hiræth's haven

Suddenly, a guy walked past around us. My friends were busy chitchatting randomly. Our eyes met in the seconds. I admired how his slightly curly hair, then he was tall wearing prescription glasses. It was stylish that match his fair skin, butter yellow cardigan and beige trousers. Since, the place was surrounded with pop up booths, he seems looking into something one by one.

1. Pilates/Yoga classes

2. Mediheal toner pad and Mediheal eye patch

3. D'alba face mist

4. Canon EOS M10

5. 5sos concert Tix

I miss romance. So, let's talk about romance. I went back to watch asian and modern dramas. I am living in juxtaposition. I always bound to kick my fit with a non-stop giggling. Until, I snap back to my real world. I am either fantasizing someone else or getting stoic by the life has been throwing at me. Living a single life means putting myself first while shifting into parasocial.

I already have 1 friendship breakup, 2 situationships and 1 relationship ended. Maybe, that was the most impactful events in my entire teens and twenties. I hope it won't be continued in line of these guys. I find peace and at the same time cannot help but to wonder if I should be a rich Asian tita who yearns to travel because I have no experience outside my country at all. I am full of insecurities in which I do not want to impart to my future family. At the same time, the way of thought process, I always brush it off. Sometimes, it was not that I hate to enter again in a new relationship. I have a lot to spend more on my first times rather than sharing and wasting my resources on boys.

One of my depressive thoughts might be that I feel like I am always not be chosen just because of my unapproachable demeanor which conceals of being shy and reserved. I think that was the fact that I am not a public figure material.

Yes, Tumblr. I am comparing myself again to my childhood mutuals who finally become famous, at their peak and prime. This time, it is so weird. I got the courage to stalk their socials without having a pang on my heart. Although, there's a bit of hurt. It was a mix of admiration and also seems questionable at the same time. It turns how the gossips from the past resurfaces. How she and my ex has a connection before. I am the only one who only worries on that thought process. Since, I am too inclined in astro chart. I can sense that this person could be the best to escape the reality whole all of her Venuses and Midheavens are working. Although, I cannot see the whole picture yet but I can sense that there is underlying shits privately that she tend to conceal while being performative and escapist . It will benefit her a lot in money and viewers. Taking advantage of her beauty and confidence acts as her sideline.

Mine was not evolved yet. Due to hiding my potential and covered shell as the defense mechanism to my family, friends and old companions. Being scared to give my all in the public and being betrayed in private. I know I am thinking too much but reflecting on what I deeply think and feel should be let out. My pros, I am divinely protected with my loved ones.

In addition to that, every time I explore something new, it won't proceed. I want to create new savings but it turns out I got technical issues with my digital banking. I went to the branch but no avail, they're all actually close. My savings and willingness to solo travel came like poof, opportunities were gone. I have a lot of delayed gratifications. I am full of wisdom however, lack of action and experiences.

I really do love Surrounding by Idiots by Thomas Erikson. Nerd timeee! It shows a lot of how to understand the human behavior. A person can be a hybrid of colors. I just have to absorb the strengths and weaknesses of each person breathing on this world. I figured out how I tend to be insecure with a dominant yellow. 'Cuz I am leaning towards the green aura. After all these guide, I am still being consistent on my comfort zone. Perhaps, just growing in a church, school, home inside a province activates my introversion more.

I can also be a lot. In just one sit, I can blurt out everything what I knew. I just lack of performance to do in front of people. That is why going out in a workshops seems invisible and wallflower. At the same time, I am more into declutter than reinvension.