Illinois Association for LGBT Issues in Counseling

We’ve got a shiny new article out designed to help you navigate therapy and find a set-up that fits your needs! The quote below is a sample, and you can read the rest of the piece here.

What does screening a therapist look like once you’re in the room with a therapist? Think of it like being on a first date with someone. You’re looking for information about their approach to mental health, and you’re also feeling out how compatible (or incompatible) you two are. Helpful questions to ask (which you can also ask via email or phone) include:

What is their treatment philosophy and what methods of intervention do they prefer? There is more than one kind of therapy in the world, and most counselors have a preferred set of techniques they use with clients. They’re also going to have a framework from which they operate, one that influences what they think the causes (and solutions) of mental illness are, how they perceive trauma, and how savvy they are on issues of race, gender, and sexual orientation. You want to find out what that framework is because a mismatch between their philosophy and yours makes for a rocky relationship. You also want to use this meeting to see of the methods of intervention they use are ones that you can stand. Talk therapy, where you sit and tell the therapist your troubles and they nod sympathetically, is what most people picture when they hear the word therapy. For some people, it’s great, while for others talk therapy makes them want to flip a table in frustration. If you’re the table-flipping category and the therapist you meet with says they utilize talk therapy, you can ask them if there are other approaches the two of you could use. The therapist may know how to do those and, if not, should be able to help you find someone who uses alternative methods of counseling. If, in their answer to this question they use terms you don’t understand, you have every right to ask for clarification. The better you understand where they’re coming from in how they view mental health, the easier it will be to tell if they’re the right counselor for you.

What will the timing of sessions be? Once a week? Once a month? If a therapist’s schedule only allows them to see you once every three weeks and you need support every week, that’s a sign that this may not be the best fit.

What is their protocol in case of emergency? If you find yourself in a crisis and you’re five days away from seeing them, what is the therapist’s preferred plan of action? Some therapists are open to you contacting them while you’re in crisis, while others prefer to have you call a crisis hotline. Not only will this question tell you about how they view their role in your treatment and if it meshes with your view on their role, it’s also helpful to know the plan for a crisis well before a crisis comes.

Medical school is now training students in transgender care by  Rachel Grumman Bender

“According to a 2016 study on doctors and psychologists who specialize in transgender medicine, most reported feeling a level of “uncertainty” when it comes to treating transgender patients. In fact, lacking confidence and expertise does a disservice to transgender individuals.

To help change that, Boston University School of Medicine (BUSM) created a medical school elective that “combines the standard approach of teaching about transgender medical topics with sensitivity and appropriate terminology with evidence-based, hands-on patient care,” according to a press release from BUSM.”

7 Ways To Support Someone Who’s Changing Their Name & Pronouns

By Jamey Hampton

So, recently you’ve found out some big news about somebody you care about. Maybe they came out to you as transgender and/or non-binary, maybe they’ve told you that they’re changing their name and/or that they’d like to be referred to by a different set of pronouns. Maybe—hopefully!—you want to be supportive of them but you’re worried you’re going to mess up (which is an understandable fear)!

Coming out is hard and the fact that they came out to you is a big deal! You should be proud of them for taking this big step and being honest with you about who they are. Changing the way you think about someone is a process, and you will mess up at some point! However, if you really love and respect this person, you will keep trying, and eventually it will become second nature to you.

As someone who has changed my own name and pronouns, here are some things that I feel are important to keep in mind as you’re getting used to this change.

1. Use the new, correct name and pronouns all the time—even when they’re not there to hear you, even when you’re just thinking about them in your head. This is because the end goal of this process shouldn’t be to retrain yourself to call them a certain thing, it should be to think of them in a certain way. By coming out to you and asking you to use their new name and pronouns, your loved one has shared with you something very real about who they really are. You should be trying to retrain your brain to know them by this name, because it’s their real name—much realer than the one they were being forced to use before.

2. Correct yourself when you get it wrong, even if they don’t say anything. It might be tempting to hope that it just slipped through the cracks and they didn’t notice your mistake. But trust me, they noticed. Being called by the wrong name or pronouns is jarring and painful, but sometimes it’s hard to stand up for yourself and say something.

3. Don’t over-apologize when you mess up! Apologize once, correct yourself, and move on. Apologizing over and over just brings more attention to it than they probably want, and going on and on about how bad you feel for getting it wrong puts pressure on them to comfort you, when this should really be about them and how they feel.

4. Correct other people too! Like I said, it can be very hard to muster the courage to correct people, especially over and over, so having allies in my life who are willing to do that work for me is a godsend. This is a really simple way to take on a little sliver of your loved one’s burden while they’re transitioning. Even a very simple reminder like, “Please don’t forget, Jamey uses they/them pronouns!” can be super helpful and take a lot of pressure off.

5. Be sensitive not to “out” them to people they’re not out to! (This is a caveat to #1 and #4, by the way, because you have to ask them if they’re comfortable with you using their new name and pronouns in front of others.) Coming out is a nerve-racking experience and it’s common not to come out to everyone in your life at once. Outing someone before they’re ready is a terrible, stressful, and sometimes dangerous position to put someone in. Ask who they’re comfortable being out to and be very careful to respect that.

6. Be patient if they change their mind on what they want to be called. It’s really tough to figure out what name and pronouns fit you best and feel the most comfortable without “trying them on” and seeing how it feels when other people use them. Experimentation is an important part of that! If someone changes their name a few times in a row trying to find something that fits, or changes their pronouns but then changes them back, that’s just a natural part of that experimentation.

7. Remember that they’re going through something very personal. Their transition is all about them and what makes them comfortable—not about you and what you think is best. If you don’t think their new name fits them, or if you don’t think the singular they is grammatically correct, or if you think trying to remember their new name and pronouns is too hard… those are all thoughts you should keep to yourself!

Again, coming out is really tough! If your loved one has gathered the strength to come out to you, trust that this is important to them. They know best about what they need to be called to be comfortable and happy. Do your best to put their needs first when it comes to this change and before long, hearing their old name and pronouns will sound almost as wrong to you as it does to them!

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Starting yesterday, Illinois has become the second state in the country to ban the “gay panic defense,” in which murderers can justify violence by citing their shock at learning a victim was LGBTQ.

The tactic is often used by those who hurt their gay or transgender partners or love interests, or by those who lash out violently against a person who expresses interest in them. According to the AP, “There are variations, but it generally goes like this: A person doesn’t realize someone is gay or transgender and engages in a flirtation, then discovers that person’s sexual orientation [or gender identity] and that discovery triggers a passionate involuntary response such as murder.”

Activists for LGBTQ rights often point to the 1998 case of Matthew Shepard, a 21-year-old college student who was beaten to death by two men, one of whom claimed the victim had made sexual advances toward him.

The activists say they hope the law, which was approved by Illinois lawmakers in May and signed by Gov. Bruce Rauner in August, will provide momentum toward passing similar measures in other states.

“This new law ensures LGBTQ people are not blamed for the violence perpetrated against them simply because of who they are,” Brian C. Johnson, CEO of Equality Illinois, said in a statement shortly after Rauner signed the law.