up in the room along with brushstrokes of light—but it didn’t move. It stayed suspended in air, like…

“stars,” he whispered as he saw the soft gaze aimed at him.

The lights made Sans look ethereal under its glow. Some were blue, yellow, orange, white, red—so many colours on Sans’ bones, including cloudy nebula and little streaks of light that reminded him of comets.

Sans’ eyelights looked at Red like he was looking at something precious and it was doing weird things to his very soul.

“i-i mean, they’re like stars,” Red stammered, gesturing his free hand to the air.

“they are,” Sans answered with more certainty than Red. Then, he pointed at the curtain. “over there, i think that one should be yours.”

Red didn’t want to look away from Sans, but he also didn’t want to disappoint him. He looked over and saw the curtains lit up with the colours of some blue nebula.

Oh. Red stared at the wondrous colours spread across it, at the dots twinkling at him. The bluish haze of it looked oddly familiar in a way that only his soul could tell, and at the center was a single blue star surrounded by many others. It shifted from a light blue twinkle to an exploding blue haze and then into a pure white at intervals, as if it was blinking at him.

“is it a blue star turning into a white dwarf?’” he blurted out after piecing together the puzzle.

“yup,” Sans confirmed. “blue to white. that’s how it goes, right?”

“it looks awesome.” Red couldn’t help but lean close to focus on the transition. “how the hell did they do this?”

For some reason, everything else around the star seems unaffected by its transition, which should have experienced major changes.

“magic,” Sans suggested with great cheek.

Red laughed and grinned at him. “yeah, it’s pretty magical,” he agreed while looking back at the star.

More stars seemed more visible when he focused on them, and when he tried searching for planets near the blue star, he noticed a small blinking dot next to it.

“is that another star next to it?” Both of them look like they were very slowly circling each other like twin stars, except the blue one seemed more visible.

Sans leaned against him. “mhm, looks like it,” he agreed. “that one’s my favourite.”

Red blinked and then glanced at the skeleton. He wasn’t looking at the star, but at Red. “why?”

How could Sans already have a favourite when they’d only discovered this house secret?

An elbow nudged at Red’s side. “you can tell it’s a pretty cool star.”

Red whipped his head back and squinted at the blinking light.

A red star – they were cooler than blue stars. Red stared at it, and somehow seeing the two stars together made him feel elated.

“it’s a red star,” he murmured.

Sans chuckled warmly. “like you.”

It took Red only a second to understand what Sans had just implied.

Fuck. Magic flared across the room, echoing in the mist he’d spread. Red stared determinedly at the red star next to the blinking blue-to-white star. He could feel his magic threatening to overtake his skull. Only Sans, who had a not-so-secret adoration for astronomy and physics, would call him a red star.

“then that blue and white star has to be you,” he blurted out mindlessly, attempting to cover up his flustered helplessness, and instead mangling his attempt, “because you’re right next to me.”

“so it’s like a map of where we are, huh?”

Red had never thought he’d ever be so discombobulated in his entire skeleton life. “it’s, that is, uh – y-yeah, that. a map. a star map – an astrograph.”

“that must mean you’re my favourite.” Sans struck Red right in the soul and left him gasping for words. “right, red?”

Red’s magic quickly spread from his skull down to his tarsals. Because Sans had said that the blue star, the white dwarf, should be his and he didn’t know if Sans wanted him to misunderstand everything when they hadn’t even known there was a star map in this room.

“i, ah. uh,” Red struggled to string a coherent sentence together and had to admit his defeat. “yeah,” he meekly accepted.

Sans chuckled beside him. “what about me?”

“yeah, you’re mine,” Red dutifully replied.

And then he paused, and then Sans paused. Red flushed bright in the darkness. No, fuck, he hadn’t meant to say that and now Sans would think he was an idiot!

“you’re my favourite, i mean,” he corrected after a second of horror, although he knew he was already too late.

“well,” Sans murmured as he slid closer to him, “that sounds good to me, being each other’s favourites.”

Red ducked his head and hoped he wouldn’t combust from the overwhelming magic flooding him.

But when Sans rubbed his temple on Red’s shoulder, Red reflexively nuzzled back, bumping his cheekbone on his best friend’s skull and rubbing affectionately. He didn’t even think about how weird it should be for best friends to act this way, but Sans didn’t stop him. Sans even moved closer, until there was barely a gap between them, and then Red found himself an armful of a nice pile of bones that occasionally let out a rumbling agreement to his muttered complaints about stupid humans that were in his way to victory.

On his third pause on a story, a pretty, soft sigh came from Sans, who stayed in his arms and hadn’t left even when Red shifted him around for comfort. His arms hung lazily around Red’s shoulder like a loose scarf, head tucked right next to his temple, tilted over so Red could see colours splashed across the bones of his neck.

“you should touch me more often,” Sans whispered in the deepest, huskiest sleepy voice that Red had ever heard him use – and the words his best friend uttered had his mind going to dirty places. “you give good hugs, red, and – mmm,” Sans moaned, and then Red's soul must have cracked from intense pressure when Sans fully pressed up against him, breathing out a shaky, “y’feel so nice.”

