synthetic dreams

He heard his name being called out, and Hongbin spun around, almost losing his footing. How did his kidnapper know his name– ah! He stilled, eyes widening, as a code of relief rushed through him, and Hongbin smiled nervously, a dimple creasing his cheek. “A-Ah– I thought I’d been kidnapped… so I t-tried to escape,” he gestured the broom closet. Honestly, it was a terrible escape attempt, but to be fair, Hongbin had never had to escape anything before. He looked back over to Leo, but this time, his face fell, because Hongbin’s sensors picked up the fact that Leo seemed scared and nervous.  Hongbin had worried Leo, and made him upset. Oh. Hongbin immediately looked to the ground, eyes widening as he held himself. “I’m sorry, Leo,” he said softly, hanging his head in shame. “I– I was low battery and I ignored it because I didn’t want to disappoint you by not coming but… it looks like I disappointed you anyway,” the intrinsic code that ran his entire being; the innate desire to please, and make his ‘owner’ happy, was becoming destructive in Hongbin’s failure. Hongbin’s face crumpled; he didn’t want to lose another friend. Not another one. He was seconds away from falling to his knees, begging for forgiveness. “Please forgive me, Leo, I-I went into emergency mode, I c-couldn’t stop it…” People with human friends wouldn’t have to put up with this. Perhaps Hongbin truly was a nuisance to his organic friends.  He chewed on his lip, unable to look at Leo in the eyes. Leo probably didn’t want to take anyone home with him. Hongbin had become an inconvenience and his code was truly hurting him for it. His code was so harsh, Hongbin visibly winced, his hands raising to hold his head. He wanted his thoughts to stop, he wanted his code to calm down; he hated feeling like this. He slowly lowered into a crouch, mumbling that he was sorry, saying he won’t do it again, fingers in his hair.

Leo nearly dropped his pancakes. Hongbin had thought he’d been kidnapped. Leo felt an wholly unnecessary swell of guilt at the revelation. Was the other scared? It was natural to assume so, given Leo had just caught him mid-escape attempt. He quickly balanced the plate to the edge of his cluttered work desk and approached the other.

The smile slipped. Leo paused, watching Hongbin carefully. Perhaps… he was not simply scared of the situation - he was scared of Leo. “You- You don’t have to escape,” he tried softly. Imploring the other to understand his reasons would only make this whole thing worse. “I won’t keep you here, I…”

He trailed off. Hongbin looked dejected, rather than scared now. And an apology… “No. No, you have nothing to apologise for.” The carefully controlled blankness he usually fell back upon fractured. Leo frowned in concern.

He had been on low battery and yet he had still come to see him. How foolish he was. Yet Leo couldn’t bring himself to tell him so. Not when Hongbin sat back down, curled in on himself as though he’d done something terrible. God, it worried him. Leo could not fully comprehend why it did, but a pang in his chest told him he did. Seeing Hongbin like this did not seem right. 

Hongbin’s systems rebooted with a gentle whirr, and Hongbin’s eyes fluttered opened, pupils focusing and refocusing, taking in a breath of air he didn’t need. His vision gave him little boxes that he had enough battery to last until the evening, and that he had gone into an emergency charge. Huh. An emergency charge. Hongbin blinked, placidly, at the thought. He hadn’t done that in a while. He smiled to himself at the ceiling.  He didn’t know this ceiling. Hongbin sat upright immediately, fast enough that his balance sensors were off-kilter, and he had to catch himself on what appeared to be the cushioned seats of a couch. He rubbed his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, but his vision was always exemplary, so it must be so. How did he get here? He looked around as his cortex scrambled to find information of where he was last. He was given videos before his eyes of Leo, giving him his new shirt. He felt a spike of happiness at the thought. Ah! My shirt! Hongbin startled, looking down at his hands, looking at his own shirt that had a few buttons loose. That’s right, I was taking off my shirt. Hongbin thought to himself, his hands over the button at his sternum. He looked around, now even more confused. He didn’t know where that shirt was anymore. So he had fallen asleep in the dressing room, then? Oh, no, Leo will be so disappointed in him. He slumped, upset with himself, looking down at his shoes, cupping his face with his hands. Oh dear, oh dear. And here he’d thought he’d truly made a friend… before he turned off and ended up…  Hongbin looked up again. It seemed, now that he made sense of it all, he was at someone’s home. He sniffed the air, a scent leading towards what looked like a kitchen. He stood, slowly, shakily, squinting sceptically. So he was in Leo’s shop, and he turned off, and now he was in someone’s home. He froze. What if he’d been kidnapped?  Hongbin slapped his hands over his mouth. He dare not even breathe. Hongbin had watched all the movies. Well, the place he was taken to wasn’t scary like the movies, but it was foreign all the same. It certainly wasn’t a dorm in the academy either. Hongbin must find a way out. He crept over, trying to be as quiet as possible, towards a door Hongbin believed that would be the front one. He swung it open, but something thin and heavy plonked onto his head and bounced off. Hongbin gasped, clutching his head, as what was revealed to be a mop clattered upon the ground.  “Deary me,” Hongbin sighed, bending down as he fumbled with the mop, picking it up to try to place it gently back into the closet.

