Professor Cho scans her list, flicks the pages. “Thesis topic: Cognitive and behavioral changes in intimate relationship contexts. A mixed-methods self-study approach.”

You are absolutely going to die.

When you sit down—because yes, you do sit next to him—he pulls out a pen and writes on the back of his handout like you don’t both have laptops in front of you.

vernon: do we have to fake date now or what

You snort, scribble back on the margins of his sheet.

you: only if it’s for science.

He nods. “Cool.”

Cool.

—

[Case File Entry #1 – Joint Notes]

Participants: Chwe Vernon + Y/N Objective: To examine the effects of simulated romantic partnership on academic focus, cognitive functioning, and routine behavior.

Ground Rules: 1. All data collected must be genuine. 2. We are NOT actually dating. 3. If anyone asks, we are. 4. No kissing. (Added by Y/N.) 5. Unless necessary for research purposes. (Added by Vernon.)

—

The first 24 hours go smoothly.

Which is to say: Vernon shares his Google Calendar with you, you send him your daily planner, and somehow he’s already added "Coffee — 9am, black, oat milk?" under tomorrow’s schedule.

The next morning, he shows up with your order.

“I guessed,” he shrugs. “You seem like an oat milk person.”

“You seem like someone who lives off water and existentialism.”

He raises an eyebrow. “I do drink water.”

You don’t mean to smile. It just happens. He sees it.

And of course, someone takes a picture.

—

[@PsychExperimentWatch]

DAY 1 yall. yall. Y/N just SMILED at him like he discovered sunlight. her little laugh?? his stupid tiny grin?? this is NOT fake i’m going to eat a wall. scientific method: observe → hypothesize → CRY

—

You're halfway through the “Relationship Metrics” spreadsheet when the first meme hits the group chat.

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: [pic of you two walking side-by-side in the hallway] Me: they’re probably just talking about their project. Also me: THEY’RE IN LOVE AND GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW.”

Minghao: She’s gonna fall first.

Vernon: You all know I can see this, right.

Seungkwan: AND WE WILL BE WITNESSES TO YOUR DOWNFALL.

—

Vernon’s laidback until your third "fake" study session.

It’s his idea to watch movies—relationship dynamics, he says—and somehow you’re two episodes into a drama before you realize he hasn’t taken a single note. He’s just watching you react.

You nudge him with your sock-covered foot. “Scientific observation?”

He hums. “Trying to record how proximity affects mood regulation.”

“Right.” You raise an eyebrow. “And what’s the mood data say?”

He looks at you, and for a moment, there’s no joke in his voice.

“You look happier around me.”

You forget how to function for an entire five seconds.

He blinks. “Sorry. That was... a weird thing to say.”

You clear your throat. “No, it’s fine. We’re... collecting data.”

Totally fine. Absolutely. Perfectly platonic. You definitely didn’t just have a full-blown hormone crisis over the way he looked at you.

—

[Observation Log – Week 1 Summary]

- Increased texting frequency: from 1x per day → 12+ - Eye contact duration: uncomfortable - Laugh count: 19 (Vernon: 6, Y/N: 13) - Hug count: 0 - Proximity behavior: trending dangerously toward couple-core - Danger level: 6.5/10

—

Later that night, you check the fan account. Another post just dropped.

—

[@PsychExperimentWatch]

LIVE UPDATE: they watched a romance drama together. she LAUGHED at his jokes. he LOOKED at her like she hung the moon. if this is science, then i’m majoring in feelings. admin2 is currently sobbing into her lab report. send snacks.

—

2. Fun for the Hypothesis

By Week 2, you have a system.

You meet every Tuesday, Thursday, and one day on the weekend. You each record “relationship diary entries” as self-reflection, document physiological data (“Does my heart rate increase when Vernon touches my shoulder?” Yes), and update the shared spreadsheet that now includes a tab called “Flirting? Maybe?”

That tab is 89% filled by you.

Meanwhile, Vernon color-codes his logs in neutrals, and sends you 3am voice memos like:

Hey. Just remembered—today you smiled after I opened the door for you, so I think… maybe we should test more physical behaviors? For data. Yeah. G’night.

Your group chat, on the other hand, has become pure anarchy.

—

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: alright. who is this “for science” actually benefiting. society? the department? MY STRESS LEVELS??

Mingyu: she said “we’re not dating” and then called him honey when she thought no one was listening. be serious.

You: i called him “honestly so annoying”

Joshua: that’s not what the fan account caption said.

You: THE WHAT.

—

Yes. It’s still live.

[@PsychExperimentWatch]

BREAKING: today’s footage features shared earbuds, matching sneakers, and vernon laughing at something she whispered. i don’t know what it was but my skin is glowing and my crops are thriving.

—

You call a Rule Meeting.

“You’re flirting with me,” you say, the moment Vernon walks into your dorm study space.

He blinks, genuinely confused. “I brought you coffee.”

“That’s Rule #2,” you scold, pointing at the whiteboard.

KISS ME, IT’S FOR FUN – EXPERIMENT RULES

1. No real feelings. 2. No gifts, food, or acts of service. 3. No kissing (still here). 4. No compliments unless sarcastic. 5. No cuddling. 6. We stop if one of us catches feelings. 7. We definitely don’t post about this. 8. No one else is supposed to know it’s fake.

Vernon sips his iced Americano. “Okay. But technically this isn’t a gift. It’s... hydration.”

You glare. “That’s not how caffeine works.”

“Also,” he says, setting the cup down next to your laptop, “I’ve broken at least four of these rules.”

“I know.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

You hate how your heart stutters. “No,” you say quietly. “I just needed it written down.”

He doesn’t push. Just nods once, flipping open his notebook like he didn’t just ask you if he should stop being sweet.

Later that night, the fan account posts again.

—

[@PsychExperimentWatch]

Y/N updated the experiment whiteboard. Vernon brought coffee. the lines between real and fake are BLURRING and so are my tears. update soon before i start writing fanfiction.

—

[Case File Entry #4 – Diary Notes]

You: He makes it too easy. This was supposed to be academic, controlled, safe. Now I’m thinking about what he smells like when he leans in too close. I don’t want this to become real. That’s not the point.

Vernon: Sometimes I think she’s acting. Sometimes I think she’s not. Either way, she laughs like she means it. I haven’t figured out if that makes this better or worse.

—

The most dangerous moment comes on a Thursday.

You’re walking through the campus hallway, mid-argument over emotional labor in romantic partnerships (Vernon insists, insists, that he’s pulling equal weight in your dynamic), when you trip over your untied shoelace.

Vernon catches you with one hand on your waist and the other on the wall behind you—cliché, cinematic, entirely not okay.

You’re breathless. Too close.

He doesn’t step back.

You whisper, “Is this for the data?”

And Vernon says—completely serious—“I don’t know.”

—

[SECRET TEXT THREAD: The Livebloggers]

admin1: THEY ALMOST KISSED. THE HALLWAY CAM CAUGHT IT. why do i feel like i’m in love?

admin2: i can’t believe this started as a joke account. now i’m emotionally invested. and i bought merch. my tote bag says “kiss me, it’s for fun” and i cry every time i use it.

admin1: do you think they know we know? or are they too busy FALLING IN LOVE IN REAL TIME.

—

You don’t kiss him.

You don’t even mention it.

You both step back, pretend it didn’t happen, and spend the rest of the day arguing about color theory and attachment styles just to fill the silence.

But Vernon keeps brushing your hand with his when you walk.

And you don’t stop him.

—

3. The Secret Observers

It starts with a campus post.

A blurry photo. Your back turned, Vernon’s face angled down to yours, maybe mid-sentence, maybe about to do something that would ruin your entire academic career.

Caption: Saw these two in the psych wing hallway. Can confirm: not fake. No way. Not with that look.

You don’t even know where it came from.

But within hours, it’s reposted to stories, DMs, and, of course—

—

[@PsychExperimentWatch]

anonymous submission alert: hallway photo unlocked. look at how he LOOKS at her. i’m calling this now. it’s over. they’re gonna marry each other and make it part of the final presentation. this is better than my last relationship. and more emotionally fulfilling.

—

You slam your laptop shut so hard Vernon flinches.

“We are being STALKED,” you hiss across the table. “They have a fan account. They’re live-posting our entire experiment and I swear one of them knows my coffee order.”

Vernon chews his straw. “It’s kind of impressive. Like… anthropologically.”

You stare. “Is that your takeaway?”

“Well, also,” he says, pushing his notes across to you, “we’re accidentally proving how real relationships affect social perception. So technically we’re winning.”

“Technically,” you echo, numb, “we’re going to combust.”

—

[Case File Entry #6 – Witness Logs]

Anonymous Submission Portal – Excerpts:

- He carries her books now. Even when she protests. - Saw her fall asleep on his shoulder in the library. Real. - Vernon looked at her like she hung the constellations and then sighed like he was in a 2007 indie romance. - Can I be their thesis? Please.

—

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M SEEING THE BIRTH OF A ROMCOM LIVE. @Joshua write a wedding speech. You’re the officiant. I decided.

Joshua: Too late. I’m the flower girl.

Dino: If I knew college was gonna be like this I would’ve majored in drama.

Vernon: should I be worried that half of our classmates are in love with our fake relationship

You: worried? I AM UNWELL. I SAW A FAN EDIT. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.

Seungkwan: drop the link 👀

—

[SECRET TEXT THREAD: The Livebloggers]

admin1: okay hear me out: should we leak the flowchart

admin2: no bc then they’ll know we’ve been tracking their hand holding frequency

admin1: too late [attaches file: “are they dating flowchart.png”]

admin2: it’s so detailed i’m proud are we the villains

admin1: no. we’re the narrators.

—

But the worst part—the most dangerous, unhinged, butterfly-inducing part—comes when Vernon starts texting you like this:

Vernon: Do you think it still counts as fake if I miss you when you’re not around?

You: That’s not a scientific question.

Vernon: Yeah, sorry. Just hypothesizing.

You stare at the screen.

You do not respond.

Instead, you go for a walk. You make tea. You spend twenty minutes re-reading your own data logs and end up highlighting the phrase "proximity triggers comfort behavior" seventeen times before deleting the whole sentence.

You are in so much trouble.

—

[Case File Entry #7 – Diary Notes]

You: He texts like he’s trying to ruin me gently. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know when I started liking it. Or if I ever didn’t.

Vernon: She stopped answering for a bit. Maybe she’s tired of pretending. Maybe I am too.

—

You avoid him the next day.

You think you’re subtle—slipping into class late, booking solo study rooms—but by 5pm there’s a knock at your door.

You open it to find Vernon standing there with two cups of tea and an absolutely wrecked expression.

He doesn’t say anything. Just holds out a crumpled piece of notebook paper.

DATA POINT When she’s not around, I get anxious. When I see her, I forget why.

Conclusion(?): I think I’ve stopped pretending.

You read it twice.

Then again.

You’re still holding it when he says, soft and honest:

“I like you.”

You could say something. Anything. But your brain short-circuits into static.

So instead you ask, “Does this mean we have to rewrite the thesis?”

And Vernon laughs—actually laughs—and says:

“Only if you want to.”

—

4. You, Me, and the Thesis Defense

You did not plan to kiss Vernon.

It’s not on your schedule. It’s not in your experiment. It’s not even on the Post-It list taped to your desk that says “DO NOT FALL FOR YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND (again).”

But somewhere between arguing about your final presentation and Vernon saying, “I meant what I wrote, you know,” you stop thinking.

You kiss him.

In the middle of the psychology hallway.

And someone gasps.

You freeze. Vernon blinks at you. His hand is still on your hip.

Then—

“WHAT DID I JUST SEE.”

It’s Seungkwan.

You’ve never seen someone drop a bubble tea so fast in your life.

He’s already texting.

—

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: THEY KISSED. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES. IN THE HALLWAY. PUBLICLY. I NEED A MINUTE.

Dino: pics or it didn’t happen

Seungkwan: I WAS TOO SHOCKED. I COULDN’T BREATHE. it was romantic and borderline illegal

Joshua: illegal? 😭

Jeonghan: be honest. did you cry

Seungkwan: NO… (yes) anyway i’m starting a fanclub. who’s in

Mingyu: i’ll design the merch

You: SEUNGKWAN YOU CAN’T JUST

Seungkwan: TOO LATE. I’M THE FOUNDER. VICE PRESIDENT IS TRAUMA. you kissed. you’re basically married. give me rights.

—

Vernon laughs the whole walk home.

You’re still short-circuiting.

“Hey,” he says, nudging you, “you good?”

“Sure,” you say. “I’ve just kissed you, broken three social contracts, and now there’s a fanclub.”

“Technically the kiss helped our thesis.”

“That was not scientific!”

He shrugs. “I’d argue it was a natural outcome of extended exposure and increased intimacy.”

You squint. “Is that your way of saying you liked it?”

He grins. “I really liked it.”

You black out for a minute.

—

[Case File Entry #8 – “Emotional Spillover”]

You: The kiss was… more than fake. More than a hypothesis. It felt like gravity.

