Byn

You have always been praised ever since you were a young child, known in schools as the smartest kid and gifted with a talent. The scholarships seemed never ending, but you had your heart set on a school already. It was one of the most prestigious colleges in the world, people would travel from all over to come here but so many were easily turned down. As for you, you didn’t have to prove much to get in.

The first day you showed up, there were a bunch of people promoting their clubs in the courtyard. As you walked past them, a few caught your attention but not enough for you to seriously consider joining. You just didn’t have time for a club, you were focused on just getting your degrees and leaving. A part of you really wanted to join the student council, but it sounded too stressful. Plus, the people there were not the crowd you wanted to be around, especially Jay Park.

The two of you went to the same high school and you were always being compared to him. You hated how much he would show off his academic achievements and how all your friends would ask about how come you aren’t going to all the events he would, even though you were well over qualified. You never went to any of those school championships because a part of you was afraid of being compared to Jay again.

He wasn’t a mean person, or rude, or even did anything towards you that made you hate him. You were simply jealous. You were jealous of all the times his name would pop up in conversations, how a friend of yours asked if you think they had a chance with him, his face being the cover of the school newsletter every now and then. You wanted to be the best in the school, but he took up the spotlight.

So when you found out he also got accepted to your dream school, a part of you gave up. You didn’t bother signing up for any of the clubs or extra classes. You decided to graduate and move on from school life. You just ignored him when you saw him outside promoting the student council, it felt like it wasn’t worth your time. No matter how hard you tried, you could never get out of his shadow, so why bother stepping into the light?

ೀ

“Did you hear about the party this weekend?”

As you were scrolling on your phone, your friend perked up and asked you that simple question. You were having brunch with your best friend at the school's cafe, it was filled with plants and artwork hanging on the walls. There was some indie jazz radio playing softly in the background, usually students and staff came here to work or hang out. “No. Was I supposed to?” You answered, not fully interested in a party. It’s not that you didn’t like parties, it's that the party crowd here was a little snobbish and didn’t make you feel too welcome. 

“Well yeah? I heard it’s going to be pretty big too. A lot of big names from school are going. Some rich kid’s parents are out on business and he plans on trashing the place.” Your friend, Sunoo, replied. Sipping on his iced drink watching you ignore him. “Come on, when was the last time you went to a party? Like an actual house party.”

You paused for a moment thinking to yourself. “...Does your birthday count?” Sunoo’s face went into a disappointed expression as you said that. Not like he was that surprised though, you tend to hide in your room to play games or study. “No, of course that doesn’t count, why would you even ask that.” He said in a scoff.

Then he got a little tense and shifted in his seat. “I did hear a rumor though… about the party.” You looked up from your phone and leaned in closer, a little curious about what rumor he had in store. “I heard your crush is going to be there…” Sunoo kind of looked away, peeking over to watch for your reaction.

“And I’ve heard enough.” You started to stand up from the chair, acting like you were going to leave him right then and there. “I’m joking, I'm joking! Sit back down!” Sunoo reached out to grab your arm, pulling you back to sit down again. You followed his word and sat back down smiling that it got a reaction out of him.

“I don’t actually know if he’s going to be there, I just heard it from some freshmen trying to start gossip. But don’t believe them! Why would Jay of all people go to a party like this, potentially risking his position as head of student council?” You played with the straw in your cup listening to him ramble about how he heard the rumor.

“When I went up to them and asked if it was true, they started to panic. Plus, why would freshmen be there? It’s pretty much only seniors going and a few lower classmen who found a way in through mutuals.”

You sighed a bit. You were already turned away to the idea of going to a party, but the thought of Jay being there? Might as well never go anywhere just in case he might show up. Who knows what he would do there of all places, you couldn’t imagine it would be anything good. Probably some stunt to get people to like him more than they already do. You looked back down at your phone, looking back at a game you were playing before this conversation started. “I don’t know. If there’s even a slight possibility Jay is going to be there, then I don’t want to risk my chances going.”

Sunoo grabbed your phone out of your hand and set it down on the table. “Y/N. I am dead set on going to this party. I can not miss it for anything.” You just looked at him unamused, unfazed.

“Then go alone.”

