The Life and Times of Joshua Holverson

but then a couple do.  and prince eric is my fave out of those few because up until the final act, he is the most chill motherfucker u ever seen.  like he is quick to spring to action during the storm scene n stuff, but otherwise?  he’s really quiet n sensitive and runs along the beach playing the flute for his big shaggy dog n he smiles like a lil nerd and gets all cute around ariel and he’s so sweet n everything.

AND THEN IN THE FINAL BATTLE THAT MOTHERFUCKER STRAIGHT UP DRIVES A SHIP THROUGH URSULA LIKE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!  NO WONDER NO ONE IS TRYIN TO LAY SIEGE TO HIS KINGDOM!!  ALL THE NEIGHBOURS ARE LIKE “HOLY SHIT DON’T GO THERE! PRINCE ERIC IS A BEAST!  HE’LL STRAIGHT UP DRIVE A BOAT THROUGH YOUR BITCH!”

Then when he’s convinced some mystery woman saved him, he starts looking for her just to thank her. On his way, he meets some mute naked teenage girl who can’t even walk or dress herself, confirms that she’s not the girl he’s looking for, then brings her to stay at his castle anyway, for no particular reason.

No one questions this, just like they don’t question when he shows up three days later with a mysterious woman one morning and says he’s getting married that same day. At said wedding, several witnesses see his fiance turn into a sea monster, which he then murders by piloting a submerged ship pulled up from the bottom of the ocean straight into her.

A week later, he marries the mute girl and the god of the sea himself rises from the ocean to give his blessings. Again, no one questions this.