“Now That’s What I Call Cluster B!” ©

coming to the terms with the fact that Steven Universe is a power fantasy, in the sense that it’s fantastical he was able to save everyone and fix his family before he burnt out and developed CPTSD.

i can only lock the fuck back into riding out a hard patch so many more times. I’m looking at the rest of my year and just feel sick thinking about how it will be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I’m just tired. How many times have I told myself that before? That if I just hold out a little longer it will get better but it just gets me to the next hard patch.

every time i feel a new fixation starting or an old one rising, it literally feels like I’m trying to baptize myself in it. like please let this cover every part of me and when i come out the other side I’ll be changed.

currently approaching levels of emo and ‘no one understands me’ that haven’t been seen since high school.

i love finding my 13th, 14th, and 15th reason on a Monday morning before 8am.

if they didn’t want me to put q-tips in my ear they shouldn’t have made it a hole that likes to be penetrated so much.

Anyone know how to differentiate attraction from envy?

i probably shouldn’t have skipped therapy last week but hey capitalism wins out over my mental state even when everything falls apart around me

Would anyone else like to wake me up? Last night I couldn’t sleep and was woken up at 5 am. Tonight I woke up bc of my back, then because I had to get up for water and to turn on the fan. Then my sister so I move. Then my brother and his gf. And now finally my own stomach hurting so bad I feel like I’m being stabbed. I wish I could just sleep.

thank god i know the screaming in my head will go away at some point. i want to wail and scream and i can hear it scraping around my head trying to get out. but i know from experience it won’t last forever i just need to breathe. can take weeks or longer but at least there’s that.

Anxiety exercise. I am embarrassed about last night. But last night happened and I can’t change it. One day all of us will die. But I didn’t die last night. Which ultimately makes last night a win. Breathe.

are there stages for forgiveness the way there are stages of grief?