Honey Syrup

i should shut up on main i think

let me rest in peace for fuck’s sake

it is so nice that my friends think i am not a bad person because i treat them kindly and conscientiously but i wonder what they would think if they actually believed the truth that my kindness is the same as a smile that doesn’t reach the eyes… practiced and calculated out of habit and necessity. someone like me must be so rare because everyone i meet refuses to believe me about my inhumanity. what is so hard to believe? they ogle serial killers imprisoned for their crimes like some kind of mentally deficient zoo but find it so hard to believe there are others who do not have the means to reach the end?

crazy how the thing that finally kicked my weight loss desperation was when i was shopping in japan and the clerks would look between me and my sister and immediately kindly remind me that everything is f size (one size fits all- small)

i ended up losing somewhere between 10 and 12 lbs in the last month with my diet but i’m not sure if i’m happy…. i was really hoping it would be more and i don’t know if i’ll reach my goal weight by my goal date but i am happy that i’m at least losing weight…

thinking again about how despite my belief that my distasteful personality is a deterrent to other, many of the online friends i have made ended up confessing to me that they liked me romantically. i just don’t get it bc like what’s there to like about me? i know exactly what kind of person i am and it must be something different from what you’re seeing if you feel romantic feelings towards me