☕️🎀☕️🎀

 A couple weeks had past since you made up

You had a hangout and stuff nothing more. 

But you had also developed feelings for him, you didn't want to say anything as you didn't want to ruin the friendship you had just fixed. 

Shane was also too busy, 

He was being nominated for awards left and right 

Going to parties and performing everywhere, at festivals, award shows and other things 

You didn't want to disturb his flow by admitting you liked him. 

Instead you supported him on the sidelines, 

Liking and commenting on his tiktoks and instagram posts

Reposting things and swallowing your feelings 

You’d facetime with him and would think about telling him but everytime you stop because he would start talking about an event he has and girls he was going on dates with. 

The date thing hurt, you wanted him but couldn't have him. 

But you couldn't ruin it for him, he also never said he was in a relationship so there was time. 

You thought about him daily all the time, it hurt how much you thought about him. 

As days when you were starting to get hope, you were inching closer and closer to telling him. 

Before it was too late. 

It was the day of one of his events. 

You went on your phone, it was 12 am ish.

You saw that a tea page had posted him, probably just some paparazzi pics of his out- 

Oh no, 

Oh no,

Oh no, 

no,no,no,no,no 

He was holding another girls hand, 

They were close, too close, 

why, why ,why 

As you scrolled through more tea pages 

You found more. 

A photo of him from the seems, 

Making out with her? 

His hands were all over her,

The same way he had his hands over you during the hook up,

There was more. 

Him holding her waist as she sat on his lap, 

The girl kissed his cheek. 

Shane had a girlfriend.

The sky is green, the grass is red and

You mean all those words you said

I'm sure that girl is really your friend

The girl was prettier than her,

Taller, 

Longer hair, 

Black hair, 

Curly hair too, 

Prettier eyes more clearer then yours,

More tits,

More body, 

She was hotter,

She looked older,

Not like you at all. 

you thought he wanted you,

He said he liked you.

I mean you literally fucked him, 

You kissed, 

You saw each other naked,

something you never let anyone see,

you had never let anyone see you naked

not even your exes

just him, he saw you.

He said you were beautiful,

He stared at you in awe,

He looked at you like a rare jewel

something rare

something precious

something so delicate.

you let him roam his hands around your naked body

you let him touch

you let him kiss you

He praised you like crazy when you had sex that night, 

You praised him.

You let him in

And now you got me thinking

Two plus two equals five

And I'm the love of your life.

You stared at the photos,

You felt heartbroken,

You loved him. 

And now he could be totally hooking up with her,

Doing what you did that night drunk. 

They could be together. 

Anger filled you 

You were mad

Not because he fell in love,

But because he made you think he was in love. 

You were going to text him but you didn’t have the heart.

Problems are all solvable

'Cause loving him is loving every

Argument he held over your head. 

There was nothing you could do without sparking a another fucking argument 

So you shut up and wipe your tears.

It's stupid.

You're crying over your childhood best friend having a girlfriend.

stupid,

stupid,

stupid,

stupid,

Stupid. 

Oh, logical, logical

Love is never logical

I know I could've stopped it all

God, why didn't I stop it all?

you had no chance

A whole month has gone by since the hook-up, it's now September, fall is starting. You have been very depressed for the past month, you miss him. But again you made promise to yourself, 

to distance yourself 

And to not contact him.

But that promise is hard to keep, especially since you didn't say goodbye. You were hibernating in your friend’s apartment, crying, eating ice cream and sleeping. 

It hurts to be something but 

It’s worse to be nothing, with you. 

You constantly think that you could have done something different, 

Maybe you should have not looked around 

Maybe you should have not looked at him

Maybe you should have walk another direction instead of speaking 

Maybe you should have said no to the drink and not gotten drunk with him

Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to his car,

And flirted 

Maybe you should have gone home with him

Maybe you shouldn't have come to LA at all 

You try not to think about him.

But everything reminds you of him anyway.

