ʚ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ɞ

keeping up with it is really stressful esp multiple blogs. i still do LOVE writing on discord, so please please please, if you want to write with me, i will literally make us our own little server to write in for our muses.

with work and school, writing on tumblr isn't incredibly sustainable for me and leaves me feeling incredibly anxious, but i still do want to write. so please, if you'd like:

inspired by those “five times our muses do something” memes. there used to be one years ago like this one and i can’t seem to ever find it again so i just made my own.  receiver = muse receiving the meme / sender = muse sending the meme

general trigger warnings for: nsfw, angst, violence, death, 

[ FIVE KISSES ]  send for five times our muses almost kissed and the one time they do.

[ FIVE TOUCHES ]  send for five times our muses almost touch and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GLANCES ]  send for five times the receiver watched the sender and the one time the receiver does something about it. 

[ FIVE DEATHS ]  send for five times our muses almost died together and the one time the sender does.

[ FIVE CUDDLES ]  send for five times our muses nearly cuddle and the one time they finally do.

[ FIVE CALLS ]  send for five times the receiver nearly calls the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE SCARS ]  send for the five times the sender almost asks the receiver about their scars the the one time they do.

[ FIVE SMILES ]  send for five times one muse makes the other smile and the one time they share a smile.

[ FIVE FIRSTS ]  send for five times our muses almost had their first time together and the one time it happens.

[ FIVE CONFESSIONS ]  send for five times the receiver almost says ‘i love you’ and the one time they do.

[ FIVE VISTS ]  send for the five times our muses try to plan a trip and the one time they succeed. 

[ FIVE TEXTS ]  send for five unsent texts from the receiver and one sent text. 

[ FIVE NUDES ]  send for five times the receiver almost sent a nude and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GIFTS ]  send for five times the receiver tried to give a gift to the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE PLEAS ]  send for five times the receiver wanted to ask the sender to stay and the one time they do.

[ FIVE BRUSHES ]  send for the for the five times our muses almost hold hands and the one time they do. 

He wants to tell her: it's okay.

Baal wants to hold Marina to his chest and tell her: it's okay, it's not that scary to die. I've been ready for a long time.

He believes in this momentary lie for a second- he's always been such a good liar, after all. He remembers telling her in their childhood that he had no crush on her- that he liked their classmate, whoever she was. This would seed their inevitable feud in their middle school years, where for four years and thirteen days they hadn't said a word to each other.

Baal remembered her saying- "It's okay, you don't have to walk on egg shells around me anymore." When they first spoke again, that was what she said to him- and he instantly relaxed. He smiled and apologized a second time- this time, from the bottom of his heart. "I didn't really like her, you know... It was always you, just in case you were wondering." He replied, leaving her to mull the words in her head- and gawk at him in shock as he wandered to the next class.

It was possibly the best thing he ever did- because he got to ask her to prom three months later when Mello stood her up. The truth is- he had been planning on stealing her away from that guy for ages. He was a good liar, and after all. He spent a lifetime doing it.

But right now, that facade of his is failing him- he tries to crack a smile and make a joke, but oh. She's crying. Her eyes are flooding with tears- faster than his mind can comprehend, and it hurts him more than the bullet wound.

"Baal. Baal. Please. Hold on, the ambulance is coming- we- I'll take the blame and-" and her voice is shaking so bad, that he has to reach for her- grab her to calm her down. She winces, as if every wound he had was her own to bear- and currently, she was feeling it tenfold, even if he was the one fatally shot.

He didn't want to leave her like everyone else in her life had- that is also what scared him. Not just the darkness, but the fact she would be alone. Again.

His eyes cast downward in shame- shame that he will not be there for her next birthday. It makes his stomach churn- or maybe that is the bullet lodged between rib cage that makes it so.

Baal wants to tell her: it's okay to let go of me. It's okay to find someone someday, who isn't such a piece of garbage waiting to die.

He fights with his inner voice for a long time- wanting to say something funny, or sweet. Something memorable. Baal had been so desperate to reach the end of his life- that now that it's happening, it doesn't surprise him as bad- it could be scarier, he muses. But he can't imagine what she feels right now- staring down at him, watching the blood leave his wound no matter how hard she presses on his weakening body.

inspired by those “five times our muses do something” memes. there used to be one years ago like this one and i can’t seem to ever find it again so i just made my own.  receiver = muse receiving the meme / sender = muse sending the meme

general trigger warnings for: nsfw, angst, violence, death, 

[ FIVE KISSES ]  send for five times our muses almost kissed and the one time they do.

[ FIVE TOUCHES ]  send for five times our muses almost touch and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GLANCES ]  send for five times the receiver watched the sender and the one time the receiver does something about it. 

[ FIVE DEATHS ]  send for five times our muses almost died together and the one time the sender does.

[ FIVE CUDDLES ]  send for five times our muses nearly cuddle and the one time they finally do.

[ FIVE CALLS ]  send for five times the receiver nearly calls the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE SCARS ]  send for the five times the sender almost asks the receiver about their scars the the one time they do.

[ FIVE SMILES ]  send for five times one muse makes the other smile and the one time they share a smile.

[ FIVE FIRSTS ]  send for five times our muses almost had their first time together and the one time it happens.

[ FIVE CONFESSIONS ]  send for five times the receiver almost says ‘i love you’ and the one time they do.

[ FIVE VISTS ]  send for the five times our muses try to plan a trip and the one time they succeed. 

[ FIVE TEXTS ]  send for five unsent texts from the receiver and one sent text. 