Red clutched him tightly and released an inaudible whimper. Sans’ magic sang of only pure intentions of pleasant happiness and contentment, not even a drop of lust. All his pretty noises came from a simple hug. A friendly hug – because Red restrained every bit of his dirtier thoughts.

He wouldn’t survive any more of this. He was going to die because his best friend was like this since they had a best friend status and Sans had somehow lost his restrictions and—

The other skeleton hummed and rubbed his cheekbone at Red’s neck.

—fuck.

Sans would be the death of him.

—

After Sans’ suggestion to be touched more, Red released all thoughts on whatever the hell boundaries meant from the dictionary. With Sans being even more affectionate in touch and action, Red’s mind circled around him again and again and again and wondered where the hell Sans learned how to be this type of best friend.

Somehow, he lived to the next day of Sans embracing him.

However, at night, inside a tent he’d set up at the forest near the house, he had hot dreams of Sans sitting above him, bones smooth and pristine, breathing shakily at every grind of Red’s hips. Red hadn’t even taken off his clothes in the dream before Sans had spilled all over him with a cry of pleasure, and then Red woke up panting, eyelights wildly searching the tent. He found no Sans, no moaning skeleton, no other monster but himself.

Then he had sighed in relief when he remembered that he wanted to camp out with the others in their magic, soundproof tent at the forest. Right under the stars.

Sans hadn’t been in the same tent, because they had four and it was more fun that way.

So, yes, Red had folded. He finally gave in. He’d touched himself to the dream of Sans taking pleasure from him.

He'd cursed up a storm, dealt with his dream problem, and then fell asleep to another dream of Sans. And, in that dream, Sans had done unspeakable acts that would make any decent monster blush.

Red hadn’t had any peaceful sleep, so he extended their camping vacation and used the excuse of the pretty stars above them. His reason had been simple: get rid of the dreams through frequent exposure. Of course, he hadn’t told anyone about the dirty dreams starring Sans. He had waxed poetry about the sky being so wide and pretty and spacey and made so many space puns that they had to take his word for it.

The other skeletons agreed to his extension. Edge had agreed with his nonsense, Papyrus had waxed even more poetry about how the stars couldn’t be compared to mere crystals from the Underground, and Sans had simply went along with whatever they wanted.

Then, on a night when he had his normal dreams back, he’d woken up to Sans curled up next to him in his own sleeping bag.

Red figured that his dreams were a result of Sans’ absence and less so of his presence, because waking up to see Sans’ dozing face beside him poured warmth in every corner of his hollow spaces.

“hey, there, sleepyhead,” Red greeted upon seeing Sans slowly waking up. “how’s my little tent invader doing? did you have a good sleep?”

Sans’ eyelights looked blurry as they formed in dark eye sockets. “mmm, red, wha…” his buddy mumbled and reached over, patting his arm. “wha… when…? huh?” Sans’ clicking blinks were fast. “how… how did you…?”

“hey,” Red tried again.

Sans stared at him, glanced around deliberately, and then a sweat of magic dripped from his skull. “oh. did… did i take a shortcut to your tent?”

Well, that explained why his magical locks had been left untouched.

Red cleared his nonexistent throat. “well?”

A rare, flustered skeleton rattled in the other sleeping bag in the tent. Sans propped himself up on one arm and the big gap of the neckline of his shirt revealed the very bones that Red had been biting in his dreams.

His soul started pouring magic below in reflex, which he stopped through sheer force of will.

“had a weird dream,” his best friend mumbled, and then Red became flustered, because his dreams had been less weird and more hot lately—

“what was it about?” he blurted.

Sans tilted his skull back, eye sockets closed, and Red had a hard time concentrating on his face when the movement exposed more smooth bones for Red to feast his eyes on.

“i think i was missing you in the dream,” Sans finally answered, as if he’d replayed the dream. Red failed to control the magic eating up his skull. “i tried to shortcut to you, so, uh, that’s most likely why i’ve badly invaded your privacy.” Sans offered up a regretful look. “i’m sorry i ruined your sleep –”

“nothing’s ruined,” Red hastily cut him off. Sans looked taken aback. “nothing’s ruined,” Red repeated more calmly, “you can visit any time. i always make space beside my bed for you –” because he’d gotten used to sleeping near Sans that he barely even felt Sans taking a shortcut inside his tent “– and that means it’s your spot.”

Sans’ resulting smile looked teasing, and Red had to recall exactly what he’d said. “your bed, huh? I guess you’re giving me an open invitation.”

Red made a noise that expressed his embarrassment at his mindless wording at early-o’clock in the morning.

And then Sans started zipping up their sleeping bag together, while Red watched with both excitement and horror, because he’d brought this upon himself.

“there.” Sans patted the sleeping bags, looking obviously pleased with his work. “now we can sleep again.”

Red found himself crawling on his side of the sleeping bag without his express will, because Sans looked at him like he was excited for his first sleepover in a tent. Red couldn’t disappoint him even for a second.