He lost it. He acted like you just stabbed him a million times. He threw his hands up in frustration, holding the sides of his head, lighting gripping his hair out of distress. You won't lie, it was funny to tease him like that, so you had to hold back a laugh. “Do you want me to die?? I was born to go to this party, do you even realize how much I had to go through to even get the details to be able to take us there??”

You had to shush him a few times because a few students looked over at your table, concerned what was going on. “What did you even do then, huh? What drastic measures did you take?” You asked, smiling a bit because of his reaction to you. He looked at you like a soldier just coming out of war. “I had to dog sit for the rich kid who is throwing the party.”

You were a bit confused. “Then why are you acting like it was a huge deal?”

He sat up straight and looked into your eyes, his face was serious, his eyes glossed over. “That dog was the devil. It ate my food, Y/N. My food.” He sighed, his head slumping down into his arms on the table. “Who would’ve thought that pomeranians could be so selfish…” His words were muffled in his sleeves. All you could do was reach over and pat him on the shoulder. Sunoo found a way to get everyone to like him, almost like he had some type of magic power that made people drawn to him. He knew how to sweet talk people to get what he wanted. If he wanted to get invited to the biggest house party of the year, he would find a way, dragging you along with him. Sunoo never went anywhere without bringing you along. No matter what excuses you made, you somehow found yourself next to him wherever he planned on taking you that day. Even if it was just to get some groceries, you had to come with.

“I’ll think about it.” Upon hearing that, his head snapped up to look at you with a huge smile, his face glowing with joy. “I said I’ll think about it. That’s not a yes.” He scoffed lightly, still smiling like he won the lottery. “Doesn’t matter, you still are considering it.” All you could do was mentally regret your own words, but it was worth it to make him happy.

ೀ

It was the day of the party. You still didn’t give Sunoo a definite answer on whether you were going or not. He was pretty bummed out about it but he also understood, or at least told you that to make you not feel pressured. You were laying on your bed, listening to music in your headphones and staring at the ceiling. Sunoo was right though, you hadn’t really gone out to a party in a while to have fun. All the most recent parties you went to were all planned by Sunoo, not huge parties either, just a small house party he would throw every now and then for his friend circles.

You considered everything that might go wrong at the party. Every insane situation that might ruin the night or get the cops called. It’s not like you were going to face some nightmare there and the chances of Jay actually being there were slim, it was just a party. The worst that could happen is having to carry Sunoo out of the party because he was too drunk to properly walk a straight line. At the end, you figured why not. You weren’t in any clubs to uphold an image for, you weren’t part of the student council, it was just you.

“I’ll go”

You messaged Sunoo and it was like he was waiting in your dms because it showed as seen the second you hit send. The next thing you heard was a loud knock on your door. You got up to answer, and standing on the other side was Sunoo. All dressed up ready to go and holding a bag. “Get dressed.”

“How the fuck did you get here so fast-” He cut you off by placing his finger on your lips, shushing you. “Doesn’t matter, just get dressed. I already got you the outfit the day I heard about the party.” He shoved the bag into your chest. You swore he was some kind of psychopath, but you just went along with it. 

You peeked in the bag and the colors of the outfit seemed to be color coordinated with his, he even got you a pair of shoes to match. He really got you the full outfit, at least it was all in your size and style so you couldn’t be too mad at him. You just stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind and following him back into the dorm room. Thankfully you didn’t share a dorm with anyone, so the only person that had to deal with Sunoo’s sudden appearance was you.

You stepped into the bathroom and changed into the clothes he brought. Shockingly, they really matched your personal style. It made you glad Sunoo was the friend to pay close attention to all the little things about you, somehow that included your clothing size which you weren’t sure how he found that out but that was something to think about for another time.

The bathroom door opened, you turned around to see Sunoo looking down at his phone. “Ok, so I got us a ride to the- oh my god.” His jaw dropped when he looked up to see you. He was stunned. “Wow, I really know how to pick out the perfect outfit for you.” He started to fake tear up while smiling like a proud mom watching her kid grow up.

You just smiled and looked back in the mirror to check yourself out, lightly touching up your shirt. “Yeah, you did pretty well, how much do I have to pay you for it?” You looked back over at him, genuinely ready to pay him back for however much he spent on you.

