STAYCHALANT

The cure (by olivia rodrigo) x Beefleaf

Characters:-

Sqx - Shi qingxuan

Hx - He Xuan

Summary:-

SQX and HX are both yearning for each other and yet none of them knows how the other feels. And the story follows their emotions through the song "the cure" by Olivia Rodrigo

Note:-

Honestly, even if you are not an olivia rodrigo fan. You can read this fanfic. Idk if its a lot but its beefleaf angst so why not. I recommend listening to The cure by olivia rodrigo while reading😭🙏 Also, I am only at book 6 and the last scene i read of them was the "I am sorry" scene. Sooo I'm sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry it might not be that good.. if yall want a happy ending part 2.. I think its possible. Hope you enjoy.

All the pretty girls In the foreground of my mind I thought I'd done enough But they keep moving the line

Shi qingxuan looked at all the capable gods, he had once believed that it was his strength and determination in cultivating that made him ascend. But the truth revealed by blackwater had shattered his confidence. Now, anytime he saw a new god being worshipped, he couldn't help but feel lost.

I thought I found the antidote this time I thought I found the antidote this time

In the past, SQX thought he was protected from the reverend of empty words after ascending. Who would have known that the reverend of empty words— No. The one who devoured the reverend of empty words— had been right by his side throughout, disguised as his best friend?

And all the nights I spent Fighting bad thoughts in my room Feeling so alone, might as well be on the moon

He xuan was still tortured by his past as a mortal. It was painful, carrying all the grudge and hate, longing and fear alone. At times, he wished SQX was not his fate stealer. Maybe then SQX would have even helped him.

I thought I found the antidote with you I thought I found the antidote with you

He xuan had undeniably felt safe by SQX's side. SQX always used to make him do something stupid. He often even forced him to change his form to his female one. And no matter how much HX retaliated at first, he always gave up and did his gig. "For the plan." He would say. Revenge was his antidote after all. (Or did he just really liked seeing SQX smile?)

But my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream You tried hard to suck 'em out

Somewhere, HX had believed that SQX and him would be 'forever'. He knew he was the one who ruined it though. But he also had no regrets on killing Shi Wudu.

Sitting aimlessly, he let his mind wander around through his memories and it made him remember that one time he had a nightmare. The ghosts of his past tormented him a lot.

He had a crashout after that nightmare, a rare moment of weakness. And SQX had found him, though after his crashout. Hx was in a disheveled state. He wasn't crying around the time SQX had found him but he wasn't fully back to his senses. SQX had wrapped him in a blanket after he found him lying on the floor of HX's bedroom. He had excused himself in when he didn't hear a response from Hx's side, afraid something might have happened to HX. That day, SQX had hugged HX and asked him what had happened for him to end at such a state and upon hearing no response, he didn't pry any further and only reassured He Xuan by saying that he will always be there for him. What he said would have made HX cringe if he was not in that post crashout state but it felt nice to be reassured. After that, SQX himself had started crying a little after seeing his bsf in a depressive state. That night, SQX fell asleep next to HX. HX had laughed at the stupidity and irony of the situation and yet he neither pushed away nor woke SQX up

And it feels like medication And it's good for me, I'm sure

That was the first night HX had felt so safe and loved. It had been too long since he was shown even a bit of affection, the last hug he ever recieved was of his mother before she met her tragic fate, cursed, as his son was cursed by the Reverend of empty words.

He wondered how it would have been if SQX was by his side back then. But then SQX would have probably died too— No. He was the one who was originally supposed to suffer from the doomed fate. He should have suffered from what HX did.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure

It really didn't matter how their friendship felt. Shi wudu, SQX's brother was the reason the events of the reoccurring nightmare had occurred

Used to play a game in my head When I'd date a guy Tally up the girls that he fucked 'Til I start to cry I thought I found the antidote this time I thought I found the antidote this time

SQX had many friends, thanks to his bubbly nature. But deep down, he never really shared a real connection with them. He had helped them out at their worst but not many had ever even asked him how he was holding up.

He xuan was the first person ever who had checked up on him after he had a fight with his brother during a banquet held at the upper court. HX — even when disguised as Ming yi — never had been someone who knew how to comfort. And all he had done was give SQX some food from the banquet and mumbled "Eat up, the food is good." And somehow that had meant the world to SQX. As soon as HX had said that SQX jumped to hug him and kind of cried. Hx mumbled a "creep" under his breath and said to let him go but he didn't push SQX away. SQX had held onto him while HX non chalantly ate his food. SQX knew at that exact moment that he had found his soulmate. But looking back now, was any of it even real? Or was it all for the plan?

