𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 / 𝑺𝑻𝑶𝑹𝒀

A HORSE NAMED COLD AIR / MITSKI.

a lake with no fish is the heart of a horse named cold air who when young would run like a storm they would say. i thought i'd traveled a long way, but i had circled the same old sin.

WIFE / MITSKI.

i cannot bear you a son; i have tried. but if i am not yours, what am i? i daydream i'd give him a name of my own for i, even mine, even mine is unknown.

SAFE WITH ME / SOAP&SKIN.

no love can be safe with me.

NOTHING TO REMEMBER / NEKO CASE.

i spent my life becoming invisible. it’s hard to maintain and it’s hard to get by. i don’t recall fight or flight setting in. i had no introduction; i just breathe it in like the air. [..] i’m ashamed that i’m barely human and i’m ashamed that i don’t have a heart you can break. i’m just action and other times reaction. all i own are the strides i spend to the finish line and i’ll give you those.

YOU ARE A RUNNER AND I AM MY FATHER’S SON / WOLF PARADE.

i am my father's son and i'll build a house inside of you. i'll go in through the mouth, i'll draw three figures on your heart: one of them will be me as a boy; one of them will be me; one of them will be me watching you run, watching you run into the high noon sun, watching you run farther than guns will go.

SCRUMPTIOUS / THE SHAKES.

i've gotta say goodbye for now the only way i know how to. this shit don't feel the same anymore. i think i've gotta leave because i'm dyin' for somethin' worth livin' for. the thought of it has been killin' me. [..] i said i never thought i'd be enough for someone, never thought i'd be enough. can't help myself.

BRAND NEW CITY / MITSKI.

i think my brain is rotting in places. i think my heart is ready to die. i think my body is falling in pieces. i think my blood is passing me by. [..] i think my fate is losing its patience. i think the ground is pulling me down. i think my life is losing momentum. i think my ways are wearing me down. [..] i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die.

ONE STEP CLOSER / LINKIN PARK.

everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break. i need a little room to breathe, 'cause i'm one step closer to the edge and i'm about to break.

DONKEY KOSH / FLORENCE + THE MACHINE.

little donkey is getting restless, getting heavier as it grows. and the jackal, spoiled and spiteful keeps biting at my nose. [..] you ask me why i keep them, why i love them so, why they get away with murder as they grow and grow and grow. i keep them cause i made them: they come from in my heart with each mistake i make created and torn apart.

SO GOOD AT BEING IN TROUBLE / UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA.

memories, they mess with my mind. who am i to deny? she was so good at being in trouble.

FAINT / LINKIN PARK.

i am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard, handful of complaints, but i can't help the fact that everyone can see these scars. [..] i can't feel the way i did before. don't turn your back on me, i won't be ignored. time won't heal this damage anymore. [..] i am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident, 'cause you don't understand, i do what i can but sometimes i don't make sense.

NIGHTMARE / HALSEY.

i keep a record of the wreckage in my life. i gotta recognize the weapon in my mind. they talk shit, but i love it every time. and i realize i've tasted blood and it is sweet. i've had the rug pulled beneath my feet. i've trusted lies and trusted men, broke down and put myself back together again. stared in the mirror and punched it to shatters, collected the pieces and picked out a dagger.

HEAVEN / BAYSIDE.

at the edge of the world where land meets sea, where good men drown, and fish can't breath, i washed up on the shore a different man. oh, it took me a sec, but i came to. a little worse for wear and turning blue, but everybody loves a comeback. [..] as i am a loner, and i am a fraud, and i am in hell right where i belong. and i am a sinner, but aren't we all? let's sneak into heaven, are you coming or not?

SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE / THE JAPANESE HOUSE.

you look back, you're going 'round in circles, your world feels just the same. your heart keeps breaking in the same way--something has to change.

A QUIET LIFE / TEHO TEARDO, BLIXA BARGELD.

maybe this time i’ll outwit my past. i’ll throw away the numbers, the keys and all the cards. maybe i can carve out a living in the cold at the outskirts of some city. i’ll extinguish all my recent pasts, become another man again and have a quiet life. a quiet life for me.

VARIOUS STORMS & SAINTS / FLORENCE + THE MACHINE.

you can find alexander’s stats right here, where i’ve also put all his links. there’s a good bit of info there, so i’ll just be fluffing him out a bit more here!

