Ghoul Poet

Part 8 

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 586

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

The dreaded block has come and taken me. That and university seems to enjoy giving me some solid sucker-punches every few days. Alas like life I might have given up on this story and writing it altogether. I do not know who’s enjoying this mess of a story. Lol, anywho I will update once again in a blue moon and edit all of the parts to make them more coherent. Especially now that AI can write cry ... my unattainable dreams

Xoxo 

From a tired girly 

White, red and purple consumed the cafeteria, filled with residents, doctors and other health professionals. Rush hour had yet to peak, and yet it was slowly starting to fill up. 

Maybe we shouldn’t have coffee here, he thought. 

Chris roamed around the hospital to find the best spot to grab a quick drink. Unfamiliar with the place he had gotten lost a few times, asking strangers to the nearest exit every time. 

“Hey, you’re that guy right.” 

Dreading it, he hadn’t been recognized yet, mostly because everyone seemed busy. He did not mind taking a picture and talking with a fan but he did not want to be late for his date, especially since he hadn’t found a place to take her yet. He turned around, looking at the person who had called him. 

“Hi, I think so.” 

In his shyness, he managed to smile at the tall stranger wearing a lab coat. He took a quick glance at the name embroidered on his coat, the name was Doctor Gagnon. 

“Are you looking for Lizzy, uhm Dr. Kelley by any chance?” Frowning his brows, he wondered how he knew this specific doctor. A little sad that maybe hospital gossip had been playing a major role in his interaction. 

His anxiety had been slowly elevated when the stranger seemed to recognize the emotion on his face, feeling his uneasiness towards him he quickly said “I am her finance, if that helps, do not worry she hasn’t told anyone. I just know because she texted me about the girl that hit you at the coffee shop.” he giggled thinking about her hitting the Captain. 

Chris did not know why he would giggle or if it was an inside joke or anything he was just surprised at how this stranger, this doctor had been so nonchalant about who he was. He had been used to people being starstruck, especially after playing Captain America. 

He paused and looked at him, he was beautiful even for a straight man the guy he was staring at was a very beautiful man, the movies did not do him justice he thought. 

“Do not worry”, he laughed 

“I won’t tell anyone that I saw the Chris Evans''

“What are you looking for?” the gentle giant asked. He wondered if people got scared of him because of his demeanour and his height. He was a very imposing and confident man compared to him, 

Chris did not know what to think, the giant seemed so nice. “Uhmm thank you, I was just looking for a private coffee shop in this honestly big hospital. “ he started to ramble, ·” How is this soooo big but looks soo small I feel like I am in a maze”, he told the stranger, he felt at ease for some reason telling him of his struggles. The strangers giggled and said, “Yeah I am still confused about it and I have been here for like 5 years it is a very strange place.” 

“The coffee shop next to the parking lot at the end of the hallway should be private enough if you are bringing her there.” he smiled. 

Chris wondered how he knew but he guessed that they were all friends. Chris smiled back, shyly not knowing what to say. 

‘Thank you”, he said shyly, he was truly embarrassed that someone had figured out what he wanted to do. He did not know what to say or add he just stared at the stranger, a very handsome stranger to boot.

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1171

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

I honestly to god have no more inspiration so this story will just be here for another 3 more years. 

Here I am, whoever is reading this thank you. Because honestly I have reread the other parts and the amount of errors would make my high school english teacher blush. 

Anyways as always enjoy and please if you have any criticisms bad or good I am all ears. 

Kiss from someone who should be writing her thesis right now. 

Bye 

… I am back lol. I have no idea who even is enjoying this but yeah. I wrote this during finals so please excuse everything from it. From the grammar to the plot lol. I shall maybe edit it or something. Honestly didn’t this story needed more parts or anything and plus I am trying my hardest to make into a your name type without writing yourr name cause I never found it cute and plus whenever I read a yn i read out the yn has like yoon for some reason. So yeah 

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“For me?” 

Lowering his gaze, the whole ordeal made him realize that he was not as confident as he initially thought this morning, in front of his mirror, he had prepared such a speech that still made him blush now. And yet, he couldn’t say anything but mumble, “These are for you, to thank you. Yes, to thank you for bringing me here to see a doctor.” 

“Uhm, thanks but it was my fault in the first place.” She giggled and took the flowers. “They smell nice.” Not knowing what to say, they each stayed quiet. 

That silence between them did not feel awkward or anything, it felt good. They each look into each other's eyes knowing how they felt but unable to word it. How could they? They both felt like they were going after someone out of their league. A superstar and a doctor. Their attraction seemed eternal, their need for each seemed as if it could never be burned out. They wanted each other. How could they say; Hey this may be weird but I think I love you. I do not know you but you would fit in my life so perfectly. You would be so right, so perfect and so everything that words could not describe it. How do they tell each other that they mean everything? So, they didn’t say anything, they kept looking at each other. Hoping that the other could feel it.That they could feel their wants and needs for oneself. 

“Code Blue, in room 305, code blue in 305”. They both shook their heads and broke their gazes away. 

“I guess you have to go”, Chris said, a little bit sad that she had to leave. 

“I don’t deal with codes”, looking at him, she wondered if he could sense the need. He should ask her out. Seriously! Maybe she should woman up and ask him herself. She’s an independent woman, it is not that hard. Just say the words. Would you like to go for coffee? See it is easy. Easy in her head, but in rel life, no. It would take so much courage to ask him. But she has to, if she did not he might not come back? He might just leave her, and she did not want that. 

So she took all the courage she had, all the courage she had saved up all those years, even after entering her field. A field that was very much dominated by men. A field that made her rethink a lot of the way she acted, the way she would dress and even speak. 

And she asked him, a bit nervous,

“If you aren't busy, in like 15 min or so would you want of course and if you have the time to grab coffee that is if you are free and available but if you aren’t I would totally understand. You are a busy man. Asking you to coffee would properly mess up your schedule. And all plus you are filming a movie right. I guess you do not have the time. Yeah, it is fine you should not come.” She had managed to say all of that without losing her breath. 

Chris was smiling through it all, he though she’s cute when she’s shy. Acting like it didn’t matter. It surprised him at how well he could read her, especially the lack of knowing much about her. Seeing that she did want to see him agin he did wait much, honestly he was about to ask her out too but she beat him to it. 

“I would love to have coffee with you.”God that smile could cure all the sick she thought.

“I will wait for you at the entrance is that okay.”

She couldn’t say anything after that monologue, not only was she out of it but she had just realized what she did. She asked him out.

Him.

