The Calamity of a Eyeless Pirate

baby Bea has mastered the "dramatic cloak-removing" move!!

Things that, when I was eight years old, I thought were part of the fictional magical world, but I later learned were actually just British:

—Prefects/Head Boys. In the first few books I was actually pretty confused as a kid about what exactly prefects were and what their job was, which in hindsight should have clued me in that the author didn't invent them. There's never really a point where it stops and explains prefects, it assumes you're already familiar with the concept.

—School Houses. For the longest time I thought that was just another example of the wizarding world being backward and illogical, partly because it's such an on-its-face horrible idea (who the hell looked at teenagers and decided they needed more petty tribalism about arbitrary bullshit?), but it turns out that's a real thing British schools do.

— Treacle Tart. I thought this was like Pumpkin Pasties or Cauldron Cakes, I found out this was a real thing like last year. Still have never actually seen one.

“She saved the philosophers stone.” “Oh good for her! She must have gotten there before everyone else in class”

“People must get petrified all the time. It says not to worry though so it can’t be a serious illness”

“It says they’re obliged to inform us that ‘dementors’ will be at the school all year.” “That sounds exciting, I wonder what subject they’ll be teaching?”

“She’s been selected to participate in the second triwizard tournament task.” “Yes we had a letter about the tournament, she must really be getting stuck in with it and making all sorts of foreign connections.”

“Says she was part of a secret defence club?” “Oh I’m so glad she’s finally getting involved in the clubs, it’ll be good for her, you know she studies too much”

“I wonder why we didn’t get any updates from the school this year? They always seem to have something going on.”

“She saved the philosophers stone.” “Oh good for her! She must have gotten there before everyone else in class”

“People must get petrified all the time. It says not to worry though so it can’t be a serious illness”

“It says they’re obliged to inform us that ‘dementors’ will be at the school all year.” “That sounds exciting, I wonder what subject they’ll be teaching?”

“She’s been selected to participate in the second triwizard tournament task.” “Yes we had a letter about the tournament, she must really be getting stuck in with it and making all sorts of foreign connections.”

“Says she was part of a secret defence club?” “Oh I’m so glad she’s finally getting involved in the clubs, it’ll be good for her, you know she studies too much”

“I wonder why we didn’t get any updates from the school this year? They always seem to have something going on.”

I think RBB and SBB handled by One Direction themselves don’t agree with you on that one, lad.

Just two rainbow teddy bears wearing a real expensive Rolex in their wrist and all dressed up at One Direction’s stage tour just for no reason at all.

What a strange happenstance!

This doesn’t comply with the books, I realize, but it doesn’t exactly not comply either.

Why would Malfoy rip a page out of a random book? If he wanted the book, he could have just bought the book himself. He’s not poor, his family doesn’t discourage learning. He chooses to rip a particular page with a pointed glance out of a book. Why?

Think of what this and Dobby’s actions of warning have in common: Lucius Malfoy. The one who was apparently talking freely of the dangers that would face the Muggle borns this year. I think Draco knew more about what was going on, or at least figured more out, than he let on to his friends. Why? He was worried.

How does this connect to the ripped paper? How did Harry and Ron find out about the basilisk? How did Hermione?

A ripped piece of paper on basilisks.

Now we’re to assume that Hermione found this in a library book and promptly ripped it out to take with her.

But why would Hermione, with her love and care for books almost on par with the librarian, rip a page out of a book she could have just checked out? My guess is she didn’t find it in the library.

My guess is Draco somehow slipped her the piece of paper that he ripped out of a book before school started, detailing the monster he knew was in the Chamber.

And of course, we all know that Draco Malfoy would never, ever, ever do something petty like tear a page out of a book for the sake of it; after all, he definitely didn’t put a Leg-Locker Curse on Neville and make fun of him just because, he didn’t even think to help spread lies to Rita Skeeter to make Harry’s life miserable, he positively balked at the idea of bewitching badges as another means to put down Harry, and there is no way that he took away points from Hermione just for being “a Mudblood” as part of the Inquisitorial Squad. For all we know, that was a copy of Great Wizarding Events of the Twentieth Century, and Malfoy was tearing out a page detailing Voldemort’s downfall at Harry’s (unwitting) hands (a far more likely scenario, given Draco’s jealousy of Harry’s fame and his bizarre obsession with paying Harry back for, gasp, seeing through Draco’s posturing into the bully that he really was).