— 𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐂𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐄.

alexander is a golden boy. he’s devoted, obedient, proper. he’s everything everyone wants him to be, and doesn’t dare step outside of his preordained box. conforming offers him a safety and benefit of the doubt like no other ; two of the very most important things in this world. 

his mother is a fanatic, drawing hope and purpose from the purged’s way of life. she ushers her family into the light without hesitation, giving up her own son as an offering. it’s the only way she can see to protect them in this new world: they have to get in the oracle’s good graces, they have to be pivotal, they have to be spotless. 

immediately, she decides that alexander has to be a virtue. he’s no fighter — she’s seen the way he carries himself, the way he’s never quite liked anything too rough or too dirty. alexander has no choice, no voice to raise above hers. hers, the hot wire that wraps itself around his brain, squeezing and squeezing until he’s sure its embedded into his every thought. his mother’s convincing that way, applying pressure and pressure and pressure until he grows strong enough to carry it well. he has to succeed. people are depending on him; there’s simply no other choice to be made or entertained.

alexander tries to be good. he studies until his sight blurs. he spends his time helping others and performing house calls, even if they already have enough virtues on duty. he watches for any signs of doubt in the masses, ready to swoop in on that vulnerability at a moment’s notice. he’s one of the oracle’s many ears, a faithful follower intent on keeping their numbers high. he’s like a vulture that way, but that’s not how he sees it.

see, alexander learned the hard way early on that knowledge is power. he gets too close to another boy, too handsy, too intimate. he’s felt it before with others, but never quite like.. this. it’s new, and as such they fumble, make risky decisions. alexander’s mother catches on, only she isn’t like alexander: johanna doesn’t hesitate. in an effort to protect her son, she slanders the other boy ; drags his and his family’s name through the mud and accuses them of heretical acts. alexander, afraid and wracked with guilt — guilt over having been so stupid and naive, makes a vow that he won’t let that happen again. he sees now that his mother has never been all bark — if he steps out of line again, he’ll face her bite again, and again, and again. he can’t be selfish; not when it has such a high price to pay.

he has a kind face and an even softer voice. it’s easy to trust him, to feel like he could understand whatever it is one’s going through. maybe in another world he would, but that isn’t the world they live in. alexander is a rat. he passes on what others confide in him, pushes them back into the light before they can stray further.  he thinks he’s actually doing something good — as if saving them from a worse kind of punishment. the community comes first and they’re only as strong as their weakest members. if preserving that — preserving everything that they’ve worked so hard to build — involves a level of sacrifice then so be it. everyone has to pitch in somehow. he’s doing his part, are you?

— 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐈𝐓.

ironically enough, alexander doesn’t like to be aggressive. he doesn’t like hurting people. could never stomach the concept of fighting. he knows that it’s necessary sometimes, but.. he can’t help but think: what right does he have to take another living being’s life? none. none at all. [ rip to this bitch if anyone ever runs up on him tho lmaooo ]

you can’t bring him anywhere. he’s so incredibly anal about cleanliness and.. everything else in the world. oh, you wanna go jump in a lake? you mean where there are all these bacteria and amoebas that could kill you? what, you wanna start rebelling? you mean do the thing that could get us all in serious trouble? i think not!! he’s prissy and he knows it. you can’t complain if you invited him, susan! 

alex: i’m Fine. i’ve literally never been better in my entire life, thank you. :) also alex: [can’t sleep / sleeps three-four hours a night, has shaky hands, overthinks everything at all times]

alex is very non-threatening and conscientious of others. he’d be a really good homemaker. he can be a bit of a bitch sometimes, but that’s only if you really just used up all of his patience. he, also, can come off a bit.. intense, when talking about the purged and their beliefs. he just cares a lot and really believes in what he’s saying, which can kind of come off a bit sanctimonious, too. 

he keeps dodging the whole getting married thing, but the closer he gets to thirty the more pressure those above him have been applying. he kind of toes the line between being resigned to the fact that he can’t have the life he wants, and looking on the bright side of it, which for him would be having kids. trying to imagine another reality is painful, however, and he’d rather just keep avoiding it entirely. wishing things were different doesn’t make them so, and he already spends his time worrying about so many other things. 

wanted connection ideas, 

friends! there has to be at least one person in the world that can put up with him, hehe.

enemies / frenemies. maybe alexander used something they told him against them and they don’t buy the whole “i did it to help you” argument of his. maybe something else happened, or maybe they’ve just heard of his rattery and they don’t want anything to do with it. alexander will still be courteous, even if just the tiniest bit passive aggressive. 