Sans went in after him, tucked in the thick cover, still wearing a big shirt and his sleep shorts and his cute mismatched socks. Red couldn’t stop himself from dragging him closer, wrapping his arms around Sans, and basking in the contentment that his best friend exuded from his very core.

—

Red has a new twin brother. A favourite brother. An older one—someone who likes to spend time with him, someone who cares for him, someone who claps when he starts walking. It's embarrassing, but he enjoys the attention and the care.

His new twin is so soft that Red will kill anyone who harms him.

The first time they met, Red was but a small baby, and Sansel, his brother, had soothed him down with magic until he stopped crying. So Red had dubbed his new brother, a genius who kept feeding him magic when no one was looking. How else was it possible for a human mage baby to know exactly what to do?

His twin grew up to be playful, a natural prankster like Red. But unlike Red, Sansel seems more forgiving. Sweeter. Soft-hearted. There are a lot of things that could make him vulnerable. His brother’s weird decisions made him go crazy until they started learning to talk to each other—then, they became closer. Sansel doesn't hide the important things from him, so Red is happy to play mastermind or accomplice whenever they need it.

Sans starts hitting the library at a young age and reads him books on a variety of topics. Their favourite thing to do is plan pranks together—and making strategic plans to confuse the masses in regards to seers, prophets, and oracles. Their schemes extend from executing simple pranks to amassing wealth from businesses. They're lauded as the best twins known in their kingdom.

Honestly, the amount of twins in the kingdom were vast—he and Sansel aren't the only ones who could "save the world from a terrible fate" or "destroy a hidden threat that could bring the fall of the world" or "become light and dark to bring destruction"...

He wants Sansel to be happy. He will not be the cause of Sans' pain. He'll destroy anyone who wants him to do so.

—

"why are you pulling away? did i do something wrong?" weepy, pleading sans strikes hard and fast into red's soul. a critical strike.

red's boss monster self flusters over the single soul under his wing and tries very hard to give him freedom but—he wants so much of sans' time and attention and he wants to hold him close and keep him company for as long as he lived in this world and he's going crazy at the strange urge to follow sans everywhere.

"no, you're fine." red decides to give sans space. he wants to be a good boss monster. he doesn’t want to suffocate sans with his stupid hovering.

"but you're avoiding me," is sans' watery complaint.

strike two, and red feels his sins crawling down his back. "n...no?" red attempts, and is met with sans' pitiful teary face.

"you've been staying at the frontlines without coming home, red," his twin says to him, and then adds a soft and powerful, "i missed you so much."

strike three. red considers escaping into the woodlands to be forever one with the trees. red's unholy boss monster self is gleeful that sans misses him, wants to hold the soul close and care for sans. "i, uh, missed you. too."

"so you'll tell me what i did wrong, right?" is sans' hopeful question, and red panics because he can’t exactly tell some fantasy-based sibling from another world that he was a monster in a previous life. that he wants to obsess over every single cute and adorable thing that sans does in everything. anything. he can’t say it!

"i can't," red chokes out. "sorry, i can't. a-ask something else. for anything else. i-i-i'll give you that, okay? just. i can't answer. because you didn't do anything wrong."

sans becomes quiet. "so i did nothing wrong?"

"no, you're all good," red rushes to say, appeasing. "very good. great, even." the best and sweetest soul under red's care. which he has to tighten since his apparent absence caused sans to become anxious.

sans looks up. "but there's a problem you're not telling me. and that's why you're pulling away."

red starts sweating. right. the cute soul under his care was too sharp. "uh, yeah, that, um—"

"tell me that one?" sans pleads, all soft and warm and dangerously present.

red stammers, "no!" and sans wilts before him. red's boss monster self encounters its first crisis in the form of a dejected sans. "i'll just spend more time with you!" he blurts.

"red," sans calls out, and red pays great attention, "when was the last time we fought?"

a trick question! "uh, never—?"

"the answer is today."

some time later, when all parties are exhausted from dodging and attacking and no one was actually hit – didn't dare land a hit – sans has won. red didn't let him win. sans just had too many scary tricks up his sleeve to wear him down and—sans' cuteness won out.

sans stares him down. "you're going to tell me exactly what's wrong, or we'll have another showdown, and i will beat you up until you spit it out."

"what the hell have they been feeding you at home?!" red asks because he can’t slip out like the usual.

"magic," sans tells him. "which means i'm stronger again."

"none of your hits landed!" comes red's worried and hysterical response. "you kept dodging instead of attacking—"

"yes," sans interrupts, "but that's because i love you."

silence. red's thoughts take a vacation. sans just keeps up the heavy pressure.

"it's all or nothing," red finally says. the soul under his wing loves him – loves him enough not to damage him, to give him time to dodge, to exhaust him and entrap him even if he knows that sans can do lethal damage when needed. it stings in the most beautiful way. a dangerous way.

"like what?"

"i don't know," red plaintively answers. his pitiful gaze makes sans lighten up the pressure, but he still can't escape. "like, an oath or something? i want to – stars, i want to tell you, but... but, i can't exactly. it's too much, and i don't—" red remembers something from his magic book "—a permanent promise!"

