shouganai.

when my heart hurts it feels as if someone sets fire to the sainte-chapelle. all the colors fade and shatter in vivid detail. i’m going to be sick. there’s something so wrong with me.

drowning forever. why must i be like this? what if ppl find here and my old posts….. idk i cant breathe. obsessed. obsessed. i hate my heart.

anger festers within. for what i try to get out of pain? for why? i am but a fucking court jester giving this stupid fucking waste of a space a chance they don’t deserve. the resentment brewing feels like a waste time of time since you waste mine. i hate you right now.

i wonder sometimes if men i lead on or slept with look at my blog. it’s not like i post frequently and they missed my peak tumblr days but a client found my dialovers blog so lmao

thank god taylor swift is at her most powerful. i am absorbing the energy from her music to not be sad about my cycle of being constantly rejected. pick a god and pray everyone who is not my friend or ruki mukami.