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Gryffindor: Ravenclaw will literally ask for your opinion and then tell you you’re wrong.
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Draco: ugh, i feel so ugly today
Blaise: no man you look great
Draco: i know i just wanted to hear you say it
Gryffindor: You won’t like me when i’m angry
Slytherin: I don’t like you ever
Hufflepuff: i don’t have it in me to grind like i’m sorry
Hufflepuff: i was put on this earth to eat berries and play in the ocean
Ravenclaw: idk if i have any talents but i do have delusions
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Therapist: a lot of my clients are feeling that way right now
Slytherin: ok rank us
Ron: Please raise your hand if you legitimately believe Lavender and I are in a relationship.
Ron: Lavender, put your hand down.
Slytherin: Do y’all pronounce it “brainless” or “Gryffindor?”
Slytherin: Just beat up a homeless woman so she can go to the hospital and have a bed to sleep in.
Slytherin: I’m an asshole but I’m also nice.
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Hufflepuff, after an argument: I’m really sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it.
Slytherin:
Hufflepuff: I’m assuming that since your hand is now on my ass, you forgive me.
Ron: I do not think before I speak because I do not like thinking critically.
Ravenclaw: Why does the human experience involve so much pain?
Gryffindor: Bruh, what if the Bermuda Triangle was just mad lit and that’s why no one ever left.
Hufflepuff: Ravenclaw, aren’t you supposed to be asleep?
Ravenclaw: I’m supposed to be a lot of things but I live to disappoint.
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Slytherin: I’m done flirting with women online.
Slytherin: I’m gonna do it the old fashioned way.
Slytherin: *throws a rock at Hufflepuff*
*during sex*
Slytherin: Hurt me.
Ravenclaw: In 1992, scientists discovered the loneliest creature on earth.
Slytherin: What
Ravenclaw: It’s a whale that has been calling for its mate for two decades. He communicates at a frequency not used by any other whales, and hasn’t received a response.
Slytherin: Stop