A song on the radio

His songs when they play on the radio

A tall silhouette in a crowded street that makes your heart stutter before your mind catches up.

A notification that isn’t him,and still disappoints you.

And every time, you repeat the promise in your head like it’s a rule you’re trying not to break.

Don’t call him. Don’t go back. Don’t reopen something you already closed. But what you don’t say out loud is the part that hurts the most. You didn’t just leave a room that night.

You left without saying goodbye. 

And that sits in your chest like a bruise that never really fades. 

Because anger is easier than admitting what comes underneath it.

Resentment is easier than missing someone who still knows you better than anyone else.

But today you decided to leave your friend's apartment and take a walk. 

You walk down Melrose ave

Oh no 

No, no, no, no ,no 

You see a boy that look just like him standing on Melrose Ave, 

Tall, dark hair, skinny, and 

Gosh, 

He looks just like him 

Your heart aches

Your eyes well up

Your cheeks are red 

You feel the tears streaming down your cheek,

You ran away from melrose

Went back to the apartment, 

Went to your room

And called him

At exactly, 

12 am. 

You knew he was awake

He falls asleep at 4 am usually 

You broke the promise

You shouldn’t have, you wouldn’t have 

If it werent for that boy on melrose.

He picks up

You say his name through the tears 

“Shane.” you sniffle, desperate.

“y/n… what's wrong.”  he says concerned through the phone 

And that’s all it takes for you to break again.

You press the phone closer to your ear, like it’ll somehow make him closer too.

“I—” your voice cracks. You swallow hard. “I saw someone today.”

A pause.

“…what?”

You shake your head even though he can’t see you.

“On Melrose,” you whisper. “He looked just like you.”

Silence.

Not empty. Just heavy.

Like he’s waiting for you to explain what that means.

Your breath shakes.

“Hey, okay. Slow down. Talk to me.”

But you can’t slow down. Not now.

“I made this whole promise,” you say, laughing weakly through tears. 

“That I wouldn’t call you. That I wouldn’t, that I wouldn’t ruin it more than I already did.”

A shaky inhale.

“But I saw him and it felt like everything I was trying to forget just came back at once.”

There’s a long pause on the line.

“You broke it,” he says quietly.

Not angry.

Just… aware.

And that hurts more.

“I know,” you whisper immediately.

 “I know I did.”

Your voice drops even softer.

“I can't go another day without you.” you say desperate

“I need you Shane, I need you” 

He sounds in disbelief at your comment

“you need me?”

“Yes I need you, your my best friend and my comfort”

You say through the phone, waiting for him to respond

“I need you too.” 

You breathe in before say 

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

The words leave your mouth before you can stop them.

You both stay silent 

Not because you're both shocked.

But because you're letting yourself hear it, you really hear it. You wipe your eyes.

“I'm sorry.” he says  

A pause.

“For what?”

“For leaving, so many times” 

The confession comes out small.

“I was scared, Shane.”

You hear him exhale.

“So was I.” 

You laugh weakly through your tears.

“Yeah, but you're supposed to be the brave one.”

“Since when?”

“Since forever.”

That earns a soft laugh from him,the kind you haven't heard in weeks, The kind you've missed.

“You know,” he says, “I hated that we left things like that.”

“I know.”

“No, I really hated it.” You smile despite yourself.

“You've made that very clear.”

“Good.”

For the first time all night, the tension starts to ease, Not completely But enough. Enough to breathe again. 

A comfortable silence settles between you.

The kind that used to exist when you were kids, The kind where nobody has to fill every second with words.

“Can I ask you something?” he says.

“Depends.”

He laughs.

“Can we stop pretending we're not important to each other?”

Your heart nearly breaks.

“Yeah.” you say 

“Yeah?” he says 

Yeah.” you say 

A smile pulls at your lips.

“I'm pretty sure I've been failing at pretending for weeks anyway.”

“Same.”

You both laugh.

And somehow, for the first time since you walked out of his apartment, it feels okay.

Not perfect, Not fixed.

Just okay.

A start.

