I cried again today
I seem to do that a lot more frequently lately, after the surgery. It seems so trivial now, but in the moment I was broken and inconsolable. I used to be in great shape. At one point I was training to be a yoga teacher. I was strong and flexible and finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin; and then the surgery happened. It's been 17 weeks and I still can't do more than 7 pushups without my sternum hurting where they sawed me in half. The idea of doing a pull up is laughable. What finally pushed me over the edge was trying to do a forward fold to simply stretch my hamstrings. I could barely reach my toes, where only a few months ago I could press my forehead to my shins. And even on what should be an easy and restful pose, my sternum had to remind me of its brokenness. So I cried. I cannot even do the things I was able to do as a couch potato. It's hard to be able to see a path where I can ever get back to where I was only four months ago.