God please if you are here and listening do not make me awkward, which had been a horrible start. Please make this elegant independent woman. Please make me gorgeous in every way possible, make me eloquent. PLEASSEEE MAKE ME PERFECT, she pleaded.

She could just otter yeas sure awesome before he left to wait for her. It had taken her a solid 5 minutes to realize what had happened. Another 5 to manage to look presentable and the last five to be convinced by Lizzy, which managed to be at your office and force you to tell her about what happened. She was ecstatic, the understatement of the year. She was what we would say out of this world with joy. God, she was giggling and murmuring about whatever future she had imagined. You didn’t even register half of it and for the other half, you had been rolling your eyes stating that it was just coffee. 

You always had makeup in your work bag and an extra outfit in your locker in case you had to present something or if you had arrived in scrubs at the hospital. Always be prepared you remembered your mother telling you. Your mom has been the most influential part of your life, from the clothes you wore to what you studied at school. Men come and go but a degree is here to stay, she said. Not only did she make you study hard in school but always be dressed the way you wanted the way that made you feel extra amazing which happened to be wearing skirts or dressed and heels for everything and when I mean everything I mean even on a lazy day going out for groceries. If they had made running shoes that were also heels you would be the first and probably the only on to wear. 

Dressing up and doing makeup and all that extra girly stuff, as your dad would say, did not take away from your achievement nor what you strived in life. You liked to look good getting those diplomas and all. 

“I think I will wear this.” It was a long pink dress jacket you had been saving in your work closet inside your office in case of emergencies. And this was the upmost emergency of all. Chris had shown up on one of those days that looking cute was the last thing on your mind. Sleep was and always has been your true love and on that day, you needed an extra hour. 

“It is perfect.” Lizzy smiled at the way you had semi-transformed yourself. “Like a medical legally blond without the blond part.” she giggled at your joke that was not as funny as she may have thought. 

“How does my makeup look, and everything. What about my hair? Maybe I should cancel and say I had an emergency to attend to.” 

“Stop. Breath. You look perfect.”Lizzy shook you into a reality that had been hard to accept. Beauty. Was I pretty? The question that is worth a thousand no a million dollars, honestly even a billion dollars. 

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I did not know how to end it so lol this is part 7 please enjoy and also constructive criticism is as always very much appreciated. 

Thank you 

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1747

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

I honestly to god have no more inspiration so this story will just be here for another 3 more years 

Bye 

… I am back lol. I have no idea who even is enjoying this but yeah. I wrote this during finals so please excuse everything from it. From the grammar to the plot lol. I shall maybe edit it or something. Honestly didn’t this story needed more parts or anything and plus I am trying my hardest to make into a your name type without writing yourr name cause I never found it cute and plus whenever I read a yn i read out the yn has like yoon for some reason. So yeah 

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Chris had been in and out of his thoughts during this whole ordeal. He sat on the chair next to the doctor typing away notes on her computer thinking back to this morning.

And yesterday.

Yeah, let’s start with yesterday.

Catherine called. More than once. He couldn’t sleep well and woke up early. Went on a run. Got hungry. And got hit by her. The one he mistook the other day at the same coffee shop. Took a cab together. Where he couldn’t take his eyes off her. 

She was beautiful. He wondered, not really, why he wanted to hug her? In all that beauty, sadness seemed to poke out like weed on the pavement. He wondered who or what made her sad. He wanted so badly to take it away from her. To make her smile. He wanted to see that smile of hers, that smile that made his heart beat ever so slow each time. 

Should he ask her out? He thought he couldn’t, could he? How could he? He didn’t know her. He didn’t even know her name. Or what she did for a living. Or what was her favourite song or movie? The list goes on. He knew nothing. 

Lost in thought he didn’t hear what the doctor had said. “Yes doctor, I am sorry could you repeat that.” 

“I just asked you if you had any questions for me.” 

“Ohh no I am okay thanks.” 

“She must have thought that she hit you harder than she did.” Giggling at the thought of your backside hitting Chris Evans. “Honestly, I am surprised she didn’t run away or something.” 

“I am surprised I ended up here. For a small fall.” Surprised but happy. “Is she also a doctor?” He couldn’t keep his curiosity in anymore, he had to know something. 

“Uh, no she’s one of the medical physicists in training.” Asking questions, check one. “Ah, I think I am out of my league. A medical physicist what is that?” Lizzy only had two options here. One she wished but knew wouldn’t happen and one she did not like but would for sure happen. 

“Ah.” Opting for the second choice. “I am not the best to explain what it is but the gist of it is they keep us safe from all the radiation coming from imaging.” Well, this is not option two, she thought. “Why don’t you ask her about it.”

“I am sure she will give you a better explanation.” God, where was her Oscar. She a hundred and thousand percent knew what her best friend did. She looked at him waiting and waiting. 

Was she bating him? Chris had a feeling that this doctor knew her very well. And just maybe, saw him look at her earlier in the hallway before she walked away. Maybe he should catch the warm she’s throwing at him. 

“That would be best wouldn’t it.” His phone rang reminding him he could not stay any longer. “But, I think I have to go.” He shook the doctor's hand and opened the door to leave.

Thanking her one last time. “Her name is … she works in the nuclear department.” 

“If you come through the same doors and then turn left and take the elevators to the 9th floor.” 

“Y’a know for flowers or whatever.” Reminding herself what she was doing. Deciding maybe now silence would be best. God, her friend was going to kill her for this. Why was she giving away information like that? These celebrities make you do the weirdest things. 

He waved back remembering all the information that was given to him. Her name is beautiful, he would not forget it. How could he it rolled in his mouth like sweet nectar. 

“fuckkk”, Lizzy remembered. She didn’t ask for a picture or an autograph. Maybe she professionaled a bit too hard this time. 

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She had come at the right moment for her and the wrong moment for him and Lizzy. She had seen him leave and hid in a corner. Why may you ask? She couldn’t answer it either. Or maybe she was too afraid to acknowledge it. Knowing very well that during the cab ride the whole world could hear her heart. She could not muster any strength to talk to him during and after the ride. Gesturing the way to the ER reception earlier. In a perfect world, she would take the strength she always had and maybe just maybe ask him out for coffee. The least she could do after hitting him. Or even... Even. What could she even do? She could even come up with something so easy. Had she fallen into the trap of a superstar’s charm or was she genuinely into him? Into the real Chris and not just Chris Evans. How could she answer that question when she didn’t know who he was. 

“So what’s this emergency.” Finally taking a sip of her drink. It had cooled down by now. Sitting next to her friend. 

“You know I love you.” Looking at Lizzy wondering how this related to the emergency. 

“Yes, I do.” 

“And you know I always want what is best for you.” 