older / more experienced virtues that he could’ve trained under / with could be cool. 

give me allll of the relationships with other seraphim, too! he’s an active seraph; really cares about the purged and is devoting his life thus far to making sure they stay strong and prosper. 

if anyone .. wants to pick up that first real relationship connection, then that would definitely be interesting to explore! alexander would’ve totally iced him out after what happened, because of guilt and wanting to make sure that it didn’t happen again. whether they kept trying and still talk or if they just pretend the other doesn’t exist, etc, is all good with me! 

after that first relationship, alexander never really dabbled with anything serious again. he’s more of the fuck and forget about it kind of guy. and tbh.. someone catching feelings for him or being too tender / intimate would scare him off a little lol, because he doesn’t want them to get hurt, too, so that could be interesting to explore. 

you can find mallory’s stats right here, where i’ve also put all her links. there’s a good bit of info there, so i’ll just be fluffing her out a bit more here!

— 𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐈 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍, 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐕𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐘, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄. CONTENT WARNING: the very first bullet point contains mentions of body horror / gore and death. i’ve marked that part with a ***.

mallory is a familiar face around jackson ; she's been there since the spring of 2030. so, a darn while — since she was nine. her parents are hunters that defected to jackson, because they didn't jive with the way their community was being run + feared for mallory’s safety when she grew older. her mom died en route, however, caught in the crossfire by the very group they were running from. *** it happened in the blink of an eye. one second she was showing mallory how to use a compass, and the next she’s being yanked away by her father, tripping over herself to catch up. her body was left to rot in no man’s land, probably picked over by vultures -- the infected and hunters alike. she arrives in jackson with bits of her mother’s brains still in her hair. 

despite everything, mallory stays strong. although it would have been nice to have a memento of her mother, mallory doesn’t need one. she honors her mother by emulating that which she loved most about her and taking care of those she loves. there’s a child-like quality about her that can’t be missed: she’s goofy, curious, and optimistic. in her eyes, there’s always a silver lining to be found if you just look hard enough. she can’t accept that the world is hardened all over; there has to be good places, too, and if there’s not then she’s going to make one herself. 

— 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐈𝐑𝐃. 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐌𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄.

she has adhd and dyslexia, which means she’ll never remember your birthday, but that doesn’t mean she loves you any less. no matter what, mallory will always find a way of getting out of reading anything aloud. she’s had a few too many teachers and well-meaning pals in the past assume that she was faking her learning disabilities / doing a bit, and as a result has a lot of pent-up frustration regarding her abilities in that sense. she’d rather not draw any attention to it.

while academics may not be her strong suit, mallory is really good with her hands. she’s got a knack for taking things apart and putting them back together again, learning mechanics through trial and error on her own. a hobby of hers is creating little sculptures / figurines out of metal scraps. her living quarters are littered in spare parts and pieces that she’s hoping to make something more out of. this skill also manifests more practically into weapons upgrading. she’s not a master marksman, but she sure knows her way around a gun and any other kind of weapon. eventually, she’d like to one day prove she’s not too generally messy to be an engineer. 

mallory will talk to anyone and everyone. she’s outgoing, brazen, maybe a bit too open. very much has a “fuck it - i’m inadequate. what can you do?” vibe. beneath it, there’s this itty-bit sense of juvenile-esque awkwardness that still lingers and rears its head sometimes. 

100% would’ve been a twitch streamer / video game youtuber, a la callmekevin & crankgameplays, in a non-zombie au. 

somehow always ends up hitting herself / running into things and it never gets any less embarrassing. usually has tiny little cuts on her hands and various random bumps and bruises from being an uncoordinated mess. 

the type to teach a kid a curse word just because it’s funny.

very physically affectionate and maybe a little annoying about it. she’s not shy to boop a nose, or pinch a cheek. 

loves, loves, loves gossip! doesn’t like to be included in the drama, but she does love knowing everything about it.

also the type to stay back and walk with you when you’re getting pushed off the sidewalk / out of the group.

gets tiny, little crushes on everyone that’s nice to her. You Are Not Immune To Being Crushed On!

gift giving is her love language.

mal can have some really sticky fingers. but she doesn’t think stealing is cool! so she won’t. but .. she can. 👀

tbh i picture her being like the guy in video games that you go to when you want to customize your shit / upgrade your weapons, so i mean... take advantage of it!

