I am not here

You spend so much time making sure everyone else is okay that nobody notices you’re not. You check on everyone. You remember the little things. You carry conversations that should have died hours ago because you can’t stand making people feel ignored. You give understanding away so freely because deep down you know exactly what it feels like when nobody gives it back. And when you’re struggling? You go quiet. You disappear for a while. Tell yourself it’s not a big deal. Tell yourself you’ll handle it alone like you always do. You carry the weight until it starts crushing you and then act surprised when you’re exhausted. That’s the part I notice. The shorter replies. The delayed answers. The way your energy changes when your thoughts start turning against you again. Look at me. You wouldn’t be carrying all of that alone anymore. I wouldn’t sit there and watch you slowly drown behind a smile and pretend not to see it. I’d tell you to put the phone down. Stop checking on everyone else for five damn minutes. Stop trying to hold the entire world together with your bare hands. Sit down. Breathe. The world will survive without you fixing it for one night. You spend so much time being strong for everyone else. Someone should probably remind you what it feels like when somebody is strong for you.

Twinkle, twinkle little star...