[ FIVE NUDES ]  send for five times the receiver almost sent a nude and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GIFTS ]  send for five times the receiver tried to give a gift to the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE PLEAS ]  send for five times the receiver wanted to ask the sender to stay and the one time they do.

[ FIVE BRUSHES ]  send for the for the five times our muses almost hold hands and the one time they do. 

inspired by those “five times our muses do something” memes. there used to be one years ago like this one and i can’t seem to ever find it again so i just made my own.  receiver = muse receiving the meme / sender = muse sending the meme

general trigger warnings for: nsfw, angst, violence, death, 

[ FIVE KISSES ]  send for five times our muses almost kissed and the one time they do.

[ FIVE TOUCHES ]  send for five times our muses almost touch and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GLANCES ]  send for five times the receiver watched the sender and the one time the receiver does something about it. 

[ FIVE DEATHS ]  send for five times our muses almost died together and the one time the sender does.

[ FIVE CUDDLES ]  send for five times our muses nearly cuddle and the one time they finally do.

[ FIVE CALLS ]  send for five times the receiver nearly calls the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE SCARS ]  send for the five times the sender almost asks the receiver about their scars the the one time they do.

[ FIVE SMILES ]  send for five times one muse makes the other smile and the one time they share a smile.

[ FIVE FIRSTS ]  send for five times our muses almost had their first time together and the one time it happens.

[ FIVE CONFESSIONS ]  send for five times the receiver almost says ‘i love you’ and the one time they do.

[ FIVE VISTS ]  send for the five times our muses try to plan a trip and the one time they succeed. 

[ FIVE TEXTS ]  send for five unsent texts from the receiver and one sent text. 

[ FIVE NUDES ]  send for five times the receiver almost sent a nude and the one time they do.

[ FIVE GIFTS ]  send for five times the receiver tried to give a gift to the sender and the one time they do.

[ FIVE PLEAS ]  send for five times the receiver wanted to ask the sender to stay and the one time they do.

[ FIVE BRUSHES ]  send for the for the five times our muses almost hold hands and the one time they do. 

there are more cuss words in this than i'd normally have in my posts but i don't think they're that bad... it's just cause it's like... heated, yelling, fury seething from the words, you know...?

"what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"you're nothing! do you hear me?! nothing!"

"you ruined everything!"

"just get out of my life"

"can you just give me a break, for once?!"

"how could you be so cruel?"

"stay away from me!"

"is this how little you think of me? really?"

"you lied to me!"

"what more do you want?!"

"oh my god, i don't care!"

"get the fuck out of my sight"

"just pack your shit and leave!"

"can you ever shut up?"

"every fucking day, you're over here sitting around while i work my ass off for you and your fucking addictions!"

"there you go again, turning this into a stupid argument"

"what are you even complaining about now?"

"it's almost funny how you still think i care"

"don't talk to me ever again"

"honestly, i'd much rather never hear your voice again. i'm done"

"i'm going to break your jaw if you keep talking"

"why can't you listen to a single thing i say?!"

"i don't care, shut up"

"no wonder nobody likes you"

"you're pathetic!"

"i can't do this anymore, not with you"

"what, are you gonna cry now?"

"stop crying and fucking start talking! what, can you not defend yourself?!"

"i hate you!"

"i wish i never have to lay my fucking eyes on you ever again"

ʚ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ɞ      STARTER  CALL  .   since  i  have  a  few  more  mutuals  (  although  all  mutuals  are  encouraged  to  interact  )  ,  please  feel  free  to  give  this  post  a  lil  HEART  for  a  starter  .  might  be  angsty  .  might  be  .  maybe  not  .  even  if  we  already  have  a  thread  ,  please  feel  free  to  like   anyways  !   if  you  have  a  preference  for  muse  (  marina  ,  mello  ,  silas  )  ,  please  LET  ME  KNOW  ,  or  i'll  choose  whoever  jives  with  me  most  at  that  moment  . currently i have no cap , so as long as you give this a like and we're mutuals , you should get one :)

ʚ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ɞ      and  truly  ,  she  means  nothing  by  it  :  so  fascinated  by  the  IDEA  of  these  parties  ,  just  elated  that  henry  had  even  let  her  tag  ALONG  .   imbibes  herself  like  the  others  do  ,   although  completely  unaware  of  what  it  DOES  ,  indulging  in  sinful  feeling  ,  the  lightheadedness  ,  the  NO  THOUGHTS  ,  just  allowing  herself  to  ... be  .  this  is  the  closest  to  human  she'll  ever  be  ,  after  all  .  OH  ,  and  the  person  in  front  of  her  (   marina  has  already  since  forgotten  his  name  )   is  so  FUNNY  ---  but  her  own  giggles  are  cut  off  by  best  friend  storming  OVER  ,  all  but  yanking  her  away  from  the  other  .

ʚ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ɞ     "  henry  ---  !  "  squrims  as  she  tugs  away  from  him  ,  fruitlessly  with  her  LITTLE  strength  ,  squeezing  her  eyes  shut  ,  "  let  ---  let  go  of  ME  ,  you're  hurting  me  ---  !!  "   even  as  pulled  outside  ,  eyebrows  are  knit  together  in  confusion  and  sadness  ,  looking  up  at  the  other  in  drunken  haze  ,  innocence  plastered  all  over  countenance  , still attempting to SHAKE the other off her , but efforts are more gentle . tired . "  i  wasn't  --  i  was  just  making  friends  ...  i  didn't  do  anything  !  "