wanted connection ideas.

friends, friends, FRIENDS! especially best friends. 🥺  her heart is so big, there’s more than enough room for everyone.

frenemies, hateships, exes - i love me some bitterness, some melancholy, and some ire. mallory isn’t good at being mean, but she’s also not above disliking someone just because they dislike her, even if they otherwise don’t have a problem lol. this all could be over something petty or something actually serious.

exes.. but make it light! basically, maybe they dated, maybe they did the whole “will-they-won’t-they”, maybe they just awkwardly liked each other without acting on it until it blew over and they’re still friends / things are Normal between them. 

the first person mallory got to know when she and her dad arrived in jackson. she was just a kiddo then, so they’d have known each other for ages now.

someone that mentored her! maybe they showed her the ropes around here, taught her some much-needed skills, or whatever else we come up with. ( fair warning, though: it’s hard to shake her off once she’s decided she likes you. )

someone she knows/recognizes from when she was with the hunters.

you can find jordan’s stats right here, where i’ve also put all her links. there’s a good bit of info there, so i’ll just be fluffing her out a bit more here! 

— 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ; 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘'𝐒 𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐑. CONTENT WARNING: the second-to-last bullet point of this section mentions pregnancy, postpartum depression, and infant death. it’ll be marked with ***.

jordan was born and raised in rural country, far beyond fedra’s reach. their community was overlooked by the government and denied entry to quarantined zones. they were left to fend for themselves — nothing but them, the land, and a dread so thick it filled the air like smog. 

her parents died quickly - no match for the changing tides - and their farm was overtaken by insurgents. suddenly, she became communal property. no, schrodinger's orphan: simultaneously everyone's and no one's ward. soon enough, a young couple would come to adopt her. it was good while it lasted, but jordan's luck is pure shit. family is quickly associated with the ephemeral: each caretaker having taught her something different before they pass or abandon her somewhere — all of them having made a promise they can’t or don’t intend to keep. some of them offer her their compassion's warmth, while others cut like a knife. she's a sponge: soaking up their essences until there was no more room for her, or who she may have been otherwise. 

above all, jordan learned how to make herself useful. she grew older and tougher in more ways than one. in a world intent on eating her alive, jordan fought to prove her worth, earn her place in groups, and for what bit of food and supplies they could scrap together. it was a life of grit, blood, and sweat: each moment clouded by the intrinsic need to survive, pushing out the fantasy of ever letting her defenses down. there is no order in the bush. jordan doesn’t know anything else — her life revolving around a fight, always. what moments of light she has are flickers in the dark ; moments she struggles still to claim are real. it’s easier to accept a grim fate than it is to hope for a brighter one. see, around these parts, hope kills quicker than a clicker.

time passed and jordan was a woman grown, just settling in to her twenties. for once, things we’re actually going well. their camp was protected, safe. it felt odd, she thought, this moment of peace. hope crawled into her brain through her ears and settled there, colonizing her consciousness. a tender friendship and string of bad decisions blossomed into something more; something that felt.. permanent. one thing led to another and suddenly they were expecting. jordan had never had a family before, not in a true sense, but she was excited to try. the idea of creating something greater than her was an exhilarating one, as though a string of good deeds could somehow right what was otherwise wrong in the world. she was excited to assume the role of a teacher, a leader, a caretaker. never before had she wanted anything more than that.

*** the storm passed and jordan realized she’d only been in the eye of it, momentarily untouched. the unimaginable unfolded before their eyes and jordan ventured elsewhere to a place formerly unbeknownst to her. it was a place for which there were no words, no understanding to be formed of a wound of that magnitude. jordan couldn’t bear to be present. memory had no mercy. her body, aching and sore and still producing sustenance, had no mercy. people would attempt to console her and it only made her want to bite. her partner was kinder than she deserved and it only made her want to scream her throat raw. she felt as though she’d shattered into a million pieces, the shards of her embedded in her very flesh, digging deeper with every step she took. at that point, there was only one truths to be told: jordan couldn’t stay.

it ends with this: jordan walks into the bush and doesn’t come back. she leaves nothing behind — not even a note or a whispered goodbye. she's just gone.