“You coming to this party with me is more than enough.” He quickly took a few selfies and pics with you in the mirror before pushing you out the door. “Come on, our ride is almost here. We can’t be late.” 

ೀ

When you and Sunoo got out of the car, there was a large gate blocking your way getting inside. Sunoo let out a loud, dramatic sigh before walking up to the small box next to the gate and speaking into it. You didn’t quite hear exactly what he said, but you did hear the tone shift from him complaining under his breath to a sweet melodic voice he put on to speak to whoever was listening on the other side.

Sunoo slumped over and kicked a rock on the driveway. “They said they need to confirm we are allowed in, whatever that means.” You nodded and stood next to him as you checked the time on your phone. Suddenly, the gates started to slide open and Sunoo once again became a ball of radiant energy, grabbing your hand and leading you in. He was talking so fast you couldn’t understand a word he was saying but he seemed excited the two of you got in.

There were flashing lights of all colors everywhere, some people standing around the front of the house drinking and smoking, a couple making out by the front door, and a guy throwing up in a bush off the side. Sunoo linked arms with you before reaching the front door and looked over at you. “Tonight, let's dance until our legs fall off.” He said that like it was the best idea ever and all you could think was how you were starting to regret coming along.

As soon as you walked through the front door, the bass of the music playing rattled your heart and the smell of smoke filled your lungs. Sunoo lead you through the crowd of people and towards the bar, yelling over the music to order the both of you drinks.

ೀ

After a couple hours of dancing and drinking with Sunoo, you managed to slip away to a hallway upstairs. You found a spot with no one around and just sat down on the floor against the wall. Your head was spinning from all the loud music downstairs and flashing lights, you just needed a moment to yourself without anyone offering you a drink.

A few minutes went by and the door in front of you opened up. Stumbling out was a man with dark hair, his clothes and hair looked a little messed up. He was holding a beer bottle in one hand and balancing himself against the door frame with the other.

“What are you doing here?” The moment you heard that voice, you tensed up and wanted to run away as fast as you could. It was Jay, cause of course it just had to be him of all people. “I should be asking you that instead.” You managed to muster up your words, you never really thought you would have to talk to him.

You started to feel sick, you couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the uneasy feeling you had about the situation. You just looked away, not like you had a place to go anyways. Jay walked over towards you and sat near you on the floor, he reeked of alcohol. You scooted a little away from him hoping he would take the hint that you wanted to be left alone.

“Why do you always avoid me?” His voice was softer than before, it sounded genuine and a little sad.

“What?” You were pretty taken aback by his sudden question. You looked over at him, his head was drooped down, his arm resting on a knee. You couldn’t help but to be amused by the sight of him like this. It was rare to see his perfect image slip in public, and this time you got a front row seat.

“I said, why do you always avoid me?” He didn’t look up, not even a little. You just sat there staring at him, not sure how to answer. Before you could try to make up some type of reply he kept talking. “I do so much to get you to notice me. I worked hard to get your attention in high school, thinking maybe if I could be the best you would look at me for once. Even now, you moved further away from me.”

You were shocked. You weren’t sure how to react or respond to him, so you just watched and listened to what he had to say. “I was really hoping you would notice me this time. Notice that we had some of the same classes together or that we would take the same bus to get to school. Hell, I even tried being obvious about it and waved at you a few times. But you just ignored me and it felt like you were so out of reach.”

He paused and looked up at you, then at your lips. Something fluttered in you as if someone let loose a hundred butterflies in your stomach. Maybe it was a dream and this wasn’t real is what you kept telling yourself in your mind. The two of you just looked at each other for a moment before his hand snuck up to your cheek. Without thinking you let it happen, leaning in closer to him.

It was a special day, the kind you would want to remember for years from now. Your third anniversary with your boyfriend, Sunghoon. Time slipped by so fast you could barely believe it had been so long since you two first met.

That night heavy rain could be heard on the roof of the house, a dog barking somewhere in the neighborhood, and faintly in the distance, traffic from a main road nearby.

The sound of you and Sunghoon fighting was audible for any of your neighbors who were home to hear. Usually the fights weren't as bad, just petty words being thrown at each other, but this time it was different. The tension in the air, it was more aggressive than before.

