REGRESSING BACK TO MY 2014 SELF

"Put Baby in pelican mouth" has transformed my thinking in ways I haven't entirely discovered yet. The other day at the shop I heard "just give us your ID card at the till to get 15% off such-and-such products!" And my brain went "Big Chain Store perfec/t size for give all your personal data! Deals very cheap and fun your data safe give data to Big Chain Store. Give data to Big Chain Store. No problems ever with Big Chain Store because good size and safety for ID card weak of so much yummy personal data. Abig Chain Store yes a place for data give data to Big Chain Store can trust Big Chain Store for give data to all its friends. Friend Store"

couple weeks ago while holiday shopping a cashier at Fancy Candle Store asked me to put my email in before i began checkout and this post immediately popped into my head and prompted me to say "........why🤨?" it was just so i can get deals for next time i go. so i said no thank you :) because i do not go to Fancy Expensive Candle Store often and i am not putting email in pelican mouth willy nilly

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture

not to give green day credit but it is immensely funny how often Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation will be like hi green day play my event. and green day is like ok Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation but you know we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians and we are going to play our song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians .and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like ok green day thats cool. and then green day plays their song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and Big Corporation For Guys Men Guys Guy Corporation is like wtf green day you cant do that you cant play your song we suck dick and penis and want to kill politicians. and this has been happening in a cycle for 30 years.

Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

I got that dog in me *curls up on the ground and starts whimpering*

man having your life even a little bit together will really make you realize how chronically sleep-deprived and poorly fed and under-enriched everyone is and then when they turn to you to implicitly agree that that's just the natural state of existing you feel like the asshole for being like "actually I think you might benefit from eating breakfast regularly and picking up a new hobby"

it's because you're always identifying with that damn character

Honestly fuck AI for making me have to go on and on defending the dignity of toil like I’m some kind of protestant

*sends out email I've been putting off* ah finally :). ah that's a weight off my shoulders :). ah I can relax an-- *receives response to email* what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuckkkk

wished a customer happy new year yesterday and he responded “happy new moment! you get as many of those as you’d like :)” so we’re all gonna be okay