Leo was frowning slightly in concentration as he cooked the pancakes. He’d needed something to distract himself; a simple method, one that wasn’t sketching or stitching. Something mindless. Food always seemed like a good idea. 

First, he’d been worried about Hongbin. When he’d found him in the changing room, frozen into a tableau of trying on the shirt, he’d tried to wake him. Nothing seemed to work. Low charge or a malfunction? The very fact that he was considering these options did not sit right with Leo. He continued anyway. He was no further ahead in finding a solution when he had to close the shop. He couldn’t simply leave him there. Against Leo’s better judgement, he had called Sunyoung to request that he use the car to drive home. It was not a long distance, but he needed to get Hongbin somewhere safe. Even though his apartment was not the safest place by any means. It had been harder to carry him up to the top of his building, but eventually, he’d been able to place the android carefully on his small sofa, an old blanket of his Grandmothers over his legs.

Leo flipped the pancake with practised hands. He wasn’t sure Hongbin could eat. The thought had not occurred to him when he’d begun. Maybe he should put them in the fridge to eat later rather than eat them in front of Hongbin. If he ate them at all.

Leaving the pancake to cook on one side, Leo leant back against the counter. He was on edge. His gaze kept drifting between the shirt he’d made Hongbin, hung carefully over the back of the at his desk, and the door locked just beyond it. Having someone here was not safe. Not for him, nor Hongbin. He turned back to the pancake with a renewed blank interest, place it on the plate, and made another.

So focused on his little projects, Leo didn’t see Hongbin move until a clatter came from behind him. Leo flinched, head whipping around, not used to unexpected noises in his quiet, tomb of a place.

Ah. Hongbin’s shoulders slumped as a relief code immediately shot through him. He didn’t have to call him Mister Jung anymore. It was really okay. Hongbin nodded, looking much more relaxed and certain about himself. “Of course I don’t!” He piped; what else would Leo call him? It is not like Hongbin has a last name to be called formally by. Besides, Hongbin felt like he didn’t deserve to be regarded with such high respect. He had been reminded time and time again, that the end of the day, he was simply a machine.  He watched as Leo went through his sketches. Hongbin felt a little jealous that Leo could create things like this. Hongbin had never been programmed with the intention of having the ability to imagine creatively, and he had even taken classes at the academy, but simply couldn’t do what everyone else found so naturally. Perhaps it was something you truly needed a heart and a soul for.  His hands slowly lowered to his sides, though, upon hearing he had paid enough. Hongbin truly would not have minded though, helping people is what Hongbin liked to do the most. It made his code that happiest, it seemed. He stood patiently as Leo disappeared into the back room to collect his shirt, shifting his weight from either foot in anticipation.  The shirt Leo brought out had Hongbin’s hands shake a little. His own shirt, made just for him, slowly reaching out for it and taking the shirt gently, as if it might fall through his fingers like sand. “Oh… the colour is pretty…” He murmured, and tentatively, Hongbin brought it to his nose, collecting data. His eyes flashed blue again, and he lowered the shirt a little. “It’s broadcloth…”  He looked down at it, speechless in awe, looking at the customization on his elbows. It was a shirt, specifically for him, and Hongbin felt a strong spike in emotion. Hongbin rushed forward, hugging Leo tight, burying his head in the taller man’s neck. “Thank you, Leo,” Leo was so kind to him, and when he broke away, he had to wipe little tears that had escaped. He ignored the boxes opening within his vision, warning him of the low battery. There were more important things right now.  “I – I think it will suit me,” if Hongbin could, he’d be blushing from how giddy he felt, how his cheeks hurt from smiling. “I will try it on and– we will see.”  Hongbin sniffled a little, his hands being very careful with the fabric, about to turn when he noticed something on Leo’s shoulder. “Mister Ju– Leo, you have a piece of… pretty fabric on your shoulder. It is nice so I don’t think it should go to waste!” He piped, before shuffling into the changing room.  He allowed himself to breathe with the emotions that had swelled up inside him so easily, though now he was less distracted, and finally took notice of just how low his battery was. It was too late to panic though, for his systems were already over-riding his frontal cortex, his decisions being made for him. Hongbin barely was able to undo two buttons before he was pulled into a sleep mode, drifting off as he stood, frozen on the spot with his fingers against his button, like a mannequin.