Your playlist that you made specifically for the night was softly playing in the background, the warm lighting of candles and dimly lit lamps filled the room. There was a comforting smell in the air from the food you had cooked with Sunghoon. Mixed in with the calm atmosphere was the harsh yelling coming from the kitchen, that's where the fight had started, right as dinner was ending.

Sunghoon swore loudly as he threw a plate down to the floor out of anger, it shattered in seconds with each piece going in a different direction. It was a new side of him you hadn't seen before, but you weren't any better. You said some things that night that cut deeper than a blade, maybe it was the pain he felt that caused him to lash out, or the feeling of betrayal.

The plate being shattered on the floor was your cue, you stopped arguing and stayed silent, just looking at the ground with your cheeks stained by your tears and mascara. Without looking up to meet Sunghoon’s gaze, you grabbed your belongings and headed out the door.

You could hear him yelling your name as you were getting in your car. Slamming the car door shut and locking the doors, you avoided any eye contact as you started your car. Sunghoon was trying to open the door, hitting the window with his palms just to try and stop you from leaving. His hair and clothes getting soaked from the rain wasn't stopping him from trying to get you back inside the house.

Sunghoon stepped back as you pulled out the driveway, he followed you just out to the street, watching you drive away from the neighborhood as fast as you could. You glanced back at him in the mirror and could see him holding his head slumped over. You didn't care, all you could think of was getting to your mom's place.

As you drove, each word, insult, and accusation either of you said lingered in your mind like a melody you can't get out of your head. The rain got heavier and soon the traffic calmed down a bit.

You stared at the red stop light, a wave of emotions came over you and more tears welled up in your eyes. You couldn't believe the things you said to him, guilt and regret was all you could feel in that moment.

That night was supposed to be perfect, a cozy romantic date at the house. The two of you would cook a meal together, something neither of you could ever forget, a simple spaghetti with your mom's homemade tomato sauce. It was something your mom made for you to bring to Sunghoon’s place the day after your first date with him. It was a thank you gift from her to him. A thank you for being the reason you wanted to live again.

The light turned green as you wiped your eyes with your hand. As you went to continue your way forward, you heard a loud car horn which caught your attention. Before you could look around and figure out where it was coming from, a heavy impact hit the drivers side of your car.

ೀ

Sunghoon sat at the dining table, his head in his hands. The air was still and quiet, the only sound that could be heard now was the rain and his own slowed breathing. He reached across the table to pick up his phone, his screen turned on showing the time, 11:49pm.

He sighed, unlocking his phone and opening his and yours messages. The last text that was sent was from this morning, it was you asking if he needed anything from the store. He never replied to it, he forgot to. Sunghoon carefully typed out two messages and hit send.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. Please come home.""I love you."

He turned off his phone and laid his head down in his arms. He reflected on everything he has done for you and said to you. It was like he was walking around a large empty void with mirrors surrounding him, each reflection was a different act of kindness and love, or the hateful remarks he said to you.

Sunghoon knew your relationship with him was never perfect. He had anger issues he could never lock away, he was never a great partner for you.

The relationship was like a cherry, it was desirable and sweet, but the pit was bitter and toxic. No matter how hard either of you tried, you could never get rid of that pit, or maybe you never tried hard enough.

Maybe Sunghoon didn't work hard enough to solve his issues, maybe he didn't say how much he loved you or how he was happy you were in his life. These thoughts kept filling his mind every time he went to check to see if you saw his message.

Nothing. 30 mins passed and still no reply. Just left on delivered.

"Did you go to your mom's? Are you ok?""Text me when you get a chance." ೀ

Police lights, ambulance sirens, car alarms, and a crowd of people standing off to the side. Glass shattered on pavement, debris from the accident was everywhere. Your phone screen was cracked all over, but it flashed on with each message Sunghoon sent. The lock screen being a photo of the two of you that you took a month ago.

A police officer picked it up with gloves on and put it in a clear plastic bag, along with your purse and car keys. Witnesses of the accident were being interrogated off the side, a news van pulled up trying to get a shot of the recent event. The ambulance sped off towards the nearest hospital and tow trucks came to clean up the scene.