Vernon: If this is what being in a relationship for science is like… I’m ready to fail for it.

—

Meanwhile, in a secret corner of the internet—

—

[SECRET TEXT THREAD: The Livebloggers]

admin1: THEY KISSED. THEY. KISSED.

admin2: WE HAVE TO GO LIVE. WE OWE THIS TO THE PEOPLE.

admin1: they’re my parents now. i’m emotionally compromised.

admin2: i wrote a poem “Two nerds kissed in a hallway / And we, humble observers, wept”

admin1: should we add a kiss counter?

admin2: i’m coding it now

—

You wake up the next day to an updated thesis draft in your inbox.

From: Vernon Chwe Subject: Revised conclusions 😳 Attachment: “The Relationship Thesis – Final Draft”

You open it.

The abstract reads:

This paper began with an experiment. It ends with something real. We observed how relationships may affect daily life. What we found: sometimes, they change everything.

Also, she kissed me back.

You nearly choke on your toothpaste.

—

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: this thesis is a romcom. i’m gonna cry again.

Joshua: i heard someone asked to cite your relationship in their presentation

Dino: can i be in the sequel

You: stop. STOP. we still have to present this thing.

Vernon: should we kiss again for dramatic effect?

You: …text me

—

5. The Thesis Defense (And Also Confessions)

You show up to the psychology building in a blazer that feels like armor and shoes you immediately regret. Vernon’s waiting outside, holding two coffees and a nervous smile.

“You ready?” he asks.

You glance down at your shaking hands. “Define ready.”

He hands you the coffee. “We kiss during the conclusion, right?”

You almost throw the cup at him.

—

[Graduation Presentation Schedule]

Group 17 – “Relationship as Experiment: A Case Study”Presenters: Vernon Chwe & Y/N Supervisor: Dr. Ryu Time: 3:00PM Note: Please refrain from PDA. This is still an academic institution.

—

The classroom is full.

Too full.

Someone’s brought a sign that says “#teamchweyn4ever.”

Seungkwan is in the front row. He has sunglasses on and is dabbing his eyes with a monogrammed tissue.

“Just ignore him,” Vernon whispers.

“Impossible,” you whisper back.

—

You click through the slides. You explain your method. Your research design. The controls. The gradual shift from fake to real that everyone noticed before you did.

You say things like:

“What began as an academic trial evolved into an emotional reality.”

And:

“Unexpected variables—namely affection and sincerity—interfered with our ability to remain neutral.”

And finally:

“We conclude that relationship proximity may alter academic performance. And emotional stability. And also… everything.”

You pause.

The room holds its breath.

And then Vernon says—

“Also, I love her.”

The crowd gasps.

Seungkwan screams.

Joshua stands up and yells “TAKE NOTES, EVERYONE.”

You drop the clicker.

—

[Group Chat: Psychos with Phones]

Seungkwan: HE SAID I LOVE HER I’M ON THE FLOOR I CAN’T BREATHE

Dino: they’re like if enemies-to-lovers went to uni

Jeonghan: i told you it wasn’t fake. my matchmaking senses tingled.

Joshua: does this mean they’re endgame?

You: YOU’RE TEXTING THIS IN REAL TIME?!?

Seungkwan: love is meant to be witnessed. now kiss.

—

And yes.

You kiss him.

Again.

In front of your thesis supervisor, the entire cohort, and someone livestreaming it on Instagram.

It’s ridiculous.

It’s academic malpractice.

It’s perfect.

—

[Final Case File Entry – “Post-Experiment Reflection”]

You: I thought I was writing a thesis. Turns out I was writing my first love story.

Vernon: I signed up for a case study and left with a girlfriend. Best trade I’ve ever made.

—

[Graduation Day, Two Weeks Later]

There’s confetti in your hair.

A graduation cap on your head.

And a fanclub booth run by Seungkwan right outside the psychology building.

It has stickers. It has buttons. It has a poster that reads:

“THEIR LOVE WAS PEER-REVIEWED.”

You don’t know whether to scream or sob.

Vernon takes your hand. “I say we let them have this.”

You sigh. “At least the merch is cute.”

—

[SECRET TEXT THREAD: The Livebloggers]

admin1: do we shut it down now?

admin2: we started as science. we ended with soulmates. this account belongs to them now.

admin1: you’re so dramatic want to start a new one for Seungkwan’s situationship?

admin2: absolutely.

—

You and Vernon sit under the university sign, your gowns tangled and hands still linked.

“We really did it,” you say.

“Graduated?” he asks.

“Kissed. Fell in love. Wrote a paper about it.”

Vernon bumps your shoulder. “So… next thesis?”

You roll your eyes. “If you say babies and attachment theory I swear—”

He laughs, and it’s the sound of summer and the start of forever.

—

One year later.

You thought graduation was the peak of your public embarrassment.

You were wrong.

Because Seungkwan, multimedia psychology menace and full-time sentimental gremlin, enters a documentary short film competition with a 7-minute video titled:

“LOVE UNDER OBSERVATION: A Case Study in Emotional Discovery (And Also Hot People Kissing).”

It is:

- Scored with dramatic violins - Cut together like a K-drama finale - Includes a slow zoom on Vernon saying “I love her” mid-thesis defense - Ends with you two kissing as the screen fades to black and the words “hypothesis confirmed” appear in cursive

He sends it to everyone before the award ceremony.

—

[Group Chat: kissme_itsforfun_stanclub]

Seungkwan: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW U ALL IT’S MY FINEST WORK. MY MAGNUM OPUS. MY EVERYTHING.

Joshua: …did you use my crying face as a reaction shot again

Dino: I was NOT consulted about my cameo

Jeonghan: 10/10 would stream again. When is the sequel?

You: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS

Vernon: lowkey kind of a banger edit tho

You: VERNON.

Seungkwan: oh btw IT WON

—

He wins first place in a national competition.

His film is shown at a small, respectable indie theater.

You sit next to Vernon in the back row while strangers around you sob and whisper things like,

“They were just… doing a thesis? That’s so romantic.”

When the lights come up, you’re handed flowers and a microphone.

“I didn’t agree to a Q&A,” you whisper.

Vernon smirks. “Then I’ll answer for you.”

He walks to the front and says:

“Yes, we’re still together. Yes, we’re gross. And no, we’re not taking academic questions unless they involve marriage as longitudinal data.”

The crowd screams.

Seungkwan bows like he’s just won Best Director.

—

[Final Case File: Follow-Up Observations – 1 Year Later]

Subject 1 (You): Emotionally stable. Still terrified of public attention. Falls harder for Subject 2 every time he says something accidentally romantic.

Subject 2 (Vernon): Emotionally mysterious. Still says “it’s for the thesis” before kissing Subject 1 in crowded places. Cannot believe he’s in love with someone from his stats tutorial.

Result: Relationship remains ongoing. Study has expanded into real-life cohabitation, travel planning, and bickering over who uses all the oat milk.

Conclusion: Sometimes, the most unpredictable variable is love.

—

And somewhere in your shared apartment is a framed certificate that reads:

“Best Depiction of Emotion in a Scholarly Context”Presented to Seungkwan BooFor “Love Under Observation”(ft. Vernon Chwe & Y/N L/N, unwilling stars)

It sits next to your joint thesis.

Right between Vernon’s annotated copy and your highlighted one.

Proof that your love story might’ve started as a study.

But it ended as a phenomenon

✿ loser!jake who sits crisscross on the floor while you do your makeup, staring at you like you’re doing magic. “What’s that one do?” he asks every product. You tell him the same thing every time. He never remembers.

✿ loser!jake who forgets to defrost the chicken, so he just cuts up hot dogs and puts them in mac and cheese like it’s a Michelin-star meal. You eat it anyway. He beams. “You love my cooking, huh?”

✿ loser!jake who insists on doing laundry but turns your lingerie pink, shrinks your skirt, and still has the audacity to be proud because “At least I folded it all.”

✿ loser!jake who walks around the apartment shirtless, thinks he looks normal, but the sweats are hanging way too low, the hair’s fluffy from a towel-dry, and the veins in his arms pop whenever he opens a jar for you. He has no idea why your knees go weak.

✿ loser!jake who cuddles into you so tight at night you can’t even roll over, muttering, “no…don’t leave, it’s cold,” with his nose smushed into your shoulder and his morning wood poking your ass like it’s not 6:13 am.

IN THE BED ⋆˚࿔ yes he IS a freak in the sheets

✿ loser!jake who can’t tell you what a dom is but still pins your wrists with one hand while his other slides under your shirt like it’s muscle memory. Whines in your ear like he’s the one being ruined.

✿ loser!jake who doesn’t get why your eyes roll back every time he goes deep. “Wait…is that a good face or a bad one?” he whispers, staying balls deep because your body keeps squeezing him too tight to move.

✿ loser!jake who is obsessed with your tits. Will literally start pouting if you cover them. “Nooo don’t hide,” he mumbles, mouth already latched to one while rutting into you slow, saying dumb shit like “they’re so soft. like little clouds.”

✿ loser!jake who genuinely apologizes every time you cum too hard. “Was that too much? I didn’t mean to make you cry…fuck, baby, I just wanted to feel good, not break you..oh my god.”

✿ loser!jake who never really talks dirty but blurts the filthiest things out in the heat of the moment like “I love your little hole, it’s so warm in there” and doesn’t realize what he’s said until you repeat it. He blushes so bad he forgets to keep thrusting.

✿ loser!jake who goes so long thinking he’s average until one day you physically can’t fit all of him and you’re whining for a break. He stares down, all wide-eyed, “wait, you’ve never needed to stop before?” then looks way too proud after.

✿ loser!jake who pants your name like a prayer, holds your thighs wide and keeps whispering “thank you, thank you, thank you” into your skin like getting to be inside you is some kind of miracle.

LOVES YOU STUPID ⋆˚࿔ even if he thinks ur out of his league

✿ loser!jake who buys you matching keychains shaped like frogs because “you like cute stuff,” and grins every time you put yours on a different purse.

✿ loser!jake who always brags about you like, “my girlfriend? she’s literally hotter than every girl on Instagram,” then shows his friends a blurry selfie of you in pajamas like it’s solid proof.

✿ loser!jake who kisses your cheek so many times you have to push him away when you’re getting ready, and he always goes, “Okay, okay..just one more,” and steals three while giggling.

✿ loser!jake who gets pouty when you’re busy. “What do you mean you’re working?” he mumbles, tugging your sleeve. “I’m right here. I’m bored. Just look at me. I’ll sit still. Please?”

✿ loser!jake who blurts out “I love you” when you’re literally just walking to the fridge. Says it like he can’t help it. Like it hits him fresh every time he looks at you. “I love you. Like, a lot. It’s actually crazy.”

✿ loser!jake who gets angry if someone flirts with you but doesn’t know how to act on it. Just clings to you harder, puffs his chest a little, and later grumbles, “You’re mine, y’know. I’ll fight someone. Like, I could. Probably.”

✿ loser!jake who lies on your stomach while you scroll your phone, pressing his ear to your skin to hear the noises it makes. “There’s like, a lil song in there,” he mumbles. “It’s your tummy symphony.”

because jake sim was—

well.

he wasn’t just your boss. he was a vision.

he stood near the window, the morning light catching the sharp lines of his profile, one hand tucked casually into his pocket like he’d been waiting for you without a single ounce of impatience. his suit was immaculate, the fabric draping over his shoulders in a way that made it clear it cost more than your rent. his hair was styled just so, not a strand out of place, and when he turned to look at you, his lips curled into a charming smile that showcased his quiet confidence.

your felt like you had been submerged into thick viscous honey, your brain too muddled to function.

“ah,” he said in an unfairly smooth and deep voice. “you must be the new hire.”

your mouth opened, but nothing came out.

this wasn’t happening. you were a professional. you’d practised this. you’d literally rehearsed in the mirror last night.

so why were your palms sweating? why was your pulse hammering in your throat like you’d just sprinted up a flight of stairs?

“nice to—nice, sir. i mean. meet. you.”

the second the words left your mouth, you wanted to claw them back. your voice had pitched up, cracking like you were fifteen and going through puberty all over again. your face burned, your ears hot with humiliation, and in a desperate attempt to play it off, you let out a laugh—or at least, the mangled, high pitched attempt at one.

it echoed in the silence.

ms. cho coughed politely. jake’s eyebrow lifted, slow and deliberate, his smirk deepening like he’d just discovered something fascinating.

you were going to die.

in your panic, you took a step back—only for your heel to catch on the edge of a decorative potted plant. your arms pinwheeled, your balance teetering dangerously, and for one horrifying second, you were certain you were about to crash directly into the very expensive looking side table beside you.

somehow, you didn’t. but the damage was done.

jake’s gaze flickered from your flailing limbs back to your face, his expression shifting into something dangerously close to amusement. like you were the most entertaining thing he’d seen all week.

oh god.

you wanted to vanish. you wanted to teleport directly into the nearest trash chute. you wanted to go back in time and never apply for this job.

you see, you had a problem.

a big, humiliating, soul crushing problem that no amount of deep breathing or positive affirmations could fix. it wasn't that you were incompetent—far from it. you'd graduated top of your class, aced every interview, and somehow landed this prestigious position through sheer skill and determination as your first job. no, your problem was far more specific, far more devastating in its simplicity:

you malfunctioned around attractive people.

and not just the casual, oh-they're-nice-looking kind of attractive. no, you short circuited around the kind of devastatingly gorgeous humans who moved through the world like they'd never once doubted their place in it. the kind who could reduce you to a stuttering, blushing mess with nothing more than a glance.

and jake sim?

jake sim was the human embodiment of your downfall.

when hr informed you that you'd been reassigned as his junior assistant, your first reaction had been to laugh—a high, slightly hysterical sound that made the hr manager eye you with concern. 

