Estonia's blog

gym speakers: “The Fitness Gram pacer test is a multi-stage aerobic capacity te-”

7th grade me:

o - octopus

m - meat taco

o - octopus again

s - sandwich

e - envelope

x - xylophone? (I don't know many words)

u - uwu

a - aaaaaaaaaaaa

The first thing that chemistry teacher told us when we walked into class was that we would be having a lockdown drill this block. They had told her that there would be one today, and it hadn’t happened yet. Our chemistry was the last block of the day.

Furthermore, this was a special lockdown. We wouldn’t just be sitting silently in the corners, playing on our phones. No. We would be barricading the classroom doors. With chairs. Of course, the entire class thought this was a fabulous idea. Why sit around in silence when you can throw every chair in the classroom against the doors?? 

Now, what the administration probably wanted us to do was stack two of your average, run-of-the-mill the chairs together such that the door handle could not be opened. The problem? There wasn’t a single “normal” chair in the entire school. Every single room contained 25+ of these suckers:

So obviously there wasn’t an easy, logical way to go about this. 

When the lockdown call comes, we all leap up, grab out desk-chair abominations, and start piling them against the door. Making a real mountain out of them. It didn’t seem very effective, though, and someone could very easily push it over if they were trying to get into the room. So our chemistry teacher made us disassemble the mountain, and start again with a different “strategy”. 

We then tried to lodge a leg of one of the chair-desks under the handle of the door like we were supposed to. But unlike two normal chairs, two chair-desks were too large to stack together. One chair desk wasn’t quite tall enough to block the handle, either. A boy named Nick suggests that we squish a person under the chair-desk, to lift it up enough to secure the handle. Our teacher, in a fatal error, says “That won’t work. Who would want to flatten themself under a desk?” Nearly the entire class raises their hands, leaving the teacher stunned. 

Several students try to squeeze under the desk-chair, but none fit quite right. Eventually, we pile up some of our chemistry textbooks and use them to block the handle successfully. There are cheers as we celebrate our own cleverness. Suddenly, a student shouts out what should have been obvious from the start: “…There are two doors in here!”

In a panic, we grab a desk and some textbooks, and drag them to the other side of the room. But just as we do so, the door begins to open. The closest kid to the door, a boy named Gavin who is holding two textbooks, panics. 

He YEETS the textbooks at the figure opening the door, who just so happens to be out school police officer. You know, the only person who would be opening doors during a lockdown drill. There is a moment of silence, then the entire class goes wild.