how do you write like you're running out of time?

The Last Five Years: We were happy for ten minutes

Bring It On: just like the movies but better because Lin-Manuel Miranda

Dogfight: All My Friends Are Dead by: Eddie Birdlace

American Psycho: Benjamin Walker's abs ft. Jennifer Damiano

Spring Awakening: horny German teenagers make me cry thirty times

Gypsy: Broadway dance moms

In the Heights: remember Lin Manuel Miranda before Hamilton?

Jersey Boys: we're all shitty people but at least we're shitty people who can sing

How to Succeed in Business: life is good if you can lie

Matilda: Carrie Jr.

Daddy Long Legs: haha she said "daddy"

Children of Eden: the bible ft. belting

Tick, Tick...Boom: Remember Jonathan Larson before Rent?

Urinetown: urine jokes and Hunter Foster

A Chorus Line: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with dancing

Newsies: hot gay teenage boys stomp a lot

The Book of Mormon: we're all suffering so we cover up our emotions with religion

Footloose: let hiM BE A DANCER!!!1!!

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown: crazy women take lots of Valium

Next to Normal: crazy woman takes a lots of Valium

Avenue Q: ruining your childhood one song at a time

Bullets Over Broadway: Zach Braff can sing?

If/Then: Elphaba marries Roger

Parade: JRB can't write anything happy

Honeymoon in Vegas: JRB finally writes something happy

Ragtime: everyone's a little bit racist but it's okay because it's 1910

The Full Monty: suicide and strippers

Jekyll and Hyde: Frank Wildhorn needs to chill

Wonderland: Frank Wildhorn really needs to chill

Bonnie and Clyde: Frank Wildhorn finally finds his chill

Catch Me if You Can: Aaron Tveit ignores his feelings with jazz numbers

Merrily We Roll Along: we were all happy for like ten minutes

Cats: what?

Spelling Bee: guy from Modern Family ft. erection song

[title of show]: what musical theatre majors go through after college

Calvin Berger: Cyrano with horny teenagers

Legally Blonde: Laura Bell Bundy can belt my face off

Little Women: Jo isn't straight but alright whatever

Assassins: kill a president and all your problems will be solved

Clinton the Musical: the best thing to come out of Broadway in 50 years

Carrie: Matilda with murder

Rent: we're all dead inside but it's alright

Jasper in Deadland: we're all dead inside but it's not alright

Falsettos: family is important ft. the guy from into the woods

Company: love is stupid and so are all of you

Evening Primrose: literally wh a t the fuck

The Frogs: literALLY WH A T THE FUCK

School of Rock: these kids have more talent in their left pinkies than you ever will

The Addams Family: she's being pulled in a new direction

Aladdin: seriously SO much better than the movie

Bare: horny American teenagers make me cry thirty times

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson: everyone hates Andrew Jackson boo hoo

The Bridges of Madison County: Kelli O'Hara needs to stop being perfect immediately

Finding Neverland: somebody wrote fanfiction about J.M. Barrie

Fun Home: you're gonna cry a lot

Heathers: literally fuckin chill

Hamilton: literally fuckin chill (reprise)

Love's Labour's Lost: horny college students are horny college students

Meet John Doe: Heidi Blickenstaff can belt my face off

Pippin: sad gay circus boy

Shrek: everyone makes fun of this musical but it's seriously amazing????

Something Rotten: 16th century fanfiction

Tuck Everlasting: become best friends with your kidnappers

Waitress: Deep Dish Blueberry Pie

Sweeney Todd: Deep Shit Blueberry Pie

West Side Story: MARIA!