@holy-punks - Tumblr Blog

I was telling a coworker this spring that my boyfriend broke his ankle (again) and my coworker went "Oh no! Diva down!"

And I thought that was soooo funny and when I told my bf he was so aghast to be referred to as a diva

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Recent sights and sightings

The pride of that joke is a distant second to the time my (middle-aged) coworker was hosting work bingo and said "I-23, the number of my high school boyfriend's hockey jersey" and my (Gen Z) coworker said "I think that was my high school boyfriend's jersey number too" and I said "same guy?" And everyone laughed and laughed and laughed

I'm still really proud of my joking when my coworkers and I were discussing birthdays and one said she was unfortunately born on the 11th day of September... and she was like yeah so my 11th birthday was pretty crappy and I was like "why, did something happen"

Nothing pleases me more than seeing teenagers or young people driving absolutely shitbox cars. Like yeah it's good for you to drive a car with a screwdriver for a wiper handle and one mismatched tire rim. Keeps you humble. Good basis for a rags to riches story. Gives you a fickle, unreliable, but all yours little creature to care for and nurture. Builds character

#my first car was an old chrysler sebring with the turning radius of a barge #i lost her to a minor fender bender and she was written off immediately #her name was bessie

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My coworkers were talking about an ice cream place near us and one lady said "it sounds like a great place for kids"

and the second said "yes, [Her Son] and his friends love going there"

Son is 20

#madame thats not who she meant 😭#i like that lady a lot but any time she mentions her adult son I feel like im going crazy #my other coworker has a similar age son that she babies but at least she's self aware

We have a coworker friend we love and when he gives out compliments it's like a treasured little gift

and we were talking about him once and a man coworker was like "I have gotten three compliments from him in the past 7 years"

and I was like was one of the three the time he said he'd sleep with you?

And he said "I have gotten Four compliments from him in the past 7 years"

We had a trivia game at work yesterday and one of the more annoying people I work with said "can we use google or AI to help us with this?" And I could see the trivia organizer die inside

#like bro this is literally a game for fun #there are no stakes for making a guess and getting it wrong #please live in the world with us

jncos

holy-punks

This is how i imagine the jury was listening to this argument

chaumas-deactivated20240115

older gentleman just gave me a lecture on how when I decide it’s time to find a wife I need to buy myself a pair of loud colorful socks and sit around with my legs crossed to show my ankles and women will flock to me

#this reminds me of a christmas party at work where a mid 20s man was sitting in the middle of a circle of #middle aged women #and he took off one of his shoes and held up a broghtly socked foot #and the women laughed and laughed and laughed #and i was like.... what was the preceding conversation here

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My brother has a baby now and he showed us the birth certificate - their birth certificates show Mother: first middle last maiden name and Father: first middle last name and OCCUPATION! NO OCCUPATION FOR MAMA!

(My brother said his wife asked about that too and he said it was because he was the man of the house and pounded his chest like an ape which she did not find impressive)

I asked like, did you need to prove the occupation? Or can you just lie? (My mom helpfully jumped in here and said "Just lie!") and my brother said not only can you just put whatever down on the form and no one checks, but at no point did anyone ask them to present the baby as proof of its own birth

#anyways the baby is cute with three caveats:#(1) a bit yellow at the mome from liver figuring out how to liver #(2) hands a bit sheddy which apparently happens #(3) ears hairy??? like the outer shell part of the ear ???#anyways we love the baby

copepods

that post about how waxwings are always photographed eating photogenic red berries ruined me. it’s all i can think about whenever i see another Waxwing Eating Berries photo. why do they only eat those berries why are they always conveniently in the berry tree in the first place do they never go anywhere else. do they have a sponsorship deal. what is Big Berry hiding from us

lichenaday

Sometimes they go to Iceland where they get to bite scientists instead of photogenic berries.

anonajn

#they exclusively sit in the weird crabapple tree that makes disgusting pectiny berry sized apples #the robins have the saskatoon berry turf otherwise I think they'd be up there

ishowdespair-deactivated2026012

June 18 always reminds me of when we went to Cannes 16 years ago and there was an intersection called Place du 18 Juin that (a) didn't give enough time for pedestrians to cross and (b) was frequented by drivers who did not care if there was still a pedestrian in the crosswalk when the light turned green. There were multiple attempts on our lives

#like messieurs surely you can tell I am #hustling for my life across this street and can give me #three more seconds to not be in the middle of four lanes of traffic #please

Washed my jeans so when I put them on today you know I had to hit the wide and deep squat to loosen them up 🏋🏻‍♀️

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I was driving me and a friend home recently late at night and she said "i'm so sleepy" and I said... you should sleep we have over an hour home! And she said "no I'm gonna look out for deer" and I said... I'm looking for deer? I'm driving the car?

#like....I got it? thank you for having not quite enough faith in my ability to spot and evade a deer?

There's something very comforting about looking at a map and seeing a wibbly river. going this way and that. No straight lines. In its own space and time. As God intended

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