"a permanent thing?" sans pauses and wear on his thinking face. moments later, his expression softens. "huh. wait, i have a better idea."

red is dragged into a magical tent, courtesy of his visiting twin. privacy secured, sans then tells him the better idea.

"soul bond," sans tells him, looking all innocent while full of ulterior motives and scary agendas. likely because he wants to dig deep into red's secrets, he went from a simple oath bond to the most permanent deepest bond in the world. "let's do a soul bond. that's the strongest bond we know."

red is left speechless.

"is that 'all or nothing' enough for you?" is the deep question that speaks of mutiny if red ever denies it.

"you want a soul bond with me?" red almost tears up in happiness. soul bonds in this world were considered the highest form of any connection—friends, comrades, family, or lovers. it depends on the potential soul connection between two parties, but red knows he and sans have a strong bond.

sans looks at him with all the affection in the world. "yes, red. you're that important to me, okay? i love you, i care for you, and no one else will make me change my mind from offering this bond with you."

red fails to mask a weepy whine, but he does give in to embrace sans before he can change his mind. the soul who cares for him hugs back, and red's certain he'll accept the offer.

everyone in the continent talks of how much sans cares for red or of how much red cares for sans. they're famous in other kingdoms for their combined pranks. in some rumours, sans should have resented him for being weak, and red should have resented sans for taking all the glory, but it's different. sans showed his care of red from the very beginning and red had been helpless to it, hungry for the free affection given to him by his most closest person in this stupid world. sans even secretly shared his magic, feeding red so much that red found a way to become powerful in his own way.

———

Just Once Plot

Sans pines for Red, who is casual with intimate connections. Toriel, who knows that Sans has a crush on some mystery guy, tells Red of the secret. Now Red gets it in his skull to figure it out so his buddy can get laid and get over it.

However, Sans is a lockbox of secrets and won't tell him.

Since Red has no clue who it is, he offers up his body for intimate support in hopes that Sans will get his mystery crush out of his system. Maybe Sans can pretend he's the mystery crush so he can finally move on from years of yearning.

Sans turns him down so hard that Red can still see stars.

Unfortunately, the offering starts hellish nights for Red, who seems to have unlocked some kind of sleeping sex demon within Sans. Because he can damn well hear his unconscious best friend moaning for his mystery crush at the other side of the bedroom! And it never ends with just one round. It keeps going. Red can’t even tell his best friend, or he might send his buddy packing back to the Underground!

Sleep-deprived with a mix of hot and bothered, Red decides to keep asking. Maybe it'll help Sans stop the nightly porn audio and the magic singing sin at him. Maybe he'll finally keep his eye sockets shut if he gets used to Sans' intimate magic. Maybe he can finally sleep without getting hot dreams.

Then, finally, Sans thinks maybe he should do it. So he allows it once, hoping exposure would help him lighten the emotions. Red is, at this point, wholly appreciative and thanking every deity in the world that his best friend finally regained his senses.

It doesn't work... for either of them. Sans still loves Red, and Red has tasted exactly what it would be like to be lovingly touched by Sans.

Greedy for more, Red plans many, many ways to make him get over his mystery crush. He wants to steal Sans away. He wants Sans all for himself.

Sans just thinks Red is super horny.

(It never ends with 'just once.')

———

Edge grabbed the tallest glass from the tray and started drinking it like it was water. Unable to help himself, Red stared at him with wide sockets.

“dude, you just drank the strongest—”

“IT’S PATHETIC OF YOU TO ACT LIKE YOU DON’T WANT A SOULMATE,” his brother snapped kas he placed his empty glass on their tray. Red scowled back. “I HAD TO DRINK AWAY YOUR PROBLEMS. YOU’RE WELCOME.”

“i really don’t want one!” he firmly asserted, grabbing a shot. He swallowed down strange blue alcohol and hummed. “you want to be romantic and shit about soulmates, but i think they’re too much… everything.”

“SOULMATES CAN BE PLATONIC!” Edge glared at him like he’d committed the worst criminal offense on the Surface. A second later, his brother’s expression fell and he became quiet.

Red nodded in acknowledgement. “yeah, some of them are,” he agreed, raising his glass. “but most soulmates aren’t platonic, so i bet a quarter of my burger that mine’s a fucking romantic.”

Edge made a face at him. “WHAT EXACTLY DOES YOUR MARK SAY?”

“it says, ‘oh, okay,’” recited the shorter skeleton. Funnily enough, Red had grown to have the same handwriting as his soulmate. Back when he had good dreams about soulmates, he found out that his soulmate had the handwriting of a funny font and started copying it.

The glare returned with a vengeance. “SO WHAT YOU’RE SAYING IS… YOU’RE THE BASTARD WHO WILL TELL YOUR SOULMATE THAT YOU DON’T WANT THEM,” his brother hissed, and then the red eyelights flared in his sockets. Red shrunk in his seat, sweating. “THEN THEY’LL JUST ACCEPT IT?”

“uh,” he mumbled, “yeah?”