And for heaven’s sake, what is with the idea that Hermione Granger - Hermione Granger, who set a teacher’s robes on fire to keep him from jinxing her friend, who slapped a kid in the face for making fun of another friend, who kept a human being in a jar for at least a week and then blackmailed her in retaliation for being a malicious gossip monger, who jinxed a parchment such that a person’s face would be permanently scarred in the event that they told on the secret defense group, who led a teacher who was a well-known and vocal racist into a forest full of the very creatures that she knew would be outraged at this teacher’s views and would retaliate, and who attacked her crush with a flock of birds for the horrible crime of kissing another girl - would suddenly have qualms with ripping a page out of a book?

Hermione is neurotic, yes, and there’s no questioning that she adores books, but she says it herself - “books and cleverness” are entirely secondary to things like “friendship and bravery”. What Hermione thinks is right and the people she cares about come before the rules, and if ripping a page out of a book and writing on it was something that she saw as necessary to reveal what the monster in the Chamber was and how it was getting around the school in the event that she was Petrified, then she would do it without a second thought.

Ouuu you got yourself an analysis. I did feel lazy to write…but I’m going into essay mode now. Literally I can make a video on this lol. 

Okay so obviously for there to be mutual attraction- both parties have two like each-other. So I will explain why they both don’t like each-other like that individually. 

Let’s start with Mr. Harry Potter. 

Now we know he doesn’t think she’s ugly. But if you read the books, even in Hermione’s Yule Ball scene, he never has a physical reaction to her. When he described her looking pretty it was just that, ‘she looked pretty.’ With Cho and Ginny however, we see that he describes their looks alongside a physical reaction he has to them, when he see’s cho there’s a ‘jolt in his stomach’ and later Ginny, ‘a raging monster in his chest,’ he never experiences this with Hermione. So although he doesn’t think she’s unattractive, he himself, is personally not physically attracted to her in a way that renders a reaction. 

Next, remember that Ron and Hermione are Harry’s FIRST friends. He did not grow up with a sister, and he only relative his age is Dudley, who bullies and abuses Harry. He’s mentioned as having no friends in school, and he’s been isolated his whole life. It makes sense that he would develop a family like connection with the first people in his life to show him affection. Look at how attached he got to Hagrid, because Hagrid was the first adult figure in his life who helped him. After Ron and Hermione, he has two friends, it makes sense that he would not be as attached to the next people he meets from then on. 

Hermione’s personality is not one that Harry is attracted to romantically. As a friend, yes. But romantically, she is quite the opposite. The reason he loses attraction for Cho is because she becomes emotional after Cedric’s death. Harry hates this. Harry does not deal with emotion well at all. And this is a result of developing humour as a defence mechanism for abuse and trauma. Harry wants someone he can joke with, someone he can escape his trauma with. He simply is uncomfortable around highly emotional people. Hermione is a highly emotional person, she cries a lot, and is very passionate about things. Harry wants a ‘chill’ girl a ‘go with the flow’ girl and Hermione is anything but. He does not want to play the comforter,  he is so uncomfortable around emotions that people speculated that was due to he Voldemort inside him. I think it’s because after years of trauma, abuse, being an orphan, losing so many loved ones, he turned off his emotions, rather than deal with the tragic reality that was his life. If he wasn’t able to do this, he would not have been able to defeat Voldemort in the first place. Ginny is perfect with Harry here, because she grew up with six brothers, she is essentially the ‘chill’ girl Harry is looking for. 

Hermione questions him. One of Harry’s flaws, that also kind of makes him a hero in the process, is that he is confident in his plans and abilities. He does not like being questioned. Hermione does not blindly listen to Harry, she questions him and does it often. Much to Harry’s annoyance. In OOTP when she questions him, and says he has a saving people thing, he gets so angry with the fact that she could even think he’s wrong, and does not consider for a second that he just might be. Hermione’s always the first to nag Harry about what he does, and Harry despises this. Example, when Hermione lectures Harry about the Prince’s book because of what Harry did to Malfoy. 

“I won’t say ‘I told you so,’ ” said Hermione, an hour later in the common room. “Leave it, Hermione,” said Ron angrily.

Harry had never made it to dinner; he had no appetite at all. He had just finished telling Ron, Hermione, and Ginny what had happened, not that there seemed to have been much need (…)

“I told you there was something wrong with that Prince person,” Hermione said, evidently unable to stop herself. “And I was right, wasn’t I?” “No, I don’t think you were,” said Harry stubbornly. He was having a bad enough time without Hermione lecturing him; the looks on the Gryffindor team’s faces when he had told them he would not be able to play on Saturday had been the worst punishment of all.

Give it a rest, Hermione!” said Ginny, and Harry was so amazed, so grateful, he looked up. “By the sound of it, Malfoy was trying to use an Unforgivable Curse, you should be glad Harry had something good up his sleeve!”

