Last reads / Últimas lecturas:

• Blackwater - Michael McDowell (finished the saga, been reading since the beginning of the year)

• Ni una palabra - Harlan Coben

• Las hijas horribles - Blanca Lacasa

The cure (by olivia rodrigo) x Beefleaf

Characters:-

Sqx - Shi qingxuan

Hx - He Xuan

Summary:-

SQX and HX are both yearning for each other and yet none of them knows how the other feels. And the story follows their emotions through the song "the cure" by Olivia Rodrigo

Note:-

Honestly, even if you are not an olivia rodrigo fan. You can read this fanfic. Idk if its a lot but its beefleaf angst so why not. I recommend listening to The cure by olivia rodrigo while reading😭🙏 Also, I am only at book 6 and the last scene i read of them was the "I am sorry" scene. Sooo I'm sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry it might not be that good.. if yall want a happy ending part 2.. I think its possible. Hope you enjoy.

All the pretty girls In the foreground of my mind I thought I'd done enough But they keep moving the line

Shi qingxuan looked at all the capable gods, he had once believed that it was his strength and determination in cultivating that made him ascend. But the truth revealed by blackwater had shattered his confidence. Now, anytime he saw a new god being worshipped, he couldn't help but feel lost.

I thought I found the antidote this time I thought I found the antidote this time

In the past, SQX thought he was protected from the reverend of empty words after ascending. Who would have known that the reverend of empty words— No. The one who devoured the reverend of empty words— had been right by his side throughout, disguised as his best friend?

And all the nights I spent Fighting bad thoughts in my room Feeling so alone, might as well be on the moon

He xuan was still tortured by his past as a mortal. It was painful, carrying all the grudge and hate, longing and fear alone. At times, he wished SQX was not his fate stealer. Maybe then SQX would have even helped him.

I thought I found the antidote with you I thought I found the antidote with you

He xuan had undeniably felt safe by SQX's side. SQX always used to make him do something stupid. He often even forced him to change his form to his female one. And no matter how much HX retaliated at first, he always gave up and did his gig. "For the plan." He would say. Revenge was his antidote after all. (Or did he just really liked seeing SQX smile?)

But my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream You tried hard to suck 'em out

Somewhere, HX had believed that SQX and him would be 'forever'. He knew he was the one who ruined it though. But he also had no regrets on killing Shi Wudu.

Sitting aimlessly, he let his mind wander around through his memories and it made him remember that one time he had a nightmare. The ghosts of his past tormented him a lot.

He had a crashout after that nightmare, a rare moment of weakness. And SQX had found him, though after his crashout. Hx was in a disheveled state. He wasn't crying around the time SQX had found him but he wasn't fully back to his senses. SQX had wrapped him in a blanket after he found him lying on the floor of HX's bedroom. He had excused himself in when he didn't hear a response from Hx's side, afraid something might have happened to HX. That day, SQX had hugged HX and asked him what had happened for him to end at such a state and upon hearing no response, he didn't pry any further and only reassured He Xuan by saying that he will always be there for him. What he said would have made HX cringe if he was not in that post crashout state but it felt nice to be reassured. After that, SQX himself had started crying a little after seeing his bsf in a depressive state. That night, SQX fell asleep next to HX. HX had laughed at the stupidity and irony of the situation and yet he neither pushed away nor woke SQX up

And it feels like medication And it's good for me, I'm sure

That was the first night HX had felt so safe and loved. It had been too long since he was shown even a bit of affection, the last hug he ever recieved was of his mother before she met her tragic fate, cursed, as his son was cursed by the Reverend of empty words.

He wondered how it would have been if SQX was by his side back then. But then SQX would have probably died too— No. He was the one who was originally supposed to suffer from the doomed fate. He should have suffered from what HX did.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure

It really didn't matter how their friendship felt. Shi wudu, SQX's brother was the reason the events of the reoccurring nightmare had occurred

Used to play a game in my head When I'd date a guy Tally up the girls that he fucked 'Til I start to cry I thought I found the antidote this time I thought I found the antidote this time

SQX had many friends, thanks to his bubbly nature. But deep down, he never really shared a real connection with them. He had helped them out at their worst but not many had ever even asked him how he was holding up.

He xuan was the first person ever who had checked up on him after he had a fight with his brother during a banquet held at the upper court. HX — even when disguised as Ming yi — never had been someone who knew how to comfort. And all he had done was give SQX some food from the banquet and mumbled "Eat up, the food is good." And somehow that had meant the world to SQX. As soon as HX had said that SQX jumped to hug him and kind of cried. Hx mumbled a "creep" under his breath and said to let him go but he didn't push SQX away. SQX had held onto him while HX non chalantly ate his food. SQX knew at that exact moment that he had found his soulmate. But looking back now, was any of it even real? Or was it all for the plan?

But I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled)

Remembering all this had SQX spiraling again. Sqx felt bad about losing his life as a god, but he mourned the loss of his soulmate more than he even mourned the loss of his female form. He just can't seem to let go of this stupid love which had built over the past few hundred years. It probably was all a lie to HX but it was SQX's most precious moments.

And my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream

SQX could only cry. He kept blaming himself for everything. Who was on fault if not him? His brother did everything for him and HX had to suffer. His hands were indirectly painted red from the blood of his brother's death.

If only he was qualified enough to ascend on his own. If only, like xie lian, he was fearless enough to not feed reverend of empty words on the cursed feeling.