“YOU!” Edge pointed at him with a shaking hand, as if ten seconds away from strangling Red. Then, a few seconds as Red eyed him warily, Edge palmed his face and sighed. “THIS… WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?”

Red shrugged and toyed with his empty shot glass, unwilling to reveal exactly why he didn’t want his soulmate.

He… already had someone he wanted.

“CAN’T YOU JUST GET TO KNOW THEM?” his brother suggested.

“no!” Red blurted, leaning back on his seat.

“WHY?!” his brother spat. Red scowled, but still answered.

“just… because!”

Who knew what kind of weird magnetism soulmates had on each other? Just seeing soulmates being touchy-feely made him nervous. He had feelings for someone, but it might spell disaster if he ever met his soulmate. What if they took him away from the person he loved?!

“THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER!”

“just—” Red cut himself off and growled, “no, i don’t wanna get to know ‘em. i'll just tell them to never show their face to me.”

Edge’s horrified expression grew. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING?!” his brother whisper-shouted. “ARE YOU CRAZY? THAT’S… THAT IS JUST SO WRONG!”

“it’s not.”

Soulmates didn’t have to stay together. Red saw it happen to monsters and humans whenever they met each other.

His brother took another tall glass, emptied it of some kind of yellow liquid, and then shuddered. “THIS WILL BITE YOU IN THE ASS.”

“good thing i’m a skeleton, huh?” he gloated, “no ass for anyone to bite.” Unless he made one, which he wouldn’t do under any sort of threat.

“A SPINELESS ONE!” his brother snapped. “AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN NOT WANTING A SOULMATE – JUST TELL THEM YOU DON’T WANT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!”

Red would agree, but he wanted a romantic relationship – just not with the mystery person behind the words on his bones.

“that won’t get the message across,” he said instead. “i want to make it super clear.”

“UGH,” groaned his brother. “YOU’RE THE WORST.”

Then his brother stole all the drinks from the tray, leaving Red with a single shot of something blue.

——

He took a task, finished the task, and then submitted the task – he did it all on one day. Red made sure to give an extra bite when it came to giving them absolute hell. He might have even dragged things a little bit longer, just to impress upon them the wrath of a pissed off skeleton monster. It might have had something to do with unrepentant idiots.

Afterwards, he went home, took a shower, got dressed in his usual disguise of, well, everything black and a mask. Then, he took multiple shortcuts to find music.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to step into many shortcuts for that long. The third shortcut took him to the place that he lovingly called an open studio, and there he found his music.

He heard the beautiful sound of music through the air before he could even mumble his greeting. Airy softness, a deep bass in the background, flutes and strings singing sweetly. To Red, it sounded like a fantasy type of music, the kind he’d hear in fancy movies that probably cost half an island.

However, just as he was about to announce his presence, he froze. Instincts heightening for a frantic moment, he quickly ducked.

A blur of something white and sparkly flew above his hooded head, striking the wall behind him.

Red turned around to check, and then his sockets widened. A white card attack had pierced the solid concrete wall. If he had been any slower, and if there had been intent to harm from the card, he could have died.

A cold sweat of magic gathered on his skull.

Well… Never let it be said that his crush wouldn’t be able to fight someone. He’s tied with them several times whenever they sparred, but he knew they held back their power.

He turned his gaze towards the middle of the studio, where another figure sat in front of a glowing grand piano. They wore a dark and starry double-breasted coat and vest attire with fancy tailcoats, their neck covered with a hooded cowl with a similar cloth. Their suit pants had the same design, and their fancy slip-on shoes were the same. The only accents of their whole apparel came from the bright stars and the silver buttons and chains.

Musical notes made of glowing magic drifted upward in the air, fading into twinkles of magic that rained back down onto the grand piano.

Mindful of the weapons surrounding them, he carefully approached. They were still pressing chords and several notes on the piano, and their pretty music did weird things to Red’s soul. They used the higher notes to make it sound lyrical, and soon more strings started playing.

The tone and flow and the sounds… it spoke to him of yearning.

“Hey,” Red grunted out. It wasn’t his voice – he didn’t dare to use his real one whenever he went out to meet them.

The instruments in the air abruptly stopped playing. The hooded figure looked up to reveal a white mask with two dark eyeholes, a music bar across its surface, and dotted notes that barely made sense to Red, who couldn’t read a music sheet even if it was slapped across his face.

Many musical instruments of magic floated around them, along with ribbons and needles and chains and cards and swords and chalices – a confetti of magic-made attacks. A medley of deadly things if someone made them angry, he guessed.

The scary magic weapons disappeared after a quick wave of their arm. With his safety ensured, Red finally relaxed.

“Hey,” they greeted back, in a voice that sounded like many people were speaking. Similar to Red, they didn’t use their true voice. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

Red stole a look at the open ceiling, where he had a full view of the starry sky, and then turned his attention back. “I forgot to make some noise,” he teased, “But you were already making them for me.”

They shrugged casually, but the slope of their shoulders looked lower than usual. “I was practicing.”

Red’s sockets narrowed behind his mask. There was only one reason for them to practice – their soulmate. The one they hadn’t met yet, and the one Red hoped to be a very not-romantic other half. Red dreaded the moment their soulmate met them. He wouldn’t have a chance if they were romantic, because musicians from this world had hearts soft enough to be squished.

