All The Stuff You Wouldn't Say If You Were Sober

While dropping my daughter off at school at 6:45, I noticed “fence art”—ya know, plastic cups pushed into a chain link fence—and it set off my brain.

At the high school, you usually see the cups promoting a team or sporting event, but for the last couple of days, there’s been a small blue smiley face. Probably not school-sponsored, but cute. So I started thinking about inspirational/encouraging words that *a person* could install in said fence...like “Gratitude” or “Respect”...and then, like a LIGHTNING BOLT, it came to me:

“Some Pig”

😆

As moms, our default setting is “tired”. I used to laugh at the doctor every year at my annual checkup when she would ask “Are you experiencing tiredness?” Ummm…duh. Is there any other way to feel anymore? And I know, it’s not like mothers have the market cornered on exhaustion, but we have a lot of experience functioning on less-than-optimal amounts of rest. When you have babies & young children, you are tired because *they* don’t sleep. Then when you have teenagers, you are robbed of sleep by worry, stress, because *they* aren’t home yet or some such– As the mother of three teenagers, I can speak to this condition with some authority. The fatigue is most often mental & emotional weariness–and they all take turns causing it. Sometimes, one kid takes a really long turn. Really f*cking long. Know what I mean? Of course you do–because this is straight talk & all parents have been there. So when another mom friend of mine reached her breaking point today because her “long-turn kid” claimed to have other plans for Mother’s Day, I quite naturally thought of Jim Carrey. Wait. What? Specifically, I thought of Jim Carrey in that famous scene in “Liar Liar” where his character tells his repeat-offender client to simply “Stop breaking the law, asshole!” Just imagine that scene, instead, with a weary mom telling her own “long-turn” kid to simply STOP doing whatever the idiotic/annoying/inconsiderate/irresponsible/just plain sh*tty behavior is. And imagine what a fantastic Mother’s Day gift *that* would be–if that kid would do it. AT LEAST for the day. See, Mother’s Day really isn’t that hard. And it actually doesn’t have to be that expensive. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: All we want…is a break. So please, please, give it up for mom on Sunday.