"this is a great opportunity for you to learn," she'd said, her tone suggesting she didn't understand why you looked like you were about to pass out.

you'd nodded mechanically, your mind already racing through every possible disaster scenario. daily interactions. emails that required actual coherence. eye contact. 

how were you supposed to maintain eye contact when looking at him for too long made your palms sweat and your thoughts scatter like startled birds?

the first week was a special kind of torture.

you arrived early every morning, rehearsing conversations in your head like an actor preparing for a role. you studied his schedule like it was a sacred text, memorising every meeting, every deadline, every detail that might give you even the slightest edge in appearing competent. you told yourself you could do this. you were a professional. you'd worked too hard to let something as trivial as a pretty face unravel you.

but then he'd walk into the room, all sharp suits and effortless confidence, and your carefully constructed composure would crumble like a sandcastle at high tide.

like today.

you'd been reviewing project updates at your desk, your notes meticulously organised, your thoughts clear and focused. you were prepared. you were ready. and then—

"did you get those figures from marketing?"

his voice, smooth and deep, came from directly behind you, closer than you'd expected. you could smell the faint, expensive scent of his cologne—something warm and subtly spicy that made your stomach do a slow, treacherous flip. your fingers froze over the keyboard.

you'd meant to say, "i'll get you those files right away." but what came out was:

"i'll get you anything."

the second the words left your mouth, time seemed to slow. your brain, in its panic, replayed the sentence on a loop, each repetition more horrifying than the last. your pulse pounded in your ears, a frantic drumbeat of oh god oh god oh god.

you tried to laugh it off, but the sound that escaped was less a laugh and more a strangled wheeze, the kind of noise that made people edge away slowly. the silence that followed was thick enough to choke on.

jake didn't move. when you finally dared to glance up, his expression was unreadable—just the slight tilt of his head, the faintest arch of one eyebrow. then, slowly, his mouth curved into something that wasn't quite a smile.

"that's a dangerous thing to offer," he said, his voice low and far too amused.

before you could even attempt to salvage the wreckage of your dignity, he was walking away, leaving you sitting there with your face burning, your hands clenched into fists in your lap.

you wanted to disappear. you wanted to rewind the last thirty seconds and try again. you wanted to march into hr and demand a transfer to a department where you'd never have to speak to another human being again—preferably one located in a remote, soundproof bunker.

but instead, you took a shaky breath, straightened your shoulders, and opened the marketing files with exaggerated focus. you could do this. you would do this.

even if it killed you.

the office whispers started innocently enough. a stifled chuckle when you dropped your pen for the third time during the monday meeting. knowing glances exchanged over cubicle walls when you developed a sudden, intense interest in your shoes every time jake entered a room. at first you thought nothing of it—until you overheard lisa from accounting whisper "someone's got a crush" loud enough for half the floor to hear.

today had been particularly catastrophic.

early in the morning, jake had leaned over your desk to point out a formula error, his crisp white sleeve brushing against your forearm. 

"the pivot table in this spreadsheet needs adjusting," he'd said, his voice dipping into that low, measured tone that did something inexplicable to your breathing patterns. 

and then—god help you—you'd giggled. not a polite professional chuckle, but a high- pitched, borderline hysterical sound that seemed to startle both of you. jake had frozen mid sentence, his pen hovering over the document like he wasn't sure whether to correct the numbers or call hr.

"i—sorry, sorry," you'd stammered, your face burning as you desperately tried to salvage the moment, "it's just—pivot tables are so—they're just really—" 

you'd waved your hands vaguely, as if this explained anything. jake had simply blinked, slow and deliberate like a cat observing particularly baffling prey, before continuing his explanation as if nothing had happened. which was somehow worse.

later, you'd been printing reports when jake appeared beside you—silently, like some sort of corporate vampire—reaching across you to grab a stack of documents. his forearm brushed against yours, warm and solid through the fabric of his dress shirt, and your entire nervous system short-circuited. your breath hitched audibly, your fingers spasmed on the copier lid, and for one dizzying moment you were certain you were going to either pass out or vomit directly onto the machine's control panel. 

from the way your coworkers suddenly found reasons to walk past the copier area, you weren't as subtle as you'd hoped.

"you know," maria from marketing had said later in the break room, stirring her coffee with exaggerated casualness, "if you wanted his attention, you're doing great." the grin she shot you was equal parts amused and merciless.

"that's not—i'm not—" you'd sputtered, your coffee cup trembling in your hands. "i have this thing where i just—when people are really—i mean my brain just—" your words dissolved into incoherence, which only made her smirk widen.

the worst, most embarrassing thing was the email disaster which happened at 3:17 pm on tuesday. you remembered the exact time because you'd stared at the timestamp in mute horror for a full minute after hitting send. 

you'd meant to type "i need you to look at it" regarding the quarterly report draft. what you'd actually sent to jake's inbox read: "i need you to look at me."

your blood turned to ice. for thirty full seconds, you simply sat there, fingers hovering over the keyboard like you could somehow un-send the message through sheer force of will. your first instinct was to feign a sudden illness and flee the country. your second was to claim you'd been hacked. 

in the end, you'd settled for sending a follow-up email with the subject line "CORRECTION" in all caps and the body simply reading "THE REPORT. I NEED YOU TO LOOK AT THE REPORT." you didn't explain further. you couldn't.

the afternoon meeting was where everything came to a head. you'd been doing remarkably well—keeping your gaze firmly on your notes, responding in complete sentences, even managing to contribute to the discussion without sounding like you'd suffered a recent head injury. then, as you reached for your water glass, your traitorous hand trembled just enough to send the glass tipping. water cascaded across the conference table in a shimmering wave, soaking documents, laptops, and—most horrifyingly—the front of jake's perfectly tailored trousers.

the room fell silent. your pulse roared in your ears. the water droplet sliding slowly down jake's thigh was the most obscene thing you'd ever witnessed.

"i—oh god—i'm so—" you shot to your feet, knocking your chair over in your haste. napkins appeared as if by magic from various coworkers, though none of them made a move to help, this was clearly too entertaining to interrupt. 

"i'll just—bathroom and paper towels—" you managed to choke out before fleeing the scene, your heels clicking a frantic staccato against the polished floors.

as you rounded the corner, you could have sworn you heard jake murmur something under his breath. later, you'd learn from multiple "helpful" coworkers that what he'd actually said was "she's something else," in a tone that could have been exasperated or amused or—most terrifyingly—intrigued. 

the office gossip mill had already spun this into at least three different romantic subplots by the time you returned with a wad of paper towels and the shattered remains of your dignity.

the worst part was that this was only tuesday. you had three more days of this to survive. as you sat at your desk later, staring blankly at your computer screen, you made a mental note to research whether it was possible to die from secondhand embarrassment—specifically, embarrassment generated by your own inability to function like a normal human being around your unfairly attractive boss.

things escalated in the worst possible way when jake started hovering more.

it began subtly—a coffee cup appearing on your desk when you hadn’t asked for one, the rich, bitter scent wafting up as you stared at it like it might be a trap. you’d glanced around, searching for the culprit, only to find jake already walking away, hands tucked into his pockets like he hadn’t just disrupted your entire morning with an act of kindness you weren’t equipped to handle.

then came the project updates. suddenly, he was asking for your input on things that weren’t even under your purview, leaning against the edge of your desk while you fumbled through explanations, your throat dry under the weight of his attention. 

and then things somehow got worse when he started leaning down towards you. not enough to be inappropriate, but enough that you could smell the faint, expensive cedar of his cologne, enough that his voice dropped into a low, private timbre that sent your pulse skittering. it felt deliberate. it felt like a test you were failing spectacularly.

like today.

you’d been caught staring. again. 

this time during a department meeting, your gaze drifting helplessly toward where jake sat at the head of the table, his fingers steepled under his chin, the sharp line of his jaw illuminated by the too-bright conference room lights. you hadn’t meant to look. or maybe you had. maybe you were a glutton for punishment, for the way your stomach swooped when his eyes flicked up and caught you, his eyebrow lifting just slightly.

"you good?" his voice was quiet, just for you, the words curling around you like smoke.

your brain short circuited. you could feel the heat creeping up your neck, your fingers tightening around your pen like it was the only thing tethering you to reality. play it cool, you begged yourself. just say something normal.

"low blood sugar," you mumbled, the lie tumbling out before you could stop it. you weren’t even sure what that meant in this context—were you implying you were dizzy? hungry? medically compromised?—but jake didn’t call you on it. he just smirked, slow and knowing, like he could see right through you.

you should’ve known then that you’d made a mistake.

because after that, snacks from him started appearing. protein bars tucked into your desk drawer. a banana left beside your keyboard with no explanation. once, horrifyingly, a lollipop—bright red and obscenely shiny—placed directly on top of your morning report. you’d stared at it for a full minute, your face burning, before stuffing it into your bag like contraband. 

you swore he watched you eat them. not obviously, not in a way you could call him out on, but in those fleeting moments when you glanced up from unwrapping a granola bar to find his gaze already on you, dark and unreadable.

it all came to a head when you thought he was out of the office.

you’d been ranting to yuna in the break room, your voice a hushed, frantic whisper as you paced in front of the microwave. 

"he keeps looking at me like i’m trying to seduce him," you groaned, dragging your hands down your face. "i’m not. i just—i don’t know how to behave around him, it’s like i’m socially defective."

yuna had opened her mouth to respond—probably to laugh at you, the traitor—when a cough cut through the room.

your blood turned to ice.

jake stood in the doorway, one hand braced against the frame, his expression perfectly neutral. how long had he been there? how much had he heard? your stomach dropped straight through the floor as your brain replayed your own words in brutal, high definition clarity. socially defective. oh god.

for one endless second, no one moved. then jake tilted his head—just slightly, like he was considering something—and walked away without a word.

you died a thousand deaths in that moment.

you expected things to be awkward after that. unbearable, even. but the next day, jake was... different. he smiled more—slow, deliberate smiles that made your palms sweat. he stared longer, his gaze lingering even when you ducked your head, even when you pretended not to notice. and then, over lunch—a lunch he had invited you to, a lunch you’d agreed to out of some masochistic impulse.

he leaned back in his chair and asked, casual as anything, "what kind of guy do you like?"

you choked on your drink.

your mind raced through a dozen possible responses—professional, respectful, not my boss—before settling on the dumbest possible answer. "alive," you croaked.

jake snorted, his lips quirking in a way that made your chest ache. "good start," he said, and something in his voice that sounded warm and interested, sent your heart into freefall.

the office that night was too quiet, the silence pressing on your ears and making them ring. 

you'd stayed late to finish some work, the blue light of your computer screen the only thing cutting through the dark. outside, the city hummed—car horns, distant sirens, the occasional burst of laughter from people who still had lives at this hour. your coffee had gone cold hours ago, but you kept sipping it anyway, the bitter taste matching your mood.

when the door creaked open, you didn't even look up. probably just the cleaning crew. but then you caught that scent—something expensive and faintly spicy, cutting through the stale office air. your fingers froze over the keyboard.

"still here?"

jake's voice was rougher than usual, tired around the edges. when you finally turned, he was leaning against your desk, two fresh coffees in hand. his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing those stupidly perfect forearms. his tie hung loose around his neck like he'd been yanking at it all day. he looked rumpled in a way that made your stomach do something complicated.

"uh. yeah." you swallowed, suddenly aware of how dry your throat was. "report."

he set one of the coffees down in front of you. the good stuff, from that place around the corner that charged way too much. "drink that before you pass out."

you wanted to say something clever. instead, your fingers fumbled with the lid, the plastic making an embarrassingly loud crack in the quiet office. 

jake didn't leave. just sank into the chair across from you with a quiet groan, stretching his long legs out until his shoe bumped yours. you jerked back like you'd been shocked.

for a while, the only sounds were your typing and the occasional sip of coffee. except you couldn't focus, not with him sitting there watching you. your fingers kept slipping, typing "jaje" instead of "jake" before you could stop yourself. you deleted it so fast your mouse clicked echoed.

"you're staring," he said suddenly.

you choked on your coffee. "i wasn't—"

"you were." he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "at my mouth, specifically."

your face burned. you had been. just for a second. because his lips were chapped from the cold outside, and he kept worrying at the bottom one with his teeth, and—

"am i distracting you?" his voice dropped, taking on that low, teasing quality that made your pulse jump.