“Yesss.” She figured where this was going. 

“So why bring him here when you could have accessed him on your own.” It wasn’t a question. You knew, and she knew you knew how to. You and Lizzy spent many long nights practicing and studying for her boards.

“I…” I don’t know, she thought. 

“Next, question.” 

“You like him?” She looked at her friend, was she that easy to read. Lizzy figured it out and put it into words faster than she could have. 

“And you can’t lie to me.” 

“Why didn’t you just ask him out or better yet stayed there and bought him coffee or something.”

“What is liking someone even, Lizzy. I mean I don’t know the guy and he’s a celebrity. Let’s be real here.” Lizzy had rolled her eyes so far back, her friend and her rational brain. “Okay let’s put it like this if he wasn’t him but just a random person on the street.” 

“ohh but dear friend do you even see me talking to random people on the streets.”

“Men! Me and men.” She emphasized. “Do not work and I am very happy keeping it that way.” 

“Ohh really now, I saw the way he looked at you.” It was her turn to roll her eyes.  “That fine specimen likes you, and you can deny it all you want.” 

“Whatever, it is not like I will see him ever again.”

“Oh, but you will!Trust me. I sense those kinds of things.” Lizzy had already imagined and planned out your life for you. “Plus, I invited him to our wedding.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I could have if I wanted to.” 

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Two weeks had passed, and Chris was done with the first part of shooting. On break, he finally had the time to do what he wanted. To go and see her again. He had gone to that coffee shop every morning for the past two weeks hoping he’d see her again. Did he scare her off, he wondered. She hadn’t come, he even asked the cashier if they knew her or if she was a regular. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, he had to see her again and talk to her properly this time. 

He had planned to send her flowers during the week but decided against it. It would be more meaningful if he brought it to her in person. That’s exactly what he was doing. He had asked the florist to make him a beautiful arrangement. Delivering just that, beautiful could not come close to the bouquet he had made him.  Daisies and orchids filled the colorful arrangement and he had added lavender and iris to it. He did not know much about the meaning behind each of those flowers but hoped it meant something good. Following the doctor’s directions, he had been repeating it all week long; straight through the ER then turn left and take the elevators to the 9th floor. 

The warmth he had been feeling all morning long kept him pacing back and forth. He kept repeating the instructions like a chant, his hands had started to clam up. A new thing for him. He got nervous for auditions and first days on sets, even on talk shows. But this. This almost took him out a few times. 

“Breath, the worst thing she could say is no.” Well, that and maybe call security. Feeling like he was about to pass out, an overstatement of course. Because he was a grown man, and this is normal. Right?

He reached the elevator and pressed number 9, thankfully there wasn’t anyone in it. So, he breathed, in and out. 

Floor 2.

In and out. 

Floor 5. 

In and out. 

Floor 8. 

In and out. 

Floor 9. 

He quickly fixed himself before exiting the elevator. 

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Two weeks had passed, and she couldn’t concentrate on anything. Not her research. Not her work. Not anything. A little sad that he didn’t come back, she questioned everything. Maybe it really was just me feeling things. And maybe it really was just the superstar’s charm that had her this weak in the knees for a stranger. 

She had plenty of fake cries during the days that passed, she couldn’t believe she was not only charmed but that she had hit him like that. The patheticness had reached an all-time high that week. Oliver had been laughing for a week straight, Lizzy had told him about the whole ordeal, and he couldn’t stop laughing. While Lizzy was planning a fictional wedding. 

“God am I pathetic?” she questioned. 

“I hope not.” A whisper in the back made her regret everything. She knew that voice, she had listened to that voice all week long. My patheticness level increased. Praying that her mind was playing tricks on her she looked at back. 

Damn, she cursed at herself, the only time she had to go see patients and leave her office. 

“hi.” Hopping the crack in her voice did not give her away. She repeated with more strength. ‘Hi.” He looked so beautiful in his sky-blue shirt and jeans. “If you are looking for Dr. Kelley she is not in today.” 

“I am actually looking for you.” His face had turned a crimson red. God, he looked cute when he blushed. My patheticness level increased. Again. 

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Girl this make me feel like this specific girly don't know how to act like I could write a novella about my own relationships why she acting like that 😭😭😭😭

Anyways, hope you enjoy.

constructive criticism is very much appreciated, thank you. 

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1457

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

I honestly to god have no more inspiration so this story will just be here for another 3 more years 

Bye 

… I am back lol. I have no idea who even is enjoying this but yeah. I wrote this during finals so please excuse everything from it. From the grammar to the plot lol. I shall maybe edit it or something. Honestly didn’t this story needed more parts or anything and plus I am trying my hardest to make into a your name type without writing yourr name cause I never found it cute and plus whenever I read a yn i read out the yn has like yoon for some reason. So yeah 

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Tension seemed to vibrate in the small cab, unlike the music slowly playing in the background their beating hearts seemed to rage louder. The sound of the bustling town waking up, the streets retreating for the night as the walk of shamers running back to their own homes.

All the stolen glances and accidental touches that emerged from that cap ride burned them brighter than the crack of dawn arising in the back. At each brush, unbearable to one another they shifted in their seats. She couldn’t breathe she thought. Concentrate, concentrate, she repeated.

Her smell intoxicated him, his desire to touch her was especially unbearable and the butterflies in his stomach did not help. At each glance, it seemed more and more like a free fall into her beautiful eyes, what was happening to him? This pull she had on him, he could not put it into words. How could he? He was slowly and idiotically falling in love with a stranger. How could one explain this?

As they arrived at the ER parking lot, the taxi driver glanced at them through the mirror and smiled to himself, “That will be 20 $ miss.”

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“She’s going to be late.”

“Why? I NEED my coffee.”

“Well, calm down princess. She called me saying she was bringing in someone she hit or something.” The brunette in her blue scrubs sat down at her desk. She had quickly finished her morning rounds for this casualty that her friend had picked up. She really didn’t understand her rambling earlier, but she had prepared a corner room.

“Do not worry I will bring you your coffee first thing.”

“Please.” He whined, “Do not make me drink this.” Gesturing to his surroundings.” place sewer water that passes for coffee.” She giggled.

“Yes, sir” Kissing him before leaving for his own rounds.

Lizzy had finished her residency two years prior, while her beautiful, caffeine addict finance had just entered his. As a non-traditional medical school graduate, he was older than most of his peers, but that never stopped him. And she loved him for that.

She was the friendly, bubbly, sunshine of a resident and he was the nerd, shy and quiet second-year med student. Everyone thought it could never work, how could it? Opposite attract only in films, however, their love flourished, continued, and survived.

