my middle name is fish

GFantasy June Issue - Ciel Phantomhive

turku get ur shit together

Apollo: trash

Jason: trash

Medea: dubiously evil queen of my heart

Agamemnon: dead trash

Clytemnestra: takes out the trash

Zeus: walk of shame incarnate

Hermes: little shit

Hestia: literally no one talks about her

Artemis: #misandry

Hera: woman, scorned

Hades: goth wannabe shit baby

Persephone: Per-Step-On-Me

Ares: God Of War ™

Aphrodite: Walk Walk Fashion Baby

Cronus: hide yo kids, hide yo wife

Athena: i feel like she plays baseball probably

Achilles: I Love My Dead Gay Son

Patroclus: “Geez Achilles find your chill.” 

Orpheus: Gay

Hephaestus: allll byyyy myyyyseeEEEeelf

Heracles: why does no one talk about him mucking out those stables?

Odysseus: total piece of shit

Chiron: tired of everyone’s shit

Hecate: my wife EDITED TO ADD THE FOLLOWING

Patroclus (alt.): Oh look at that. I’ve been impaled.

Poseidon: I think you mean Broseidon, bro to the fishes and ponies

Dionysus: ambiguously queer and perpetually sloshed

Oedipus: the loser of every ‘yo momma’ battle

Ajax: Stronger than Grease ™ <-soap reference in case it’s too obscure

Circe: basically that scene in Monty Python where all the evil ladies wanna bang

Tiresias: Bet he didn’t see that one coming.

Cassandra: got the short end of every stick

Antigone: that play from high school english that everyone sparknoted

Cerberus: whozagoodboyden

Hyacinth: what kind of asshole gets killed by a discus?

Hippolytus: a fedora sporting MRA

Romulus: moon

Remus: moon