"no," you lied, your voice cracking.

a beat passed and then a tiny, pathetic noise escaped you—something between a whimper and a hiccup. you wanted to die(again). 

jake's eyes darkened, his smirk turning predatory. he leaned in closer, close enough that you could see the faint stubble shadowing his jaw, close enough that his knee pressed against yours under the desk and stayed there.

"if i didn't know better," he murmured, his breath warm against your cheek, "i'd say you like me, sweetheart."

your brain paused all activities and all you could manage was a strangled "jake—" that sounded more like a plea than a protest.

he pulled back just enough to meet your eyes, his grin all sharp edges. "i'm kidding."

but the way his fingers brushed yours as he took your empty coffee cup said he absolutely wasn't.

over the past few days, something subtle had shifted between you and jake without either of you acknowledging it. the nervous stuttering that used to plague your conversations had faded into something smoother, something more natural. 

the late night coffee incident had been weeks ago, but its ghost lingered in every interaction since. you'd noticed the shift—how your pulse no longer raced quite so violently when jake entered a room, how your hands remained steady when passing him files. you still noticed the way his dress shirts stretched across his shoulders when he reached for files, still caught yourself staring at his hands when he typed, but the panic those observations used to trigger had mellowed into a warm flutter low in your stomach. you could even hold his gaze for entire sentences now without feeling like your skin might catch fire. progress, you'd thought. until today.

the copy machine hummed its familiar tune as you leaned against it, listening to the new marketing associate—ethan? evan?—recount his disastrous first client meeting. 

his animated storytelling had you laughing, the sound louder than intended in the quiet office. when his hand brushed your arm in emphasis, you didn't stiffen like you would have weeks ago. which made jake's sudden appearance and grip on your elbow all the more startling.

"conference room. now." his voice carried that particular edge you'd come to recognise—the one that brooked no argument.

you barely had time to mutter an apology to not-ethan before jake was steering you down the hall, his fingers burning through your blazer sleeve. the break room door clicked shut behind you with finality. 

jake paced like a caged animal, running a hand through his perfectly styled hair until it stood in disarray.

"you and the new guy looked awfully friendly." the words came out clipped, his back turned as he pretended sudden fascination with the microwave's keypad.

you blinked. "we were just talking."

"talking." he scoffed, finally turning. the fluorescent lights caught the tension in his jaw. "is that what they're calling it now?"

the realisation dawned slowly, then all at once—the way jake's coffee deliveries always seemed to coincide with your conversations with others, how he'd suddenly taken interest in your lunch plans, the barely concealed irritation whenever someone lingered too long at your desk. your stomach swooped.

"wait." you stepped closer, watching his adam's apple bob as he swallowed. "are you... jealous?"

jake's laugh was humourless. "don't flatter yourself."

but his eyes, dark and stormy, betrayed him. you saw it then: the insecurity beneath the polished exterior, the fear that your newfound ease around him wasn't comfort earned through shared late nights and inside jokes, but because your attention had wandered.

the elevator ride down that evening was thick with tension. jake stood unnaturally still, his reflection in the metal doors betraying clenched fists and a ticking jaw. you watched the floor numbers descend, exhaustion weighing heavy on your shoulders.

"you think i'm playing some game," you said quietly, not quite a question.

jake's reflection met yours. "aren't you?"

the doors opened on the empty lobby. neither of you moved.

"all those blushes and stammers," he continued, voice rough. "the way you'd trip over yourself whenever i got too close. and now?" his hand shot out to stop the doors from closing. "nothing. like i've become... ordinary."

the raw vulnerability in his words stole your breath. you turned, really looking at him—the faint shadows under his eyes, the way his tie hung slightly crooked. the man beneath the polished veneer.

"jake," you breathed, stepping closer. "you could never be ordinary."

something dangerous flashed in his eyes. "prove it."

the first kiss was all collision—lips bruising, teeth clashing. you gasped as jake backed you into the wall, his hands finding your hips with a possessiveness that set your nerves alight.

"fuck," he growled against your mouth when your fingers tangled in his hair. "you have no idea how long i've—"

you cut him off with another kiss, revelling in the way his body shuddered against yours. his palms slid under your blouse, calloused fingers mapping your skin like he was committing you to memory.

"still think i was seducing you?" you managed between kisses, arching into his touch.

jake nipped at your bottom lip, drawing a whimper you'd deny later. "sweetheart," he murmured, breath hot against your skin, "you've been wrecking me since day one."

some distant part of your brain registered the security cameras, the professionalism you were shattering, the inevitable hr disaster. it was drowned out by the way jake's hands trembled as they traced your ribs, by the broken sound he made when you scraped your nails down his back.

when you finally broke apart—lips swollen, breathing ragged—jake rested his forehead against yours. his thumb traced your cheekbone with unexpected tenderness.

"we're going to get fired," you whispered, even as your fingers toyed with his belt loop.

jake's grin was all sinful promise as he stole one more kiss. "best damn termination notice i'll ever receive." (don't do this guys)

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 ©𝗴𝘆𝘂𝘂𝗯𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆𝘆 on Tumblr

an: finally posting this monster oh my god. this was meant to be a <1k word oneshot, but turned into a full-on fic. excuse me and my indulgences, i just have daddy issues and am in love with lee heeseung.

i never wanna see this thing again (writers will understand) so not proofread but when i get back home tonight i'll go through and fix typos/mistakes hehe. thanks for stopping by ( ⑅•͈ᴗ•͈ )੭

——

You cursed under your breath as your shopping bags began to slip through your fingers. From your hip, Hana fussed unhappily, tiny hands clawing at your face as you struggled to adjust your grip on her.

“S’cuse me,” A woman said, giving you an annoyed glance as she stepped around you. The others behind you made sounds of frustration as you struggled to wrangle your babbling child and groceries out of the store’s entrance.

“Would you mind getting out of the way?” A man asked impatiently as one of your bags slipped.

“I’m sorry,” You said, face burning with embarrassment.

Hana began to cry, her tiny body impossibly strong as she twisted in your arms, trying to escape your grasp.

“Jesus Christ,” He muttered, pushing past you.

You bit your lip, hair falling in your face to hide the tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Everything was so hard. Ever since your ex had moved out, you’d had no one to help you with Hana.

No one to stay up with her when she was fussy, no one to entertain her so you could sneak a quick shower in, no one to get groceries while you washed, and fed, and tended to her.

Your parents were a state away, your friends busy with work or travel—none with kids of their own. No one who understood what you were going through. Standing in the doorway of the grocery store, you felt, for the first time since Hana's father left, the true gravity of how alone you both were.

Another exasperated sigh came from behind you as Hana began to cry in earnest, her shrill voice piercing the air of the store.

“Should’ve left her at home with dad,” An older woman said, tsking as she stepped around you. “New moms these days, thinking they can do it all on their own. That kind of attitude kills marriages, you know."

You opened your mouth to defend yourself—to tell her that you couldn't kill a marriage that didn't exist, or maybe just throw a curse back at her—when the paper bag you’d managed to hold onto split open, the contents spilling out onto the floor.

“For fuck’s sake,” A man said, shoving past you. His shoulder caught yours, knocking you off balance.

Hana’s weight threw you off-kilter, and you stumbled to the ground, holding her tiny wriggling body to your chest.

You wanted to cry.

Beside you, someone stooped to the ground, hastily grabbing the groceries that had fallen out of your bag. You looked up, the apology already forming on your mouth. As your eyes landed on them, the words died in your mouth. 

Heeseung.

Your heart skipped. 

He didn’t say anything as he gathered the rest of your things, giving you a hand up. His eyes were glued to the squirming toddler in your arms. 

With your groceries collected, you were able to step to the side, Heeseung’s hand still on your arm. The customers who’d gathered behind you filed past, one man glaring at you as he did. 

“Finally,” He muttered. 

Heeseung’s head snapped in his direction. “Fuck off,” He shot back with a frown. Then, looking from Hana to you, he chuckled nervously. “Sorry.”

You were speechless.

How long had it been since you’d seen him? Three years? Three years since he boarded the jet that had carried him out of your life forever. 

You remembered it like it was yesterday—ENHYPEN was going on tour, he wasn't sure when he'd be back, or when he'd have time for you again. The group had just started to take off. This was the big break, he’d said. The one that would start the rest of his life.

Going with him was out of the question. Long distance was brutal. Fans grew possessive of their favorite members, and a girlfriend was a risk that management couldn't afford. It took all but a few hours for him to be cut from your life. Gone. Erased. Entirely.

And now, here he was. Lee Heeseung, the great heartbreak of your life, standing in the middle of your friendly neighborhood grocery store, eyes darting back and forth between you and the one-year-old clinging to your hip. 

Hana made a noise, reaching a hand out at him curiously. He glanced at her, his expression softening. He smiled as he leaned forward, cooing gently while she fiddled with the earring that dangled from his ear.

Your chest tightened.

“Here,” He said, taking the bags from your hands. “Where did you park?”

——

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you,” Heeseung said quietly as he put the last of your things into your car.

He looked just as you remembered him—tall, handsome, soft-faced, and even softer-voiced. He carried a bag of his own, full of items that sent you back to your school days with him—glossy packages of instant ramen, cling-wrapped kimbap, and those energy drinks he always liked.

You tore your eyes from them, trying to shake the memories of late nights in his dorm from your mind.

“No,” You said, meeting his eyes. God, his eyes. Just as deep and intense as you remembered them. “I should be thanking you. Back there,” You gestured awkwardly, “I was… It’s been a long day.”

His eyes darted to Hana again. You could practically see the question forming on his lips, but he was still the Heeseung you knew, far too polite to outright ask.

“Hana,” You said, smiling at the pink-faced toddler in your backseat. "She's one," You added quickly, watching for his reaction.

He nodded, his expression conflicted, like he was working through his thoughts. “I didn’t know…” He said slowly, looking back at you.

“I know. I… didn’t want you to,” You admitted. “You had a lot going on."

His face dropped. “Y/n, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know,” You said simply, looking down. “You had a life to live. Dreams to chase.” You smiled at him, genuine, although something deep in your heart had begun to ache, starting the moment you’d locked eyes with him. “I was always proud of you for going."

“I shouldn’t have left like that. I know you wanted me to go, and I’m glad I did, but I…” His fingers toyed with the strings of his bag nervously. “…I shouldn’t have left without saying goodbye.”

You shook your head, pushing the memories away. “Don’t worry about it. Water under the bridge.”

From the car, Hana began to cry again. It was well past her dinnertime, which meant she’d be inconsolable until you got her home and into her high chair, which was… still broken.

You bit back a curse, remembering that you’d needed to run to the store to replace it today. A week of trying to feed her without it had proven nearly impossible. Especially now that you were alone.

You turned back to Heeseung, trying not to feel disappointed that reality was sweeping you two apart again. What was that phrase? Right person, wrong time? Well, this was two for two.

“Anyways," You said. "Thank you. Seriously. I was losing it in there.”

“You headed home now?” He asked, looking between you, as if trying to keep the conversation going. Hanna was bawling, fists clenched angrily.

You nodded, pulling a snack pack from your bag and tearing it open, hoping it’d be enough to satiate her until you got home. If you could get her fed, maybe you’d have time to take care of all the other things that were piled on your to-do list.

There were dishes waiting for you, and sticky counters, and laundry. So much laundry. The light in your room had gone out and needed replacing, but you barely had enough time to sleep there, let alone perform a maintenance job on it.

You sighed out a tired laugh, rubbing your face with your hand. “Um, yeah. She needs to be fed and put to sleep, and there’s some housework stuff. You know, never a boring day,” You joked half-heartedly.

Heeseung hummed. Then, hesitantly, asked, "Where’s her dad?”

The question knocked the wind out of you.

He gazed at you curiously, a hint of concern in his eyes. It made your stomach twist uncomfortably. This was the one thing you didn’t want coming up.

The baby? Sure. Your embarrassing moment in the store? Fine. Even the state of your hair and clothes, covered in stains and baby powder and spit-up, whatever.

But the fact that you were alone, that the person you’d chosen to father your child was nowhere to be found, that stung in the back of your throat. Always the one being left behind. 

It seemed to be a recurring thing for you—picking the guy who had no trouble packing up and leaving, disappearing from your life like it was nothing. 

Heeseung read the look on your face. “Oh,” He said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s okay.” You cut him off, not sure if you could take the awkwardness of this conversation any longer. “But, yeah, I should go. I have… a lot to do at home. Everything’s on her schedule these days.”

“Can I help?”

You felt your breath catch for a second time. “What?” You laughed nervously.

Heeseung nodded at your groceries and at the squawking baby in the back seat. “Can I help you? I have the week off. Been doing pretty much nothing but sitting around the house, gaming all day. I’ll come over.”

“Heeseung…” You started, images of your messy baby-proofed home springing to mind. As if he needed to see any more of the disheveled single mom life. “You don’t have to do that, really, you’ve helped enough—”

“Y/n, we've known each other for a long time. I can tell you’re up to your neck right now. I want to help,” He said earnestly. “Will you let me?”