— 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄’𝐒 𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘, 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.

she’s twenty-six when the grizzlies find her: a trail of mutilated bodies leading them to a woman worn. misery has made a fiend of her: she’s harsher now, her hurt branded into the scarred skin of her body.

unsurprisingly, jordan fits right in with them. theirs is the only world she knows — she doesn’t notice the barbarism. if life is one long act of violence; what makes this any different? she takes to the work easily, proving her worth and earning the mark of the bear with ease. fremont lake is home, but jordan doesn’t trust it. she finds solace elsewhere, back in the woods. she’s happiest when scavenging or on a hunt, all too eager to keep herself occupied somehow. 

despite her efforts to be otherwise, jordan is a known figure in the wyoming militia. she’s a gun aimed wherever yen wants her: she’s brutal, decisive. jordan doesn’t flinch and she doesn’t hesitate. when there’s a move to be made, she’s typically one of the ones at the front of it. frankly, she’s no stranger to extreme violence. she bites and she scratches and she’ll use whatever is in her reach to win a fight. she’s not trained by any official means, but she has heart and will go for your knees every single time. it’s dirty, desperate, and merciless. you won’t leave a fight with her without a mark.

jordan doesn’t know how to deal with people being genuinely kind to her. she thinks there has to be a catch somewhere, that everything is a transaction of some sort. she’ll get nervous, flustered even. like, ‘what are you doing? is this a joke? stop looking at me like that.’ and if she does something kind, she’d rather die than be recognized for it. being tender? being acknowledged as a human being capable of contributing something of worth? gross. ew. too revealing for her, thanks.

she has a lot of survival skills knowledge. knows how to make do with minimal supplies and resources, and i mean that in the bear grylls doing nasty shit just to make it through the night type of way. she’s also an excellent huntsman. she can sniff out tracks easily and leaves no nook or cranny untouched when scavenging. she’ll climb and crawl through questionable buildings if there’s a chance for loot inside. you might want to watch your belongings around her, too.

her living quarters are bare, and you can’t tell much about her just by looking through it. having moved from camp to camp for a majority of her life, coupled with an innate sense of instability has pretty much dissolved any real sense of ownership she feels over things. she does like little trinkets, though. typically small animal figurines. she thinks they’re charming.

she can be a great friend, if you manage to get close enough. she's brazen, a surprisingly good listener, and always more than willing to lighten the mood. she may not laugh at your jokes, but she'll have your back, even if it costs her own. as it turns out, jordan can be very generous sometimes: she’ll shower you in attention and walk in your shadow, chasing the light you emit. deep down, jordan has a strong desire to please, and shows her love through acts of service. she wants to be needed, and needs to be useful to those she loves.

had coffee once and she hated it. too needy of a drunk to feel comfortable drinking. avoids the fighting pits. freezes up when someone touches her. can and will steal your flannel shirts.

— 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄.

first of all, when i say i’m genuinely down to do any and all plots i mean that. i don’t say no to anything lol and want to do all the things, whether it’s mega death angst or something that’s so sweet it’ll make my teeth hurt. gimme everything, pls n thanks!

i’ve purposely left some gaps in her history in order to leave room for anything we cook up. people she was once in a group with / traveled with way back when could be cool. little acts of fate are my favorite - imagine the reunions! whether they hated each other, were familiar, or were thick as thieves is all good with me. 

if anyone wants to pick up the ex she wanted to start a family with, then i’d be willing to discuss that! they could be from any faction [except for the purged, logistically]. doesn’t have to be the actual person that got her pregnant either. jordan checked out after everything that happened and ultimately left without any warning, goodbye, or anything. surely that’s gotta rouse some intense feelings, especially if they just so happen to come across her again.. as fate and its shit sense of humor would have it. 

jordan can have some friends.. as a treat. hehe. seriously, give her someone to shoot the shit with and to annoy the hell out of!

friends with benefits / one night stands could be interesting, especially since jordan doesn’t really let very many people that close to her. keep in mind though, she’s the type to fuck someone and then never speak of it again which is very well-adjusted of her. 

jordan gets bit pretty early on in game, and by that i mean literally in january of 2044, lol. so, having someone help her with her wound could be interesting. i was thinking it could be some quid pro quo type of deal where she asks them for supplies in exchange for whatever they want, but i’m down to discuss any differing ideas / alter it to fit our characters. jordan wouldn’t want them to know what the supplies was for, but the opportunity for them to find out anyhow could still arise because who doesn’t love some good ole drama? 

someone that does not vibe with her / she doesn’t vibe with could be cool, too! not everything is peachy keen, you know?