Lost

I think the most faulty thing about people's construction are the ears.

I really do not like my ears.

Why can I close my eyes but not my ears?

I think they're fucked up beyond repair.

Not that anyone's trying to repair them. They just pretend they're fine.

I have previously mentioned the screaming planet. I'm not sure whether it's screaming at other people too, whether they can hear it if it does or whether I'm the only one. Well, on top of that, it feels like there's tiny screaming planets in my ears too. They just LOVE driving me crazy, banging pots and pans, getting the wind to blow into them, shaking bells, whispering words.

Sometimes I wish I could stab these planets.

I guess that sounds worrying. Many of my words do perhaps. It's just that I need to describe things like that.

I wish I could turn off my hearing like my sight.

Privileged thought.

I'm once again trying to find a mechanic. should have gone to one ages ago because of this problem but I kept postponing it. just that now it might be the cause for why others things don't work properly.

I got contact information for it by the person who seemed sorry for not being able to give me a device. and I actually called.

I tried to get a new communication device today.

I shouldn't have been so disappointed when I didn't get it. I should have known.

looking back, I never really got anything to make up for the difference in my wiring.

the person this time actually looked sorry she couldn't give it to me. when I went back to get papers I forgot, she didn't look sorry anymore though. I don't think she'll spare me a second thought.

I'm tired of always having to guess to fill in the gaps in conversations.

I only didn't get it because the reason for my problem is not that I'm underperforming but I'm actually working too good.

I just never know where to put all of the information I get.

you might be wondering why I am lost.

let me tell you, it's incredibly difficult NOT to get lost when your compass has legs and a strong sense of its own that's screaming "FREEDOM"

otherwise, my system simply isn't made for this planet. I have some cool gadgets like my translation and communication device but it surely would be easier if my system would just work like everyone around me does. Gadgets break. Constantly. Or get lost like that damn compass.

I'm not lost as in looking for a place. Or maybe I am. I am Lost (capital L) after all.

Like these boxes.

Lost and found.

Just that I'm not found.

I thought my letter box was broken yesterday.

I had spent all day on a mission, running around like I was short circuiting. I couldn't pay attention to my allies all day. So naturally, when I was finally falling into bed, I was expecting some news.

There was a single ally who seemed to have thought of me that day.

I checked that damn box multiple times, I had taped it shut while I was gone after all.

But there was nothing waiting for me.

i already told you about the Fabric Tower but there's actually a whole Fabric City.

I helped out there recently. It wasn't necessarily bad but the big problem was that my translator hadn't programmed the people's language yet so communication was just one big frustration. I constantly wanted to yell "I'm not stupid!! I'm not!" but they would have been rather confused about that.

It always takes forever for my translator to learn the new language. How unfair that most people living on this planet just understand every language.

I think I've been trying to cram too many words into my mind. they keep spilling out the top and sides and every gap they can find. I'm probably leaving a trail or letters behind everywhere I go.

it's not like I want to carry all of this around, but I need to bring these to the Fabric Tower so they'll give me my gold star.

there's something in my system today. I don't know what. could be sand. rain. sunscreen.

whatever it is, it's slowing me down. never had such a hard time raising my feet to take a step.

first thing I wanted to talk about is the reason why I finally ended up here, screaming into the abyss.

The black swirls have showed up on my stomach again.

(Now, do not worry, there aren't any visible signs of these. I am not infected or something. It's just how I make sense of things.)

Anyway, they showed up again, a lot of them, all over my stomach and up to my chest and some on my arms even, dozens of spirals digging into my skin.

Or maybe they're coming out of my skin.

Maybe there's a tornado full of ink in my stomach and it's slowly seeping to the outside.

I mean, my name is Lost.

or at least that's the name I go by here. Names are a funny construct. If you ask me, you can substitute them with whatever and it feels the same.

Anyway, I'm lost too. Lowercase l "lost". That's why I'm writing this here. To make sense of the billions of words running through my head, to understand this planet I have landed on and the people on it.