Den isse

Hi there again, 

Mostly talking to myself since I really have no idea how many people are even active on tumblr anymore. 

I am now in my 3rd year of Podiatry School. 

I am getting ready for externships in a few months. 

I am feeling the anxiety just simmering and bubbling within me. 

I thought I would feel ready by now, but with each passing day, I get more and more worried about my own expectation to shine through. 

I want to shine. 

He told me that “I Shine.” 

It meant a lot when he said that.  I sort of wanted to cry when he said it. 

But instead, I was stunted and then quickly laughed it off as if it was already known I was the sun. 

I messed up what we had going. I felt so at peace with him, even though he wasn’t ready. I was ready to wait. I was ready to just laugh with him til he was ready to take a new path in his life. 

But i messed it all up with my anxiety. I messed it all up due to my past experiences that had nothing to do with him. Things that haunt my mind and heart, deep within me, are causing me to dive deeper into a hole. 

I do not feel like I shine. 

I hope one day I can find someone I can be better with. 

Someone who will accept me and allow us to grow together.