But I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled)

Remembering all this had SQX spiraling again. Sqx felt bad about losing his life as a god, but he mourned the loss of his soulmate more than he even mourned the loss of his female form. He just can't seem to let go of this stupid love which had built over the past few hundred years. It probably was all a lie to HX but it was SQX's most precious moments.

And my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream

SQX could only cry. He kept blaming himself for everything. Who was on fault if not him? His brother did everything for him and HX had to suffer. His hands were indirectly painted red from the blood of his brother's death.

If only he was qualified enough to ascend on his own. If only, like xie lian, he was fearless enough to not feed reverend of empty words on the cursed feeling.

Doubts regarding his own validity started ravaging his mind; will he ever be worth anything? He should have never been born. The cause of all this misery is HIS cursed fate... he deserves to suffer worse.

Soon, he passed out from crying.

You tried hard to suck 'em out And it feels like medication And it's good for me, I'm sure

When he woke up, HX was right next to him

"You passed out after drinking too much, why were you crying in your sleep anyway?" Ming yi questioned

SQX was speechless at first, then he mumbled quitely "thank god, it was all just a dream. I thought you left me." Then he tried hugging Ming yi "Yk He xuan, I have always love–"

"Why are you hugging me?" HX interrupted "You think this will save shi wudu's life?" And suddenly the whole scenario changed. SQX was back in the place where the tragedy took place. There were madmen all around him "Change your fate with one of the madmen and then only will I allow your brother and you to live."

Sqx felt his blood run cold. His breath hitched and he felt like his heart was no longer in his chest but was lying on the floor, crushed by the madmen's stomping. He started nervous lauging, which soon turned into painful sobs.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure, oh

SQX woke up sweating. This time, he was actually in reality.

He wondered why even his dreams had to be so cruel. And he daydreamed about kissing HX only to realise that it was very selfish of him to do so.

The dream made his already not so good going days even worse.

'Cause, baby, I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled, I'm unraveled)

He Xuan had taken his revenge but the nightmares never stopped. This time he dreamed not only of his family but also of SQX as his lover, who met the same tragic end as his family.

And this time, the nightmare felt too real. Too scary.

Why can't you come stitch me up? (I'm unraveled)

HX yearned to see SQX. To see that he is doing well. That he is alive and has not met a tragic end like in HX's nightmare. He wished to be held in his embrace again.

Why can't it ever be enough? (I'm unraveled)

SQX was losing it. No matter what he does, why he does, he always disappoints. Even his best has never been enough. He didn't care about a tragic death, but can't atleast his love not end in such a way?

Why can't you come stitch me up? (I'm unraveled)

SQX wants to see HX just one last time. Confess his love. He wants to share a meal with him. And be given a piece of meat as comfort when he breaks down. He wished for HX to come to him.

Why can't it ever be enough? (I'm unraveled)

It's not enough

Why couldn't getting his revenge be enough for He Xuan? He ha got what he had wanted. His revenge was complete. So why did he find himself contacting Hua cheng to see if he knows the whereabouts of SQX?

And why is he at the address given to him?

All because my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream (I'm unraveled)

And he looked at the place where SQX lived. It was notihing like his palace at the upper court. So small that it was almost pitiful. No one will ever believe that this was the god who used to throw away hundred thousand merits for fun.

And it was all HX's fault.

He wanted to knock at the door but every step taken was a reminder of how much he had ruined SQX's life. And how it would only make SQX'S life worser. The doubts grew. What rights did he even have to confess his feelings? To want more? Or to even want what it once was when he is the one who ruined it? None.

Thus, he didn't knock at door but he was still selfish enough to want a glimpse of the one he loves. So he peeked through the window and admired the beauty who once proclaimed himself as his bsf. If only the venegeful feelings, bloomed from his mortal life, was not running through his body, mixed with his blood. He would have knocked at the door and given SQX a kiss to convey his feelings. But now, he could only turn his eyes away from SQX and force himself to leave.

You tried so hard to suck out And it feels like medication (I'm unraveled) And it's good for me, I'm sure

When SQX saw HX, he almost called out but bit back his words.

He had caused him enough pain. He took away his good fate from him and lived happily in ignorance for years and years. Won't his presence suffocate HX?

Thus, he acted like he didn't notice HX looking at him through the window and continued to chop vegetables, forcing back a sob with every slice of a vegetable cut.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore (I'm unraveled) It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure It'll never be

This is for the best.

Their love had a wretched start, and it was destined to have an ending just as wretched.

A hanahaki disease fanfic

Characters:-

Sqx – shi qing xuan

Hx – He xuan

Xie lian (might or might not use XL for him as well)

Hua cheng (might or might not use HC for him)

Summary–

Shi qingxuan has become a mortal again. And his unrequited love, which wasn't really that troublesome before became quite a burden to his mortal body.

