TW!ED

It seems I jsut won’t allow myself to be happy. I was at such a good weight and finally liked my body. Then I went on vacation, started eating with my bf, went out more often, enjoyed life and became obsessed with food again. I ate so much and didn’t even notice. I was at 57kg in december/Jan and looking gorgeous and now that it is summer I’m back to being so fat. Literally I almost gained everything back. Despite promising myself that wouldnt happen. I tried to restrict for the whole of Febr-May and just never could. And now I have been in major depression and I want to throw up looking at myself. I was supposed to be fucking skinny for summer. This always happens, I lose a lot of weight and as soon as I like my body i go back to eating like a fucking pig and then get shocked when I gain it all back. Absolutely fucking pathetic. Not only that, but I flew to visit my family again after February and the last time my friends and family saw me I was 7kg lighter. So fucking embarassing. Im staying 9 more days, I know I can lose a bunch of weight by then. Ill be back to being 60ish by then. I almost lost 10kg in a month. I will lose 5 in a week. I’ll have lost 10 by the end of the month. Which means. IN JULY. I AM SKINNY. MY FIRST SUMMER BEING SKINNY. I am so determined this is happening and nothing can stop me. Apparently, before committing again to ana I have to be utterly disgusted by my body.

just created a discord for people with ed trying to lose weight. I am in extreme need of losing weight and looking for support and motivation. If that’s something you’d like to be a part of dm me. !!!No minors!!! Preferably women 20-30yo  

I have regained all the weight I have lost. I can’t look at myself. I know the feeling in control and losing weight is temporary but I need NEED to lose weight as soon as possible. I cannot function otherwise. How did I let this happen. It just starts so slowly. I have been eating and eating and it has been killing me. And i watch at old videos and picture and body checks and I looked so thin and gorgeous and I am only some kgs away from that again. They need to go. I a, fucking holding myself accountable this time. I hate looking at what I’ve done in the mirror.