KELS

Where do I begin?

I can't be the only one who cries knowing that time is moving faster and faster as I age. Another hour, another day, another week. I try to find ways to make time stay still ... To make a day off linger on. I remember being young and wishing I could just grow up and be an adult already. Now, I wish I could go back and actually say I tried to get an A on an exam. That I enjoyed being 16 and having my life still responsibly handled by my parents. My sadness grows cause I know that as I am aging, so are my parents.

In 2019, I lost my stepdad. He was only 62. So young, so loving, an awesome father figure since I was five. Then that one phone call.. shatters everything. I've never felt a tear in my soul that big since I was 13 when I lost my grandpa. But this... Was nothing like anything. I cried for months. I never slept. I kept the picture in my head of him in the hospital. Praying and staying optimistic that there is no way this brilliant amazing man was going to be taken away. I was wrong .. I blamed myself. Over and over again. Screaming at the top of my lungs.. doubting that life was ever going to be okay. Even two years later, I can feel my heart still drop in my stomach. Time and death are quite the romantic couple together that it makes me sick. I've said this over and over again to everyone, I'm okay. But, I'm not. They say you learn to just cope with these feelings as time goes on, but why would I?