βDonβt,β you warned Lucifer. You saw that self-assured grin on his face. You knew what he was planning.
βWhat? I just came to see what you were doing.β He leaned on your shoulder with enough weight to tilt you several inches sideways, no matter how much you pushed back. βDonβt mind me, carry on.β
βDonβt you have more important things to do?β you retorted, but it was too late. The others were catching on.
βHey, hey! Whatβs going on?β Mammon came over and pushed against your other shoulder, tilting you back upright. βWhat are two of my favorite people doinβ?β
You tried to shrug them both off, to no avail. βWeβre not doing anything. We can stop this.β
You couldnβt stop it. Asmodeus was on his way and wasted no time crossing his arms over your back, happily leaning into you from behind. You tilted forward. βHey! Whatβs happening here?β
You sighed, βweβre not doing this again.β
Asmodeus teased you with honeyed innocence, βdoing what, hon? Something on your mind?β
These three demons thought they were so funny.
A passing Satan made eye contact with you. In that exact moment, you used every bit of imaginary telepathy you could muster. Surely Satan would understand. He could save you. He could free you before it really was too late.
He observed what his brothers were doing, nodded, and approached with a congenial grin. Mission failed.
βTraitor!β You regretted ever agreeing to join this exchange program as Satan slowly fell back into you. You didnβt even try to catch him, you were too busy trying to remain upright under the combined weight of four demons. They were hardly even holding back.
You couldnβt see who was running up, being too busy blowing Satanβs blonde hair out of your face, but at this point it didnβt matter. They were all coming for you.
βLet me in on this!β Leviathan said cheerily.
βYeah!β βCome on!β Asmodeus and Mammon gladly made some room for Leviathan, which was difficult because you were sinking lower and lower, and you felt another weight pile onto your back as Levi cozied up to your torso. This scenario had played out enough times now that the brothers could somehow keep you from falling over like a Jenga tower, but it was still only a matter of time.
Belphegor squeezed his way in between Satan and Lucifer and wordlessly collapsed onto you as if overcome with narcolepsy. He sure looked cozy. He smirked while you lamented, βIβm never forgiving any of you, ever.β
βBeel? Are you coming?β Lucifer summoned the cherry on top of this ridiculous parfait. You braced as Beelzebub licked the crumbs off his fingers in preparation. He knew what had to be done.
βAre you ready?β At least he had the decency to ask, unlike six other degenerates. The six lumps of dead weight each grabbed a part of your body, shifting from leans to awkward hugs. There was no way to run.
With an exaggerated βhah!β, Beelzebubβs weight and outstretched arms were enough to send everyone crashing down. You were protected from any real damage by the shell of demon brothers, but they soon had you pinned down against someoneβs chest in the worldβs most embarrassing cuddle pile.
βArenβt you guys too old for this?β you asked. βBy like, ten thousand years?β
βWe were just checking up on you,β Lucifer said.
βYeah, how did this happen? Hmm..!β Asmodeusβs voice dripped with sarcasm.
Satan draped his leg over yours and not-so-accidentally kicked Lucifer. βYou should have told us what you were doing.β
βI think itβs fun.β Belphegor was the only one to admit the truth.
Hands were running through your hair and over your stomach. Somebody was pushing the edge of your mouth up into a smile with their finger. If these guy were so touch-starved, they could have just said so, like sane people.
βMy! What do we have here?β
You groaned, partially because everybody was really heavy and partially because you really didnβt need Diavolo to arrive just then.
βMy lord, it appears we have walked in on something quite interesting.β Et tu, Barbatos?
βIndeed! Is there room for two more?β
Your βno!β was drowned out by seven resounding yeses.