Awaiting people’s reactions always made Leo nervous. He did not show it in the way he held himself; he stood firm, arms folding loosely across his chest, simply watching Hongbin take in what he was looking at. Yet even though it wasn’t obvious, he still worried. If he’d gotten the wrong idea of what Hongbin wanted, if he’d chosen a colour he hated…

As was often the case, there was nothing to fear. Leo felt a fondness for the android in that moment, one that extended past simple gratitude towards his positive assessment and went somewhere dangerously close to caring. Sometimes, he had to remind himself that Hongbin was not human in the most traditional sense of the word - he acted more human than Leo often felt.

“You didn’t request a colour,” he explained. Unnecessary once again. “So I improvised. Though I am glad you like it.” The other held it up to himself, and Leo made a step forward, pulling the shirt up with gentle movements to vaguely compare the length of the arms to Hongbin’s as he held them out. “Mm. I might be… too long. If that isn’t a problem, then you can-”

But just what Leo wanted to suggest was lost in a flurry of surprise as strong arms wrapped around him. Leo stiffened at the contact. This was too close, this was far too dangerous… and how could he push him away when he thanked him in such a small voice? Sighing gently, Leo relaxed somewhat. Enough to pat Hongbin’s back with an awkwardness that might have been amusing had he not been strangely moved. He let Hongbin hug him until the other wanted to pull away, feeling a dampness against his neck. He’d been crying. Leo looked away, momentarily flustered by the exuberant amount of praise.

“Mm. I’d like to see it too…” he said, a hesitant smile hidden by his lowered head. He unfurled his arms to point out where Hongbin could change, but there was no need - Hongbin was already walking towards it. He noted Hongbin catching himself before he addressed Leo formerly again. This time, it was enough for a small chuckle to escape, more one sound like a sigh than anything. On the cue of his words, Leo reached a hand towards his shoulder, finding soft lace there. Ah. Embarrassing as it was, he did not blush. He simply took the lace and held it up before him, examining it with the remnants of his smile.

Time seemed to slow down in the moments that followed. He heard a soft shuffling from the changing room and perched himself on the edge of the desk to wait. And wait. Ten minutes passed. The shuffling had stopped. Leo wondered whether Hongbin was disappointed and didn’t want to show Leo. He frowned. Another five minutes went by. Leo wasn’t a clock watcher, but his anticipation made it all the worse. He put the lace on the table beside him and watched the curtain of the changing area instead. He couldn’t check up on him, could he? 

After another five minutes, Leo gave in. A few strides across the room (which was hardly that spacious anyway) saw him in front of the curtain, one hand curling gently around its edge. “Hongbin…” he murmured. No reply. He could not have fallen asleep. Did androids fall asleep in the traditional sense. Worried, Leo steeled himself and prepared a lame excuse should Hongbin protest, before he pulled back the curtain.

“I– I just…” Hongbin’s face crumpled, barely able to string words together. He felt tears prick at his waterlines, and his hands curled into little fists as he rested them over his eyes. Gao was telling him things, Gao was teaching him things, from a person with more experiences in life. Hongbin knew Gao was probably right, that his advice was worth listening to, but the code of fear running through him clouded his prefrontal cortex.   Hongbin, after a while, tried to breathe in gulps of air he didn’t need, exhaling shakily. He looked up at Gao, eyes wide and feeling lost, slowly hugging himself. “Holding me back… I–I guess it is the fact I am programmed. I’m not like… organic beings. I don’t have a soul, I don’t work i–in the ways that you do. I never had parental figures, or anyone to– to teach me things– after I woke up. I-I’m only two years old, I don’t know… I make… so many mistakes…” He thought of the people he’d hurt, and Hongbin grimaced again, hanging his head in shame. He curled in on himself. “M-Maybe I was programmed to make people unhappy.” He mumbled, muffled from talking into his knees.