You held your breath, searching his face for some clue as to what this meant for you two. Ten minutes ago, you had no idea he was even back home. And now... he was asking for a step back into your life.

The inside of your cheek stung as you chewed on it. Finally, you sighed. "What the hell. Fine. Here, let me write down my address for you."

There, at the corners of his eyes, you caught it. That glimpse of joy in his expression, of hope. It confused the fuck out of you, but you just waved to him, climbing into your car and wondering what this meant for you.

——

It was practically impossible to walk across your house without tripping over one of the toys that littered the ground. There were dishes all over the kitchen counters, soup stains on the wall behind Hana’s highchair where she'd thrown her spoon, dirty laundry spilling out of your closet and across the floor.

Heeseung didn't seem to care at all.

In fact, the only thing he seemed to care about was your daughter. Her small fists, the rosy color of her cheeks, the bubbling sound of her laughter. You'd known Heeseung liked kids—you'd talked about having them once—but what you didn't know was how much they loved him.

He and Hana hit it off immediately, faster than you'd ever seen her take to anyone before.

Without a high chair, you’d been struggling to find the best way to keep her stationary long enough to feed her. Heeseung, however, only propped her on his leg, one hand around her stomach, the other holding her plastic pink Hello Kitty spoon.

It was like magic.

No crying, no spitting. No throwing or hitting. You watched in wonder as she sat there, hands resting on his forearm. The perfect little angel you always bragged about back in full swing.

Her preoccupation with him gave you a chance to not only make her dinner, but get her pajamas out and set up her bath for later. It was the most you'd managed to get done in a single hour in weeks.

Having Heeseung there wasn’t just helpful, it was... overwhelming. His presence filled your senses—the smell of his cologne intermingled with Hana's baby lotion, the feeling of him moving around the kitchen behind you, his voice mixing with her giggling nonsense in the living room.

It was intoxicating. It was dangerous. Because part of you wished—had always wished—desperately and against all reason, that this was what your everyday looked like.

You tried to dissuade that wish as you bent over the kitchen sink, elbow deep in soapy water and dirty dishes. Heeseung came in from the dining room, holding Hana's little bowl and matching spoon in one hand, her bib in the other.

"All done," He said, placing them on the counter. "Finished the whole thing." He sounded proud. It made your chest tighten.

"That girl sure can eat," You said lightly, grabbing the dishes and submerging them under water.

"Mmm, just like her mom, then," He joked.

Being there with him, joking with him, it stirred something in you. Something you'd spent a long time trying to forget. Your throat closed as he came up behind you, dry hand sliding over your soapy one.

"What—" You started, but he was already pulling the bowl from your hands, nudging you out of the way.

"I got this. Go finish up with her."

You pressed your lips into a thin line, ignoring the fluttering sensation that crawled up your throat. He was helping, just like he said he would. It was meaningless.

Still, the feeling of his palm on the back of your hand had your heart stuttering.

In the solitude of the bathroom, you rested your chin on your hand, watching as Hana dunked her plastic horse under the soapy bathwater. She held it up to you, babbling through the bubbles on your face.

You sighed. "What d'you think? Should we let him stick around?"

She slammed her horse back into the water with a squeal, sending water over the edge of the tub.

“Yeah,” You muttered, half to yourself. “That’s what I thought.”

You looked over at yourself in the mirror, leaned against the edge of the bathtub, your clothes and hair damp from your daughter’s splashing. So different from the girl that Heeseung had left behind all those years ago. The one he once swore he’d come back for.

You felt childish for even remembering that. Everything was different now. He could have anything he wanted. The girls around him were exactly what you weren’t, what you’d stopped being the moment you found out you were pregnant. They might have been your age, but they weren't saddled with motherhood.

You, on the other hand, would never be able to escape it again.

All anyone seemed to talk about with you was the baby. How old she was now, if she’d started talking yet, how well parenthood suited you.

Even running into Heeseung, the first thing he looked at was her. It was like watching yourself fade from existence, all trace of what once made you you vanishing into nothingness. 

You weren’t fun. You weren’t spontaneous. Not anymore. Motherhood had drained you of all that youthful vitality Heeseung had once loved so much about you. You felt bland. Boring. Nothing to call your own except for your daughter, who seemed to be the most interesting part of your life nowadays. 

Looking at Hana now, you knew there was no way that Heeseung was going to make a permanent return to your life, not when there was a child involved.

And yet.

And yet, Heeseung was still around when you were done with Hana’s bath. 

He’d finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. He’d put the rest of your groceries away and tossed all of Hana’s toys back in their bin. He even took the trash out, and was offering to fix the light in your room when you stopped him.

“Are you gonna make me kick you out?” You said, hands on your hips.

The corners of his mouth quirked, his brow lifting. “You really are someone’s mom, huh?”

“Heeseung.”

“Come on,” He laughed, “I’m already here, I might as well fix it. You really want me to go?”

No, of course you didn’t. Of course, you wanted him to stay and help you with your light, and fix your leaky shower head, and make your daughter laugh herself all the way to sleep.

Of course, you wanted him to find a million other things to help you with, and to let you keep imagining what life would be like if he were to be there. To really, truly be there.

What, were you supposed to say no to all that?

By the time the sun finally dipped below the horizon, Hana was dozing off in Heeseung’s arms, her cheek flat against his shoulder.

You watched from the kitchen doorway, unable to tear your eyes away from the sight of them. He swayed slightly, bouncing up and down with a hand to her back.

No one held her like that. Not even her dad. He’d wanted almost nothing to do with her. The diapers, the crying, the mess. He’d decided enough was enough before she was even born. But Heeseung…

“She’s incredible,” He said, glancing back at you. His face was soft, shoulders relaxed. It looked almost like she was as comforting to him as he was to her, with her hand wrapped around the fabric of his shirt.

Your throat was tight. “She is. Takes after me, you know,” You joked, trying to ease the effect that this scene was having on you. Your face was warm.

He chuckled, pursing his lips as she stirred gently. After a moment, he said, “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

You leaned against the doorframe. “It wasn’t something I wanted you to hear from someone else.”

“Yeah,” He said. “Still.”

Still.

He finally looked up at you, and you saw it—how much he was holding back. How hard this was hitting him, all at once. Sure, it had been a long time, but the emotions on his face were like a second language to you. You could read them in your sleep.

“I’m not asking for anything,” You said quickly, maybe too quickly. “I’m not—bringing you here because I want something from you.”

“I know,” He said. But he kept holding Hana anyway, and when you laid her down in her room for the night, he was still in the living room, waiting for you.

“You do all this on your own?” He asked, keeping his voice low.

“Every day.”

“You’re amazing,” He whispered.

“Thanks,” You laughed.

He followed you into the kitchen. “I always knew you’d be a good mom.”

The comment sent a jolt of electricity through you.

“What?”

“Yeah, didn’t I ever tell you that?”

You stared at him. “No.”

“I’m sure I did.”

“I think I’d remember if you did. So, no.”

He flashed that smile, the one that used to make you weak in the knees. Still made you weak in the knees. “Then I was an idiot.”

You scoffed, eyeing him skeptically. “Whatever. My house is a mess, and I have literally no social life. Look at me, I’m covered in baby food, and I’m not even the one who fed the baby.”

“Yeah, well,” He shrugged, that stupid smile on his face. “You make anything look good.”

You narrowed your eyes. “You’re making fun of me.”

He gasped. “What? No, I’m just a very supportive friend who happens to know that you manage to make everything look sexy, even being covered in baby food.”

Friend.

“Heeseung.” You used to be the love of my life. 

“What!” He grinned. “You’re the one who keeps blushing.”

“I am not blushing.”

He shook his head as he laughed, the sound light and pure. “I missed you. God, I missed you a lot.”

You tensed.

“That first year of tour was hell,” He reminisced, leaning back against your counter. “We hardly slept, or ate, or got any moments to ourselves. It was just go, go, go. All day, every day.” He glanced at you. “But being away from you was by far the worst part.”

“Whatever,” You said quietly. There was a lump in the back of your throat.

He hovered as you finished putting the dry dishes away in your cupboard. “It was hard without you there. You know, you’re the reason I debuted in the first place. Because you believed in me.”

Did you ever believe in me? You wanted to ask. Lingering resentment was seeping from the back of your mind, coloring those happy memories a shade darker. How was it so easy for you to leave me?

“It was hard looking out for everyone without you there,” He chuckled. “You always made that part easier. That’s how I know.” 

“Know what?” You said, eyes on the plates in your hands. 

“That you’d make a good mom. You were already halfway there with me.”

You froze. “Heeseung,” You said slowly, “Don’t.”

“What? I’m just saying—”

“No, you’re not. You’re flirting.”

He gave you a lopsided smile. “Is that illegal now?”

You stared at him. “We can’t do this.”

His smile faltered, just slightly. Enough that you knew he’d heard the part you didn’t say aloud: Not again. I can’t do this again.

“I’m not trying to mess anything up,” He said quietly.

“But you do, Heeseung. You walk in, and you smile, and she adores you, and then what? You go back to your life, and we’re left here pretending this never happened? I’ve been there, done that, okay? And I can’t— I won’t let it happen again.”

He opened his mouth, but no answer came.

“Look, I get it. You were gone for a long time. Being back home carries a lot of weight, I’m sure. But you can’t…” You looked at him, chest aching. “You can’t just come in here and make me feel like nothing’s changed when it has. I mean, look around. I have a kid now. I can’t— I’m not like you. Not anymore.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked, a look of hurt flashing behind his eyes.  

You ran your hand over your hair anxiously. It was late, you were exhausted, and you were letting your emotions get the better of you. You knew you should stop talking and just send him home, but you couldn’t.

“You have your whole life ahead of you,” You said. “You get to pack up and travel the world, do whatever you want, meet whoever you want. I don’t. That ended for me the second I had her.”

“Y/n,” He frowned, but you cut him off.

“I thought…” Tears pricked behind your eyes. “I thought that maybe things would just be a little different. That I’d still get to—” You caught your breath, the weight of everything you’d gone through rising suddenly, knocking the breath from your lungs. “And then it ended all over again. When her dad left.” 

You saw the way his face hardened, a look you hadn’t seen in years. Hurt. Angry. Protective. 

“I’m alone, Heeseung,” You whispered. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes, it is.”

“It’s not! You have me—”

“Then where were you!?”

His face fell. You didn’t want him to see you cry, but you were dangerously close. Being near him, seeing that god forsaken look in his eyes, like he was angry with himself, it killed you. 

“I didn’t know,” He said quietly. “If I had—”

“You would have, what? Cancelled your tour? Come racing home to help your ex with some other guy’s baby? That’s not true and you know it.” 

“I would have found a way to be there for you.”

“Really? You could have called. Once, even. You could have checked up on me, but you didn’t. You packed your things and you left. That’s all anyone ever does, is pack up and disappear.”

“Don’t, y/n. It’s not the same thing. I never would have left you with our kid like that,” He said seriously.

Our kid. The words seemed to burrow into your chest, curling up around the part of you that was still so angry, so hurt, so betrayed. 

“No,” You said bitterly, wiping your eyes roughly with your sleeve. “You just left me. Not as big a deal, right?”

He flinched, those big, sad eyes of his wincing painfully.

You knew it wasn’t fair. You knew you were being cruel now, prodding a wound that was clearly still open in both of you, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted, just once, for someone to tell you that you were worth fighting for, that the way he and Hana’s dad had both abandoned you wasn’t your fault. That you weren’t defective. Disposable. 

Heeseung held your gaze, brows creased. “I deserved that,” He finally said.

You looked away, jaw clenched. 

He took a step toward you, slow, like he was scared you might push him away. “You’re right, I did. I left. I let you believe that I didn’t care about you. I thought… walking away would make things easier. That it would hurt less, instead of dragging it out, making you wait for me. You had a life of your own waiting. I couldn’t do that to you,” He reasoned. “And look at you! You brought a kid into the world, y/n. You never needed me, or anyone else. You’re strong.” “I’m not,” You argued. 

“You are,” He said firmly. 

You shook your head, arms tightening around yourself. “I’m not strong. I’m surviving. That’s not the same thing.”

Heeseung didn’t argue this time. He gave you an apologetic look, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I didn’t mean to come here and upset you. I wanted… I really did want to help, y/n.”

“You have,” You said, not meeting his eyes. It was hard to speak without your voice shaking, and you didn’t want him to see you cry. 

His voice softened, gaze dropping to the floor. “I know I can’t change the past. And you don’t trust me. But we’re back home until the next album’s finished.”

Your chest tightened. So, he was sticking around. Great, you thought to yourself. Just what you needed on top of everything else you had going on. 

“If you need me, you can call me. You know that, right?”

You said nothing. Heeseung got his things and left, mumbling apologies as the door closed behind him. You had to catch your breath against the doorframe as the sound of his car faded down the street. 