She started to replay the conversation she had with her best friend. She hit someone, she thought. At this hour she would already be in her office answering her emails. She did say she was coming by cab.

“By cab, by cab … by cab.” She couldn’t connect any dots, her friend bringing in someone by cab that she hit at the coffee shop. She quickly shook her head and laughed it off. It couldn’t be that bad, could it? If it was, she would have called 911.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Nancy, her favourite nurse, telling her about this admission at the front desk.

She smiled at her, thinking today really is filled with mysteries. Why would Nancy come all this way and not page her? First off, she did not deal with admitting any patients.

Nancy’s little giggles and smile while walking to the front desk should have been a telling sign. She should have known. She should have known that her best friend was not only clumsy but as unlucky as it comes or in this case lucky.

Seeing a little crowd gathering around someone, she wondered if it was a code blue. “I didn’t hear any code blues”, questioning the nurse to her left.

“Ahhh, that’s the thing I forgot to tell you on the phone.” She looked at her best friend in the corner with the coffees and pastries in hand looking flustered if that was even possible.

Taking some of the drinks and pastries off her hands, “You should probably take care of him soon before the whole hospital figure outs who he is."

Lizzy was about to question her friend but before she could the crowd around this mysterious person slowly dispersed allowing her to finally see him. Words could not form; she was shocked, flabbergasted, and astonished at the person in front of her. All the thoughts ran through her head. Her friend is an angel, a clumsy angel. Life brings you lemons, in this case Chris Evans lemons and somehow she had to make lemonade. But also, she had to keep her composure, she was a professional. She dealt with things far beyond one’s imagination, she was not going to let her favourite celebrity change that.

“Hii” giggling her composure long gone. Her friend looked at her, her eyes said everything. Get your shit together, I assaulted a man that needs help. Lizzy mouthed back I am sorry but that’s Chris Fudging Evans. The glare that her friend gave her could pierce any shield. Sighing. Lizzy tried her best to be professional. She straightened herself up and gestured to Chris to the room.

“Follow me please, we will go somewhere where there won’t be much commotion.”

“And you are coming with me to explain what happened.” Her friend was about to protest but Lizzy gave her a look that said she could not run away. She was going to try though.

“I will be there in a sec; I’ll just go give Oliver his coffee.” She looked down at her shoes scared that she was going to get caught in her attempt to escape. “He must really be needing his coffee right about now.” She continued, taking the drinks, and running away before she could get an answer.

“Well, Ms. Evans, it seems like it’s just you and me. You will have to explain what happened to end up here.” Lizzy was over the moon at what she just said, not in a million years did she ever think she would be saying these words.

“It is a funny story”, Chris said not thinking this day would end up like this when he only wanted to go for a quick run before his shoot. Which reminds him to text his assistant that he would be late today.

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His phone kept vibrating during the examination, he had texted his assistant that he had to quickly go to the hospital. Without adding much information as to why, she must be worried.

“You can answer your phone if you would like”, Lizzy had almost finished her checkup. Her friend hadn’t hit him that hard. And he didn’t have any scratches or neurological problems. He was good to go.

“We are almost done.” She sat down typing on her computer, while he put his shirt back on. She had to take a few moments to regain herself. God that man was beautiful. So is her finance but damn beauty is beauty, right? She shook her head.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

“You are good to go but if you want to ask questions, I am all ears.” She doubted he would, she was honestly trying to stall as much as she could for her friend to come and they could have the room.

Earlier, she witnessed something very intriguing, and she wanted to confirm it before he left.

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“Oli, I come bringing gifts.” She entered his office. He had been spinning around his chair for the past 5 minutes now.

“Here, you need it don’t you.”

“My angel.” In all of his joy he sat up and grabbed the coffee and the pastries from her hands. Finally, he thought.

The sweet, sweet taste of coffee. He was happy.

She stood there looking at her friend enjoying his treats, wishing that he wouldn’t notice her still standing there.

Time seemed to pass slowly, she kept looking at her watch every few seconds, counting in her head how long it would take Izzy to finish up. She was honestly concerned about nothing. Why couldn’t she just go to her office?

“Heyy,, uhmm Lizzy just texted me.”

“It’s an emergency. You need to go see her.” He lied; Lizzy had actually texted him to make up an excuse so you could go back to the ER as fast as you could.

Squinting her eyes, she wondered what a medical physicist could possibly help out in the ER. Knowing very well that if any of the X-rays broke her supervisor would be the first to be called. Defeated, she decided to go hoping by the time she reached Lizzy he would be gone.

She just left. Care to explain? He quickly texted before replying to a few emails.

Thank you, and yes I will. Lunch?

Yes! Have a good day love. He put his phone down and went back to work. 

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I wrote this instead of studying for my finals lol, I am the queen of procrastinating 😭😭😭😭

Anyways, hope you enjoy.

constructive criticism is very much appreciated, thank you. 

Here are all the parts so far, I should stop calling it a short story lol.

Part Uno

Part Dos

Part Tres

Part Quatro

Part Cinco

Part Sies

Part Siete

Part Ocho

Enjoy

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1460 words

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

“2 medium french vanilla, one with extra sweetener and one with extra wipe cream, hmm two croissants, one donut. 2 large black coffees, one double double and one with hazelnut syrup..please. Yes, everything to go”, She smiled at the barista thanking her again after paying. She stepped to the side allowing the next customer to order, she had scanned to room a few many times since she had arrived. It’s packed today, she thought, her chest rose and fell rapidly with disappointment. Not only was she going to be late but she actually had a bit of hope. 

She shocked her head, “this is not a hallmark movie”. 

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He woke up suddenly, and with a headache. Two hours before his alarm clock is scheduled to ring. He dug his face deeper into his pillows and groaned, “Waking up early on days I start late”. He irritatingly said to no one in the room, might as well get up now, he thought. Looking at Dodger asleep next to him, lucky he signed. Finally pushing himself up. 

After completing his usual bathroom business he finally looked at his ghostly and tired face. He was exhausted, to say the least.

Tired, drained and exhausted. A real triple threat.

Not just from the shooting and the extensive dialogue he had to learn but from her. Why call him last night? Why give him a tiny bit of hope? He hated her for that, she would always do that when they were dating. And always blame it on the way she is. She did not want a man to hold her back. In disbelief when he heard her say it the first time, he would never be that type of man. He would never dare and yet she accused him of something he had never done. Why would he hold her back? 

