OMG okay tumblypoos let me do you a heckin learn about the time this teenage CRETIN picked a fight with me in public. allow me to set the stage. there i was, minding my own business in the dairy isle of my local kroger (like tesco but for muggles), just trying to stock up on bertt's every flavor probiotic yogurt, when, to my shock and discomfort, a rapscallion no older than sixteen or seventeen, dressed in aeropostle, pushed past me with her cart, bumping into me, causing me to stumble and scatter my yummy little yoplaits across the aisle. "watch where you're going, you old hag!" the rude child sneered, her mom too busy on her phone to even notice the assault i was just subjected to. though taken aback, i kept my cool, as my dear readers know to expect from me. "old hag? i am but 37 years old, likely only as old as your mother there" i retorted, stopping her in her tracks. "would you treat your mother so uncouthly?" though she appeared stunned at first, her eyes widened at seeing the black snarry tee i was wearing before grinning devilishly. the youth spat, "eww, gross, a snarry shipper? that's practically incest, you know? drarry is much more popular, get over it, you gross hag!" she then turned to her mother, whining, "moooom, this old lady's being weird to me! make her stop!" the little brat. her mom, oblivious to what the diminutive dementor had said, put down her phone just long enough to whip around to me and say, "excuse me? get away from my daughter! i ought to call the police!" before she could go further, an employee came running over to us, telling her, "ma'am, please calm down. i was stocking shelves when i noticed the exchange, and it seemed that your daughter had instigated it." she was incensed at this, yelling, "my precious daughter would never lie like that! i demand to speak to your manager!" at this, the employee seemed to grin, keeping cool in his own right and clearly knowing he had the upper hand. he tapped his name tag, which said his name, and, below it... manager! speaking as if he had been waiting his whole life for this, he smirked, saying, "ma'am, i am the manager. and if you continue to harass our customers i may ask you to leave." at this, the woman was aghast, sputtering for a moment. before she could regroup and counter-attack, other shoppers, who had noticed the kerfuffle, approached us, saying, "it's true, that kid started it, i saw the whole thing" and "you should be ashamed for your daughter's behavior!" after a minute of this, the woman and her daughter stormed off, leaving their cart behind. the manager, giving me an apologetic smile, said, "i'm sorry about all that. here, the yogurt you dropped," placing my bertt's into my cart. he got a little closer to me and whispered, "i couldn't let a fellow snarry shipper get accosted like that." he pulled open the top of his vest to reveal... his own snarry shirt! "by the way," he continued. we've been looking for a way to advertise our store's unique yogurt flavor, harry berry, local to this area. it's not lucrative, but would you consider being our local spokesperson? we could use someone upstanding like you to promote our brand, and besides, it comes with a year's supply! what do you say?" i replied, "i appreciate your offer, good sir, but i am afraid that all of my free time must be devoted to spreading the good word." i gave him a wink. "if you catch my drift." he smiled understandingly. "well, ma'am, at least let me give you this!" and he handed me a 50% yoplait coupon, which i readily accepted. and this is what happens, dear readers, when you stand up for what's right and true. there are more of us out there than you may think! keep fighting the good fight against the drarry naysayers out there!
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