“Well, of course I’m glad Harry wasn’t cursed!” said Hermione, clearly stung. “But you can’t call that Sectumsempra spell good, Ginny, look where it’s landed him! And I’d have thought, seeing what this has done to your chances in the match —”

“Oh, don’t start acting as though you understand Quidditch,” snapped Ginny, “you’ll only embarrass yourself.

See the difference between the two? Even Ron gets Harry…Hermione just doesn’t have that stop button. She doesn’t really care about how a person feels, if they’re wrong, well, they’re wrong. She doesn’t just do this with Harry. But for someone like Harry, who already thinks the world is against him, this is a big deal. He needs someone like Ginny who will defend him, not someone like Hermione who will question him. 

She’s not fun enough for Harry. Harry liked adventure, Harry likes humour, but Harry can’t do it alone. He vibes off of the people he’s around. It makes sense, Harry deep down, is a very sad person. When he’s left with someone who isn’t lightening the mood, he can easily be dulled out. As we see in GOF,

“You miss him!” Hermione said impatiently. “And I know he misses you -”

“Miss him?” said Harry. “I don’t miss him…

But this was a downright lie. Harry liked Hermione very much, but she just wasn’t the same as Ron. There was much less laughter and a lot more hanging around in the library when Hermione was your best friend.

Ron and Harry are different in that Ron does not have the trauma Harry has. Ron doesn’t NEED to be filled with positive people all the time. He can simply BE the positive person. Hermione’s lack of humour in situations or seriousness, doesn’t impact Ron, because, well he can deal with it. He can make jokes on his own, just like Ginny can. Harry and Hermione are incapable of doing this, especially later on in the books. They need to be surrounded by people that bring out this side in them. Ron can stay silent for two hours with Hermione in the library and not think about Voldemort, Harry can’t, he needs a distraction, he needs people that are the lives of the party.

Hermione is too passionate about things for Harry. Harry- I have it worse Potter, cannot be bothered to debate about things like SPEW or care enough about Hermione’s school schedule. He simply has bigger things going on. He needs someone that understands this, that doesn’t add extra burden or stress into his already stressful life. 

Now for Hermione,

Hermione is naturally a perfectionist and a worrier. This is not because she enjoys worrying, she simply cannot help it. Having someone like Harry, is a worrisome thing, she is CONSTANTLY worried about him. This is not something you would want on your significant other, with Ron, she’s more at ease, yes he has his problems, but, they’re simply not as excessive as Harry’s. She can avoid worrying as much when it comes to Ron, and simply enjoy her moments with him, this is something that brings her peace. 

Hermione needs someone who values her opinions. Ron is that person. They are always fighting because Ron is actually listening to what Hermione has o say, he actually pays attention to her passions and interests. He doesn’t agree with them all the time, where as Harry I have worse potter, zones her out. In third year, Ron is wondering where she is all the time, he is confused about her schedule, Harry doesn’t care, the man who betrayed his parents escaped Azkaban, whats a few more extra classes? Hermione, as passionate as she is, needs that, she needs someone who cares about what she does and why she does them. 

Hermione needs someone who isn’t high-stress. Harry may not be high-stress with school, but he is high-stress in general. Hermione is the queen of being high-stress, she needs someone to reduce that anxiety, not elevate it. And Ron is just that person. 

Hermione needs someone who can take her criticism. When she tells Harry he’s wrong or has the wrong idea, Harry is furious with her. Where as although Ron gets mad, he takes it better than Hermione, or he challenges her in a way that tells her to explain why she thinks that instead of just being upset with her thinking it in the first place. Harry is simply more prideful than Ron, which is perfectly okay. Ron is able to put things aside, but Harry dwells. Hermione has easily been way more critical to Ron, but he gets over it. Ron having 5 older brothers who tease him, is more lenient towards critical remarks from Hermione. Harry is not. And Hermione simply cannot contain these remarks, she just can’t. Harry will not say anything and simply be like ‘Hermione is the worst’ Ron will be like ‘why are you saying that?’ Example with Scabbers, Hermione refuses to apologize, Ron asks her, he just wants an apology. With Harry, he wouldn’t ask, he would just expect one. Ron is also able to get over it without an apology. 

Ron is more emotional/ deals with emotions better. Hermione needs someone who can understand her emotions, because well, she’s an emotional person. Harry shuts out emotion, Ron, who has lived in a loving family, filled with hugs and Christmas and kisses, is used to showing emotion. He can handle her tears, he won’t run away at her crying. Every-time Hermione cries in the book Harry describes himself as being uncomfortable, where as Ron is either comforting her or approaching her in a way that shows the readers he isn’t scared of this. Hermione needs that in a significant other.