Was it their previous conversation about building a family? He always wondered what made her think he wanted her to be someone else. He knew what she meant by holding her back, she did not want to be the typical non-actress stay-at-home wife/mom. He had loved her, more than he had ever admitted to anyone. He wanted to give her the world, and if that world meant having a family they would find a solution to accommodate both of their schedules. Even if it meant sacrificing his own career and taking in fewer projects. 

He wanted her, and he was ready. Their romance was a unique one. It did come out of nowhere. He shook his head, the more he thought about it the more questions he needed answered. Did she not love him enough? Were all those late nights talking about them and their future lies? Was it just an excuse to leave him quickly? They broke up before he moved here which made it hard for any type of closer when she lived halfway across the country. 

No good in dwelling in the past, he quickly washed his face and cursed at himself. Amelia was going to kill him later for the lack of sleep. Shivering at the talk he was going to have to listen to. Amelia was a fierce and talented makeup artist. 

He looked at the clock, it is still early, grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt he headed towards the door with his trusty baseball cap and headphone. Might as well go for a run to clear my head. 

----------------

She shook her head, “You are a physicist… snap out of it”, she slowly cursed herself, fake smiling at the old man staring at her patheticness. 

“Miss, your order”, Thanking the barista once again she looked down at the number of things she would have to carry back. A 20-ish min walk, mentally facepalming herself and all the things sweet and good in the world. 

She walked towards the front door and using her backside she slowly push the door as her hands were occupied…

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The morning felt crisp and fresh, the sun had slowly gone up in the sky and the darkness slowly dissipated with it. He was getting a bit hungry and tired. As disgusting and sweaty as he felt, he needed something in his stomach: the blackest, strongest coffee ever. 

Reaching for his phone in his pocket, he quickly googled a nearby cafe. Two min walk, that’s not bad, stretching himself before starting in his mini jog to the coffee shop. 

He felt weird, an unusual uneasiness if you could call it that. Like déjà vu, without the déjà part. Or is it without the vu part… He quickly dismissed his thought as he jogged past these very familiar buildings towards the coffee place… 

He took a look at his phone, “have I been here”, questioning himself. He approached the door with confusion.

--------------------

We always seem to recall our worse days, those days that we wished we could somehow delete from our brains. 

Today is one of those bad, horrible, terrible days. 

She had knocked down whoever was trying to pull the door of the coffee shop with her sweet derrière. Technically the door knock them over but her derrière did do the motion, she cried in her head. How did she not see this person? 

Tip-toeing near the half-conscious man, she approached him slowly thinking he wouldn’t notice her. She wished he didn’t. Unlike half the coffee shop inside who all had their eyes glued on the situation. 

She slowly tried to bend down, while holding her coffee and pastries.

“Uhmmm sir, are you okay?”

No sign of life. 

She got closer. 

“Excuse me, sir, are you okkay?” 

Even closer, “I am soooo sorry, my friend is a doctor she can help”. 

She squinted a little to be able to see who she hit, the first time she had laid her eyes on him she was confused. He looked familiar, too familiar for her liking. But his cap hid half of his face. 

This morning is starting to look more and more annoying than she had initially thought. Her and her thinking, why would she go to this coffee shop in the first place? Her usual one knew her order, knew her and always gave her extra chocolatine. 

The mystery man finally realized what had happened to him, “I should stop looking at my phone when I walk.” He half giggled or more like an anxious laugh. “I hope no one sees my face.”He said under his breath. All this was relative, he has been hearing this beautiful voice for a while, “She smells nice”, he thought before slowly but painfully acknowledging the situation at hand. 

He had tilted his head a little which allowed his cap to move up and let the stranger in front of him finally see his face.

If he had stayed in bed a bit longer this morning, he thought. He should stop going on morning runs, they always seem to lead to the weirdness encounters. 

“Hi, no thank you I am okay, thanks” trying his hardest to escape politely. “You should really come with me I work at the hospital and my friend is the ER doctor on call today. It’ll take you less than 2 seconds for her to check you.” He had not yet looked at her and she was trying her hardness not only to be nice but to run away as well. At least if she forces him to come with her she’ll feel less awkward about the whole thing. 

“I insist, I’ll call a taxi”, she picked up her phone from her pocket without spilling any of the drinks or her pastries, He finally looked at her when she was on the phone with what he guessed was her friend doctor. 

His heart stopped. Which seemed like it has been doing so a lot these days. He maybe really should go see a doctor. 

It was her, the girl. He couldn’t believe it she was the one to hit him. 

Is it cliche or ironic? He wondered. She really did strike him. 

“Hi, uhmm, the taxi is here” Finally getting the chance to look at the mysterious man that she hurt. She recognized him. A tiny voice in the back of her head was thanking everyone but especially her booty for allowing this to happen and the rest of the reasonable and rational part was cursing everything and especially her booty. 

She gave him a warm smile and helped him to the taxi, which was parked on the other side of the street. 

Even injured, he remained a gentleman, opening the door for her. 

And just like that a new beginning had started where two seminally broken people not realizing right now that they are made for each other.

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I wrote this instead of studying for my midterms lol, I am the queen of procrastinating 😭😭😭😭

Anyways, hope you enjoy.

constructive criticism is very much appreciated, thank you. 

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 1253 words

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox - I have no idea how many parts this story and technically I haven’t an ending yet. 

~

And on cue, his phone rang, It was her. He was surprised, they broke up months ago. Why would she be calling him now? 

He wasn’t ready so he let it go to voice mail. He couldn’t concentrate anymore his mind was going into what-if mode. Those what-if thoughts somehow wondered off to the girl from the coffee shop. He would be lying to himself if he said that she didn’t make his heart skip a beat. The way she looked at him, it made him melt a little. He’s amazing at puppy love. 

Just when his thoughts were not consumed by Catherine, she called again. “She must want something important for her to call me”. Gazing at the phone he debated with himself, should he or shouldn’t he. Why would she even be calling at this time and after all these months? She broke it off and never looked back.

The evening sun cast shadows in his lovely one bedroom apartment. The production company had given him to option of staying at the hotel near the filming location but he had eyed this place months before. It had a beautiful fire place, next to it was a small dining room and the kitchen facing the the fire place. His room right down the hallway next to the front door. This was 110% better than any hotel room. It felt cozy, warm and a backyard for dodger. 

His aching heart was slowly growing in pain, he saw this place for them. His brows drew together, and in a frown of confusion and a little annoyance, he took a big bite of his casserole. Again, for the hundred times today, his thoughts wondered to the girl from the coffee shop. She was beautiful, and her smile. A smile that would make anything and anyone melt. The way she looked at him was out of this world, he knew that it was just starstruckness and shyness playing on that gaze but he was enchanted, truly enchanted. And he now hated himself again. For someone with a broken heart, he was amazing at falling for strangers every two seconds. Maybe that is why it never worked with her. He shook his head and headed to the shower. 