Note-

I dont blame shi qingxuan for anything. And I have only read till halfway book 5 so it might not be that good but I just thought its a cool idea so here you have it. And the impression I have for how SQX felt is based on the "I'm sorry" quote. Not proof read. MAJOR SPOILER FOR TGCF.

SQX was back, forced into a life of a mortal. It was rather peaceful, but bland. Comapred to the life he lived in the heavenly realm.. this new life felt boring.

He missed roaming around in his female form. He could cross dress if he wanted but it was far from the freedom he felt when roaming around in the mortal world in his female form.

"Its still better than living a borrowed fate." He thought. He was still not over what had happened. The image of the man he once considered his bsf sliting his brother's throat was ever so present in his mind. And yet he could not get himself to hate He Xuan. Ming y— He Xuan was his most trusted companion. He used to think that HX was even incapable of lying. No wonder he had unrequited feelings for HX. An unrequited love.

"Its all in the past, SQX, move on." He said to no one but himself.

He couldn't get himself to hate He Xuan. It was understandable, what HX had done. HX had his fate stolen, a blessed fate replaced with a cursed, haunted one. He became a victim to the reverend of empty words and yet he never gave up. Even after losing his loved ones, he didn't end his own life and continued to hang on, never really giving up. And the blame for this swapped fate was to be taken up by no one but the Shi – brothers. If only SQX wasn't cursed by birth. If only he was capable of ascending on his own, HX wouldn't have suffered all that.

SQX knows he has no rights to cry over the situation whatsoever. And so he lived another day and worked his ass off in a bland life, trying to keep up with his bubbly personality while everything fell apart.

Upon returning home, he felt more tired than usual. His throat started to itch, could he have caught a cold? Impossible he was a Go— oh.

SQX covered his mouth with his hands to cough, the cough lasted long and felt more hoarse than usual. But maybe because it had been too long since he got sick, he had forgotten how it actually felt to cough. He didn't mind it much and retired to bed early to rest.

"Its nothing like what it was in the past. When I would yap to HX for hours at night. Since we didn't really need to sleep" He drowned the thought and went to sleep.

He woke up coughing. It was around 2:40 am. This time, something came out with his cough. A flower petal. And blood. SQX's half awake brain jolted out of sleep, is this...

"HANAHAKI DISEASE?" He wondered out loud

Saying it loud made him cough out a few petals and blood out again.

SQX knew what it was. He had seen a devotee pray for his unrequited love in his ending moments. He had coughed up a lot of petals and blood and was beyond saving. Originally, even if the devotee had prayed earlier there was nothing SQX could have done. The only way to cure it was for their unrequited love to become requited and that was beyond the control of SQX. SQX had watched that devotee die with a smile, thinking of the person he loved so dearly.

Later that night, he had talked about it with Ming y— He Xuan. HX had called it foolish. Why should one die rather than confess, at max get rejected and move on? It was indeed foolish for a person to hold on so dearly to a love which was killing them. But SQX had argued with HX saying that it was rude of him to say that and that the disease was actually really beautiful. But deep down, even he knew it was foolish.

Since he was a god before, his love for HX never turned into a disease. But as he was a mortal now, not only did it turn into a disease, it took quite a toll on him. He had wondered back then, what was so scary abt confessing?

And now, here he was. In love with the man he stole everything from. Everything. Even the memories were tainted by the truth. Every day he held close to his heart was a pain for HX. Ming yi was never Ming yi. His beloved Ming-xiong was fake. And yet, he loved him so much that even after all that, he can't let go.

It was never ming yi he fell in love with. It was He Xuan.

Days went by, and his condition was worsening. The amount of petals per cough and blood both had increased by a great lot. And he still blamed himself

What else could he do? He can't confess. He couldn't confess even back then when they were friends. And now? It was impossible and selfish.

How was he supposed to tell He Xuan who had to live in misery because of him, who had a life of a god stolen away from him, who became a ghsot all because of him that he loved him? What rights did he have?

SQX's fate is cursed even without the reverend of empty words. Because what is this disease, if not a cruel joke by destiny? He was given a chance at life, even though as a mortal but even that is stolen away from him. And yet, did SQX have the rights to complain?

Days turned into months, SQX was beyond saving. Well, he was already beyond saving from the start but anyway, he had just vomitted a lot of blood and flower petals, it was his third vomit of the day and it had only worsened.

Since it was a blood vomit, looking at it was more beautiful than disgusting or maybe he had just gotten used to this horrible sight. In the pool of blood, layed black rose petals in the middle. The other colours were a little more to the side, giving the black petals spotlight. It made SQX wonder if HX would be happy covered in his blood? Will that give him satisfaction? If it did, then surely dying wouldn't be so bad. Honestly, he felt a little happy thinking He Xuan would be happy drenched in his blood.