“Hey, y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time you're having a breakdown because a random guy looks like me…”

You groan immediately.

“Oh my God.”

“...just come to my house, yeah.”

A laugh escapes you.

A real one this time.

“I'll think about it.”

“Liar.”

“Maybe.”

You hear his smile through the phone.

And for the first time in what feels like forever, neither of you is saying goodbye.

You're just talking.

Like you always should have.

Maybe you this could work

You both look around the room

“Did we?” 

You look at him and he looks back. You’re both completely nude and vulnerable. Both hungover and confused 

“There no way” you say with a hint of hope 

“So, this is weird” 

“VERY weird” 

You both make eye-contact and stare at each other, you are completely naked in front of your childhood best friend, the person who saw you with only two front teeth, the same height as a coffee table and who you watched as you grew up and saw you face plant in the mcdonald’s parking lot when you were 4. 

“y/n, seriously stop staring and answer my question”

“I don't remember anything.” 

“Neither do i”  

“I remember us being close” he exhales sharply, standing up and grabbing the nearest clothes, pacing like he’s trying to outrun his own thoughts. Your stomach flips.

“How close” you rub your head from the headache. 

“…I remember kissing you,” he says softly. 

“A lot.”

It starts slowly coming back to you, 

“And you didn’t pull away,” he adds, voice quieter now, like he’s not sure if that’s a good thing. You look down at your hands, twisting the blanket between your fingers. He steps a little closer, slower this time. “Do you regret it?” That question hits harder than anything else.

 You shake your head, barely. “No.”

“Neither do I” 

He sits on the bed and ponders. 

“Then why does this feel so weird?” you ask quietly.

“We're not just two random people who woke up in the same bed.” he says,  

Your chest tightens.

.“We’re…us.” That hurts in a completely different way. Because he’s right. You look up at him, eyes glassy. 

“If we weren’t…do you think this would be easier?”

“If I had met you before, in a different way?” you ask. 

“Maybe but it's too late now, I don’t know how I feel about us hooking up last night y/n” he says seriously 

“We were drunk Shane, we had no clue what we were doing.” 

“I know but you’re my best friend, y/n” 

“Ok, that’s okay we can move on” 

You stand up and cover your top half with your shirt, he slides his pants on and he speaks. Before you can hear what he says you look down and see his length, you had forgotten how big it was,

 geez no wonder you hooked up with so easily with him while drunk

“y/n we cant move on.” he says angrily

“Why, it's nothing more than an innocent hook-up” 

“y/n nothing about you is innocent”

“How come Shane?” you say interrogating him  

“Because I like you y/n” he confess  

Silence, just silence.

“You what?” 

“I didn't lie last night when I said I had a crush on you.” 

You remember now, last night……

“Did you have a crush on me, Shane?" 

“16 year old me did, maybe me right now does too”

“Is it the alcohol talking?” 

“Yeah, but the alcohol is talking for u too” 

You stare at him 

“I can't look you the same, I have feelings, feelings you don't give a shit about” he says 

“I do.”  The words hang in the air for a second too long. Shane shakes his head, stepping back like he doesn’t believe you.

“No you don’t,” he says, voice rising. 

“Because if you did, you wouldn’t just call last night a ‘nothing hook-up.’”

“That’s not what I meant”

“It is,” he cuts in, frustrated now. 

“You’re acting like we can just erase it. Like it didn’t change anything.”

Your chest tightens.

“It was alcohol, Shane. We were drunk. We didn’t think”

“I thought,” he snaps.

That shuts you up. He drags a hand through his curls, pacing again, but not like before. This time it’s messy, emotional.

“I thought about you every time since I left, every girl I dated I'd always thought of you. I only wanted you " he admits, voice breaking just slightly. “Every interview, every tour stop, every stupid night I couldn’t sleep.”

Your throat tightens.

“That doesn’t mean-” he cuts you off

“It does to me,” he says, looking at you now. 

“It means something to me.”

You shake your head, trying to stay steady.