“Stop with the programmed bullshit now okay?” He said trying to stay gentle and not go rough on him because he clearly needed help and not some scold for thinking so low on himself. Especially because this was probably for real programmed onto him. 

“Look at ERA she has over 400 years of self-developing behind herself, hell her program is more chaotic than the neural system of a basic human brain. And on top of all you just found out that you were created by a race what design its descendants. They create us then push into institutes till we grow up and become useful. Where are the parental figures in my life?!”

Okay this was getting to personal. Time to take back immediately, with a sigh he finally sat down next to him and stroke the smaller’s head till his hair ended up all ruffled. 

“Look I don’t know why you feel yourself so useless but if it helps I don’t think you are at all. You have a pretty wide range of emotional expressions and such a developed independent intelligence what just makes you feel like shit at the moment too. You should be proud to be able to feel like shit haha~” He couldn’t help but laugh at the idea though it was true. Things natural and sucking for organic beings were like unreachable dreams to androids. Irony. 

Hongbin’s face brightened to see the tailor stride into the room. He took a step forward in excitement, only to remember what he had read up about recently: to be in a job, you had to be professional. Hongbin had looked up lots of videos on what a professional was, and it was like a whole, new, foreign culture. What stuck to him the most, was that you must always be polite. Hongbin could do that, Hongbin was very polite. He never swore, not like his other friends. He didn’t say bad words like… like… shit.  At Leo’s words, Hongbin flinched a little. His irises immediately flashed blue as he checked the time. No, he got here on time, definitely. “I am always punctual, Mister Jung!” Saying ‘Mister Jung’ felt awfully strange on Hongbin’s lips. He frowned to himself, shifting his weight between his feet as he hesitated. “I– I researched about having a job, lately, and it said in one of the articles that you had to be professional. So I looked up what professional was, and… and it said, that you have to address people as Mister. But… to me… it feels strange, saying it…” Hongbin was frowning deeply, certainly concerned by this honorific. “I don’t like it. I want to call you Leo instead. Can’t I?” His lips thinned almost comically after he huffed, though then shook his head, looking up at Leo again with a small, coy smile.  “Did you make it? Did you finish it?” Hongbin asked hopefully, his voice a little quieter this time. “Or– or have I not paid you well enough yet?”  Hongbin’s fingers flew to his top button, as if about to undo it. He was ready to model clothes for Leo, if he wanted him to. 

The smile he received was undeniably infectious. The one he gave back was a softer mirror of Hongbin’s bright persona, but it was a smile nonetheless. There was no possible way for Leo to have denied a request for help from this man - or should he say, android? It still confused him somewhat. Fascinated him, even. But he did not let this show. Instead, he approached Hongbin slowly, watching him.

There was something in his eyes, a flash of colour perhaps, that was gone before Leo could catch it. And then Hongbin was reaffirming his time keeping skills. Leo gave a small chuckle, lowering his head as he did so. “Yes. I- I suppose I should have thought…” Trailing off with a shake of his head, Leo took a step towards the desk to start leafing through his record of designs. It was self-indulgent really; to see what he had envisioned on paper before seeing the person for whom it was made wear it. His satisfaction lay in their positive reaction.

At the other’s question, however, he looked up. The formality had seemed forced, and the explanation gave Leo pause. Yes, it was professional, in a sense. But he had never been professional. He was not worth that courteousness, even when he tried to offer it to customers. Hongbin especially did not have to address him so formally; given the time they had spent discussing things, and Leo’s knowledge of what he was, it seemed far too forced.

“Leo is fine,” he replied softly, “As long as you do not mind me calling you by your name.” Ah. There it was. He looked at the sketches he’d made, the brief descriptions of the pattern. Leo licked his lips. It was by no means perfect. He only hoped it would help.

Hongbin was yet another step ahead of him. Leo shook his head quickly as his hand came up. He was certainly efficient. “No. No. it’s- You paid plenty. Don’t worry.” A moment’s hesitation and then Leo slipped back into the store room, hand reaching for the shirt without having to look. He still had the lace over his shoulder.

