I miss you sooo much Iman. There isn’t a moment I go without you on my mind. Some say we shouldn’t rush to our final moments. You combat that thought constantly. I still remember when I got the news.
I had just finished up from completing the crucible, and simultaneously being denied by a overweight gunny Mexican sgt (it’s still fuck him) (I guess the wierd passive aggressive hate a lot of Hispanics have for us blacks worked for the better, as I wouldn’t of been able to meet with your mom had I been plucked for Presidental Gaurd duty and sent off to Camp David. Potentially... God works in mysterious ways eh?)to go to Camp David, straight from Boot Camp. You were going to be the first I would of bragged to had I made it past that final stage. Anywho, we were back in the MCRD barracks. Cleaning up, the next day our family was allowed to meet with us. My parents were extremely somber and didn’t really open up to me with as much exuberance or that vicarious nature as they normally do. I remember my mom told my dad “you tell him, your the father”. So he took me aside and told me, “Brandon your friend Iman passed away”. Immediately I was overtaken with that wierd middle ground grey area feeling...
That feeling of , wanting to rmember to breathe in the current moment as the weight of such a statement feels like it pauses the central nervous system even. Looking around the room, almost expecting a mythical like deity to reveal itself to tell me surely this was the end of it all to let such an angel pass. Then the realization of staring into my dads (Rest in Peace)(Nov. 9, 2016) stoic expression filled face and that reiterating that as usual he was never a man to kid or play... in my mind I always just knew with an almost pompous like sense that as you’d protected me I’d be there to protect you.
My mother would then come over to confirm and follow up with inquiries as to my current state of mind. Even playing some voicemails from people who thought I was with you, seeing as though we were such close non intimate , and respectful besties. It was hard, ironically the emotion didn’t hit me then. I went on to graduate then proceed to boot leave. A 7-8 day grace period during which time I was traditionally introduced to a large portion of your family via a ceremonial like tradition where I answered many questions cried with many members of your family whom of which I’m grateful to this day that I met. Truly serving as a testament that God is good.
After many tears, and letting your family properly draw your name in the native language of your Place of Origin . Pakistan, which one day God willing, I will return to. I got it tattooed. I look forward to adding on to that tattoo by the way. I returned from Boot Camp to ITB, following every single protocol about therapy and deaths suffered and alerting the proper authorities as to prevent any more mental strain on the already compounding workload of the Charlie company infantry training battalion. I would later go on to experience via way of yet another ignorant Hispanic and red neck tag team duo within the usmc a disgusting comment made about you during a ruck. “If i slapped the girl who died in the car accident would that motivate you to train? Said the Hispanic combat instructor.
It was in that dark abyss of a moment I was simultaneously destroyed and reborn into something I pray will be harnessed for the purpose of GODS WILL, for let his will and not mines be done. My military career would then end shortly after due to numerous physical altercations, my refusing to train and being in the prison on Camp Pendleton. One thing that didn’t and will never end however is my love for you though Iman. One thing that always stood out to me however was this. Out of all the unit representatives that came and asked me to tryout. None of them agreed to apologize. I have long let that go and accepted that reality. However I promised myself and continually ask God that in serving him , one of my rewards be to paint the sky with your beautiful image and name. This is a small step towards that.
Till we meet again my forever Angel❣️
