cool beans

I love it when you call me big chungo.

why’s he say stuff like this

wine expert voice: Hmm… definite woke aftertones… and is that a hint of fam I’m tasting? Overall this selection is bae.

Bite me as hard as you please, and make me see stars. I am yours to use.

imagine a burger saying this haha

you have no proof that i am not at least one of the members of daft punk

proof: they are from France and there are two of them at the Grammies tonight.

goes to the kitchen. holds a knife in my hand for a while. puts it back. goes back to my room

Dude

what? what? what do you want daddy kink 33?

come get ur boy he just said flabbergasted in front of the hoes

remember being 5 and your parents insinuating to you that jumping on the bed is the most heinous fucked up evil shit a human being can possibly do 

Right paw lets stomp Left paw lets stomp HOWL! (AWOOOOO) Everybody wag your tails!

plot twist: JK rowling writes a series on voldemorts point of view

“i looked in the mirror and cried. i look like an egg”

me as a hotel receptionist: *greets guests by playing hotel california but cutting it off right before they say california*