Shortly after, two officers knocked on the door to your home. Sunghoon answered, ready to explain it was another fight and he was sorry for any noise. Before he could say a word, one of the officers started to ask him a question.

"Does y/n live here?"

"Yes, she does. She's my girlfriend, we live here together. May I ask why you're here? If it's because of another noise complaint, I'm really sorry I just," Sunghoon tried responding but the officer cut him off mid sentence.

"It's not because of a complaint." The officer let out a sigh before continuing. "Y/n was a victim of a car accident that happened about an hour ago. We regret to inform you she was pronounced dead at the scene."

It was like everything stopped, time froze in that moment for Sunghoon. He could swear his heart fell to his stomach, every muscle in his body stiffened and grew sore. His eyes stung as tears started to form in the corners.

All he could do was close the door to try to make it stop, act like he never heard the news. Hopefully it was a nightmare or a shitty prank being pulled on him. Sunghoon leaned with his back against the door before falling to his knees and melting down, his tears soaking into the wooden flooring under him.

ೀ

A year passed, for Sunghoon it felt like a single endless night. Each day bled into the next, the dates on the calendar were meaningless. He never came out of the depression that dragged him down this hole, he just existed in it, drowning in the silence that suffocated him.

The home that once smelled like your cooking and echoed with your laughter was long gone. Sunghoon couldn’t keep up with the bills that were piling up on him, not after he lost his job for showing up hungover too many times, or not showing up at all. Moving out wasn’t his choice, it was forced. He never wanted to leave the place you were so excited to move into with him. There were too many memories with you in that place. He left behind the kitchen where the last between you were thrown like knives, the dining table where he sent his last texts, and the living room where you two once held each other and thought forever was real.

Now he lived in a small one room apartment with peeling wallpaper that had mold under it and a bed that creaked with every restless turn when he was thinking about you. So many empty bottles lined the counter, some knocked over, some shattered, but none of them filled the hollow space inside him. Alcohol became his only way to feel something, and even that wasn’t enough to fill the emptiness he felt inside.

The police learned his name by now, though not because of your accident. They knew him from the bars, Sunghoon was always the last one to leave, always the one refusing to move when the lights came on. Sometimes he would yell, sometimes he’d cry, and sometimes he just sat there, glass in hand, staring into nothing until they had to drag him out.

The thought of ending it all crossed his mind more times than he admitted. Nights when the rain hit his window, he thought about you behind the wheel, mascara running down your face, hands shaking on the wheel, heart breaking. He hated himself, he thought how maybe the world would be better without him in it. But each time he thought of those things, he thought about you. About how horrible you would feel if you could see him give up like that. He hated himself for so many reasons, but the idea of making you disappointed even in death stopped him from going through with it. He didn’t want to disappoint you once again. Because the last time he had done that, it led to your death.

So somehow, he lived. Barely hanging on by a thread, he was broken and bitter, stuck with the memories he couldn’t outrun. Your smile permanently plastered in his mind, blurring with the sound of your voice yelling and the echo of your name being called in the rain.

you came over to enhypen's dorm expecting nothing more than a night of playful banter, snacks, and maybe a movie or two with your boyfriend. riki's room smelled faintly of his cologne, it was warm but had a sharpness to it, it was a scent that you knew by heart. the mess of his unmade bed made you teasingly roll your eyes but he brushed it off with a shrug.

"don't look at that,” riki said, tossing a hoodie off the chair so you’d have somewhere to sit.

“next time you invite me over, at least clean your room a bit,” you teased him, sitting down in the chair at his desk, your eyes following the way his hair fell into his face as he leaned against the wall.

you rummage around in a tote bag you brought, it has a small variety of snacks in it. you were about to pull out some candies you bought earlier and show them off to him but before you could, he moved the bag out from your gaze, tossing it to the floor as he lifted up your chin.

his hand held the side of your face, moving closer in a swift motion, pressing his lips to yours. the kiss was sudden, almost breathless, you almost pulled away to compose yourself but you didn't. you didn't want to. it soon softened, turning into something slower and more passionate.

his thumb pressed your cheek as if to steady you, though you weren’t sure who needed it more, you or him. he broke the kiss only for a second, his lips dragging against your jaw as he whispered into your ear, "stand up for me, baby."

you sheepishly stood up from the chair, it didn’t take long for him to resume the kiss. this time it was deeper, hungrier like he’s been craving you for decades. his hands were wrapped tightly around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you can feel him messing with the hem of your shirt and his hand slowly sliding up under it. the coldness of his hand sent a shiver down your back, causing you to flinch slightly under his hold.

his kisses trail off to the corner of your lips, then to your jawline and down your neck. you felt the soft bites he placed on your neck, each one making you more restless than the last. he lifted your shirt up and pulled away just long enough to fully take off your shirt, throwing it to the side.