Here you were again. Watching the door swing closed behind him, wishing you were brave enough to ask him to stay. 

That night, as night settled over your house, you went into Hana's room and curled up in the chair beside her crib. Looking at her—the soft fat of her cheeks, the way her tiny chest rose and fell so steadily without a care in the world—was the only thing that kept you from breaking down completely. 

You watched her silently, the occasional rogue tear slipping down your cheek. Three years worth of emotions had bubbled up to the surface, crashing over you like a tidal wave of memories and regret. The house was empty again. You were alone. 

For the first time, you confronted the hard truth you’d been trying to ignore: you were alone, and you were going to have to get used to it. 

——

Heeseung must have looked upset, because the moment he got back to the dorm, the others were on him.

“Where were you?” Sunoo asked, looking up from his game.

Beside him, Jay, Sunghoon, and Jungwon were sprawled on the couch. Jake watched from the floor, stretched out on his stomach. Niki was curled up in the chair, half asleep. 

“Nowhere,” Heeseung mumbled, kicking his shoes off. 

“You look like shit,” Jay said bluntly.

“Thanks.” 

“I thought you were just stopping at the store?” Jake turned to look at Heeseung over his shoulder. “Geez, you really do look terrible.”

Jungwon looked at him curiously. “Are you okay?”

Heeseung’s mind was still spinning. He could barely form a coherent thought, let alone answer their questions. He brushed them off, wanting nothing more than to disappear into his room in solitude. 

But these were his group members, his best friends, and they always knew when something was wrong. They switched the game off and trailed after Heeseung as he made his way to his room, shoving his door open. It bounced against the wall loudly. 

Heeseung winced, dropping onto his mattress. His body felt worn, his mind foggy, like he’d spent all day on stage instead of laughing with you in your kitchen. He still couldn’t believe he’d spent the day with you. In fact, he could hardly believe anything about what had happened. 

There were no words to describe what Heeseung had felt, seeing you again for the first time. It was like every one of his senses dialed in on your figure crouched in the door, your hair falling over your shoulders. His throat had closed, his fingers curling into his palms by his side. 

His heart had nearly leapt out of his chest completely. 

And then, there was Hana. 

He hoped he didn’t look as surprised as he’d felt, but he knew the chances were small. You’d always been able to read his emotions. You’d been the one to ask him out, after all—sick and tired of how painfully obvious his feelings for you were. No one else had ever came close to understanding him the way you did, not even the guys.

You probably saw right through his easy attitude, straight to the heart of his reaction: seeing you with Hana had scared him shitless. 

He pressed a hand to his face. I’m never offering to go to the store for the others ever again, he thought hopelessly.

Jungwon appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame. The others poked their heads out from behind, waiting for him to say something first. Jungwon might have been younger, but he was their leader, through and through. 

He always knew what each member needed in moments like these. For Heeseung, it was space. And time. Jungwon just stood there for a while, not saying anything. 

Heeseung’s voice was rough when he finally spoke. “I saw y/n.”

More silence. 

He hadn't talked about you in a long time, mostly because it brought his mood down every time someone so much as mentioned your name. Years later and he was still upset about the way you'd left things. 

And now he knew that you were, too.

“I ran into her at the store,” He continued. “Her bag had ripped so her stuff was everywhere, and people were getting pissed.” Fucking assholes. “I couldn’t just— turn the other way, pretend I didn’t know her.”

No one argued with that, but Heeseung still felt the back of his neck go red. 

"So I went up to her. I helped her grab her things. She..." He trailed off. "We went back to her's after." 

Jake shoulders dropped, looking relieved. "So, what's with the long face? Haven't you been dreaming about this since, like, we left?" 

“Yeah, I’m surprised you’re back here,” Jay smirked. “She didn’t want you to stay the night?”

"She has a kid." 

That shut them up. 

She has a kid. The words sounded foreign in Heeseung's ears. He still hadn't fully wrapped his head around it. The girl he’d been hung up on for years was a mom.

Jungwon’s eyebrows shot up. “Like.. has has?”

Heeseung nodded. “A little girl. Her name’s Hana.” 

“So that means she’s…”

“Single,” Heeseung said incredulously, falling backwards onto his mattress. The entire situation was mind boggling. “Hana’s dad isn’t around. Not sure why. All I know is that it was sudden. He just packed up one day and… left.” 

Just like I did, He thought bitterly. God, he’d made a number of mistakes throughout his life, but that had to be the worst of them all. 

“Damn,” Jungwon said under his breath. “That’s a lot.”

Sunghoon shifted his weight anxiously. “How did she seem?” 

Heeseung swallowed. “Tired. She looked so tired. And sad. I could see it in her eyes, even though she was trying not to show it.”

“She didn’t ask for anything?” Jake asked.

“No. She doesn’t want anything from me. She made that pretty clear.” Heeseung dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what to do. I thought I’d moved on, or at least that I was done holding onto her. But seeing her like that…” His voice cracked, and he looked away. “It’s like everything I’ve been trying to forget just—came back all at once.”

Jungwon finally stepped into the room, going to sit beside Heeseung. The others trailed in after him. It was crowded with all of them there, but Heeseung was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that they were with him. That he didn’t have to spend the night alone with his thoughts.

Like you were now. He thought of you alone in that house, working through the motions of your reunion by yourself. It made his chest ache.  

“Shouldn’t have left her,” He mumbled, mostly to himself. 

“Are you going to see her again?” 

“I don’t know,” He mumbled. “We argued. I think she doesn’t want to believe I could ever be there for her. That I’m just going to leave again.” His throat tightened. “I can’t blame her for feeling that way.”

“Are you?”

“I— no, I don’t want to. But she’s afraid to trust me. And I’m scared, too! What if she’s right? She’s always right. I don’t wanna cause her more trouble…” 

Now that he was talking, he couldn’t stop. The others listened intently, nodding along, humming sounds of understanding. 

“I’m scared that the more I try to get closer to her, the further I’m going to push her away. She has enough shit going on in her life right now. I don’t want to add to that. But I can’t just let her be. Not when I know she’s too proud to ask anyone else for help.” 

“No, not y/n,” Sunoo laughed. “That girl would rather die than rely on anyone else. She’s always preferred to figure it out on her own.”

“I know. I don’t want to fuck up her life anymore than I already have.” 

“Hey, at least you’re not the asshole who knocked her up,” Jay said lightly.

Heeseung bit his lip, sure he was going insane.

Sure because the smallest part of him almost wished that he was. He would have never left you alone. And… Well, he’d always liked the idea of you with his kids. He meant what he said earlier—if anyone was going to make a good parent, it was you. 

A baby would have killed his career for sure, but… he almost preferred that to the idea of you struggling through parenthood alone. 

“So what are you going to do?” Jungwon asked. 

“I don’t know,” Heeseung sighed, sitting up. “What if I try to be there for her, and I make things worse? What if she’s right not to trust me? I don’t want to—” He ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “I can’t hurt her again. I’d rather never see her again than have that happen.” 

Jungwon pursed his lips, thinking. “It is true that you’ll have to leave again when the next album is finished.”

The others nodded, murmuring in agreement.

“Tour life isn’t exactly fit for a kid.”

“There’s always the chance that people find out about you two.”

“You’d have to be apart for a long time.”

Jungwon nodded. “But… do you love her?”

Heeseung’s face went red. “What?”

“Oh, quit acting embarrassed. We had to listen to you go on about her for a year straight after we left. I think you can tell us if you’re still in love with her.”

He pursed his lips and frowned, mulling the question over. Was he still in love with you? 

Who was he kidding, of course he was. How else could he explain the way the world seemed to blur when he caught sight of you in the store? How his body was moving to help you before he even had time to think about it?

Heeseung was in love with you. As in love with you as he was the day he left. Why else had he spent all day at your house doing chores, enjoying every minute? The way you moved around each other, the sound of Hana’s voice responding to yours, the way he could see pieces of you in her. God, he’d only known that girl for a day but he was already feeling protective of her.

Of both of you. 

He sighed. “Yes… I do. I am.” He pressed his thumb into his palm, where he’d brushed the back of your hand. “I really missed her,” He mumbled. “But I’m scared to mess everything up. Again.”

 “You’re not gonna do that,” Sunghoon said, leaning against the wall. 

“Yeah, come on. I’ve never seen you make the same mistake twice.”

“Thanks,” He muttered, still unable to shake his fears. 

“If you really love her, you’ll find a way to make it work,” Jungwon assured him. 

Hearing that brought a small amount of relief to Heeseung’s anxiety, but he still wasn’t convinced. “What if she doesn’t want to see me?” He asked quietly.

Sunoo rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you’re so dramatic. If she doesn’t want to see you, she’ll tell you. Did she?”

“No… not explicitly…” 

“Then you still have a chance. Don’t fuck it up.” 

Heeseung chuckled lightly, feeling slightly better. “I’ll try not to.”

“Screw your feelings, we miss having her around,” Sunghoon joked. 

“Yeah, I wanna meet this kid,” Jake said eagerly. “If she’s anything like y/n, she’ll fit in just fine with us.”

Niki hummed in agreement. “Yeah, we never agreed to your break up, by the way.” 

“Mm. Very inconsiderate of you,” Jay said. 

Heeseung laughed, for real this time. He felt his chest untighten for the first time in hours, his shoulders dropping, his jaw unclenching. God, he was grateful for his friends. They were right. 

Heeseung had been losing his mind over what he should do when there was really only one option in front of him: to prove to you how serious he was about you. Whether or not you were able to fix things between you two, that didn’t matter to him. 

All he cared about was showing you that you could trust him. That you weren’t alone in this, no matter how long you’d spent believing otherwise. 

Seeing you today had only confirmed what he’d known the second he’d left all those years ago: you were the only one for him. And meeting Hana today—feeling the warmth of her against his chest, smelling your perfume on her skin, noticing the way her lips curved up in the same shape that yours did—it was the final nail in the coffin. 

His life would never be complete without you. Without all of you, one-year-old included.

——

Heeseung’s reappearance in your life didn’t happen immediately.

In fact, it was a few weeks before you heard from him again. Lost in the throes of trying to find a babysitter so that you could pick up an extra shift at work, his text was left buried in calls from your landlord and notices about upcoming bills.

Heeseung Are u busy this weekend? I have some over excited friends who are anxious to meet that baby of yours.

You didn’t know it, but every single one of the 24 hours that passed before you got back to Heeseung was like knives in his skin. The day dragged by, long and torturous, as he sank deeper and deeper into the belief that maybe he’d been wrong, and you didn’t want to hear from him after all. 

He was relieved when his phone buzzed on his desk, your name popping up on his screen for the first time in three years. 

Y/NOh god.

Y/NAre u really gonna bring them over here??

HeeseungNot if you’re not okay with it.

Y/NIt’s not that I’m not okay with it. it’s just… weird

Y/NNever thought I’d be introducing your group members to my kid.

HeeseungDefinitely weird.

HeeseungAlways figured they’d meet ours first but this works too.

Y/NHeeseung.

HeeseungWhat? Just saying.

Y/N 🙄

Heeseung I’ll be good. I promise. Saturday?

He chewed the edge of his nail as he watched his screen, heart racing at the base of his throat. Your text came in and he couldn’t help the smile that took over his face. 

Y/N Yeah right.

Y/NSee you then.

You had precious little time to clean up before they got there. When you heard Heeseung’s knock at the door, you were part-way through clearing Hana’s things out of the living room. 

Sweaty, hair a mess, sticky toddler on your hip, you pulled the door open to a group of faces you hadn’t seen in years. 

The guys stood there for a second, taking you in. Sunoo was the first to break the silence, his face breaking into a grin. “Wow,” he said, “Motherhood really does suit you.”

You rolled your eyes, your face warming as you shifted Hana on your hip. “Shut up, Sunoo.” 

Hana peeked out at them, eyes darting from face to face. Jake’s eyes went wide as he crouched down, level with her. “Hi,” He said, his voice going soft. “You’re so cute, oh my god. Can we come in?”

Hana smiled shyly, burying her face in your shoulder.

“Sorry about the mess,” You said, stepping aside to let them in. “Can never seem to keep things clean these days.”

“You should’ve called us,” Sunoo pouted. “We could’ve helped.”

“No way. You guys are busy enough as it is.”

“Well, living with these guys…” Jay said, eyeing the others, “We’re no stranger to messes.” 

“Oh, shut up, your room is disgusting. I don’t know how you live in that filth.”

“I’m only in there because you refuse to clean the living room.”

“Get out of the way!” Jungwon complained, pushing past them. 

Heeseung was the last to come in, messy hair and bare faced. He looked every bit as handsome as when you were together. 

He paused in the doorway. “You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked quietly.

“Yeah,” You said. “It’s fine. Just… don’t expect her to start performing tricks or anything.

“Are you sure?” Sunghoon asked, peeking at Hana. “I heard kids can dance these days.”

“Please,” You scoffed. “She can barely get a spoon from her plate to her mouth.”

