Deer Hannibal

Fran › 22 years old, he/him and they/them pronouns.

I love astronomy and overshare.

↓ Tap below for more ↓

TW: very long yapping, I'm sorry.

I’ve been thinking about this very often lately because I’ve been seeing similar posts online with the same common factor.

First on TikTok, then on Twitter. And before continuing… yes, I know… we all know what people are like on these apps, but their discourse is still strange. Polemic. Toxic above all.

I think people have become too comfortable shaming other trans men and transmascs, usually teens, but most of the things they point out can persist into adulthood.

I’ve seen a lot of trans men repeating the same things, shaming alt kids and feminine men, or just men who don’t pass. They mock them because they wear makeup or keep stereotypically feminine mannerisms. They also constantly invalidate boys and men for dressing like girls (I hate the word “femboy,” but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say).

These messages are so toxic and transphobic, and I’ve seen many trans men online harassing anyone who dares not to look like Ben 10 or Miles Morales. They go so hard on this that they start acting like incels. I feel sad for them because this says more about themselves, but it’s also a very dangerous discourse when you consider the different lives some of us go through.

Not every trans person has access to HRT or surgeries. In some countries it’s legally condemned; in others, transition steps (changing ID, HRT, etc) are simply illegal even if you don't go to jail. Some of them are still minors. Some of us live in very vulnerable environments and don’t have enough support.

Have we forgotten that people can lose their home and jobs, or lose contact with their families and friends? Some people can’t medically transition due to previous health issues even.

There’s no proper way to transition. There’s no age or time limit to do it, but reading this kind of stuff is so sad because transition is a privilege, even though it shouldn’t be.

I’m a trans adult who can’t transition at the moment. Every day I wake up and try to do my best, trying to ignore the fact that I live as if my life is on an indefinite pause because I can't fully be who I want to be. I never passed as a kid, no matter how hard or masculine I dressed, because my voice was too high pitched, my face was too feminine, and even now my chest is still too noticeable sometimes even if I wear my binder.

It took me all my teenage years to accept that I was transgender. I work hard every day on trying to not hate my body. Embracing my femininity has helped me hate myself a little less. I used to try really hard to pass, just to get clocked immediately, it was frustrating, embarrassing, and it worsened my dysphoria.

Because I’m doing my best to survive, I know other trans men are doing the same and I can't tolerate these kind of transphobic discourses.