Doubts regarding his own validity started ravaging his mind; will he ever be worth anything? He should have never been born. The cause of all this misery is HIS cursed fate... he deserves to suffer worse.

Soon, he passed out from crying.

You tried hard to suck 'em out And it feels like medication And it's good for me, I'm sure

When he woke up, HX was right next to him

"You passed out after drinking too much, why were you crying in your sleep anyway?" Ming yi questioned

SQX was speechless at first, then he mumbled quitely "thank god, it was all just a dream. I thought you left me." Then he tried hugging Ming yi "Yk He xuan, I have always love–"

"Why are you hugging me?" HX interrupted "You think this will save shi wudu's life?" And suddenly the whole scenario changed. SQX was back in the place where the tragedy took place. There were madmen all around him "Change your fate with one of the madmen and then only will I allow your brother and you to live."

Sqx felt his blood run cold. His breath hitched and he felt like his heart was no longer in his chest but was lying on the floor, crushed by the madmen's stomping. He started nervous lauging, which soon turned into painful sobs.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure, oh

SQX woke up sweating. This time, he was actually in reality.

He wondered why even his dreams had to be so cruel. And he daydreamed about kissing HX only to realise that it was very selfish of him to do so.

The dream made his already not so good going days even worse.

'Cause, baby, I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled) I'm unraveled (I'm unraveled, I'm unraveled)

He Xuan had taken his revenge but the nightmares never stopped. This time he dreamed not only of his family but also of SQX as his lover, who met the same tragic end as his family.

And this time, the nightmare felt too real. Too scary.

Why can't you come stitch me up? (I'm unraveled)

HX yearned to see SQX. To see that he is doing well. That he is alive and has not met a tragic end like in HX's nightmare. He wished to be held in his embrace again.

Why can't it ever be enough? (I'm unraveled)

SQX was losing it. No matter what he does, why he does, he always disappoints. Even his best has never been enough. He didn't care about a tragic death, but can't atleast his love not end in such a way?

Why can't you come stitch me up? (I'm unraveled)

SQX wants to see HX just one last time. Confess his love. He wants to share a meal with him. And be given a piece of meat as comfort when he breaks down. He wished for HX to come to him.

Why can't it ever be enough? (I'm unraveled)

It's not enough

Why couldn't getting his revenge be enough for He Xuan? He ha got what he had wanted. His revenge was complete. So why did he find himself contacting Hua cheng to see if he knows the whereabouts of SQX?

And why is he at the address given to him?

All because my head is full of poison And my heart is full of doubt I got toxins in my bloodstream (I'm unraveled)

And he looked at the place where SQX lived. It was notihing like his palace at the upper court. So small that it was almost pitiful. No one will ever believe that this was the god who used to throw away hundred thousand merits for fun.

And it was all HX's fault.

He wanted to knock at the door but every step taken was a reminder of how much he had ruined SQX's life. And how it would only make SQX'S life worser. The doubts grew. What rights did he even have to confess his feelings? To want more? Or to even want what it once was when he is the one who ruined it? None.

Thus, he didn't knock at door but he was still selfish enough to want a glimpse of the one he loves. So he peeked through the window and admired the beauty who once proclaimed himself as his bsf. If only the venegeful feelings, bloomed from his mortal life, was not running through his body, mixed with his blood. He would have knocked at the door and given SQX a kiss to convey his feelings. But now, he could only turn his eyes away from SQX and force himself to leave.

You tried so hard to suck out And it feels like medication (I'm unraveled) And it's good for me, I'm sure

When SQX saw HX, he almost called out but bit back his words.

He had caused him enough pain. He took away his good fate from him and lived happily in ignorance for years and years. Won't his presence suffocate HX?

Thus, he acted like he didn't notice HX looking at him through the window and continued to chop vegetables, forcing back a sob with every slice of a vegetable cut.

But it don't matter how your love feels anymore (I'm unraveled) It'll never be the cure It'll never be the cure It'll never be

This is for the best.

Their love had a wretched start, and it was destined to have an ending just as wretched.

My yuri art fight attack on @luggybros of their webcomic ocs Alison and Deirdre!

I saw this meme on It’s All About Books and decided to do it once a month. Many thanks to Yvonne for initially posting this!! This post is exactly what it says: the places I travel to in books each month. Enjoy my travels, and please let me know if you have read these books. Countries I visited the most: United States States/Provinces I visited the most: California, Virginia, New York,…

I WISH THIS WAS A JOKE

Here's the first page of the callout:

Sure, this guy literally killed people for money but she follows the bluegirl so who's really more evil here?

. . .

Thats not a joke, that part's in there too:

I am going to lose my fucking mind.

♪ freight train, freight train, goin’ so fast

♪ freight train, freight train, goin’ so fast

♪ i don’t know what train he’s on

♪ won’t you tell me where he’s gone?

♪ don’t know where he’s headin’ for

♪ what he’s done against the law

♪ got no future, got no hope

♪ just nothin’ but the rope

awkward side pics under the cut

La saison 3 de *House of the Dragon* s’ouvre sur un moment fort : la tant attendue Bataille du Gosier. Longtemps repoussée – elle devait initialement conclure la saison 2 – cette séquence de vingt-cinq minutes, dense en action et en effets spectaculaires, a suscité des comparaisons inévitables avec les plus grandes batailles de *Game of Thrones*. Pourtant, malgré une mise en scène impressionnante…