They laughed as they filed in, avoiding the toys that were scattered around the floor. For a moment, no one wanted to sit down. They crowded around you, pulling funny faces to make Hana laugh, reaching out to pinch her face. 

Heeseung hovered beside you, eyes flicking to Hana every few seconds. It felt good to have him close. You’d never had this many people in your house before, not since having Hana. His presence was steadying. Reassuring. 

You found yourself sticking close to him as well. 

They followed you into the living room, pointing at the photos and finger-painting scribbles hung up on the walls. You noticed Heeseung from the corner of your eye, bending down to grab things from the floor as he went, tossing them into Hana’s toy chest the same way he had when he first came over. 

It was instinctual, that desire to help you, to take some of the load off your shoulders. Always had been. 

“How are you, y/n?” Jungwon asked, “Besides the cute baby and messy living room.”

“Um,” You sighed, “I’m… managing. Getting used to doing all this on my own. It’s hard but rewarding, too.” You smiled at Hana, pressing your lips to her head and breathing in the soft, sweet baby smell of her hair. “She makes it worth it.”

Your voice was easy, your face relaxed, but Heeseung could see the fatigue in your body. Your shoulders drooped, Hana’s weight sagging in your arms. 

Getting used to doing all this on my own. You’d never know how sad it made him to hear you say that. 

“I can’t imagine how tired you are,” Jake said, watching as Hana curled a hand around his finger. “And that’s, like, kind of saying something.”

You laughed at that. “I definitely don’t sleep the way I used to. Or, at all, really,” You admitted. “You don’t even want to know how long it’s been since I’ve showered.” 

“I can see that,” Sunoo teased, gesturing at the myriad of stains across your shirt. “I like the baby food. It’s a good look on you.”

“Glad to know it’s working on you, jerk,” You laughed. 

“Do you want me to take her?” Heeseung asked. The question caught you by surprise. He seemed so easy about it, like it was something he did every day. “You can take a quick shower… if you want.”

“What? No way. You guys are friends, not my babysitters.”

“Not yet,” Niki said, leaning down to coo at Hana’s face. 

“Seriously, we don’t mind,” Heeseung insisted.  

You bit your lip sheepishly. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. We’re professionals.” Sunghoon said seriously. 

“I mean, we are terrible at music,” Jake added, “But picture books and stuffed animals? I think we got it.”

“Go,” Heeseung insisted softly. “We’re here. Let us help.”

You hesitated. It was such a small thing—showering, putting on a fresh t-shirt—but it felt huge. Like accepting their help would mean finally admitting just how worn out you were. 

There was also your protectiveness over Hana, too. You’d never left her with anyone but your parents before. It was why finding a babysitter had become such an ordeal—trusting anyone with your child took an incredible leap of faith.

But then you saw the look in Heeseung’s eyes. The hopeful, almost desperate need to do something for you. He held your gaze, steady, solid. 

As if in answer, Hana reached out for him, squirming away from your grasp. She’d always been good with faces, and he was wearing the same jacket he’d worn the first time he came over. She stretched towards the familiarity of his arms and you surrendered, allowing her to climb into them.

“She likes you,” Jungwon said, a big grin on his face. 

“Yeah,” Heeseung said, unable to hide the pride in his voice. “I like her, too.”

Seeing her in his arms again brought back the same feeling from before. The one that made you want to see Heeseung with your daughter all the time. 

They just looked so… at home together. Like Hana had known him since the start. You hated to admit it, but you were starting to wish that she had.

“All her toys are in there, and there’s snacks in the fridge if she gets fussy. If she gets really upset I’ve got a pacifier in her room—”

Heeseung nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up at your rambling. “She’ll be great.”

You sighed. “Okay, but if she starts crying—”

“We’ve got it,” Jay reassured you.

Sunoo shot you a wink. “Go on, mama. We’ll look after her.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding and slipped down the hall, feeling, for the first time in a long while, that you had people in your corner. It was a good feeling.

——

“She sorta looks like you, Heeseung.”

“Oh, stop teasing him. He’s not gonna let us come back with him next time.”

“You’re so full of it. They don’t look anything alike.”

“She’s got a real Shin Min-a look to her. Old school.”

“She looks like her mom,” Heeseung said, only half-listening to what his idiot friends were debating about. 

His attention was mainly on the tiny human balanced on his thighs, her hands tangling in his hair. She was a stout little thing, skin slipping under the slippery fabric of her shirt as he kept a firm grip on her. 

A Laker’s jersey. Your guys’ favorite team. 

He took a deep breath, trying to steady the emotions rising in him. Just being there—with Hana, with you—it was enough to make him crazy. He tried not to feel dizzy as Hana’s hands moved to his face.

“She missed you,” Jungwon said quietly, fidgeting with a plastic airplane in his lap. 

For a second, Heeseung thought he was talking about Hana, but no. He was talking about you.

Heeseung glanced at him. “You think so?”

“You should’ve seen the way she was looking at you when she opened the door.” 

Jay snickered at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Yeah, she was totally checking you out, man.”

Heeseung rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“It’s true,” Niki chimed in, tossing a stuffed rabbit at Sunghoon. “Don’t act like you didn’t notice.”

Heeseung just shook his head. “She’s just… she’s just being polite. It’s been a long time.”

Jay shook his head. “Nah, man. You’re still important to her.”

“It’s obvious,” Sunoo agreed. “If Jay noticed it, it’s real.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Well, you’re not the most observant of people, are you?” He said, side-eyeing him.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

Heeseung chuckled, shaking his head. He hoped they were right.

——

The guys started coming around more often after that. They always insisted that they were restless at the dorm and liked having somewhere else to hang out, but you knew it was more than that. 

It became something of a tradition to have a big meal at yours at the end of the week, and as time passed, it became easier to rely on them. It felt good to have a kitchen full of noise, a table that wasn’t empty, a house that shook with laughter and music.

They’d bring bags of groceries over and cook these huge, chaotic dinners to share in your dining room. The kitchen was always a mess but they always cleaned up. 

Weeks went by and Heeseung stayed behind more and more often, tidying up the rest of the house with you, even helping to put Hana to bed. 

Despite your reservations, you liked having him there. You liked the way he’d come through your door unannounced, toting drinks for you and a snack for Hana in his bag. You liked the way he’d get up from the couch when he heard her fussing, and how the others teased him about it in front of you.

“Is that your baby now or what?” Jungwon would laugh, eyes flicking between you and Heeseung with that knowing look.

You’d turn red and Heeseung would just shake his head, smiling. 

Even in your hardest moments, he was still showing up for you. Providing you with the comfort and stability that you were trying so hard to give your daughter. You tried to remind yourself not to get too used to his support, but there was no denying it—it was easier to take care of Hana when there was someone taking care of you, too.

“I don’t know what to do,” You sighed, reaching down to pick her back up from her crib. Your phone was tucked between your cheek and your shoulder, Heeseung on the other end of the line. “I’ve tried everything. She just won’t settle.”

His voice came through rough and scratchy with sleep. It was late, and he probably should’ve been asleep hours ago, but you’d started calling each other. A lot. If he wasn’t there in person, he was on your speaker phone, talking to you and keeping Hana entertained. 

“Do you wanna try feeding her again?” He asked, yawning. 

“I’ve tried. She doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want anything.” You sighed as Hana let out another ear-piercing wail. Her face was red and blotchy from crying. It looked like another all-nighter for you. 

“Can you take her to your bed? I think she just doesn’t like being away from you.”

That was certainly true. Hana was getting clingier and clingier these days, spoiled by all her uncles constantly wanting to hold her. 

“I can’t, I’m scared that I’ll fall asleep,” You said. Countless horror stories about parents falling asleep with their babies in their bed had left you anxious to bring her to yours. It was moments like this that you wished her dad was there—that you had someone to take turns staying up with.

“I’ll let you go,” You sighed. “I’m gonna try walking her around the house or something, maybe another bath. Sleep well, okay?”

He hummed as you ended the call, the vibration tickling your ear through the phone. Almost like he was there with you. At least one of you would be able to get some sleep, you thought enviously as you pulled Hana to your chest. 

Only, ten minutes later there was a knock at your door. 

“Heeseung?” You stared at the man in your doorway. Hana scratched at your face as she wailed up at you. “Are you crazy?”

He shrugged, smiling as he stepped over the threshold. “Wanted to make sure she was okay,” He said, as if that was a reasonable explanation for showing up at your house at 2 a.m.

“She’s fine,” You said, half-stunned as you shut the door behind him. 

Hana let out a disgruntled whine at not having your attention. You raised a brow at her, shaking your head. “You’re such a little drama queen. Look, you’re not even upset anymore.” 

It was true. Hana’s cries had slowed to a sniffle as she gazed at Heeseung with wide, glossy eyes. He held a hand out for her to grab onto.

“Had to make sure mom was okay, too.” 

You looked up at him, your chest tightening. His hair was a mess, poking out from under the hood of his sweatshirt. A rush of affection washed over you, at the dark circles under his eyes, the tired smile on his mouth. Tthe way he was trying—really trying—to be there for you both.

“You didn’t have to,” You mumbled, averting your eyes. God, even in his most sleep-deprived state he was gorgeous. Eyes burning into yours in the low light. His body hummed with that quiet power that had drawn you to him in the first place—his confidence, his steadfastness. How he seemed perfectly at ease no matter where he was or what he was feeling inside. 

Standing next to him, you felt slightly less exhausted. Like simply being around him was enough to energize you. 

“I know,” He said softly, “But I wanted to.” 

He stepped forward, hands slipping under Hana’s arms with a tenderness that made your heart sing. She let out a giggle as he lifted her up, hands smacking against his chest as he settled her against him.

“She’s always happier with you,” You said quietly, your voice betraying how much it meant to see them together like this.

Heeseung looked at you, his expression softening. “She’s happier when you’re okay,” He murmured. “Come on, let’s try this again.”

Despite his best efforts, Hana was still unhappy in her crib. She clung to his arm as he tried to place her down, voice going up several octaves. You winced at the volume, grateful that you didn’t share walls with your neighbors. They’d have lost their patience hours ago. 

Heeseung didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t even flinch as she shrieked, clawing at his hands in frustration. He just scooped her back up, resting her against his shoulder and muttering reassurances over her cries. 

You tried for an entire hour—walking her around the house, reading her favorite books and making sure doing all the funny voices, swaddling and unswaddling her, over and over and over. The best luck you had was in your room, like Heeseung had suggested, which both heartened and annoyed you at the same time. 

How were you supposed to deny a man with such good instincts? It was growing harder by the day. 

“You are so dramatic.” You shook your head as Hana hiccupped from your pillow, as if she’d never been crying in the first place. 

“I wonder where she gets it,” Heeseung said lightly, sitting down on the other side of her. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

You tried to stifle a yawn as Hana stretched out, both of your eyes drooping. Heeseung couldn’t help but smile at the both of you. He’d never met your ex—hadn’t even seen a picture—but he didn’t need to know that Hana hardly took after him.

 Her smile, her mannerisms—she was yours, through and through. 

“Come here,” He said, pulling Hana closer to him to make space for you to lay next to her. 

“I’ll fall asleep,” You protested. 

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

Anyone else, and you would have said no. Anyone but him, and you’d have insisted they leave, resigning yourself to another brutal night of no sleep. 

But it was Heeseung, and he propped himself up on one elbow, his arm curved over Hana’s head. It was Heeseung, and you sighed in resignation as you settled in on the other side of her, your thumb brushing over her stomach gently. His hand came down to brush the hair away from your face. His fingers were soft against your temple, pushing you further and further into sleep. 

It was Heeseung, and he watched the two of you sleeping like you were the most precious things to him in the world. 

——

When you woke the next morning, the sun was peeking through your window, filtering through your blinds and bathing your room in soft, white light. 

In front of you, Hana was still sound asleep, her fists clenched by her head. On the other side of her was Heeseung, still on his side, shoulders curved inwards protectively. His arm was still stretched out above you both, his hand resting gently against your hair. He’d fallen asleep that way, holding you both like you were his to care for. His to protect. 

And waking up that morning, you realized that maybe you were. Maybe you always had been. You slipped out from under his hand, trying not to disturb either of them as you rolled the ache out of your shoulders. 

You padded into your kitchen, warm light spilling across the floor. Leaning against the counter, you finally admitted to yourself that you had a problem. 

Heeseung was doing it. He was gaining your trust. 

You let out a breath. 

Your heart warred against this truth, desperate for something—anything—to convince yourself otherwise. But it wasn’t easy to do. 

The nightly calls, the small gestures, the way Heeseung was there for you, it was working. Are you really falling for this? You thought stubbornly, trying to reason your way out of the way you felt about him. How much of it was real, anyways? And how much had you made up in your desire to have him close? Your mind screamed at you not to trust any of it. 

He was an idea. You didn’t need him. 

But you wanted him so bad. 

The life he’d painted around you in just under a month was like something out of a dream. One you’d had before the baby, before the breakup, when you still felt like dreams like this had merit.

It was everything you’d ever wanted, and that made you suspicious. What reason did the universe have for giving this to you? When it had been so intent on taking things away? 