….. 

The morning came quickly, too quickly she thought. She couldn’t sleep. She had the unhealthy idea to go into a rabbit hole of videos and anything she could consume that was under 10 min. She wondered if she was starstruck or starting to get an unattainable crush on someone who was obviously out of her league. 

His beautiful eyes and his voice didn’t help, and remembering her awkwardness about the situation won the battle last night. She tossed and turned all night replaying the events in her head, thinking of better ways it could have turned out. She really was weird like that, she did need to work on that. Not be affected by the tiny things that did not matter but yet there she was cursing to the skies and all the gods above.  

She was what we may call not a morning person, which was the understatement of the year. The snooze queen. The why god? Why so early? The,  I rather sleep than do anything. The, my bed is my only true love ( other than Zeus obviously). 

Basically, SHE did not enjoy mornings and took her a solid hour to five to be able to leave this ghostly self that was her morning personality. However she loved routines, and she followed hers religiously. Wake up, Water with Sun, Play with pet, Bathroom, do Yoga or run, email with a smoothie, shower, get ready for the day, breakfast at a coffee place while finishing emails, and buy coffee for friends. 

Every morning, she would follow this, she did not know exactly why she had to do all these steps but some say it is healthy for you. Unless healthy means lack of intimate time with your bed then yes very healthy indeed. 

Her apartment was a modest and cozy thing, a Loft-style condo, it was a gem out of all gems. She really struck gold. She was living with Lizzy and her fiancee before finding this place, on a random Tuesday morning on her run she saw it. She got it the same day, in her sweaty workout clothes she stormed into her friend's room screaming that she found the best place ever. Industrial style with a twist of rustic. She had spent all weekend buying things for her new home, forcing Oliver and Lizzy to help.

When you entered through the main door, the spacious foyer had been converted into a cozy library-living room for guests. In front of the living room was a tiny space for her, her painting, her drawing, her wackiness just her. She decorated it in a way that it would fit all and everything she ever loved to do or will want to do. Left of her kid's playroom as Oliver called it was a big enough kitchen table where no one ate on. As much as she loved to cook for her friends, they all ended up eating on the couch and watching some random show or movie. Your mini office next to the kitchen had been redecorated to fit a very girly aesthetic. But ended up being a very unflattering unicorn barf of mitch match colours. Only one thing she could do; hide that disgusting wallpaper that she chose with books, plenty of books. 

She headed out the door ready to face a new day when arriving at her favourite coffee shop she decided or rather on a whim to go back to that shop she met him. She didn’t know why but she enjoyed their french vanilla a bit better. 

Wow! she thought, lying is not my strongest point I should probably work on that, mentally eye-rolling herself. 

She knew exactly why she went back there, even if her rational brain had been working overtime. He won’t be there, she thought. Why would he? He looked like he was in a rush. Why am I even going there? Pacing back in forth on the sidewalk. People started to give her the side eye.

She knew she was going to be late since the shop was further away from the hospital than her usual one. 

“Hey Iz, I will be like a few minutes late is that okay?”, her nose wrinkled at the thought of being late. And finding a good excuse to tell Lizzy. “… yeah something like that. Don’t worry I will have your usual order, yes thank you”, hanging up the phone, surprised at the fact that she did not question her about why she would be late. 

I mean I hate mornings but I make it a point to be early, thinking to herself. Unlike Lizzy, she would say better late than never to which I would always reply, I am surprised you are a working doctor, how in the world have they not fired you yet is surprising. 

Having now won the mental war, she was resolved, she was going to go. And like magic, her shaky legs started to walk in the direction of the coffee place. For the first time in what felt like forever her heart had taken control of her body. 

She put on her headphones, which will take her an extra ten minutes, she decided to take this beautiful and alone time and enjoy her morning commute. 

~

I thought I was on a roll welp not really I had to heavily edit this and all but please enjoy

Another meet cue is coming I am just trying to make it as natural as possible.

constructive criticism is very much appreciated, thank you.

xoxox

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 927 words

A/N: Hey online strangers, I wrote the first part a while back and have the rest of the story in my drive but have never posted it. This story I wrote way back in 2019 :'(. I will be posting at random times if you stay and read it thank you so much. Enjoy xoxox

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As the night slowly passed, she managed to watch her documentary, do her night routine and go to bed without bursting in awkwardness every 2 seconds. The morning quickly came. 

Blues and pinks filled the sky. The birds sang their routine melody and her alarm screeched its routine demise. She groaned and groaned.  Dragging herself into the bathroom to fix the mess that nights do to her. She managed to get out of the house and head to the hospital on time. Greeting her colleagues, she headed straight to her desk. 

She spent most of the day thinking, not about her research but about those eyes. Those blue eyes. She never thought she ever saw eyes as blue as his. As beautiful as his. As blue as the sky on a midday summer's afternoon. As blue as the sea. As, as … as blue as. She stopped. Trying to figure out what else to compare his eyes. She couldn’t find anything bluer. 

She was surprised at her sudden distraction. Especially a distraction like this. “Earth to you. This is the control center, do you copy?” the beautiful brunette teased. “How long are you going to stare at your dark screen for, huh.” Questioning her best friend. “I was thinking about the dose measurement I needed for later and I couldn’t figure it out.” She lied, finally opening her computer. “ Yeaaah right. Now, are you really going to tell me what was so important,” she glanced at her watch. “That you zoned out for 2 hours while smiling like a schoolgirl.” As much as she hated talking to others about how she felt or what she thought, she connected to her friend. She understood her in ways she wished she could understand herself.

“I wasn’t thinking about anything in particular,'' she paused while typing her password praying her friend would leave it. But knowing her, she would want something a bit more detailed. “It really is nothing, you know, hmm you know I think that they are filming something in the city.” Glancing at her with curiosity, Lizzy thought that you weren't the one to keep up with celebrities and such. Continuing with her mumbling, “So yesterday I was out with Zeus and we went to this coffee shop”, she stopped, looked at Lizzy and continued. “Someone mistook me for someone else and that's it.” she finished.

She looked at her friend, her friend looked back at her. She signed, took a long breath and quickly blurted, “Okay don’t freak out, he was really pretty and I think it was Chris Evans.” 

