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you are adolin kholin. you're pretty sure your father is going insane. you're fighting a war that's dragged on for over half a decade because your idiot cousin is trying to get revenge for the death of his father. the guy who assassinated your uncle (who was a real piece of work, by the way) is now trying to kill your dad. your dad is a gullible idiot, and you're pretty sure his old friend is also trying to kill him. your cousin faked an assassination attempt because he's so desperately incompetent and insecure as a king and as a man. also, your other cousin, the most famous heretic in the world, was trying to set you up with a girl you've never met, at least before they both drowned (?) out of the blue; your aunt is insistent she's unkillable, for some fucking reason. ancient magical powers that were abandoned by an order of knights who betrayed humanity are coming back. a slave saved you and your entire army from certain death. you learnt the exact details of how your father set your mother on fire from a book. and that's just in the first few books. you went to jail with your slave friend in protest after fighting against like half a dozen guys out to kill you personally. you stabbed your dad's shitty ex to death. your cousin didn't actually die, but don't worry! the other one did. your brother has magic powers and can hear his sword screaming. your girlfriend is actually three women in a trenchcoat. your aunt is actually your mother. your dad is learning how to write, which is kind of absolutely insane. you are adolin kholin, and every single day is the strangest day of your life.

Not to be incredibly vulgar and nasty or anything, but I’d like to close my eyes and rest my head in somebody’s lap while they run their fingers through my hair