“And what am I supposed to do with that, Shane?”

“I don’t know. But don’t sit there and tell me it was nothing when it wasn’t nothing to me.”

Your voice wavers.

“I didn’t ask for this,” you whisper. “I didn’t ask to wake up and suddenly have everything become weird because we were stupid and drunk.”

“Neither did I,” he says immediately

. “But it already is.”

Your hands curl into the shirt you’re holding tighter.

“And now what?” you ask. 

“We just ruin everything because you have feelings you didn’t say for years?”

His expression changed, hurt flashing fast into anger again.

“Wow,” he says quietly. “So that’s what this is to you.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“It sounds like it.”

You take a shaky breath, trying to hold it together, but your voice cracks anyway

“I’m trying to protect us, Shane.”

“From what?”

“From this!” you finally raise your voice, tears spilling before you can stop them.

 “From waking up and realizing nothing makes sense anymore and I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel!” Shane stares at you, stunned into silence for a moment.

“Then tell me that,” he says.

 “Tell me you're confused. Tell me you're scared. But don't stand there and act like none of this matters.”

“I never said it didn't matter!”

“Then why are you trying so hard to get rid of it?”

“Because that's what we do!” you shout.

 “We move on! That's what we've always done!”

His eyebrows pull together.

“No, y/n. That's what we've always done instead of talking.” the words hit harder than you expect. You wipe furiously at your eyes.

“That's not fair.”

“Isn't it?”

“No!”

He lets out a frustrated laugh.

“You disappeared into your life. I disappeared into mine. Years went by and neither of us said anything.”

“You were becoming famous. You were touring, writing songs, living this huge life.

“And you think that meant I stopped caring about you?”

“I don't know what it meant!”

“What was I supposed to say?” you ask. 

“Then why didn't you ask?”

You open your mouth. Nothing comes out.

Because you don't have an answer.

Shane shakes his head.

“See?”

“Don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“Act like this is all my fault.”

“I never said it was.”

“You're making it sound like it!”

“Because every time I try to tell you how I feel, you push me away!”

Your chest tightens.

“I am not pushing you away.” he says bluntly

“You are.”

“No, I'm trying to be realistic!”

“Realistic?” he repeats. “Or afraid?”

The room goes quiet.

Your breathing catches.

‘What if I am afraid, afraid of losing you, losing this” she point him and them herself 

“Losing the memories and bond because I stupidly decided to speak to you at the party.” you sniffle and tears stream down your cheek, because you are afraid, afraid of losing him, your glue, your better half.

“Im not a big enough of an asshole to leave to, your my best friend, y/n” he says 

“But you already did shane, you left already.” 

That silence after is different. He freezes. All the anger drains out of his face.

“y/n,” he says softer now.

But you’re already crying, wiping your face fast, turning away from him.

“I can’t do this right now,” you whisper. 

Shane steps forward immediately, then stops himself like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to touch you anymore.

“Dont cry, please” he says quietly.

You shake your head, still turned away

Then softer, closer:

“I’m not asking you to fix it right now,” he says. “I just… I don't want to lose this.” You finally look at him again, eyes red.

And for a second, neither of you say anything.

Because everything between you is still there.

You get up and change, he stares at you in silence 

You walk to the door and he follows. 

“y/n” 

As you walk out the door you make a silent promise;

to distance yourself 

And to not contact him,

Honestly as you walked out that door you didn't think about 

How you didn't say goodbye. 

you got invited to a party in LA, you had  traveled with a friend for a vacation. Your friend had connections and got invited. You got ready that night in your hotel room, you put on a small flowy dress and white heels. fast forward a bit and you are at the party, you and your friends are drunk, severely drunk. You begin to look around to see who's here and if there's anyone you want to go home with and you spot Shane, he is your childhood best friend you haven't seen each other in person since after his career blew up, he looks taller, hotter, he is surrounded by his friends all chatting with a drink in their hand.  Shane looks back at you and you start walking towards him.