Its better than disgusted, after all.

SQX had neither the time nor the strength to clean up the bloody mess before there was a knock at the door.

It was Xie lian with a young cultivator behind him. SQX didn't need to guess or ask. If there is someone with Xie Lian, its probably Hua cheng. Seeing them together reminded him of hang outs with "ming yi"

What a silly thought.

Too busy remembering the past memories. He let Xie Lian inside without cleaning up the mess on the floor. And it was only after Xie Lian asked him about it did he realise its probably disgusting to them. His secret was now out in the open.

"Lord SQX, what is this; are you—" Xie lian asked, but even before the question completed came SQX's answer

"Ha ha ha ha, its really nothing. I am okay."

Normally, Xie lian would not pry further but his concern was greater.

"Lord SQX..."

"Hanahaki disease." Hua chen said unexpectedly.

That made SQX nervous laughter die.

Xie lian knew why and what it was. And who it was for.

A sudden thought crossed SQX's mind and he asked Hua Cheng to not tell about this to HX. The chances of HX asking about his whereabouts were slim but never zero. Expectedly, Hua Cheng didn't really care for his request so SQX had to ask Xie Lian to help him out. And Hua Cheng will never go against what his gege wishes.

SQX started coughing again, petals came out. It would have been beautiful if it was not eating SQX alive. And for the first time in Xie Lian's life, he knew, not even Hua Cheng could help.

And even if they told HX about it, not only will they be going against SQX's wishes, the chances of HX accepting his confession, let alone reciprocating them, was slim. HX became a ghost for his revenge. Not just any ghost, A GHOST KING.

It was a love story cursed to end with death.

It was like a poisned garden, except the poison was the reason the flowers' bloomed and is also the reason the flowers' withered. The flowers and the ground, but could just await their end.

The rest of the days left in SQX's life was spent crying nd coughing. Praying that He Xuan forgives him. Praying that He Xuan loves him back. But He Xuan was oblivious to all this.

Xie Lian watched his friend die and he could do nothing about it.

The funeral was hosted.

SQX had died, and no one but Xie Lian had heard him say "I love you He Xuan, always had. Please forgive me for being selfish." As he coughed up his last breath, the last flower in the garden had withered away.

Shin Qingxuan didn't really want He Xuan to know much abt his death.

But words travel fast and the death of a mortal so famous in the upper court was bound to reach the ghosts.

When He Xuan first heard about it, he thought it was just a rumour.

But after investigating, he found out that the news was indeed true.

And he should have been happy. The last of the cursed shi brothers had died... right?

No.

The moment he confirmed the news, he went to visit the grave of his... his what? Why was he so angry? Why was he so pitiful right now?

When he reached the grave, he saw Xie Lian leaving. Hua cheng stayed behind, excusing himself saying he has unfinished work.

After Xie Lian had left, Hua cheng called out to He Xuan.

Unnoticed tears had left He Xuan's eyes.

"Why?" He asked

"Hanahaki disease. I will go to gege now" Hua cheng replied and then excused himself.

He Xuan didn't really need to know more. It was obvious. He had always known SQX had feelings for him. He made it pretty obvious when they were friends, if the whole thing which took place would not have happened, SQX would have probably even confessed.

He Xuan had always denied his own feelings. Why would he be in love with the reason of his misery..? But he did love SQX. And who wouldn't? He was just so.. perfect.

But what good does accepting it have now? If only he had accepted his feelings earlier...

Maybe if they met each other under normal circumstances it would have never ended like this. Would they also have been a couple like Xie Lian and Hua cheng? If his fate wasnt swapped?

HX knew better than anyone that whatever he is feeling now is stupid. He will never get back the one person he fell in love with. What use does these feelings have now?

SQX dies loving him. So the least he could do, was love him and mourn him for the rest of his days left. As a ghost, he was only in this world because of revenge but he hadn't withered away before. And he knew it was to watch over SQX. But now he had no reason. So soon he withered away, taking his love for shi qingxuan with him.

Dead water can be moved by wind. But water is helpless when the wind falls dead.

He Xuan's last word was heard not by anyone special but a small ghost wandering by, it went like "I love you too, shin qingxuan. Always have and always will."

Their story became wildly famous in the ghost realm, and reached the ears of the mortals and the heavens. And so they became the love story passed down generation by generation even after death. The story changed its form as it was passed down, exaggerated, sometimes the real meaning taken away. Even its authenticity was questioned, passed down as an impossible legend. But never forgotten. And everyone but the two lovers, heard the "I love you" they said to each other.