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slytherin: but i don’t like to talk.

hufflepuff: but you do like to lie—which you just did. Because we both know you love to talk.

slytherin:

gryffindor: *looks at slytherin*

slytherin: couple weeks

hufflepuff: 6 months

slytherin: cash, a cell phone, and to be left alone.

hufflepuff: okay, raven did you make your list for santa?

ravenclaw: what i really want this year is some answers. what’s the true meaning of christmas? are we here for a reason? what is the purpose of life?

gryffindor: victim is 6’1”. his body...has already turned into a ghost.

hufflepuff: your what?

ravenclaw: so.. what do you want?

slytherin: in life? a heart, a soul, maybe a companion, a-

hufflepuff: they meant food. for breakfast.

ravenclaw: i live alone. this is my stuff. i like quilts.

gryffindor: okay, ravenclaw.

ravenclaw: slytherin’s trying to steal my sandwich.

slytherin: well, we both ordered meatball subs, but they only delivered one. it’s mine!

hufflepuff: guys, just walk to the sub shop, it’s a block away, and get a second sandwich.

ravenclaw: walk?

slytherin: are you insane?

hufflepuff: fine. cut the damn sandwich in half.

slytherin: and then what genius? we eat a 6-inch sub?

ravenclaw: two and a half meatballs a piece?

slytherin: are we children?

ravenclaw: what is this, russia?

gryffindor: sly??

ravenclaw: they’re in mourning.