i want 10 dogs

[me drawing 7s with a little line through them to impress girls in the library]: hmm. what? yes, i always draw 7s like this. it’s normal for me.

I’m happy for her

lesbians who make the first move are braver than any US marine

yes because facing rejection is so much scarier than being fucking shot at in the middle of a land you have never been to, and have a high chance of dying. ok

i’m glad you understand

One of my favorite tropes is post apocalyptic towns being named after dilapidated signs with missing letters, like Novac (no vacancy) and Eaden (dead end). There’s something inexplicable about it

just lost my mcfreakin mind on a conference call bc someone’s email was their first initial and full last name and it spelled m.othman

fellow millenials i just got back from the dentists (fail) and let me tell you. hash tag gingivitis

god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…

what did earth say to the other planets?

wow. you guys have no life.

oh my god

Why is this still getting notes it’s been 5 years god damn it

all steve wanted was to marry his high school sweetheart and get a nice job and some health insurance but now he’s a single teenage dad of 6