“fuck, you’re so pretty,” he said softly, looking down at your body before he continued to place kisses all over your neck and jaw while his hands roamed around on your waist.

you swore your face was bright red at that point. that's when you felt something pressing against your thigh. you froze in place and swallowed. he kept pushing closer to you and each time he got closer, you took a small step back to keep your balance. soon enough, he had walked you backwards to his bed and sat you down on the edge.

his hand brushed against yours, then sliding up to cup your cheek. “look at me,” he muttered, his voice low, husky but still soft. your breath caught at the intensity at his gaze. “god, you don’t even know how perfect you look like that,” he said, leaning closer so that your lips almost touched. “sitting here… waiting for me, all pretty.” his thumb traced your jawline and you shivered, maintaining eye contact with him as you weren’t able to tear your eyes from his.

his leg pressed in between yours, carefully pushing them apart, his hand creeped down to the waist band of your shorts. without thinking, your thighs tried pressing together but his leg kept them apart. he held your thigh, keeping it in place. “are you able to stay quiet for me?” you just nodded while your stomach was tied up in knots.

that’s when he slipped his hand past the waistband of both your shorts and underwear. you could feel you were soaked and you were a little embarrassed by it. his middle finger slowly slid into you, you let out a small gasp and rested your head against his shoulder, trying to muffle your voice. 

it didn’t take very long until he pushed a second finger in. it took everything in you to stay quiet as he moved his fingers deeper into you with each movement, his thumb pressed against your clit, teasing it slowly. your hand was covering your mouth, your eyes closed just to keep your focus. just as you were getting used to it, he removed his hand from your shorts and a small whimper left your lips. 

he moved you away from his chest and laid you down on the bed, he didn’t take his time to take off your shorts completely and his own shirt. you sat yourself up on your elbows to watch what he was doing. “looking for a show?” he smirked, teasing you as you just laid there struggling to say anything. your heart was pounding faster by the second, anticipating what was coming next.

you watched as he stripped himself of his sweatpants, the tight feeling in your core started to grow bigger and your body got tense. he lifted your legs to wrap around his waist as he positioned himself in front of you. you let out a moan and fell back on the bed as he pushed deep into you. his hands gripped tightly around your waist. you moved your hips a little to get a bit more comfortable in the position he had you in.

“is it too much for you?” he asked in a whisper, leaning down to plant small kisses over your jaw and neck.

“no… it’s ok,” you replied back in a shaky breath, that's all he needed to hear for him to start thrusting into you. at first it was slow and careful, but it didn't take long before you were a moaning mess, gripping onto the sheets under you. he had to cover your mouth with his hand just to try to cover your moans so the other members in the dorm didn’t hear you through the walls.

you tried being quiet, but each time he slammed into you, you couldn’t hold back. not like he was any better though, he had his head in the crook of your neck trying to stifle his own groans into your skin. your body was shaking and it felt like you lost all control over yourself.

he could tell you were close, so he only got rougher. his thrusts became sloppier by the second and you could feel the knot growing in your stomach. you gasped his name as your body trembled, release washing through you. he pressed his forehead against yours, hips jerking as a broken moan ripped from his throat. he buried himself one last time before spilling into you.

for a moment it was quiet, only the sound of your labored breathing filled the room. a small knock came from the door before it creaked open, just enough for someone to talk through the gap. “dinners ready, next time don't be so loud…” then the door closed quietly. it was jay’s voice that came from the other side of the door, his voice sounded a little awkward.

you and riki stared at each other, wide-eyed and breathless while jay’s words hung in the air like a slap in the face. heat rushed to your cheeks and u buried your face against riki’s chest as he let out a quiet laugh, hoping you weren’t uncomfortable.