Your thoughts were interrupted as Hana came crawling into the kitchen, slapping her hands on the cool floor. Heeseung trailed in after, scooping her up with practiced eased and perching her against his chest. 

“Hey,” He said, bringing her over to you. “Did you sleep well?”

You took her little hand in yours, kissing a good-morning into her hair. “Thanks to you. You’re so good with her,” You said, hoping that you didn’t sound as nervous as you felt. “I don’t know how you do it.” 

He shrugged, giving her a little bounce that sent her squealing with laughter. “It’s easy. She’s a charmer. Just like her mom.”

Your heart stuttered, and you looked away, fighting the stubborn burn in your chest. Heeseung saw it, though. He always saw it.

“I’m glad I came, y/n. Seriously. I slept great.”

“You slept terribly.”

“Alright, fine, I slept pretty badly, but it was worth it,” He insisted. “And I’d do it again. And again, and again, and again,” He laughed, nuzzling his face into her chest. “Can the guys come over today? Unless you want the day to yourself… I know we’ve been over a lot.”

Words could not describe how badly you wanted him to stay. “Yeah, of course. I like having you guys around.”

I like having you around, is what you should have said, but you didn’t have to say it for Heeseung to know what you meant. The smile on his face told you that he understood completely. 

It was already the beginning of the end for you when the other members came over and started teasing you both mercilessly. Weeks of hanging out at yours had made them bold—and it was clear that they were in support of whatever was blossoming between you and Heeseung. 

“Should we pack your room up?” Jungwon asked, side-eyeing you both as he came in.

“You might as well just move in, bro,” Jay said, clapping his hand on Heeseung’s back.

You scoffed. “Yeah right, not unless he starts paying rent.”

Jay smirked. “Oh, he’d do it.” 

“Shut up,” Heeseung mumbled, rolling his eyes.

Their banter might have embarrassed you once, but it felt natural now. The way they spilled into your living room, fighting over who got to hold Hana and which toys she wanted to play with more more—it was hard not to feel like this was how it had always been. You were dangerously close to making sure it always would be.

The final nail in the coffin came that afternoon, after Jay and Niki finished making lunch for everyone. 

You were in the kitchen, putting the dishes away when you heard a sharp crash from the other room, the sound of glass shattering. 

Your heart skipped as you dropped the bowl you were holding back onto the dish rack and ran into the living room. Someone had knocked a cup from the table, the shards spraying across the floor. Heeseung was on his feet in a second, scooping Hana up away from the broken pieces, stepping away as the others got up. 

You paused in the doorway, your breath catching as you watched him. The others moved around him to clean up, bickering lightly about who was to blame, but Heeseung’s focus never wavered. He murmured something in her ear, pointing at the broken cup, bouncing her gently as they swept up the shards.

He looked up and caught your eye, and it was suddenly so clear. 

You’d been an idiot. 

Looking at Heeseung now, you felt the depth of your idiocy crash over you, pulling you under completely. Heeseung loved you. How had you managed to convince yourself otherwise?

Old grudges rose in the back of your mind, but for the first time, you pushed them away with ease.

He left you. He left like it was nothing, like everyone else does, and he’s going to do it again. 

They were words. 

And what use were words when there you had actions to prove them otherwise? 

Something about that moment, the way Heeseung gone for Hana first, letting the others handle the mess while he made sure she was alright, made your doubts melt away. His first instinct wasn’t to scold whoever had knocked the glass over, or even to help clean it up.

It was to keep your daughter safe. 

You spent the rest of the day with a lump in the back of your throat, the awkward ache of all the things you wished you could say to Heeseung, if you weren’t surrounded by other people. He seemed to notice your change in attitude towards him, though. And he stuck close to you the whole time.

The others eventually left again, wanting to go out for dinner. Heeseung promised he’d catch up with them but they just rolled their eyes, not believing him for a second. 

With the house empty again, it was impossible to dance around it anymore. 

Heeseung was leaned against the counter, watching as if half-expecting you to say something. Hana was down for her nap—eased to sleep by Sunghoon and Jake’s rendition of her favorite bedtime story. And your words sat heavy in your throat, aching to come out.

“Heeseung,” You murmured finally, looking up to meet his gaze. “You don’t know how much it means to me, having you and the others here. I don’t know how I’ll ever make it up to you.” 

“You don’t have to make it up to us, y/n. We’re happy to help.” 

“No,” You said, shifting uneasily. “I dont know how I’ll make it up… to you.” 

His eyes widened slightly, but you went on before he could answer, afraid that if you didn’t talk now, you’d never be able to again.

“I know I was harsh on you when you came over the first time. You were being kind, and I got defensive. I’m not proud of how I behaved at all,” You admitted. 

“Y/n…”

You held up your hand to stop him. “Just—let me finish.”

He closed his mouth, but you saw the anxious twitch of his brow.

“You didn’t have to come back. You didn’t owe us anything, not after the way we left things and definitely not after the way I spoke to you. But you did anyways.” You crossed your arms, feeling self-concious. “I didn’t think that I would ever have this again,” You said, gesturing at the things left over from their visit. “I really thought I was going to do this by myself. And that was fine, I’d made my peace with it, but now…”

You paused, your eyes flicking to the picture Hana had drawn with the others—a mess of scribbles that resembled a house, and a group of people standing in front of it. “Now it’s different. And that’s hard for me.”

Heeseung swallowed, as if gathering every ounce of his strength to keep his voice steady. “It’s okay if… if you don’t want me here, y/n.” He held your gaze bravely, but you could tell the idea hurt him. “If this is too much, if you’d rather… I can go—”

“I don’t want you to go.”

He blinked, startled. 

“I know I’ve been guarded, and I’ve been pushing you away. But… but seeing you with her, and with me—it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed this. How much I’ve missed you.”

Heeseung’s brow furrowed as if he didn’t quite believe you. You almost smiled. He was so reserved, hands clenched at his sides, braced for what you were going to say. 

“I don’t want to do this alone, not if you’re willing to be here. Not if you’re willing to… to be with us. I don’t want you to go.”

“You don’t want me to go.” He said it slowly, like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. 

You bit your lip, laughing a little bit at the look on his face. “No, I don’t.” 

Then, his face broke into a grin. His shoulders dropped and he was stepping towards you, pulling you into his chest like he’d been waiting to do it for years. 

And he had. He really had.

His touch was overwhelming. His arms wrapped around you, the heat of his throat warm against your cheek. You buried your face into his neck, breathing in the smell of his cologne and the lingering smell of kid that was all over him. All over both of you. 

You pulled away, giddy with nerves and relief. “Happy?”

“Happy,” He breathed. “So… what now?”

“I don’t know… what do you think?”

He quirked his head, lips twisting into a smile. “I think… I’ve been waiting a long time to kiss you again.”

Your heart skipped. “Then what’s stopping you?”

He smiled lazily, like he was half-dreaming, and brushed his nose against yours before pushing his lips onto yours. You melted against him, so happy you could hardly think straight.

Heeseung pushed you back against the counter, his hands on your waist as yours threaded through his hair. 

“I was an asshole,” He mumbled against your mouth. “I’m sorry” 

You shook your head, breathless beneath his lips. “It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.”

Besides, you thought, that was years ago. And the Heeseung in front of you now was not the same one that had left you behind. 

“Fuck I don’t know,” he sighed over the phone. He was still outside the venue, back pressed to the cool metal of the door. “My heart is racing, I don’t even know why.”

“It’s fine to be nervous Jake, it’s not necessarily a bad thing,” you soothed, voice softer than it had ever been when you had spoken to Jake those few times. 

“I know but I feel like I’m going to throw up, I can’t do this YN,” his voice cracked a little when he said your name and for some reason your heart broke too. 

You hardly really knew Jake, when you really thought about it, you’d only moved in a few weeks prior and had only been talking for a brief period of that time. But you still felt like you cared for him, or at least you cared for him in that moment. It felt strange, you wanted to be there for him even when less than two weeks ago you thought he was the worst person on earth. 

“You can do it Jake,” you stressed, leaning back when you were sat on your couch as your tv played in the background on mute. The Late Late Show was on, you saw a caption advertising AFTERHOURS and you realise Jake had five minutes to get himself on stage. And he was spending those five minutes with you. “You’ve done it before, you’ve practiced hard, and in a few minutes it will all be over.”

“But what if I fuck it up? What if I freeze up and can’t do anything?” Jake bit down on his bottom lip hard, hiding the worry in his voice as best as he could. He knew you could see right through it though. 

“Who cares if you do?” You said, “if you mess up then no one is going to be angry, your fans will understand and the others will help you through it. How many times have the others messed up and you have helped to cover their mistakes?”

“I guess you’re right,” he tried to calm his breathing but a few gasps left his lips. “Shit, I can’t get my heart to stop pounding.”

Your own heart sank a little, you wanted to be there with him to help him calm down even though you knew it would be too soon. Something about Jake drew you to him though, he was part of your life now whether you wanted that to happen or not. 

“Take a few breaths, ok? You’ve got this and you’re going to do amazing,” you said quietly. He had three minutes and you knew the other boys would be looking for him and worrying about him. 

Jake did as you said, breathing heavily over the phone as he closed his eyes. The fresh outside air was helping him, the three cigarettes he’d chain smoked in desperation finally starting to have their calming effect. 

“Ok,” he breathed out. “Ok I’ve got this, fuck I’m sorry darling I don’t know why I needed to call you but I somehow knew that talking to you would help.”

“Don’t apologise Jake,” why was there a smile on your lips at his words? “I’m glad you’re feeling a little calmer.”

“I am,” he pulled his phone away from his ear to look at the time and saw a flood of messages from the rest of the group. Jungwon had tried calling him a few times too. “Fuck, I need to go, like now. Jungwon is going to kill me if I’m late.”

He kept his phone pressed to his ear as he entered the building again, rushing to the dressing room. Jungwon and Sunoo were frantic as they got the others ready, Niki doing some touch ups to their makeup. There was so many people around that he felt claustrophobic, his breathing tight once again until he hard you say ‘it’s ok’ to him a few times over the phone. Sunoo caught sight of Jake, rushing over to him quickly and fussing with his hair. 

“Fucking hell Jake, talk about cutting it thin,” Sunoo sighed. You could hear this all happening over the phone but you didn’t want to hang up, you wanted to be there if Jake needed you. 

“I know I know, I’m here now,” Jake mumbled, brushing off Sunoo’s hands. His phone was kept between his ear and his shoulder as he fumbled around with his bass guitar. 

“ONE MINUTE!” A staff member shouted into the dressing rooms, ushering the boys around and barking out instructions. You could hear Jake’s breathing quicken again and you called out to him. 

“You’ll be fine Jake, you’ve practiced so hard for this exact moment,” you heard him hum in response. “Go out there and do your best, ok? I’ll have to hang up now so you can focus on doing your best.”

“You’ll be watching right?” Jake asked, holding his bass with one hand and his phone with the other. They were being walked to the stage, the others excitedly buzzing but giving Jake a few concerned glances as he stayed glued to his phone. They knew he was nervous, but they didn’t want to push him too hard in the fear he would crack. Niki hadn’t even had time to check Jake’s outfit, he was missing one necklace but he looked fine. They’d gone for lots of chains and leather for their look this time, adopting a more grunge style compared to their old ‘boy next door’ look. 

“Of course I’ll be watching,” you replied. “I wouldn’t miss it Jake.”

He smiled, you couldn’t see it but his body relaxed a little. If he knew you were there on the other side of the screen, he could feel more relaxed in knowing that he was performing for you. 

“Thanks darling,” Niki gave him a glare to tell him it was time to hang up. “I really have to go now, I’ll take to you later? Or tomorrow maybe?”

“Whenever you want Jake, just focus on yourself right now, ok? I’ll be cheering you on!”

“Thank you,” twenty seconds. “Speak later YN, I appreciate this so much.”

He was hanging up his phone and tucking it into his jeans before you had a chance to reply. The bright lights of the stage blinding him when he heard cheers, the host announcing their names as Jay led the group out and into the moment Jake had been dreading most. 

He cast his eyes downwards, finding his spot at his mic stand and getting his bass plugged in ready. Jay waited for a nod of approval from them all, Jake glancing up quickly and wincing at the lights beaming down on them. He couldn’t even see the studio audience, that was probably a positive when he thought about it. 

“What’s up Late Late Show!” Jay shouted into his mic, cheers being heard back immediately which made a smile spread across all of their lips. Jake tried his best to join in but his nerves were bubbling up again, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “We’re AFTERHOURS, we’ve been so excited to get back on stage to play for you all! This is a song from our first full album, it’s called ‘But Sometimes’! Sing along if you know it!”

Sunghoon counted them in, the sound of his drumsticks hitting against each other setting the tempo, and Jake went into auto pilot. His fingers danced across the bass perfectly, playing the song just as he’d practice time and time again. 

But the only thing he thought about as he glanced up into the camera for the first time, was the fact that you were the only person he was really performing for in that moment. And he couldn’t help but stumble on his words.