“How was the task?” they interrupted his train of thought.

Reminded of the assholes who had trapped monsters and humans in a creepy hideout, Red scowled. “You wouldn’t believe the audacity of these assholes…!”

He started from the beginning, explaining how he came to the townhouse by tracking the humans, scouted the place, and discovered their secret lair someplace else. A basement full of illegal goods, with shackled ‘goods’ that were living creatures, and several other things that caused nightmares. He had to clean up his mess after causing bloodshed. Luckily, he'd learned cleaning techniques from The Judge, who liked to learn a lot of weird things.

“Sounds like a mess,” they chuckled, but there was no humour in their voice. Red stepped closer to lean his hipbone on the grand piano. “So, I’ve seen your message. I felt the movements you’ve made in the other ports. Have you seen mine?”

“What, no, wait –” Red quickly swiped his magic across him, the screen flickering into existence.

[The World issues a task. It has discovered… read more.

The Executioner has accepted the task (1/1).

An attempt to accept the task was made.]

Red snorted at the recollection, grinning under his mask as he scrolled away on his menu.

[The Judge: How?

The Executioner: I’ve been staring for ages! I started this afternoon.

The Judge: It’s midnight. You were staring down The World for THAT long?

The Executioner: If it works…]

Red had been so bored out of his mind, unable to sleep, unable to make up excuses to meet with The Judge, unable to settle into the newness of everything. The first new task he saw on the blank screen, he quickly accepted – if he used it as an excuse to meet up for judgement, then he could see them.

[The Executioner has finished a task (1/1).

The Executioner: Done, done, and done. Count me out, World.

The World files the completed task into the logs.]

After filing his report, he’d rushed over to whatever meeting spots he could remember, but he’d forgotten to check the last message.

[The Executioner: Where are you now? I want your judgement.

The Judge: The building that you called an open studio.]

Oh, well.

“Now I have,” Red smoothly replied, gesturing towards the other authority. “See, I found you.”

The judge started chuckling. “You’re lucky I didn’t take out your head.”

“You could take out more than my head any time,” Red purred, looming over them.

Immediately, the grand piano beside him disappeared. Red squawked as he stumbled in the air, feet swiftly finding the ground to stabilise his form. Thanking his dancer skills, he glanced up to see the apple of his eye sockets still seated on the magic stool.

“I told you, I won’t kill you,” The Judge told him with a sigh.

“Oh?” The stars on their coat moved, and Red found himself admiring their pretty clothes. He liked stars, too, just like them. But he wasn’t as obvious as them – his garb was mostly black and some gold and some reds.

“And if I did kill you –” they firmly told him, “– which I won’t—I would never dismember you.”

This was why Red was a hundred percent sure that the judge would miss their soulmate. Red hung his head low and tried not to groan. He knew they were focused on other things, but this was ridiculous!

“That’s not the kind of member I want you to focus on,” he leered.

“Your complaint has been noted,” the judge joked, and Red had to wonder if he’d joined a VIP club for easy put-downs. “I’ll tell everyone to keep your limbs attached if they plan to target you.”

“You’re my only target!” he tried for the third time.

The judge tilted their head and pocketed their hands. “Have I done something bad enough to deserve it?”

Red attempted a half-hearted, “You’re a walking sin.”

“Hey, I’ve been trying!” they protested, still seated on their conjured piano stool. Still looking so pretty. Still oblivious as always! “I used four hours of practice this time. I’m less of a sloth than usual.”

Red nearly crushed a bone in emotional distress, but stopped himself. He had to lay it thicker. Try again until their thick skull got it.

“I know what else we could do with four hours of practice,” he rumbled, voice low and suggestive. Something fun – they would be so close that a gap between them would never exist.

“Really?” They sounded doubtful. “What could else could we do with four hours of music practice?”

Red clenched his hands in the pockets of his pants. “Dance practice,” he whimpered, lowering his gaze to the ground pathetically.

“Oh, right.” They sounded so sympathetic that Red’s every attempt at flirting faded back into the background. “You’ve missed it today because of the task, right? Come on, lead me.”

Red hastily looked up to find them banishing their chair and standing up. “Really?” he squeaked, scrambling closer.

The judge laughed. “Go ahead,” they said, hand outstretched. “Practice hard, right?”

It wouldn’t be right if he didn’t take the opportunity to be close, so Red grabbed the gloved hand and pulled.

The judge stumbled over into his arms, sputtering, “Not that hard,” and then adjusting their stance so Red’s arm slid around their waist. Red basked in them being so close together, lightly feeling up the side of their waist.

“Are you going to play our music?” he mused.

“Here, let me see... Let’s start with a waltz.”

Red agreed, and then heard a violin playing at the corner of the open studio. He carefully led them in a waltz, but slowly figured something out with the way they followed his movements, the pattern so clear that Red’s emotions became a mess in the hollow of his ribs.

“You can dance?” Red asked, delighted. Here he thought he’d teach them a few moves, but they already knew a waltz.

