Soulmate: A soulmate is a person with whom you share a spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. For me you are my soulmate. I knew when I came this weekend that it would possibly be our final weekend together. Which is why I wanted you to hold me & to love me as much as you could & to kiss me as often as possible. I knew last night that I had overstayed my welcome and thatâs why I left. I also knew that you would never speak to me again. Which is why Iâm writing you one last time.
CJ, I fell in love with the possibility of spending eternity with you. I fell in love with the way we would cuddle on the couch & the way you looked at me. The eyes donât lie, and in the beginning I could see nothing but love when you looked at me. I was looking forward to sharing your space & becoming one with you. I honestly felt like you were and still are my soulmate & in losing you, I feel like Iâm losing a piece of me. I really enjoyed doing things for you, and with you, and making you feel special. I loved cooking for you, and traveling with you, and sharing our happy times with our friends. I loved walking with you and holding hands, one of my favorite things about being your gf was holding your hand. I loved it when you massaged my feet, in public & in private. And the many other small things that made our relationship special. I remember a time, when losing you was the last thing on my mind and I was so confidant that I would spend my life with you.
I smile every time that I hear someone call you superman. Because for me, you were my superman. I admire you as a father, and I was looking forward to procreating with you. I was so excited about blending our families. At one point even D was excited about becoming a CJ. I was looking forward to the cabin, the beach, and many other family vacations for many years to come. I remember in the beginning being so excited because you were not only perfect for me, but you were perfect for D. You would open the doors, and give me your coat when I was cold. One thing for certain is that you know Chivalry. I remember being at Raffertyâs on Valentines Day and for the first time, you showed some emotions. đ (Which means you really do have a heart).
For the past year, I have studied you. What makes you happy and sad. What makes you tick, what makes you perturbed. There is no doubt in my mind that you loved me. But for some reason, that I canât figure out, you were holding back. I feel a sense of fear from you, when it comes to loving someone else. Iâm sure this comes from the fact that you think that you will be hurt. But, I would have loved you until the end of time, no matter what, if the opportunity presented itself. I have never judged you for your wrong doings. I only wanted to gain understanding from them. For me, my main goal in being in a relationship with you was to become your best friend . And you probably think that Iâm just saying that because it sounds good. But thats the truth, I have only ever wanted to marry my best friend. So, I felt like if we could become the best of friend, then, and only then could we even consider marriage. Have you ever noticed that I rarely ever talked about marriage. Now you know why. I was shocked when you mentioned the 2 carat ring back in July. I had no idea that you were even really considering marriage.
I wish that you would have taken the time to get to know me a little bit more. I wish you would have done all that you could to make me happy. I know that you are who you are and that you donât usually do this or do that. But I do things for you all the time, that I ordinarily wouldnât do. I still remember when you brought me flowers on Valentineâs Day and you said, âI donât usually do thisâ. But J, if your girl loves flowers, why donât you send her flowers? I do things that I ordinarily wouldnât do to make you happy all the time. That what you do in a relationship. You give and you take. When things get tough and youâre in jeopardy of losing your girl and your relationship, why donât you fight for it? Is it not worth it? Not every girl is replaceable. I mean you can replace me, but I can guarantee she wonât make you feel like I make you feel. Even you say that I make you feel like a King. When you âblockedâ me that didnât stop me from reaching you. I would have gone through hell and high water to get to you, because I was so in love with you. Why can you tell everyone else how much you love me & how good I treated you. But you wonât tell me or show me? I only wanted some attention from you this weekend. Because I knew that it was possibly my last weekend with you.
Iâm not use to being in a relationship, were the guy just doesnât care at all. When youâre in the wrong you NEVER accept responsibility. You never apologize. (A box of chocolate (or fruit) and a simply card, saying âIâm sorryâ would have been nice). You always try to make me feel like its my fault when you do something wrong. Jermal donât you know, that I know the truth. Even if I chose not to mention it or to have a conversation about it. I know the truth. There is really no point in not being honest. I mean, that goes back to being friends. Nobodyâs perfect, I understand that, and I love you anyway. I knew what I was getting into in the very beginning. I made that choice. I donât like it, but I was very well aware of who I was becoming involved with. We all know the saying, if you go looking for trouble youâll find trouble. So I knew the moment I picked up your phone, that I was possible going to get my feelings hurt. And Yes, my feelings were hurt. But I needed to see that, because that let me know that you arenât/werenât completely happy with me. I wish you would have just told me. Its really as simply as that.
I really really really wanted you to fight for us. I really did. The same energy that you have devoted to entertaining other women, you very well could have devoted to me and our relationship. I guarantee that if you had invested that time and energy into us, then we would have done 10X better than we are doing now. I really enjoyed your company and like you being apart of my family. I really hate starting over with someone new. Which is one of the reasons I have fought so hard. I think we are just a beautiful couple and I love you to the depths of my soul. But if youâre not going to fight for it then, I guess itâs best to just be happy with the memories that we have. I remember when you said that I was your beginning and your end and that everything else was just a chapter in our book. Well, it that true, then prove it. SHOW me that you love me. Let your actions match your words.
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