TRAUMA

TW: strong language, negative thoughts, crying

Part of Kang really really hoped nobody would find him, that he could sit there peacefully and cry his damn heart out, another part of him really just wanted somebody, anybody to find him, it didn’t need to be somebody he knew, just someone. Damn did he feel embarrassing to be sitting there, anybody could walk by and see him, see him sitting there crying, and if they did? Then what would happen? If they ignored him he would as if he was nothing, as if nobody cared, if they didn’t ignore him then he would weak, vulnerable, as if he couldn’t handle anything on his god damn own. 

And what was he sitting there for? He couldn’t go home because he knew his roommate would be there, that or perhaps he would be coming home soon. And why had he broken down into tears in public? For what other reason than his parents, somebody had noticed the nail-polish on his nails the other day, and what the fuck would he have done if they had told his parents? His parents would hate him again, it would be the same bullshit all over again, the yelling, the crying, the long talks about what boys can do and what they can’t do, and they would realize sending him abroad hadn’t helped on anything.

The thought had suddenly hit him, what if they found out about everything that went on here at Seongnam University, what would he do. And he had cried hard enough to not even have noticed that suddenly somebody was standing in front of him. He tried his best to dry his eyes beside wet tears still flowing “w-why would I need a tissue?” he asked with a weak voice.

The guy’s voice sounds wet and stuff when he speaks and Hyunwoo has to hold back a visible cringe because it just sounds so raw. Hearing how wrecked he sounds takes the edge off of the angry hornet’s nest that felt like it was sitting inside of Hyunwoo just a minute ago. Maybe some other people have things worse, maybe the shit’s that’s going on in his life isn’t really such a big deal after all. It’s thoughts like these that give him a reason to want to pull through, because he could be suffering so much worse. The perspective of seeing someone else’s shitty lot in life makes it easier to think that way. Otherwise, Hyunwoo didn’t think he’d be able to put up with his lot.

Dear Jeonghan,

did you know that if you don’t visit your animal crossing village, your villagers will think you don’t care about them, and they will actually start moving out? if you visit periodically, your villagers like you more, you get less weeds, and you also get more gifts from them too. you should clean up your weeds or else your villagers will nag you to do it anyway wwwww ah- i guess that makes sense- i guess it just feels a bit unfair that you are sort of born into a random family. in the end you don’t really choose your parents. if that makes sense? i would never be able to leave my dad without feeling guilty though- he needs me, but i need him too? you shouldn’t tell me not to worry. don’t you know that makes me wanna worry more about you? sometimes i feel guilty about always venting to you, but at the same time i’m thankful. you’re very kind. what’s the name of the school? can’t you leave? but i guess that makes sense. in the end, schools are government institutions. they just want $$$$ and the clout. capitalism. eat the rich???!!! wwww but on a more serious note maybe transfer if it’s so bad??? kinda sucks if you don’t even wanna be there. does it really matter what your parents want from you if you don’t want it yourself and it makes you sad? parents shouldn’t force their idealistic views on their children or mold them to be what they wish they were. kinda sucky. food for thought though. don’t forget to give your character a cute haircut and get em some clothes. the villagers love that.

Yours truly,

Hyunjin

Dear Hyunjin:

oh, holy shit, i didn’t know that. no wonder some of my villagers have been disappearing. although there’s one villager that technically moved out but... i still see them around? it’s like having a ghost. it’s a lil creepy but also really funny. i’m being haunted by the ghost of a villager past. i’ll try to keep up with the village more, but it’s getting busy with school, yknow? can’t risk getting shitty grades for the sake of a virtual village, i’d get my ass handed to me. but yeah, you don’t have to split with your dad if you’re fine, at least there’s someone who isn’t a complete narcissist taking care of you, no offence to your mom. no worries, buddy, we’re friends, it’s all good, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. eh, it’s not that simple, isn’t it? i live off of my parents’ money, so in that sense they get to decide what they want me to do. if i was making my own bank i’d have fucked off a long time ago, but it’s pretty hard to juggle a part-time job and all the other stuff i’ve committed to. i’ve never really had the time to go out and earn a buck of my own, so i guess i can’t complain about the shit my parents tell me to do. thanks for the tips about the villagers, i’m heading over to give my avatar a make over now!

aito < should’ve listened to me when i said it was a shitty school and not come < i would’ve hung out with you even if we weren’t in the same uni

half an hour later.

Dear Jeonghan,

they’re peaches, i was tired of seeing oranges all the time. you know, when i started the game, i kind of hoped i’d get at least cherries or something, so now i need to rely on the internet to visit different villages…. but at least the red and orange kind of matches well. i saved you some so you can plant them. it would look nice with yours. don’t forget to greet the villagers and to pull out the weeds, okay? csats? what’s that? i’m not sure. my parents keep on fighting, and i hate seeing my dad cry. they don’t think i can hear them, but i can- she. she scares me, she has- all these pills you know? and- i’m not sure if you’re supposed to take so many of them but she says she takes them to numb the pain. is that how it’s supposed to work? sometimes- i wish she’d look at me, i’m not sure what she sees. sometimes i think she doesn’t want me. i guess all we can do is power through? i’m sorry you feel that way. i wish i could help. what university are you in…? do you think we’d be able to see each other one day? 

Yours truly, Hyunjin

Dear Hyunjin:

oh wow, they have peaches now! if i see cherries around, i’ll make sure to get some for you. thank you! i got the peach seeds in my inbox, i planted some alr! now hopefully i’ll have time to check in and water them before they wilt (￣ ￣|||) *ahem* don’t judge my weeds, i’m going for the wild forest aesthetic in my village. don’t worry about my villagers! i’m pretty sure they’re all good. csats are like... exams you have to take to get into uni here! do you have that kind of thing where you’re from? sorry to hear about this, buddy. parents aren’t always the greatest, i say this from experience. but, y’know, none of whatever they’re fighting over is your fault. it’s a shitty revelation, but i’ve realised that parents have their own shit to deal with and sometimes they just... don’t care about you the way they should. even if it’s hard right now, as long as they’re not hurting you, just do your best and when you’re old enough, if you want you can get away from it. don’t worry about my shit, i’m just thankful that you listen, y’know? i talk big about getting away from my parents, but i’m still living off of them for school and housing lmao don’t be like me when you grow up. i’m in a uni in seoul, if you ever think about coming here, maybe we could meet some day! i wouldn’t recommend my school though. sometimes i think the school cares more about its rep than actually educating the students.