“Just a little,” they muttered, looking down at the ground, probably observing their steps. “I, uh, thought it might be useful.”

Red was thankful that his mask hid his scowl. “For your soulmate?”

The Judge stayed silent for a moment. Red was almost sure they wouldn’t answer, but they did.

“Yes.” But there was a hint of something in their voice. Something he couldn’t quite untangle. They sounded… off. Red found himself wondering if he’d asked something too personal. “It could be anyone, so if I know a little bit of everything, then maybe… Maybe we’d find common interests.”

“Well, we also have lots of common interests.” Red sniffed and swayed closer. “We’ve got dancing, music and… uh,” Red had to think about it before it clicked. “We know the world is terrible at managing its people, so it sends us to do the dirty work.”

The judge laughed. “That’s true,” they whispered, lifting their head to look at him. “We’re best buds, huh?”

Well, there went all his damned hard work!

“We’re more than that!” Red insisted. If they weren’t already so close together, Red would have grabbed them by the shoulders to shake them.

“Super best buds?” they very obviously guessed. And they sounded happy about it, too!

“What, that’s not, I mean…”

The judge’s mask twinkled at him, the little dots sparkling like glitter. Cuteness that he couldn’t describe stared at him in expectation.

Red gazed back at them incredulously before he dropped his head on their shoulder at a turn and groaned.

“Well, what are we then?” came their stupid question.

Fine.

“Super duper pals,” Red grumbled. They won. Red didn’t know how many points they earned from being oblivious, but they won. Again.

“What an upgrade,” they chortled at him.

Red gave up. For now. He’ll let them know soon, or maybe after he chases away his soulmate. He wished The Judge was his soulmate instead – but they hadn’t actually tried talking to each other with their real voice, and Red was still wary of his identity being exposed. After all, he was The Executioner, an active participant in very much anything that needed a quick death to someone, and they were The Judge, someone that stood above even The World, because they’d mentioned accidentally convincing The World to work for them when they tried to joke about it.

The World kept track of the bad people, made tasks for them, and then filed it away like some super scary secretary with even scarier efficiency.

That’s probably why The Judge encouraged it to continue learning to gain more wisdom.

As Red danced to a few more steps of their waltz, Red managed to get his head back into shape. The person in his arms kept humming with the violin in the background, swaying gently with him as the music kept repeating. When he twirled them, they went with it, and when he took sharp steps towards the wall, they easily followed like Red’s intent was plain obvious.

It was so contrary to the obliviousness they displayed whenever Red tried to flirt at them – at them, because it bounced back in the most stupid way possible.

“Do you have some time later?” they suddenly asked.

Eager, Red blurted out, “If it’s for you, yeah!”

The Judge paused their waltz. “I’d like to ask you to help me with dancing,” they softly told him. Red could only guess it was for their soulmate again, because they’d never asked him for that kind of help before. “I’ll even pay you.”

“No need for pay.” Red tapped his feet on the ground, thinking. “So how many dances do you know?”

“Just a few,” they murmured, and then they pushed at him to continue their dance. Red stumbled around clumsily before he found his feet again. “Not enough to be an expert, but, uh, enough that I can probably pretend I can keep up?”

Red could tell from the way they moved that they were understating it. Thinking of it, if he made use of this time… maybe he could seduce them?

“You know tango?” he asked hopefully.

“No.”

“Salsa?”

“Nope.”

“But you want me to drag you around like this?”

Red sharply turned and they smoothly followed. Stunned, he glanced down at their feet. His staring was so obvious that they laughed at him.

“I told you I knew a little,” they teased.

Flustered, Red stammered. “Right, you told me, but, uh, how…?”

The starscape of their clothes lit up until it was all pure white. Red was momentarily blinded.

The Judge shrugged and pulled away, so Red, reluctantly, let them go. “I can dance a little after I joined a talent club.”

“What?” he gasped. Had they considered him when they needed dance lessons at all? Did that mean that they danced with someone else before him, or…? “Wait, did you join a club for your soulmate?”

They went quiet again, and this time Red saw the visible dimming of their clothes from white to a pale grey.

Fuck.

Red cleared his nonexistent throat. “I mean, that’s not a bad idea. You’ll, uh, learn a lot of things from clubs, right?”

“…Right?” they piped up after a moment. Red flinched at the hopeful lilt in their voice. “I mean, this might help.”

A talent club to learn different skills… like music, maybe? The one thing The Judge could understand. Huh. Why hadn’t he thought of it until now?

Red nodded. “Yeah, it might help.”

With a sigh, Sans pockets the brochures into his inventory. There’s something hilariously painful about the way Red encourages him to get together with someone else. It’s piercing the soul inside him, as if Red’s hands, ones that like to be possessive, has given him away.

Is their friendship not enough? Sans knows that investing in a relationship will take time—if he dates someone, he’ll lose his precious time with Red.

No. What if Red understands? What if he… doesn’t want to keep Sans close anymore? What if – what if Red thinks it’s better to let him go, because he has a stupid fake crush on Grillby?