There was a pause, though not one of those awkward cricket-chirping pauses. No. It was worse. She prepared herself for what was to come. Closing her eyes and covering her ears. Her friend let out what could only be described as a knife being pierced into your ears. What a scream that was. It was such a piercing that the medical staff came running to the Nuclear medicine department. “Is everything all right?”, the concerned nurse on the left of the door asked. Lizzy sat down. After letting out such a powerful scream she had used up all her energy for the day. Chris fudging Evans. She was a BIG fan of his and even made you go see his depute broadway show. Which took a lot of convincing and a lot of chocolate. Quickly dismissing them and apologizing for disturbing everyone. 

After she regained her sanity, she rambled on and on about how this is such a Hallmark movie move. And on and on about how they would make beautiful babies together. She rambled and fangirled and everything you could think of until lunch came. 

 Sitting at their usual table at the cafeteria, Lizzy sat there daydreaming while her loving fiancée, yes fiancée, Oliver was laughing at the whole situation. He had heard that someone earlier given half of the hospital a scare for their lives. He loved Lizzy even with her borderline obsession with this man. He wasn’t jealous, he knew at the end of the day she was his. 

....

“And cut, that’s a wrap for today thank you all for the hard work.”

Thanking the crew after what seemed like an eternity of shooting the same scenes over and over again. Chris walked back to his trailer to quickly undress from his ‘work’ clothes and into his everyday attire. Jeans and a plaid shirt. Simplicity, he thought. After such a day, he couldn’t wait to get home to Dodger and snuggle up with him. 

The man walked through the parking lot trying to figure out where he parked his car earlier this morning.

Arriving at his temporary home, he greeted his dog and quickly hopped in the shower. He got out and made himself a quick dinner. He sat at his kitchen table going over his lines. His thoughts slowly wandered off. He wasn’t feeling himself these days. And he wondered why, though deep down he knew why. He thought about her, he missed her. He would never admit it but he wanted her back. She broke his heart so many times but he loved her so, he truly thought she was the one. That he was done chasing after girls that weren’t worth it. But I guess somehow everyone found a way to hurt him. They say the devil is always on time, and they were right. Just like magic, she was calling him. His phone was ringing and the person on the other line was her. Her. The one, he thought. 

~

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I should probably name each part right?

Anyways, I am on a roll so I will post the third part now.

“I want you”,  he proclaimed, did he forget that he wanted that bike last year, were is that want now 

“Do you know”, she chuckled knowing very well where this conversation was heading 

“I want you”, he repeated this time it sounded clear, and defined this time he was sure he was a hundred percent sure that he wanted her.

She sighed,” you know you might want me but you don’t need me”, she looked him in the eyes making sure that he would understand her. “You need air, you need water you need your heart, but you want an ice cream when you shouldn’t you want to stay the extra hour in bed… Wanting something isn’t always what we need or should have.”

“Are you afraid to be with me ? is this why you always to have the perfect answer to not fully reject me to still give a spark of hope.”

“To me it just sounds like you want someone to fight for you to become something that he needs”

“If that’s stopping you from being with me, honey I have needed you like one needs air I have needed you like the plants needs the sun… I have always needed you and always will.” She sat there, not knowing what to say.

She promised yourself she would never be with someone, to much hassle for a certain heartbreak at the end. He pushed her buttons in ways she couldn’t understand. Why him? Why now? Why me?  

I never wanted it let alone needed it. Why was he making her loose all senses, all rationalities. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breath.

I am not afraid.

Then what is it? 

I don’t need you like you do,

Liar. 

I don’t want you like you do, 

Liar. 

“We spent one weekend together, and you are basing all your present and future on that stupid stupid weekend. Honestly if I knew I would have disappeared way sooner …” She backed away, trying to find something, an escape. She looked around her not finding anything, then she stopped and continued. 

“Please be realistic”, this pointing to him and back to herself, “is never going to work.”

“I am too stubborn I hate to loose I hate being wrong and I hate the daily mundane shit of a couple. If I really cared for someone or even for you, do you honestly think that I would let you go..” Ah, the oh so used it’s not you, it’s me excuse. He could see through her, she knew that, but better say something now than getting your heartbroken in the future.

Pairing: ReaderxChrisEvans 

Request: Meeeee 

Prompt: “I’m sorry I thought you were somebody else”

Warning(s): I’m a first-time writer

Word count: 620 words

A/N: Hey online strangers, this little whatever you want to call it has been in my drive for about a few months now and I don’t I thought I should just put it out there. If someone actually reads it, thank you, blessed soul. I might continue it cause it kind of has a simple end. But we will see, I am lazy AF and lack time. 

Chris Evans short story 

The sound of the birds chirping in the background signalled to the locals that spring was finally here. After a winter that felt like an eternity, the warmth was very much needed. Especially for her, as much as she loved the cold and silence that winter brought, warmth once in a while is very much appreciated. Walking down the streets of the older-looking town, she held her dog’s leash tighter. The dog in excitement ran after the birds scaring them away with one bark. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. She was happy that she didn’t have work or any research to do as she took the day off to spend it with the only man that matters in her life. Zeus. She bent down to pet the dog, “ Zeus,” she sighed. “Don’t run off like that.” The beagle looked at her with his tail wagging and his tongue out, not understanding a word of his human companion. She got up and started walking again deciding she could drink something. 

Arriving at a nearby coffee shop, she ordered french vanilla, her usual pick wherever she went. It reminded her of her home. It felt warm with a sprinkle of sweetness. Yes, she would add sugar to her beverage, but only for the added experience of nostalgia, she defended. Not for her insanely sweet tooth. 

She took her cup from the waitress and thanked her, as she was leaving she felt a gentle and warm hand on her shoulder. Turning to confront the stranger as to why he would simply touch people. 

The colour slowly drained from the tall stranger’s face. In front of him was the only woman he ever loved, he ever could love. His eyes widened with disbelief, and he slowly approached the young girl, believing they were playing a trick on him. Surprised that she would be here in this town where he was shooting his new movie. His chest rose and his hands clammed up. He gently tapped her and under his breath whispered her name, “Catherine”.

Sadness clouded his features when the young woman turned around... her eyes sparkled at him... disappointed but deep down relieved that it wasn't.

She was surprised when her gaze met his beautiful blue eyes. For a split second, she got lost, as lost as a sailor would when listening to a siren angelic voice. She remembered that their voices only brought doom to whoever would hear them.

“I’m sorry,” she was back. “I thought you were somebody else.” An awkward smirk formed on her face, not knowing what to say to a literal Greek god. She nodded. The stranger was amused by her shyness. They stared at each other for a while before she nodded again, awkwardly and left him. He wondered if she knew who he was. Maybe she was starstruck, he thought. He didn’t want to sound cocky but he has been getting recognized all day long, which wouldn’t be surprising if she did. While he ordered, he thought from the back she really looked like her. With her deep auburn hair, he mistook her for someone he wishes he could forget easily. He took his order and headed to his car, and drove away to his new home for the year while he was shooting a new movie. 