 “heyyyy how are you lovebug, i haven’t seen you in while” 

you look at him in his eyes 

“Hey loser yeah i’m good, how about you” 

“You still haven't grown?”

“You still haven't shrunk?” 

“What brings you to LA” 

 “oh just a small trip with some friends” 

Their conversation continued for a while and they took it to the bar. They catched up and stuff but at the same time they were getting drunker, more alcohol entered their system. By this point you are on your 10th shot and Shane is on his 12th drink, you both are really drunk, and you know what they say. Drunk people make bad decisions. They also say drunk words are sober thoughts…. 

You don't remember how you ended up walking out but  you both are walking out of the party to his car, the destination is unknown but you sit in his car and he begins to flirt, he drunkenly tells you  how pretty you are, telling you that he desires more with you. 

“Your gorgeous baby, did i ever mention that” 

 his hand traces your thigh

 you can see in his eyes the ideas flooding in his brain. you play along flirting back

 “why thank you handsome and no you never mentioned that”

 his cheeks flush. 

“Hmm, I should’ve said it sooner.” 

You stare at his face, gosh. When did he get hot? I mean he wasn't the hottest kid growing up but damn he is hot. 

“Did something catch your eye?” 

“Why are you asking?” you say nervously trying change topic 

“your staring at my face like i have something” 

“Nothing just adrim- i meaning lookin- i mean-” 

He cuts you off 

“What do you think I'm hot?” 

You face turns bright red 

“Maybe” 

“Maybe? Just maybe?

He teases her 

“Come on, really maybe?” 

"Okay you're kinda hotter then the last time i saw you but not in a i have crush on you hot just your my best friends and your hot.” 

“Best friends don't look at each other like that.” 

He winks 

“I think you're pretty, too pretty.” 

His hand rubs your thigh 

Your dress rides up from his hand movement 

Your fingers brushed accidentally, or maybe not so accidentally and neither of you pulled away

Your hands intertwined 

“You’re still the same,” he murmured.

You smiled softly. “So are you. Just…hotter.”

“Hmm i like that” he says with a smirk 

His face was close to yours and the messy curls touching your wavy hair 

He looked into your eyes as if your face had stitched into his memory.

“I wish we can catch up more, I haven't seen this face in a long time. I have only seen your texts.” 

You could smell the alcohol in his breath

“ I missed you” 

“Me too” 

He stares into your eyes 

“Can I kiss you?”

He asks drunkenly 

“Shanee were drunk” 

“And?” 

“Okay fine, but if tomorrow you remember this. It wasn't my fault.” 

But your voice softened at the end, eyes flicking to his lips before you could stop yourself

Shane leaned in slightly, hesitating just enough to give you time to pull away 

The kiss was soft and gentle 

It last long

He pulled away and smile against your lips 

“Your good kisser y/n” 

You softy chuckle 

“Hmm i wish we could do more,” 

He pulls you in again, holding your thigh from the driver seat

You make out and pull away with a loud pop. 

“I'm taking you home lovebug.” 

“Alright shaney” 

He takes her home and with just a second of stepping into his apartment he wraps his hands around your waist, kissing you deeply and passionately. You wrap your hands around his neck. The making out continues. He carries you to his bedroom, placing you on his bed. His hands explore your body, riding your white dress up. your hands rest on his back and your tongue explores his mouth. He gently tucks her hair behind her ear, tracing her jawline with his finger.

"You're so beautiful when you smile. Even more beautiful than the first time I saw you."

He take his shirt off, you stare in awe 

“Like what you see huh?” 

You nod and kiss his lip 

He takes you dress of halfway, revealing you bra 

"So pretty."

He leans down to kiss your chest.

He kisses between your breasts, his hands roaming your sides.

"You're perfect."

He unhooks the bra and takes it off, exposing your breasts fully. He cups them gently, thumbs brushing over your nipples.His thumbs on your nipples causes you to softly gasp between your lips. He pinched them slightly. He lowered his head to take one in his mouth. He switched to the other side, giving it equal attention.