Sans clicks his teeth shut. He narrows his sockets and refuses to let his mind wander further. He grabs a big pillow from his bed, then walks over to Red’s side of the room. He snatches Red’s pillow from the black bed and buries the big one underneath the messy blankets, adjusting it until it looks like someone’s sleeping underneath.

Afterwards, he hides the other pillow inside Red’s old jacket, shoving it beside the other pillow. He completes his masterpiece with a piece of Red’s ugliest sock on the blanket.

Then, thinking more about it, he adds a trail of mismatched socks from the doorway to the bed.

He checks his work, surveying the room, and then takes his leave for work.

—

Red comes after him some hours later, looking haggard and exasperated. “okay, i get it.”

Sans lifts his head. “really?”

Red gives him a serious look. “yeah, prank duel at noon. give it your best shot in front of the saloon.”

Deliberately, Sans lowers his crossword puzzle book to the table. Then, with slow and exaggerated movements, he removes the remote he’s taped from underneath the sandalwood and brandishes it like a cutlass.

Red’s expression abruptly turns comically fearful.

“no.” The gasp shouldn’t be funny, but to Sans, who finally has control of the situation, it’s the funniest thing in the world.

“i have everything red-y in advance in case you wanted to play stupid.” Sans offers his most serious expression. Red shivers and leans back with a mumbled word. “are you going to play stupid?” he drops his voice low.

“okay, okay!” Hands raised, Red backs away from him. Sans threatens to push a button and the other skeleton squeaks, “no need to be that kinda prank war!”

Sans lightly presses the tip of his thumb on a button. Red goes on his knees and stares at him, sweating magic.

“no more dating suggestions on my bed.”

“no more dating suggestions on your bed,” Red repeats, all polite-sounding and demure, and then he whines, “but the thing you did with my bed was absolutely dirty!”

“that’s why they call it revenge,” Sans casually says, crossing his leg over the other. He swings his fluffy-clad foot forward, and Red follows the movement, still sweating. “and that’s why i made contingency plans, in case another master prankster thinks to escalate.”

Red shudders visibly. “the thing you’re holding is a nuclear level kind of prank!” his best friend protests, and when Sans toys with a specific button, Red recoils with an almost-shriek of, “who the hell escalates petty pranks to god-tier terrorism?!”

“me, which is why i went for it,” says Sans, “so i can squash the rebellion early.”

“this isn’t like you,” Red whimpers, and Sans thinks that this is very much like him. Why would he waste time if he can attack all at once in one sitting? Earning victory should always be this easy. “at least gimme a chance to do something small.”

Sans quirks his teeth at him. He swears he’s trying not to look threatening, but Red’s shivering becomes obvious even to him. “your last small prank made me lose ten hours of sleep since i had to clean it up while you were away.”

Completely cowed, Red lowers his skull, muttering excuses under his breath. Sans observes him, notes down his movements and expressions, and then decides to back off. It looks like Sans has gotten through him this time.

“i'll let you dye my white shirt,” Sans allows the other prankster. Otherwise, he’ll encounter a similar situation like this, except he’ll be the one on his knees, trying to prevent Red from going to war against him. It’s best to reward Red now than later, just in case Red gets the bright idea to fight with all his might.

Red stands on his feet and darts to Sans’ dresser, grabbing the whitest, newest shirt he has. It’s still in a plastic package with three others, which Sans conveniently ignores when Red also nabs them.

“i'll get you the best vomit colour in the world,” Red brags, as if he’s smug about his plans and as if Sans hasn’t seen him make white socks disappear from view.

Sans taps the remote on the table. Red’s confidence flies out the window faster than an underwear thief. He looks at Sans as if he’s the incarnation of evil itself.

“w-what?”

“pink,” Sans suggests.

Red scowls. “no way. i get colour rights for them!”

“no, for the socks.”

Sweat gathers on Red’s skull as his eyelights dart around the room. “what, uh, socks?”

“right?” Sans smiles at him and pockets the remote. Red follows it with a sigh, shoulders slumping down. “just musing out loud.”

–

On the next day, he finds all his white socks gone, dyed into the ugliest garbled mix of pinkish red hues like a tie-dye shirt. His four white shirts have turned out better – they’re almost like camouflage shirts instead of a vomit-inducing colour spectrum.

He falls in love with his newly dyed clothing, because his stupid, ridiculous soul acknowledges that Red went through such great lengths to make it for him – to ruin it for him.

Unfortunately for Red, this won’t upset him at all. Sans’ soulful love for him extends to ridiculous pranks like this.

So, he wears the ugliest pairs of socks and the least handsome vomit shirt. Then, he slips on his fluffy white slippers, yawning as he shuffles over to where Red’s napping on his side of the room, on the black bed.

Sans lifts the blanket, causing Red to turn over with a grumbled protest. He slips in three whoopie cushions behind Red and returns the blankets over the other skeleton, tucking him in.

He stops himself just in time from leaning down to place a goodnight kiss on Red’s forehead.

Sans hurriedly pads away from his best friend, grabbing his jacket on the way out.

Maybe Grillby’s will distract him.

———