Hobgoblin Shopkeep

Ugh I was developing my wizard film and accidentally cast sepia filter on all of new england. sorry everyone

freeze frame. yep, that's me. you probably don't give a shit how I got into this situation

I bet it feels so good to return from a quest so worn out that you fall off your horse when you arrive at the gates

How's the dental?

you can have all the teeth you can carry

the buried treasure was uncovered and destroyed by shrews and burrowing insects

Oh are there people who don't know this mess of a movie has the all time most spectacular final wizard battle in the fantasy genre??

the gargoyle king has 1 hidden weakness

Her name is Elisa Maza

It's a little surprising that the "Monday's child is fair of face" nursery rhyme never caught on as an arbitrary personality-assigner in the same way astrology did. It makes the same amount of sense.

Imagine people going around saying "yeah I could never date a Wednesday child, they're wired to be miserable and emotionally draining and as a Friday child I know I'd end up doing so much emotional labour for them"

my bravest knighttt... come hither ..... mmmwah !! ok you are dismissed

imagine being in the wilderness in 1542 and seeing this shit. i’d believe in will-o-the-wisps too

We all got that one vassal who's read a few too many warrior tales... Trying to get a little freaky with it on the down low... Won't shut up about his loyalty unto death... Saying shit like "my liege, I am your blade...." Bitch I sent you to guard my isolated holdings in the eastern provinces for a reason!!!!!!! #REBLOG!!!!!