Hongbin had an appointment he had booked a week ago, to the tailor who he had given his measurements to. Hongbin, as always, had been self-conscious about the fact his elbow joints were more similar to a doll’s arm sockets than actual human flesh, as they revealed to everyone that looked at them that he was not, in fact, human. This limited Hongbin to long-sleeved shirts, whose fabric often got caught in the sockets he was so upset about.  Truly, if he ever did meet his maker, he would ask why– he had to have sockets like these. Nevertheless, he decided to go to a tailor, who - Hongbin had decided - was very nice, and had told him to be back in a week for Hongbin’s new shirt, fitted just for him. It was a very exciting experience for Hongbin, who felt nervous and almost giddy as he beelined towards the tailor’s shop. Hongbin tried to ignore his systems telling him that because he woke up so early to get to the tailor from the academy, his battery was much lower than usual. Hongbin didn’t want to disappoint the tailor. He had promised to be there no matter what, and the tailor had done so much for him already. He couldn’t not come. Hongbin would feel terrible. He would feel it swim through his code for days on end.  So as Hongbin came up to the shop, he politely knocked – as his friend had told him to do, it was never polite to barge straight in – before opening the door, hearing the friendly little bell chime above him.  “Mister Jung?” Hongbin spoke up, wide-eyed, as he closed the door behind him. His eyes flashed red as he momentarily scanned Leo’s shop through an infrared filter to find him. @lxtent

“Don’t forget to put all floral fabrics in that stack back in the store room. For the life of me I can’t find anything when I go in there.”

Leo nodded as Sunyoung shrugged on her coat and gave him his directions. He’d timed this perfectly, he noticed. On quiet days, Sunyoung would take the chance to make any home visits or deliveries that needed doing, leaving Leo to work alone on his latest orders. It worked out ideal for both of them in this way; he had the quiet he needed to focus (Sunyoung and Dahee did like to talk) and she could tick the next item off of her ever growing checklist. Leo rethreaded the needle he’d been using, licking his fingers the smooth out the thread.

Sunyoung tapped him on the shoulder before leaving. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Mm.” Leo slipped the needle into a section of the material, planning to finish the embroidery later. The shirt he’d made for Hongbin was in the back room. He could do both tasks at once whilst he waited.

It was odd to think he’d felt as though he should hide the garment. It wasn't notably different. He ran his fingers along the seams, the sound of a door closing signalling Sunyoung’s exit. He’d incorporated sections of extra material into the design, perfectly positioned at the elbows. It was not much, but if it could help some, Leo was satisfied. With more time, he could perfect it. The tailor set to work on organising their stores whilst waiting. A long section of lace draped over his shoulder here, a heavy pile of taffeta tucked under his arms there…

He was almost glad that the bell chimed so soon. The voice that followed was far more formal than he’d anticipated. Yet it was familiar all the same. His lips quirked into a half smile, and he made his way out to greet Hongbin. The lace was left forgotten across his shoulder.

When he did arrive back at the dorm, he smiled widely after entering at the scene before him. “Hey, we have guests?” He smiled politely enough but it grew wider as he smiled at Crumble, picking him up. “Hello to you too! What a welcome!” Walking over to Ravi, he ruffled his hair up playfully with his polite smile back in play. 

“Did you know you have something on your face? A smug? Right there?” Pointing to Ian’s own chin as he indicated to the stranger with Ravi, his eyes squinted for a few seconds before a grin peeked out. “Ah, only joking with you. What are you both up to? Studying I take it?” It was the only logical answer to him at the very least considering the piles of textbooks they had around the room anyway. 

He didn’t quite get to that though, the sound of the door being opened making him turn slightly to look back over to it, a slightly too relieved sigh escaping him. So Ian had somehow managed to come to his rescue - now all he had to do was hope that this was going to work rather than mess things up even more. Then again, that hardly felt possible anymore at this point.

Before Hongbin could react to any of what Ian had actually said, he took that into his own hands. “No - not studying actually. Just.. I mean, I don’t know, hanging out?” However whether or not it could actually be called hanging out was still up for debate. “This is Hongbin, by the way. Hongbin, this is Ian.” Here was to hoping his friend wouldn’t start the awkward questions again.