"I want to hear how much you enjoy this."

His hand moves back down to your thigh. You moans and squeezes your eyes shut, He maintains eye contact

"There you are."

He swirls his tongue around your nipple.

"Keep those eyes on me, lovebug"

He smirks against your skin His hand grips your thigh firmly

"Can I take the rest of the dress off?”

“Yes” 

He slowly takes the rest of your dress off 

“Your beautiful” 

You blush 

He hooks his fingers on the waistband of your lacy underwear He slowly pulls your underwear down, you lift your hips to help him He helps you out of them, leaving you completely naked beneath him.

“Never imaged seeing you like this under me, well unless you ask a 16 year old me then he’ll say something different.” 

“Did you have a crush on me, Shane?" 

“16 year old me did, maybe me right now does too”

“Is it the alcohol talking?” 

“Yeah, but you are too” 

“Im the same sober” 

“Sober you get naked in front of her best friend?”

“You took my dress off.” 

“Fair.” He tilts his head and spreads your legs slightly. His eyes widen at the sight of your wetness, his mouth watering.

"You're already so wet for me, and I haven't even touched you there yet."

He hovers over your core.

“Maybe your the one with a crush, i think that crush is me” 

“Would it change things if I said yes?” 

“Yeah”

“So yes.”

He hums against your core,his fingers lightly brushing against your folds. He starts to circle your clit with his thumb.He flicks your clit faster, applying more pressure. You softly moan and  increase the speed of his fingers.

"such a good girl with a pretty little voice.”

He increases the speed of his fingers, you feel the pleasure wash over you. your head falls on his pillow “close-…so close”

He notices your head fall, and gets closer to your face 

" Let go lovebug I got you."

He reassures you. He watches you cum, feeling your body tremble beneath him. He slows his movements but keeps them steady, helping you ride out your orgasm.

"That's my girl. You did so well."

He kisses your neck again, softer this time. You catch his face and kiss him 

You reach your hand down and unzip his jeans, he helps you take them off. He looks at you 

“Are you sure?” 

“Very sure” 

Relief washes over his face, and he relaxes a bit.

"Good. I want you to be comfortable with me, but are you sure? This could change our friendship.”

“Im sure” you say with the alcohol leaving your breath. 

He slowly pushes his boxers down, revealing himself completely to you.

He's fully erect now, large and hard, waiting for your next move.

He is big, probably bigger than Zeus's light rod. You stare in awe. 

"Such an eager little thing. Hold onto me."

He positions himself at your entrance, teasing it with the tip. You hold onto him. He sees the slight discomfort on your face and pauses, going even slower.

"Breathe, baby. I've got you. Tell me if it hurts too much."

At this rate, everything is gone out the window. You went from catching up after not seeing each other for a while to having drunk sex. 

“it’s big” you praise 

He chuckles again, a hint of pride in his voice.

"I know. But you can take it. You're doing amazing."

He stays still, letting you adjust to his size. He thrusts shallowly, watching your every expression carefully. He picks up the pace a bit more, finding a steady rhythm. They  both fill the room with moans and praise. 

“So good” she moans 

“Geez your so tight” he says with a smirk

“Mmm i love your cock.”  she says praises him more 

“Your so pretty baby” 

“Your hot” 

“Your hotter” 

They moan more, her head falling back on the pillow.He feels your body tense and shudder, watching you climax with satisfaction. They both reach your orgasm, they both moan loudly and groan one more time before he collapses onto her chest, you both catch your breath. 

“I love lovebug” he against your skin with a smile 

“Love you more shaney.” 

The next day you wake up. You have pounding headache from being dunk last night 

You turn to your side to see Shane. In your head you say “wtf?” he eyes flicker open. He looks at you with a eyes wide 

“y/n.” 

“What?” 

“Why are we naked in my bed.” 

You look under the sheets and back up 

“Shane.” 

“y/n.” 

You both look around the room

“Did we?”