Americana Exotica

You know people have sugar rushes and then crash? I think I have the but emotionally. Yesterday was so amazing and I was riding an emotional high the entire night but today I just wasn't feeling it. I wasn't sad, at least I didn't feel sad, (maybe just a little just because I wanna go back to what happened) just really wasn't into today.

Today is the last day of winter break and obviously like every other student I'm very upset. To make things worse my best friend won't even be there tomorrow at school. Also classes have changed and I'll be running around my school to get to classes on time and also having to make friends or be a complete loner in these new classes.

I think I made a mistake taking art this semseter because I hate showing my drawings to anyone and like there are so many better artists in my school that I just don't want to draw in school even if it doesn't get shown to anyone.

So I have to work next Sunday and while work always gives me a considerable amount of anxiety it never is truly terrible because I work with my friends like we all got jobs there together so they are always good destressing me just by being there.

But this next sunday (not the upcoming the 13th) I have to work with just one other girl and she will have just finished training which means she'll probably be counting on me to do the main stuff. I work as a hostess meaning she'll be counting on me to firgure out where to put people and everything. Normally this wouldn't stress me out because Sundays usually aren't so busy but one time I did the same exact thing with some who just finished and it went terribly and we got yelled at so much and did a bad job in the beginning hours of dinner. We only fixed it towards the end. So I'm super scared there is going to be a repeat of that day.

Sorry to go from a happy note to a bad one but winter break is quickly coming to an end and I'm not sure if I can mentally and emotionally take it. I'm of course enjoying all this free time, staying up late, getting up whenever I want, my brother being home I'm just so happy during this time. But school is coming back soon and I'm anxious to go back because it's a new semester and that means new things and more tests and this is an important year for me.

I don't even know when school got me this anxious. It must've started this year. Soon my brother will leave again and I will have to go back to school and I feel like I just might actually cry when it happens. I don't know why it gets me during winter break. During summer break I get bored of just doing nothing but winter break just is like heaven right now and I don't know anymore.

I need time to stop or at least move slower because it scares me that now it's 2019 and soon I'll be older and closer to the possibility of losing everything I know and love. I just need time to freeze a little bit because the future scares me.

I'm countingt this as the day before because I was already typing it before time changed. Happy New Years to all! For the first time in years I spent it with my family instead of friends and it wasn't too bad. Just not as fun obviously sinec my brother and I were the only ones to stay up that late.

Yesterday my friends came over and we continued watching our series that we started together and overall it was just a good time and I'm happy that it occurred.