She cursed at herself for what she did in the cafe earlier. She was pacing back and forth, from the bathroom to her room. Her dog looked at her with an intrigued look. “That was Chris Evans,” brushing her hair extensively. She always brushes her hair 100 before bed, as Barbie did, she whimpered at her patheticness. “That was Chris Fudging Evans,” screaming at herself in the mirror. She sighed so intensely you would think that fire would come out of her mouth. She held her face in her hands and fake cried. 

She was a drama queen sometimes, she thought. She got starstruck, she couldn’t believe it. She thought that being a rational person she would freeze at the sight of another human being no matter what he did. “Oh fudge me!!” Throwing her brush on her bed, she went to the kitchen to eat something. Being dramatic makes you hungry. While making her sandwich she reminded herself to never go to that cafe ever again.

~ 

I have always wanted to be truly free. Free from feeling. Free from people. Free from society. Free from responsibilities. True Freedom. But as I walk through this path, I realize that freedom is a long way down the road. I will never be able to reach the end of it. The road seems to just get longer and longer every step I take. 

Being fearful hinders my freedom impossible.

“Live a little longer”, I sighed. What is life? This fundamental question we all ask ourselves. What is life? Being on this stupid, stupid path for what seems like an eternity, you would think I would have some what of an answer. But I don’t. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. The only thing I do is walk and walk and walk. Nothing more. Breathing, living, feeling everything seems like such an impossible thing to do. I want to be free, fly away as far and as long as I wish with no true destinations. Just be. Just fly. And just free. 

“It’s a long way down”, I laughed. It would be a long way down. Being up so high. And  free. Nothing makes any sense anymore. I try and I try, but nothing. I am tired of trying. Life in itself makes me completely sad. Why is it so sad? I have never, I hope I have not asked for life. But somehow here I am alive and breathing. 

Why? I have no idea. “Meaning of life”, stupid meaning I thought. Going through all that just to find some sort of meaningless meaning. A meaning that will not make you any different or make you feel less. Just you get it. You get why you feel like complete and utter garbage. Nothing more. It won’t tell you why? Nor when? Nor what? Just because, because you are a complete and utter garbage you feel like this. 

Think that you are special. Think again. Think that you mean something to this world. Think again. Think again. Think again. 

On this day.

On this day, she discovered what pain truly felt like. Heart aching soul crushing pain. An unpleasant feeling of burning but never being burned, of drowning but never being soaked. It felt so physically real, so deep, so intense she didn't understand how one could muster the energy to feel anything else.

Her body heated with what she thought was rage but, looking back at it now, she knew deep down it was something much more simple.

“I need you,” he said with such passion, such purity and such need. It melted in her ears like a sweet candy. Slowly dripping lower and lower, it felt like caramel left outside on a hot summer’s day and then it hit. Something stronger. Boom. Just like a firework popping. A spark slowly grew inside of her, with such intensity she let out a low groan. Fortunately for her he didn’t hear.

The more he looked at her the more the feeling grew and, the more she had to look away. She never could look into people’s eyes. She feared that if she did, they would be able to see everything and know everything. Everything that she couldn’t face. The eyes are the window of the soul, she thought to herself. A soul that she feared so much she made it her life mission to build a castle around it.

“Please” he whimpered “look at me,” ordering her as if she was one of his little students. She laughed. And then she cried. Somehow. Tears started falling, not knowing why. They weren’t tears of joy or anger. She wasn't particularly sad or happy about his confession.

Yet, she would be a liar if she said he had no effect on her. She lusted for him. Simple as that. His body. His scent. His gaze. And those lips. She hated how much she wanted him and needed him in ways she could never understand. Her body had a mind of its own, reacting in ways it scared her.

“You don’t need me, you never will.” Surprised at herself she continued “you want me. You want my body. You want to be able to say, yes I have had her, I made love to her. But you do not need me.” Aching at the thought of him not needing her. She would always look for him in a room. She felt his presence pressing on her like the full force of a spacecraft going up to space. “You do not look at me the way I wish you would,'' she admitted. Finally, she lifted her head up and looked at him, at his beautiful emerald soul. She murmured, “the way I look at you.” Her eyes started to blur again. She couldn’t keep it. Tears dripping.

He didn’t say anything, maybe he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to say. She really was the one. He was certain of that. This was a fact, since the day he laid eyes on her. As cliche as it sounds, he really did fall in love at first sight. He spent that year trying to figure out why her? Why she made him feel this way?

She was beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful. Inside and out. But so was Jenny or Kim and all his exes before that. She was ambitious and kind. She would listen not ever wanting to be heard. Would move mountains for anyone in need. Her laugh could melt hell itself. And the way she walked, with such gracefulness and poise she made think if she wasn’t royalty of some sort.

You’d think she was perfect, brain, beauty and personality.

Yet, if you look long enough, you would see someone that’s afraid, lonely and and somehow in all her ambition has truly and utterly given up.

He sighed, “I …” with disbelief at what was going to come out of his mouth, “I’ll leave you alone from now on,” you don’t mean that, do you? “You’ll never see me again, I’ll disappear.” How could you after all of this, all these years craving for her. Wanting her laughed. Yearning for her touch. You need her. “Just know, you are no will always be the one.” Running his hands through his hair, he gulped “ I don’t know what else to say or prove my undying love for you, I am completely honestly in love with you. But I will never be the one to bring you any kind of pain. If you truly do not want me. I will respect your wishes and leave.” He concluded.

She knew she would regret those words, “Please go. I..” whipping the stream of tears off of her face,

The sound of him. 

How his gentle voice would say her name, that resembled an angel song. That voice. Oh, the things she would do to hear that voice of his. A voice that slips right through the walls around her heart and melts it. A voice, so gentle and caring. A voice filled with love and sadness. That she wonders? Who made him happily gloomy.

That voice of his. His voice when the lights are off. When the only thing that matters is her. That voice. When his breath changes. When, for a second, his eye colour darkens. When his voice becomes lower, when his breaths become heavier and utters her name. Murmuring her name on and on. She felt his husky voice going through her. A voice that had no problem breaking her walls. The walls she has spent a lifetime building.

A voice, a voice that felt like caramel melting on a hot summer's day. A voice, so pure and honest. A voice filled with so much love it's downright wrong. 

A voice that she wouldn't trade. 

Hey there!

Welcome to my Journal. Where I write things, feelings, hopes and dreams. 

Have a nice day and thanks for coming~reading.