HouseWifeMama

Maybe it’s because I haven’t had a decent sleep in years. Maybe it’s because my youngest decided to skip the terrible two’s and take on the terrible threes in full force. Whatever it is, I been analyzing my days lately. It’s a never ending cycle and I’m thinking what if the main reason why I’m taking on my masters degree is not to prove to everyone that I’m not a stay-at-home-LOSER but so I can get away from this house life.

- I have a crappy sleep because only God knows why my 3 year old wakes up crying for me.

- I help my oldest get ready in the morning. She’s almost 9 but is scared to do anything by herself like brush her teeth. So I’m sitting there to watch her get ready while I’m half asleep.

- I’m praying to God that my youngest will wake up in a good mood. Drink my coffee.

- Workout

- Run any errands such as commissary run or post office.

- Homework

- Tidy up the house

- Cook dinner.

- Wash dishes and clean up because apparently the job belongs to only me.

- Shower.

- Then pray to God to have a decent sleep.

The same cycle happens again the next day, of corse I left out all the tantrums, the sibling fights, the screaming, and my moments where I try not to cry.

I hate those parents who say they would never do this or do that, like they are the perfect parents.

After having two girls, I now believe that you can try your best to raise them right, but those little human beings will soon develop their own mind and make their own decisions.

Every child is different. My oldest turns 9 in April. She was a horrible baby and toddler. Cried all day, screamed when she never got her way and she’s the reason why we stopped watching movies in the theater. However, I could calm her down by talking to her as I explained what she was doing was unacceptable and rude.

My second daughter, on the other hand, just refuses to listens and just screams louder and louder. The annoying thing is, these tantrums are caused by the littlest, most dumb thing. For example, this past Friday night, we were getting ready to make a quick run to the exchange. She had already changed her clothes twice that day, so when she wanted to change again, I told her no. I stared at her dirty laundry basket that I had just washed the day before and already saw a huge pile of clothes. I got a lot more angry than usual. So when she started screaming NO! At the top of her lungs, I literally sat there, watching her scream, and was trying not to cry. Then I started counting in my mind so I wouldn’t beat her ass. Don’t get me wrong, my kids still get a little disciplined spanking either on the booty or a little slap on the hand. But at this moment, I was extremely, shakingly angry that I needed to calm down.

A healthy, fit, toned body.

I always find myself letting my annoyances and frustrations take over and speak. Then it's not until the next day that I start replaying it in my mind over and over again, seeing everyone's reactions, probably thinking "damn she's annoying" or possibly, "damn she's a bitch."

Then, for like a week I'm in a weird funk telling myself to just shut the hell up next time I'm around them.

Then after that I'm like F it. I speak my mind and I don't care.

1. Start taking care of your skin now.

2. Once you hit 18 your metabolism will be crap and you're gonna have to work extra hard to stay in shape

3. Don't start smoking cigarettes. It's gonna take years to quit and I think it might have ruined your skin

4. Start dancing Tahitian early. You started in your 30s and your hip and lower back problems got worse.

5. It's ok to be selfish and think about yourself.

I always have my moments, but summer time is when I become a MOMster the most. Having my two daughters together all day long make my day insane. The yelling and the screaming are constant, and when they’re not fighting, they’re laughing loud as hell and I can’t get anything done. When people think stay-at-home moms have it easy, I just want to punch them in the face. My husband can clock out of work, but I can’t. Because my youngest is attached to my hip, I’m working all the way until I close my eyes in bed. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love being able to stay home with my babies and raise them myself. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just wish my kids didn’t push me to my limits all the time, so I wouldn’t lose my voice yelling. 

Just ten minutes ago, I was yelling at my oldest for trying to help her sister onto the toilet while her underwear was still on. I heard my youngest crying and saying No! No! Using my special mommy intuition, I already knew that my oldest was trying to carry her onto the toilet while her underwear was still on. I was already yelling on the way to the bathroom. Like, am I the only one that can do things right in this house? I asked my oldest to help me out and take her sister, who is only 2 and newly potty trained, to the bathroom, while I cleaned the kitchen. But Noooooooo. I always end up doing it anyways, why ask for help. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mommy. It was totally my choice to have a second child. I knew of the struggles, I knew of the sleepless nights, I knew it wasn’t easy. I already experienced the hardships of being a new mommy with my first daughter. Now, my second daughter is 9 months, and I’ve already made my decision not have any more kids. Why? Because I’m tired. 

We just got back from a Labor Day camping trip with some friends and I had my baby girl attached to me for most of the trip. She was in my hands while I ate, while she ate, in the shower, and even when I was in the water. I’m tired. 

The idea of weaning her off the boob keeps haunting me. I want to, but yet I’m not emotionally ready. Why does motherhood mess with your mind? I want to wean her off in hopes of finally getting some help, and I don’t want to wean her off, because I love the bond we share. Aaahhhh, I’m tired.