❝[Star]❞

i feel like i’ve circled back around to how i felt at 13/14. i had conversations with my mum recently and some 'repressed' memories got brought back to my mind, and as a result i’m back to feeling like i did at my lowest. i feel so lost and out of control, and it’s funny noticing the parallels between 2 points in my life..

it sucks bc i thought i had developed. i know progress isn’t linear, but i hate feeling like a moody 14yo again bc i don’t have time for this. i have responsibilities now, so there’s no time for me to get depressed. people depend on me, they have done for years, so i feel like i have no time or energy for myself.

i feel so exhausted, and i’m realising now that i don’t like a lot of the people who surround me. they haven’t done anything wrong, but they’re the wrong people for me. i suppose that’s part of getting older, you outgrow old friends, but i don’t want to be alone right now. i miss having a best friend.

and i especially don’t want to tell people how i feel, even though i know it’d probably do me some good. hence why i’m putting this here, offloading some weight from my chest.