hot challah

This is the second question I've ever received through "Help Me Hotchallah" and I apologize for take forEVER to respond. I haven't logged in much and it didn't ping me that you asked. My deepest apologies. 

Let's see. You ask "How do I strike the right balance between being professional and personable at work?" This is a fantastic question. I have to say I suck at striking this balance. I'm a chronic oversharer and I don't know how to be discreet to save my life.

Day 3 of feeling sick. I have taken to the bed. I've begun drawing a motley crew of characters. I hope I have a fever dream and they all attend. 

“So, do you want to do anything today?” Helen asked from her seat at the kitchen table, her legs folded up into her chest, her heels perched on the edge of the seat. She hoped he would offer a walk around the city, maybe the park or even a movie. She waited. 

“Actually, I was thinking about cleaning up after this and going down to see Rick at the shop.” James didn’t turn around to say this; instead he told these plans to the soapy blue mug in his right hand. 

Helen didn’t say anything else. She stared at the stacks of papers and piles of mail overwhelming the kitchen table. Ripping open a few of the envelopes closest to her Helen began to sort the crap from the crucial. A clever way to describe separating things really, the crap and from crucial, she thought. As Helen contemplated making this dichotomy her new personal motto, she realized that opening these letters, bills mostly was not something she wanted to face in this morning. Eventually perhaps, but just not right this minute. 

Unfolding her legs and standing up out of the wooden kitchen chair, Helen felt the tenseness of her muscles start to release. “Well okay, I’m gonna go take a shower” Helen told James who had just about finished with all the dishes, “let me know if I start taking to long.” 

James didn’t so much as answer as sort of clear his throat as he placed the last of the smaller plates on the drying rack. Helen continued out of the kitchen and around the corner into the bathroom. There she began to undress, facing the mirrored medicine cabinet. Staring at her reflection she began to practice faces into the mirror. Happy. Happier. Seductive. Innocent. She turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. In the shower she began planning what she was to do for the rest of the day. Buy eggs, call her sister, do at least the white load of laundry. 

Out of the shower Helen quickly footed into the bedroom, leaving wet little foot prints of the balls of her feet and toes on the floor. She turned on the television as she got dressed, watching a sitcom rerun as she put on her socks. As she sat on the end of the bed, her towel wrapped around her hair, wearing only her underwear and socks, James walked through the bedroom door. 

“So while you’re out with Ricky I think I am going to run some errands,” Helen told James as she walked to her drawers and began to pick out a shirt. “Do you know what you are doing tonight because there are some pretty good looking movies out right now?” Helen looked over at James, who was going out towards the bathroom. 

It was Saturday, three weeks after the funeral and Eric and his brother were on the roof, patching up holes and attaching shingles. Down on the street a late model four-door sedan slowed to a stop in front of the row home next door. A real estate agent stepped out of the driver’s seat, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit. He opened the back driver’s side door and out slid a slim, brunette woman, followed by an older gentleman. The couple had arrived to look at Mrs. Clark’s home next door. Eric had been fantasizing about moving into Mrs. Clark’s house ever since she died - not out of morbid fascination but because she had a great outdoor porch while Eric’s family’s was small, screened in and perpetually full of broken appliances and boxes of everything.

"The newspapers are reporting great, hopeful studies on circumcision in curbing HIV transmissions in Africa. And there is talk of hospitals offering the service at no or low cost, which is all fantastic and very much needed of course. I can’t quite get this next thought out without it coming out as punch line. But every time I read something on this, I can’t help but wonder - what are they going to do with all that foreskin? Can it be used for grafting, for compost?"

Coffee mugs are for suckers. They are too easy to come by and EVERYONE HAS ONE! So, in the insufferable spirit of DIY and the Green movement I have decided to make a simple thing difficult and instead of purchasing a coffee mug I have made one from scratch.

Previously, I touched on the relatively known anti-semitism of one, Coco Chanel. Today, I inform you of another oft-loved Jew hater, our childhood friend: Roald Dahl.

This post is in response to my first ever question through the "help me hotchallah" question link at the top of this page. It may be spam but in case it is sincere, I'm answering it seriously.Dear Anonymous,

Where to begin. I’m assuming that you are at least 18 because if you aren’t I don’t want to talk to you about this. Get a non-sexual hobby and work on making yourself an interesting person. Or study for the SATs or something.

First of all, blow jobs will not make a boy like you, they are not magic. 

If bjs made boys “like like” you in a way that mattered or lasted then no one would be single and broken hearted…ever. 

Never ever give a blow job to a boy who hasn’t already demonstrated that he likes you if you like him – this will only end in hurt feelings.

I’ve never been one to give out blow jobs freely because frankly, I’m not one to give out awesome presents to people who don’t demonstrate respect and adoration of me. I also really don’t think a bj is any less important than sex. If you don’t feel ready to have sex with someone, are you sure you’re ready to put your face up to their junk and pleasure them? Does the word pleasure make you uncomfortable? Would you use a condom? Is this boy sexually active? Do you want oral herpes on your face like Katie Holmes? These are things to consider.

I’m not a puritan dear Anonymous, it’s okay to have the sexy-time with people you don’t have loving feelings for, if that’s what you both want and you are being mature and responsible about it…but that is not the case here since you clearly want this boy to like you.

What makes a boy like you is being a badass awesome lady who is smart, funny and confident. I am all these things and sometimes boys don’t like me! But you know what? I usually realize they are dumb assholes!