hollow To My Core

First of all, I’m sorry but if I had a dream that I wanted as badly as Bella wanted hers, had it so close, and had it ripped away so suddenly (being told it’s my fault) I too would have fallen into a severe depression. That sucks. Having this otherworldly experience, having the reasonable belief you could live a fantasy of being young with your beautiful lover for eternity, only to be unceremoniously dumped back into the real world? That sucks!!!!!! Didn’t Doctor Who do a whole thing about post-adventure depression in companions?

Also, much more importantly: depression doesn’t need to be justified. It’s not always reasonable. Sometimes depression just happens for reasons that make little to no sense.

Like. Ok. Bella had an extreme reaction to her break-up?? Her sudden break-up in her supernatural romance in which she formed a very deep connection with a very dramatic man in a very dramatic fashion?? That Bella Swan went from an extreme high to an extreme low?? Kitchen found in Forks

I brought up the fact that depression does not always make sense irl because the depiction of Bella’s depression was (and still is) one of the more poignant and relatable depictions of depression you’ll see in the genre. It does feel like time is slipping away (see: blank chapter months). It does feel like you’re dealing with a death, whether it’s someone else’s or the death of the non-depressed self (who felt like a totally different person to yourself and your loved ones). It does have phases and stages where you’re able to perform normality some days better than others. You do feel guilty when your friends’ best efforts to cure you just aren’t enough. You do fluctuate between numbness and pain. You do start to mentally belittle yourself for being unfixable; you get so frustrated because you should be okay by now but you just aren’t. You do start to feel ambivalent-at-best about your own fate.